Nothing much to say, here's the final chapter.

The cab hadn't even come to a complete stop when Oscar bolted out in a frantic rush, accidentally knocking over a guy leaving the hospital on crutches. "It's happening!" Oscar announced before he officially reached the front desk. The lady at the front desk was on the phone when he repeatedly smacked his hand on the desk to get her attention. "Hey! Hey, yeah it's happening!"

"I'll have to call you back, Doctor," she hung up the phone. "May I help you?"

"It's happening! With the labor, and the contracting, and the Felix not here, and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing!"

"I can see that. This is the check-in for the emergency department; the maternity ward is on the second floor."

"Doesn't giving birth qualify as an emergency?"

"If you don't calm down, you're gonna end up in emergency."

"You don't understand, I am here with a woman in labor!" The woman quirked her eyebrow as if to ask him if he was serious. Oscar quickly looked around realizing that Emily was not in fact with him. "Oh my God, I lost a woman in labor! Felix is going to kill me and then clean up any evidence!"

"Is that her?" the woman at the front desk pointed to Emily entering the hospital.

"You found her!" Oscar ran over to Emily. "Hey, Em, how you doing? It's not coming out or anything is it?"

Emily put her hands on Oscar's shoulders. "Oscar, relax: do that breathing just like I taught you in the cab," Emily used her Lamaze breathing techniques on Oscar and it seemed to calm him down. "Now that we're here, we have to go to the second floor. Come on, the elevators are this way."

"We're going in an elevator? You and me?"

"If you're uncomfortable being in an elevator with me, then you can take the stairs. They're also this way," Emily began to lead the way.

"Shouldn't you be in a wheelchair screaming for drugs or...something more not calm?"

"Don't believe everything you see on TV, Oscar." At the elevators, Emily pushed the 'up' button. "If you get up there before I do, wait for me at the nurse's station."

"Yeah, okay, I can do that."

"I'll see you on the second floor," Emily was saying this as a way to prompt Oscar to head upstairs, but Oscar didn't take notice. "Oscar!"

"Huh?" Emily pointed to the stairs. "Oh, right," Oscar raced up the stairs to the third floor, then back down the stairs to the second, and finally over to the nurse's station. "Yeah, hi, baby about to be born!"

"Uh-huh," the nurse gave him a funny look. "Are you the one having the baby?"

"Do all you nurses think you're funny or something?" The elevator came to a stop and Emily got off of it. "Yeah, see, lady having a baby!"

Emily made it to the front desk. "Hi, Emily Unger, I called ahead. I'm a patient of Dr. Rogers."

"I'm sorry," the nurse began, "but Dr. Rogers is out of town for a medical conference and she won't be back until Sunday."

"What?" Oscar was the one who was freaking out. "So there's no doctor?"

"Her associate Dr. James is filling in. Unless you would like another doctor, we can call and notify Dr. James."

"Some random person's gonna be delivering the baby? What kind of hospital allows-"

"Oscar, shush!" Emily shushed him. "You'll have to excuse Oscar, he's not really comfortable around pregnant women."

The nurse gave Oscar a glance over before addressing Emily. "Pardon me for asking: but wasn't there another, cleaner man you came in with before?"

"That was my husband, Felix. Oscar's here with me because we're not really sure where Felix is right now."

...

Felix, having been kicked out of the movie theater, had just returned to Oscar's apartment. "Oscar! Emily!" He got no response. "Hmm," he set his essentially dead cell phone on nearby table. "I wonder if I'm in the right apartment." Looking around the apartment, Felix noticed a pile of trash on the floor near a desk. "I am in the right apartment." He called their names again. "Yet they are not answering," he tried to stay calm to avoid a panic attack. "I am calm," he told himself. "What would a calm person do in this situation?" He spun around in his spot. "Look for a note." Felix noticed the coffee table. "Which appears to be on a container of uneaten kale." He picked up the note. "Now what do I do?" Another pause. "I suppose I should read the note," he did that. "Hmm...it appears as though I'm going to be a father." He made some sort of muffled sound. "Now what do I do?" Another pause. "I suppose I ought to get what I need and meet Emily and Oscar at the hospital." Felix realized he still had the note in his hand. "I suppose I don't need this anymore," he carefully set the note back in its original place. "I am calm," Felix repeated as he went to the closet where Emily kept the overnight bag and mindlessly grabbed the first thing he saw-which happened to be a tennis racket. "Now I shall calmly go to the hospital." He exited the apartment with the tennis racket.

