Author's Note: I'm so sorry, there's a plethora of reasons why I didn't update. However, bottom line is I should have left author's notes previews, etc, like I said I was going to. One of my major pet peeves is when people go on hiatus and don't let their readers know. I'm so sorry I did that.

The lyrics are "The Difference in the Shades" by Bright Eyes.

Chapter 5 "The Difference in the Shades"

She smiled crookedly and ran her hand through his hair. He shivered a little at her touch. The comfort that was suddenly beginning to form with the company of each other was a little awkward and weird since it had never happened to them before. They had never been…comfortable. Not ever. Nathan wasn't comfortable when he pretended to be the man whore, pretending he was turned on whenever Peyton bit his lip during a make out session. Brooke wasn't comfortable pretending to pass out from alcohol, when all she really passed out from was exhaustion; exhaustion from putting up such a façade every day, of every week, of every year.

now that its june, we'll sleep out in the garden
and if it rains, we'll just sink in to the mud
where it is quiet and much cooler than the house is
and there are no clocks or phones to wake us up
because i have learned that nothing is as pressing
as the one who is pressing would like you to believe

Nathan smiled his own crooked smile back. The smiles weren't perfect, because they weren't completely happy. They were just content at the moment, because they could hide their troubles from one less person. The smile on Nathan's face soon faded as an overwhelming protection of Brooke grew inside him. He gritted his teeth violently. Brookes smile fell as well when she noticed his expression.

and i am content to walk a little slower
because there is nowhere that i really need to be
i find that life is easier when it is just a blur
with no details to confuse who or what or where i was
so when the ending comes the full regret will seem obscure
but these are days we dream about when the sunlight paints us gold
and this apartment could not be prettier as when we danced up there alone
this tv is old, the color is fucked, do you see the
difference in the shades?

"What's wrong Nathan? What are you thinking? Don't think of her Nathan, please. It will only make things worse," she pleaded with him. Her eyes were darting back and forth across his face trying to find an explanation for his abrupt change in expression.

"I'm not thinking of her. I'm thinking of you. Who did this to you Brooke? I want to know and I want to know now so I can beat his or her ass. I'm not kidding Brooke, who the hell did this to you?" He asked her. His voice was stern and soaked with worry and protection. His shoulders were shaking has his mind flashed to the bruise on her chest. Brooke quickly rubbed her hands up and down his arms. "Shh, it's okay. Just calm down, Nate."

but the green is still close to green, my love
and i believe we are the same
and we'll stay like this, all gold and green
the light collects and projects your heart on a movie screen

"No! It's not okay. Brooke, who did this to you? I can't, I can't belie- I can't believe someone would." Nathan was choking on his words. Brooke looked down. "My mom," she whispered so softly Nathan could barely hear her. Tears started to fill her eyes and pour down her cheeks. "My mom did this to me." "Your mom?" Nathan asked surprised. Brooke nodded her head. She looked back at him and for a few seconds Nathan couldn't breathe as he saw her broken face. Brooke laughed sardonically. "She hits me wherever I can cover it up. Even though the space is controlled, she makes sure that whatever bruise it is, that it's colorful, like she's an artist through violence. I've been beaten since, since I can't even remember, but no one's noticed because she makes sure-"

"That you can cover it up," Nathan responded.

"Uh-huh," Brooke said nodding her head. She leaned her head against his chest and instinctively Nathan wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm so sorry Brooke. I'm so sorry that this happens to you. I'm so sorry about what I've said in the past. I'm sorry for having the wrong impression of you. I'm just, I'm just so sorry."

"Shh, hey it's okay. You didn't know, no one knows. I make it a point to act like a brainless slut. Acting like a whore is the easiest way to hide the fact that you've been abused," Brooke replied, trying to quiet him down.

and if you close your eyes
we will always be the way we were that night
you crawled inside of me
and you slept in my blood the way you sleep now

Nathan nodded his head in understanding. He knew exactly what she meant. He didn't sleep around outside or inside of his relationship with Peyton as everyone thought. Peyton's the only one he's ever been with, and that was only twice. The other times were too painful because of the bruises. However, he made it seem like he was just a stupid man whore, so that no one knew his mom beat him to death.

Brooke started to hyperventilate.

"What's wrong? I mean I know what's wrong, but what are you thinking?"

"It just bothers me, you know? How our parents think that they can do this to us, we're their children! Don't we mean anything? Aren't we significant to them? Aren't we supposed to matter to them? I mean I know I don't do anything special but pretend to sleep with guys. I'm actually pretty good at it. Maybe I should be an actress, ha. You on the other hand are an amazing basketball player. Nathan, I know it sounds kind of corny, the expression corny not the band corny, but you take my breath away. The way you play, it's like amazing. There are no words."

A smile crept on Nathan's face, this time an even one.

"You notice me play?" Nathan immediately felt stupid after he said that.

"Of course I do, sweetheart, I love basketball. The good thing about cheering is that I can keep up my façade, but I can also kind of enjoy it because I can cheer for the game that I love."

Nathan blushed, his cheeks turned crimson. Brooke smiled as she saw this.

"What?" she asked.

"That's the second time you called me sweetheart. It's cute."

"I'm glad you think so, because you're the first person I've ever called sweetheart, or something like that. I guess it comes naturally." She smiled at him.

and you slept in my blood the way you sleep now
the quietest hush has consumed this house
and when the doctors are gone and you sweat through the bed
with all these pictures and pills they piled around your head
just rest now, and in a moment you will know everything
was it just a dream?

Nathan's face fell as he remembered what she had just said of few seconds ago, before all the basketball compliments.

"You are special Brooke, don't act like there's nothing important about you. You are so strong and so fierce."

"Thank you. I wish my mom felt that way, and I wish your mom understood how special you are," Brooke said running her right hand through his hair. "I mean it's so ridiculous, I'm her daughter. I'm her daughter and she feels it's more fitting to treat me like shit than to actually love me and care for me. Moms are supposed to band aid your scrapes, put ice on your bruises, their supposed to clean your cuts with that icky hydrogen peroxide, they aren't supposed to be the ones who give you your scrapes, bruises, and cuts, and they certainly shouldn't douse you in hydrogen peroxide."

Nathan's head snapped. "You're mom doused you in hydrogen peroxide?"

"Well, I didn't get the whole head to toe spa exclusive. However, when I was ten, I was riding my bike and I fell off it and scraped my knee on the gravel. I was crying and I was scared. I ran into the house to tell my mom. She called me stupid for not wearing my kneepads. I guess she means close my eyes and imagine kneepads, because I asked her a hundred times and she didn't buy them for me. Anyway, she went to the bathroom, got the hydrogen peroxide, and unscrewed the bottle. Then, she kind of flicked her wrist purposely causing the liquid to splash on me, and then through the bottle at me and told me to clean it up myself."

"Oh god. Oh my god. I think I'm going to be sick, how does that even, how does? Oh god," Nathan said, immediately reaching out to hug Brooke tightly. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. It's okay. It was six years ago. I've gotten over it. I'm actually practically numb now," Brooke responded casually.

"Don't do that. Don't downsize such a, such a…"

"Traumatic event? I'm not I'm just seriously over it."

There was a moment of silence, perhaps to honor the killed spirits of both Brooke and Nathan.

"Our lives are the real lifetime movies, aren't they?" Brooke joked.

Nathan smirked at her comment. "Well, at least we have each other now."

"Yeah," Brooke replied, "At least we have each other."

it's too vague now to recount.
and outline of the one you loved in a life that was not longer will be stands
above you as you sleep.