Chapter III
Mario, Lucario, Captain Falcon, Olimar, and Mr. Game and Watch were all balling out on the basketball court. Captain Falcon crossed over Olimar as he headed to the basket.
"Mama mia!" exclaimed Mario as Olimar fell on the ground. "Olimar just got his ankles broken!"
"Oh my poor ankles!" the spaceman grabbed his ankles. "They were so young..."
"Who cares about your stupid ankles!" remarked Captain Falcon. "I'm gonna take y'all to school!"
"If you say so..." sighed Lucario.
"I'll be right back fellas," Mr. Game and Watch headed back to the Smash Mansion to retrieve something.
Inside the mansion, Grantor happened to be talking to someone on the phone.
"Oh no she didn't!" he said as he snapped his fingers. Mr. Game and Watch caught his attention. "I have to go now...K bye!" Grantor hung up the phone.
"...Who were you talking to?" Mr. Game and Watch felt concerned.
"Zant, of all people," replied Grantor. The 2D hero blanked out, before coming back to his senses.
"Where did Master Hand put all the Gatorade?"
"In the hallway closet."
Mr. Game and Watch went to the hallway closet and grabbed two bottles of Gatorade.
When he came back outside, he saw a schoolhouse next to the basketball court. Captain Falcon was literally taking his opponents to school.
"What in the..." Mr. Game and Watch was absolutely dumbfounded as he neared the schoolhouse. He entered said schoolhouse, and saw Captain Falcon teaching Mario, Lucario, and Olimar.
"You DARE interrupt class?!" scolded Captain Falcon.
"But all I just..."
"Interrupt my class one more time and I'll have to cancel class go back to golfing! Let's begin!"
The first lesson involved putting together a wooden table. (It makes sense in context.) Mario rested the board on the legs of the table.
"He forgot to use wood glue!" Mr. Game and Watch said quietly as the table came apart.
"Oh man, I'll never pass this class if stuff like this happens!" sobbed Mario.
"I have to learn to speak up!" Mr. Game and Watch randomly kicked Lucario in the shin.
"Next lesson!" Captain Falcon wrote the rather complex equation on the chalkboard. "I betcha y'all can't solve this problem! You probably don't know more than a bunch of funyuns!"
"The answer to your equation is 12," answered a random funyun. The four students started eating the funyuns.
"Just to let you know, Captain Falcon cooked these funyuns in soy sauce," Lucario told Mr. Game and Watch. The 2D fellow nearly puked.
"Get me the mayonnaise!" Mr. Game and Watch delivered yet another random kick to Lucario's shin.
"Why me?" moaned Lucario.
"I'm taking over this class now!" Olimar pushed Captain Falcon away and wrote 1 + 1 on the board. "Whoever can solve this problem will graduate!"
"Oh that problem is easy, it's..." Mr. Game and Watch began.
"Wrong answer!"
"But I didn't even..."
"I SAID IT'S WRONG!" Olimar gave Mr. Game and Watch a swift uppercut.
"Math hurts!" the 2D man remarked as he fell on the ground.
"This is absolutely the worst school I've ever been to!" frowned Lucario. "And I've never even attended one! So you know what we need?"
"What?" questioned Captain Falcon.
"...A basketball team!"
"Well I would try out for the basketball team but I've told the head coach I've joined the cooking team, so..." Mr. Game and Watch trailed off. "...Anyone wanna try my spicy hot chili?"
"Never!" Olimar gave Mr. Game and Watch yet another uppercut.
"Cooking hurts!" the 2D man remarked as he fell on the ground a second time.
"Is everything alright in there?" Zelda knocked on the schoolhouse door.
"It's a cold blue!" Captain Falcon announced. "Everyone hide in the basement!"
So everyone hid inside the basement as Zelda entered the schoolhouse without permission. She saw a funyun on Mario's desk.
"This looks delicious!" Zelda headed over to Mario's desk and ate the funyun.
"YOU ATE MY FUNYUN!" Mario came out from the basement with a missile launcher in hand.
"Calm down Mario it's not that serious..."
Mario didn't listen; he fired a missile at the princess, effectively blowing up the schoolhouse in the process.
"I've always knew the basement would come in handy!" Captain Falcon emerged from the basement along with the others.
"Where's Mario and Zelda?" wondered Olimar.
"Over there!" Lucario pointed to Mario, who was on a hill with Zelda over his shoulders.
"Sayonara losers!" Mario jeered as he ran off with Zelda.
"Oh no you don't!" Link randomly appeared and chased after Mario.
That night, everything returned to normal. Mario was no longer insane, Zelda was safely returned to the Smash Mansion, and all traces of the destroyed schoolhouse vanished.
"Did any of you learn anything today?" Captain Falcon asked his four former students in the dining room.
"Teaching school here at the Smash Mansion isn't worth it?" Mr. Game and Watch said.
"Eh, I guess you're right..."
"Guys we have an emergency!" Pac Man confronted the five students. "So I've just learned that Lucas and Ness are children! I need your help in building a schoolhoue so we could give them proper teaching while they..."
At the sound of the word "schoolhouse", the five individuals quickly left the dining room.