...

"So..." Oscar was trying to make small talk while Emily sat upright in her hospital bed, "...you're having a baby?"

"Yep," Emily also didn't know what to say.

"And it's Felix's."

"I think we've established that by this point."

"I...I don't have to do anything, do I?"

"You just have to stay here with me until Felix gets here."

"Right, yeah, but what if Felix doesn't get here?"

"He'll be here."

"What if something terrible happens to him before he gets here?"

"I'd really rather not think about that. I'd rather focus on the baby."

"That's probably a good idea."

"Should I turn on the TV or something?"

"Oh God, yes." There was a knock on the door, "or not."

"Come in."

An attractive, young-looking man in a doctor's uniform entered. "Hello, I'm Dr. James," he went over to her bedside. "You must be Mrs. Unger."

It was pretty evident Emily took notice of his appearance. "Uh-huh."

"Yeah, hi, 'scuse me," Oscar raised his hand to draw attention. "What grade are you in?"

Dr. James chuckled. "Relax Mr. Unger, I am perfectly qualified to-"

"Whoa! Whoa! I'm not her husband!"

"Oh." Dr. James cleared his throat, "Listen, I'd rather not get involved in a patient's private life so-"

"Don't mind Oscar," Emily was still staring at the doctor, "he's just a friend who's waiting with me until my husband gets here."

Oscar nodded. "Yeah, and I'm also a celebrity."

"You can ignore him, Doctor. What were you saying before-"

"I was just introducing myself before I check on you," Dr. James explained. "I was also wondering if you had any questions for me."

Oscar raised his hand again, "Yeah, Doogie, you have delivered babies before, right?"

"Yes, I have, over two hundred. And my name isn't Doogie, it's Ryan-which by the way you can feel free to call me."

"Well Ryan, clearly you're too young to get the Doogie Howser reference."

"Hey Oscar," Emily started, "why don't you go get yourself something from the vending machine while Dr. James checks me out," Emily's face blanched. "I uh...I didn't mean it like the way it sounds. I meant Ryan's going to give my body a good look over...that didn't make things sound any better."

"Why don't you just say it as is?" Dr. James suggested. "I'm going to perform a vaginal exam."

"That didn't really didn't help either."

Oscar was visibly uncomfortable. "Yee-ah. Em, I think I'll step out while you let this guy get all up in your business."

"Yeah, that's a better way of saying it."

"I'll..." Oscar awkwardly backed out, "...leave you to your work there Doogie," Once out of the room, he practically sprinted to the nurse's station. "Yeah, phone, need it."

The nurse gave him a familiar, annoyed eyebrow raise. "Would you like to use the phone?"

"I thought I made that kinda clear."

She rolled her eyes at him. "We have one you can use in the waiting room."

"Thanks," Oscar headed for the waiting room where a phone was stationed on a wall in a corner of the room. Hurrying over to it, he dialed Felix's number, but got no response. "Gah!" he slammed the phone back in its place. "Felix, where the hell are you?"

...

Felix, meanwhile, was fidgeting uncomfortably in the backseat of a taxi during traffic. "Excuse me," he tapped the driver on the shoulder with the tennis racket, "I'm calmly asking if you can get me to the hospital any faster."

"Look pal," the cabbie gestured to the traffic, "there ain't nothin' I can do 'bout the traffic, here." The traffic began to (slowly) move. "Ah, look, see, now we're gettin' somewhere."

"Yes, but not fast enough."

"Chill out, Bud, it's not like this is my fault. Traffic around this time usually-" an interruption was inevitable as the taxi came to a sudden stop when a greasy-haired guy in a leisure suit abruptly walked in front of the cab. The taxi driver slammed his hand on the horn, stuck his head out the window, and yelled, "Hey, I'm drivin' here!"

...

Oscar knocked on Emily's door. "Is he done?"

"You can come in, Oscar," she allowed.

Oscar entered the room. "I didn't want to come back and get all up close and personal, if you know what I mean."

"He didn't take as long as you did. I thought you were just stepping out."

"Yeah, I figured I'd try to get a hold of Felix."

"Did you?" Oscar shook his head no. "Oh," Emily tried to keep optimistic, "it's okay, he's probably stuck in traffic or something. He'll be here in time."

"Doesn't the first baby usually take it's time to be born anyway?"

"Sometimes."

"I once had a friend who's live-in girlfriend was in labor for about forty-seven hours."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Moving on," Oscar sat down in the chair near the bed, "you seem pretty cool letting some teenager deliver your baby."

"He's not a teenager."

"No adult man is named Ryan."

"What about Ryan Reynolds?"

"Okay, no adult doctor is named Ryan. I mean, does he even qualify as an adult? He didn't even get the Doogie Howser reference!"

"Ryan knows what he's doing. I trust him."

"Yeah, but it'd be hard to take him seriously with a name like Ryan James. It's like I'm expecting a third name to follow."

"I kind of like the name Ryan. Heck, I even thought about naming the baby James."

"Yeah, but there's the whole nickname issue with Felix."

Emily acknowledged that with a nod before continuing. "We have actually settled on a name for a boy: Liam Oliver."

"Liam Oliver Unger?" Oscar thought about that. "That's not bad; but you do realize his initials will spell out LOU?"

"Yeah, we thought that was kind of cute. Liam's a name we both liked, and it can't be shortened, and we thought Oliver would make a better middle name."

"Fair enough. What if it's a girl though?"

"Let's just hope it's a boy."

"Come on! There isn't a part of you that really wants a girl?"

"Of course I do! Don't get me wrong, I'd be happy either way, but I have always pictured myself with a daughter." A smile flashed across Emily's face as she briefly fantasized, "I dunno, I've always seen myself with a little girl who looks like me, and wears polka dot dresses, and puts her hair up in pigtails and braids like my sister and I used to do."

"Did you have a name picked out for this fantasy daughter of yours?"

"Yeah, but...no."

"No what?"

"It's a stupid name, really."

"What is it?"

"I don't wanna say."

"Come on, you can tell me."

"Okay…Violet."

"Violet?"

"Go ahead and laugh. Insult me about naming a child after both a flower and a color."

"I don't think that's a stupid name."

"You don't?"

"It's kinda pretty, but at the same time it's kinda unique. I don't know a lot of girls named Violet," Oscar considered this, "Well, except for that one who turned into a blueberry in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but I didn't know her personally."

"That was another reason I got teased for liking that name."

"People teased you for liking that name?"

"Yeah, they said it was a stupid name."

"Does Felix think it's stupid?" Emily didn't answer. "You never told him about the name, did you?"

"I just know he'd reject it."

"Would he?" There was a brief pause when Emily looked at Oscar. "You'll never know unless you ask him."

"Maybe it'll be a boy and I won't have to."

"Okay," Oscar leaned back in the chair and looked around. "Hey, what's this machine for?"

"That? It monitors contractions. That's the machine that indicates when I'm about to have one."

"So it tells of a future of pain, so to speak?"

"Not really."

"If you have this machine, then why do you have to time the contractions?"

"You do that before you're hooked up to the machine."

"Huh, okay, I guess I can accept that. Hey, how long ago was your last contraction?"

"I dunno ten, fifteen minutes ago, somewhere in that range."

"How come you're not doing what women on TV usually do and cry in pain begging for drugs?"

"Because television shows aren't exactly a great source for an accurate birth example. The only thing they seem to get right is that once the water breaks, the baby's going to be born."

"And that water breaking thing already happened with you?"

"Yeah, on the carpet in the bedroom."

"So this isn't a false alarm or anything?"

"My cervix is dilated to three centimeters."

Oscar cringed in disgust. "I really don't need to know that part."

"How else am I supposed to say it? You wouldn't know what three centimeters dilated means without an explanation."

"Yeah, but try not to be gross and use lady body parts when describing."

"Wow, you really are uncomfortable when it comes to labor."

"It mainly stems from a traumatic sex ed viewing experience in middle school that I'd rather not relive but am probably OH MY GOD LADY STOP PUSHING!"

"Oscar, relax! If you're gonna have a freak out, I'd rather you be conscious."

Oscar calmed himself. "I'm okay now."

"Well there's a paper bag in my overnight bag in case of panic attacks."

"You and Felix are prepared for everything, aren't you?" Oscar noticed the monitor. "Check it out, this machine's doing something."

"Contraction!"

"Apostrophe!"

"No, I'm having a contraction!"

"That makes sense. See, I thought you just shouted out a random grammatical-" it dawned on Oscar what she actually meant. "OH! Oh, you're having a-"

"Yeah," Emily answered mid-panting.

"Do I need to get Doogie Ryan back in here?" she shook her head no. "I guess this is the part where you're in pain and you want drugs? Should I do something? Should I get somebody? Should I-"

"Can you not talk right now?" Emily snapped at him. A frightened Oscar backed away. The contraction went on for nearly another minute. "Wow," Emily blew out one more breath, "wow, that was a big one." She noticed Oscar standing away from her. "Everything okay over there?" Oscar pointed to himself. "Yeah, you."

"Is it okay to talk now?"

"Yes you can talk now. I'd rather you not talk during a contraction because that's when you're most irritating."

"You know, I don't think I've ever been called 'irritating' before. I guess there's a first time for everything huh. Though to be fair, I'm sure Felix would also be equally, if not more, irritating if he was in here with you."

"Yeah, but I really wish he was here."

...

An obviously agitated Felix was trying not to lose it at yet another setback. He continuously tapped the driver's shoulder until he was acknowledged. "I'm calmly asking: why is there a parade going on outside?"

"Cinco de Mayo," the cabbie answered back. Felix sat in the back trying not to hyperventilate. "Hey buddy, you okay back there?"

"Fine," Felix lied. "I'm fine and I'm calm."

...

Oscar had his hands over his eyes and his backed turned as Dr. James finished up an examination. "It's rather peculiar," the young doctor started to say as he began taking off his gloves.

"What is?" Emily tried not to let the worry show in her voice.

"Emily, I think you've been in labor since this morning."

"Are you sure? My water broke a little over an hour ago."

"Yes, but you told me about your husband mentioning an early onset of contractions."

"And he was right?"

"Women do start contracting before they go into labor, that's normal, though they're usually Braxton-Hicks contractions. Those were what you were more than likely experiencing this morning."

"But then why did it get so intense? Like why am I here now?"

"My best guess is due to a reaction from something you ate."

"Something I ate? Felix has been making sure I've been only eating healthy stuff." It dawned on Emily. "Except for tonight when he was gone," she turned to Oscar.

Oscar held his hands up in defense. "Don't look at me: I told you to pick dinner."

"Moving on," Dr. James interrupted. "Emily, I'm worried that you're not really making the type of progress you should be making."

Emily looked concerned. "Am I going to have to have a C-section?"

"Not necessarily. What I'd like to do is give you some Pitocin to increase the contractions. It won't affect the baby or cause any harm to you, it'll just speed things up. I think this would also be more helpful for you because if the baby takes too long, aside from you getting exhausted, we may have to perform a C-section and as you know that's major surgery. I feel the Pitocin will benefit you in the long run."

"How fast will things get?"

"I can't say for sure."

"I...I don't know. I mean, I'd like this to be over with, but I don't want Felix to miss this," Emily looked at Oscar. "I can't believe Felix still isn't here yet."

...

Felix stuck his head out of the taxi window to yell at the parade. "Let's go! ¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! Vamos! ¡Estoy tranquilo!"

...

"Phew," Emily had just finished another contraction, "that Pitocin stuff worked fast. Those last contractions are coming closer together."

Oscar was sitting in the chair clutching his stomach, "Yeah, mine too."

"Oscar, are you okay?"

"Yeah, this happened before: if I stay nervous for too long, I'll get sick to my stomach and throw up."

"That's...charming."

"It's not as gross as that middle school health video I'm trying to repress. God, I hope that doctor doesn't make me look."

"He won't." Emily attempted to assure him. "Honestly, I think it's sweet that you're having sympathy pains."

"Those are a real thing?"

"Yeah."

"On TV shows whenever a guy has sympathy pains, it means he's about to pass a kidney stone, or he needs his appendix out, or some other medical...thing."

"Didn't you just get done saying you'd rather have those things happen to you?"

"Only because I felt sorry for you. I don't like it when bad things actually happen to me."

"Poor baby."

"Ugh I never want to go through this again. Remind me never to get a woman pregnant; I think I'd be doing the world a favor."

"You don't want to have kids?"

"I never pictured myself with 'em. Even as a kid I felt the same. I was always busy focusing on what I was gonna do when I grew up. Once I was playing house-actual house, that's not a euphemism-and the girl I was playing with made me the dad so long as I could pick my own job-which was an astronaut football player by the way. When we played I would always pretend to be at work so much that she divorced me and left me with the kid."

"How old were you?"

"Six or seven, and the kid was her creepy talking doll. The second that girl handed me her doll, it said 'Mama' and scared the crap out of me. So I dropped it like a hot potato and ran back home screaming for my own mother."

"Did you ever see that girl again?"

"Nope. When I dropped her doll it broke and she never spoke to me again. She ended up playing house with some other boy and last I heard they're actually playing real house. I guess I did that girl a favor."

"Never say never. Sooner or later, you might find yourself playing real house." Emily cried out in pain as another contraction coursed through her body.

"Hopefully not anytime soon." Emily screamed again. "Ahhh, Felix, where are you?"

...

The cab hadn't even come to a complete stop when Felix bolted out in a frantic rush, "Keep the change," he called to the driver before sprinting toward the entrance, accidentally knocking over a guy leaving the hospital on crutches (again).

Felix briskly strode to the front desk where the same nurse from earlier was on duty. "Hi Felix," she recognized him. "What brings you back to the emergency room? Another potential disease crisis like that SNERD fiasco or is this yet another panic attack?"

"No, you'll notice I am calm."

The nurse eyed him over. "Uh-huh. Are you looking for someone in particular?"

"Yes, my wife Emily. She's going to have a baby."

"Congratulations! Wait here, I'll find out what room she's in."

"Thank you," he couldn't keep still as he stood at the desk. "Yes, I'm going to be a father eight days early." Felix let out a fake chuckle. "While I would prefer that my child be born on the date its actually supposed to be born on, I should take pride knowing that he or she arrives before schedule. That's sure to be a sign of punctuality." He feverishly swung the tennis racket back and forth. "You'll notice I'm not rushing you."

"There's a first time for everything."

"I am not rushing you because I'm calm."

"Sure, Felix, and your wife is on the second floor, room 219. "

"Thank you, Carmen," Felix fast-walked toward the stairs. "I will not take my chances with the elevator," he said to no one as he headed up the stairs swinging the tennis racket and repeating the phrase, "I'm calm."

...

Oscar was sitting in the chair with his eyes covered as Dr. James did his thing. "How's she doin' Dr. Howser?"

"My name is Dr. James," Oscar had to face it, the guy wasn't going to give in (or didn't understand the reference). "Well Emily," Dr. James began, "the Pitocin really did the trick; it had quite the reaction on you. I'd say you'd deliver within the next hour."

"Yay," Emily's tone was both pained and sarcastic.

"What?" Oscar's tone, however, was more shock and disbelief. He uncovered his eyes and stood up. "Aren't first babies supposed to take their time getting here?"

"That does seem the norm, but that's not always the case," Dr. James explained. "Some women like Emily can progress fast in labor. In her case, she can deliver the baby within the next hour."

"Without Felix?" (Oscar)

"Without an epidural?" (Emily)

Dr. James pointed to Emily, "Yes," and then he pointed at Oscar, "and I don't know; but someone needs to stay in the room with her."

"Oh god!" (Oscar & Emily).

"I'll be right back," the doctor left.

Oscar clutched his stomach. "Oh, this is not good."

"Please don't throw up," Emily begged.

"I can NOT be stuck here with you! No offense."

"Some taken."

"I take it back! I don't want the kidney stones or appendicitis! I just want Felix!"

As if on cue, the door to the room burst open and Felix literally came tumbling in. "FELIX!" While Emily verbally expressed her excitement, Oscar couldn't form words seeing how his jaw had nearly hit the floor. All he could do was back into the chair and sit down.

"I'm here!" Felix quickly got up and ran over to Emily's side. "And I'm calm."

"Felix, where the hell were you?" Oscar's tone had a hint of accusation in it. "And why do you have my tennis racket?"

"It's a long story-one that involves me interrupting a festive Cinco de Mayo parade-and I will be happy to tell you all about it later."

"I don't care," Emily gestured for him to hold her (which he did for a moment), "you're here now, that's all that matters."

"I am, and I'm sorry. I'll never do anything like this again."

"You better not," Oscar admonished.

"Okay," Felix took a deep breath. "Have you seen Dr. Rogers lately?" Emily didn't say anything. "Emily?" While looking at Oscar, she tilted her head toward Felix as if to say 'you tell him'.

"Well, uh, Felix," Oscar struggled to find the right wording, "the answer to that question is no."

Felix bit his lip and lurched forward. "Hmm?"

"See, the regular doctor is at some medical conference out of town and her associate is delivering the baby."

Felix was desperately trying not to lose it. "I'm calmly asking you: is a total stranger going to deliver my baby?"

"He'll introduce himself and he won't be a total stranger."

"He? A total, male stranger will be delivering my baby?"

"He seems pretty competent."

"What's his name?"

"Dr. James."

"Dr. James? What is he, the hospital pet? Did he receive training from Dr. Bob?"

"Felix, calm down."

"I am calm!" there was a bit of an edge in Felix's voice. "Why shouldn't I be? My wife has gone into labor eight days ahead of schedule without me there, and our doctor abandoned us leaving a total male stranger to deliver our baby. There's no reason for me not to be calm."

"Felix, please, relax," Emily tried to calm him down. "It's not like Dr. Rogers abandoned us, and she did leave us in perfectly capable hands. I trust Dr. James and he knows what he's doing."

Felix nodded as if he was a bobblehead. "Alright, I'll have to take your word." Dr. James entered through the open door wheeling the tray of supplies. "Hello," Felix greeted, "are you our nurse for the evening?"

"Felix-"

"I must say, it is a rather noble profession the nurse. And so very welcoming to see a handsome young man such as yourself in the nursing field."

"Felix, that's not the nurse."

"What?"

"You must be Mr. Unger," Dr. James shook Felix's hand, "I'm Dr. James."

Felix's eyes widened as his grip tightened. "Hmm?"

"I'm the doctor who'll be delivering your child this evening."

"You?" Felix let out a nervous laugh. "Are you sure?" Dr. James pulled away rubbing his hand. "After all, you're just a child yourself."

"He didn't even get the Doogie Howser reference," Oscar added. "I referenced that at least twice."

Dr. James got serious. "If we're done with the age remarks gentlemen, I'd like to get back to my job." Oscar and Felix kept quiet. "Thank you," Dr. James situated a stool at the base of the bed as a nurse came into the room and closed the door behind her. "Alright Emily, you are one hundred percent effaced and fully dilated so you can start pushing on the next contraction."

Felix did a double take "What so soon? But I just got here! It's not supposed to happen this soon! WHY IS IT HAPPENING THIS SOON?!"

Oscar held up his hands in defense. "Whoa, Felix, calm down."

"I'M CALM!"

"Then you and I have two very different definitions of that word." Felix was showing signs of hyperventilation. "Felix?"

"I'm" *pant, pant*, "calm."

"No, you're not."

"NO I'M NOT!" thus began a full fledged panic attack.

"Oscar, help him!" Emily ordered.

"What do I do?"

"Get the paper bag!"

"I can do that!" Oscar dug through the overnight bag until he found what he was looking for. "Felix," he gave his friend the paper bag and put his hand on his back, "breathe." Felix did that. "There see. You just got to relax." When Emily let out a loud cry of pain, Felix fell to the floor. "That might be a little too relaxed."

"Nurse," Dr. James addressed the nurse, "admit Mr. Unger for observation and put him in an empty room." The nurse nodded before leaving the room. "Okay Emily, I need you to give me a good push."

Emily began pushing. When she let out a cry of pain, Oscar did the same and reached for his stomach. Holding onto his stomach, Oscar bent down to try to wake Felix up. "Felix!" shaking Felix didn't work. "Felix!" slapping him didn't work. "Felix!" It was rather pointless hitting Felix with the tennis racket as well.

The nurse came back into the room with an orderly and a wheelchair. "Could you take that man on the floor to the nearest available room?" The orderly nodded and went to pick up a limp, unconscious Felix.

"Wha-wha-what are you doing? Where are you going? He has to stay here! His wife's having a baby!"

"Good girl, Emily," the doctor called to Emily. "I can see the head."

"See, he can see the...the what now?" When Oscar turned to face the doctor, he took sight of what the doctor meant and promptly fell to the floor.

The nurse sighed before addressing the orderly. "Find a room with two beds."

...

"The official diagnosis is acute intestinal obstruction," an attending doctor was giving Oscar his diagnosis.

"Is that a bad thing?" Oscar inquired.

"Your stomach pains could have been a lot worse, believe me."

"I didn't know it was possible to get that from being nervous."

"In addition to the anxiety, I'm more than certain this was brought on by something you ate this afternoon."

"Ah," Oscar remembered Dr. James had mentioned Emily's labor had also more than likely been brought on by what she ate, "well I am never eating from there again." The doctor chuckled. "Hey, how's Felix?"

"He'll be fine."

"He's not in a coma or anything is he?"

"No, he'll more than likely come to within the next ten minutes or so. He suffered no damage when he hit the floor...except for a bruise to the ankle thanks to that tennis racket." The doctor picked up said tennis racket that was sitting in a chair between the two beds.

"Yeah, I have no idea why he brought that either."

The doctor shrugged and threw the racket back onto the chair. "Well Mr. Madison, you're free to go after you sign your discharge papers."

"Thanks, but I'd rather wait until Felix is okay before I leave. I think he's gonna need someone here when he wakes up."

"Suit yourself," before leaving, the doctor stopped turned to Oscar and complimented him, "I must commend you for being a good friend."

"Commend is a good thing right?"

"Yes, Mr. Madison," the doctor left the room.

"Alright," Oscar reached for the remote near his bed, "Now we can watch some TV." Felix made a nasally noise as he began to stir. "Or not." He threw the clicker aside (wincing a bit when it hit something it shouldn't have). "Hey, Felix," Oscar greeted. "Did you have a nice nap?" Felix rubbed his temple as he sat upright in his bed. "Kinda gave us a scare there. Thank God you were already in a hospital."

"What happened?" Felix groggily inquired.

"You had a panic attack and passed out."

"Why are you here?"

"Short answer: I also passed out."

"You?"

"Remember what you said earlier about seeing a baby's head come down the birth canal? How seeing that is an unforgettable experience?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm not gonna forget that image anytime soon."

"Oh God, I can't believe I fainted."

"I can."

Felix leaned back onto his bed. "The one thing I said I wouldn't do, I did."

"Yeah, but if it helps-"

"No! Nothing is going to help. I've failed. I wasn't there for Emily when she really needed me and I missed out on the birth of my child." Oscar didn't really know what to say here. "I wouldn't blame Emily if she never wanted to see me again."

"Felix, that's not gonna happen. And if it did, you're not moving back in with me." Felix glared at Oscar. "Okay, sorry for trying to diffuse the tension with humor; but in all serious, that's not gonna happen. Emily loves you too much. Plus, you got a baby now. Someone's gotta help her take care of that little thing."

"Have you seen the baby? Is it a boy or a girl?"

"I saw a part of the baby and unfortunately that's the last thing I remember before I came to in this room. I couldn't tell you the gender based on the top of the head."

"Did it at least have hair?"

"I don't want to talk to you anymore." When Oscar reached for the remote, he remembered what happened to it. "Great, now I can't watch TV."

Felix pointed to the remote. "You can get up and fetch it you know."

"But I'm comfortable."

"Oscar," Felix got off his bed and picked up Oscar's remote, "you are impossible."

"Hey man, you owe me. Thanks to you I had to cancel my important interview to take your wife to the hospital, I was stuck in the room with her while she did all the contracting and dilating while you were...wherever you were, and need I mention that the last thing I saw before I passed out! Oh, you owe me big time."

"Very well."

"Heh?" Oscar was taken aback by Felix's casual response.

"You're right."

"I am? You're not gonna argue or anything?"

"No, no. You've done so much for me and Emily today that I do owe you big time. Plus you did honor your favor by letting us stay with you. I just don't know how I'm going to repay you for this."

"Yeah, well, I'll think of something. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to watch a little-"

Just as Oscar was about to turn on the TV, the doctor came back in. "Ah Felix, you're up." In annoyed defeat, Oscar threw the remote backwards and sat perfectly still when it hit something else that it wasn't supposed to hit. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Felix answered back, "I think this time I'm actually calm."

"Good." The doctor handed Oscar a clipboard. "Oscar, those are your discharge papers, you're free to go."

"Hallelujah!" Oscar snatched up the clipboard and began to sign the papers.

"We also have a set of papers ready for you to sign too, Felix, if you're ready to go home."

"Home?" Felix sounded unsure. "Shouldn't I stay here with my wife?"

"You can if you want. She's a few rooms away getting some rest. We'll just need you to sign the papers as a formality because you're currently admitted as a patient."

"Alright, thank you, I'll do that."

"I'll be right back," the doctor left before Oscar could hand back his clipboard.

Felix noticed where the remote had landed. "Oscar, do you want me to-"

"Don't bother," Oscar bitterly replied back. He dropped the clipboard onto his bed and leaned back. "Today has just not been my day."

"Well maybe the day's over. Has it reached midnight yet?"

Oscar looked at his watch. "No."

"Oh. Well, Feliz Cinco de Mayo."

"Right back at ya, Felix."

They sat in silence for a few moments. "Oscar?"

"Yeah Felix?"

"I know this might not make up for everything that's happened: but Emily and I were talking, and we've decided to name you as our child's godfather."

"Aw, thanks Felix, that's real nice of you."

"Well, you've earned it."

"You were still gonna make me godfather even before all this happened?" Felix bobbed his head in reply. "Thanks."

The doctor came back in with another clipboard. "These are for you Felix, and I'll take yours Oscar." Oscar handed the doctor his clipboard. "Oh, and we have one more thing."

"So I'm still stuck here?"

"You can leave if you want. This is something for Felix."

Felix passed back his clipboard. "Should I be concerned?"

"No," and with that the doctor left.

"Oscar, do you have any idea what's going on?"

"Not a clue," Oscar replied.

The same nurse from Emily's room tapped her fingers on the open door to get their attention. When the two men turned toward the door, the nurse smiled and reached for something outside of the door. That something was a hospital bassinet. Upon closer inspection, there was something, or more appropriately someone inside the bassinet. The nurse rolled it closer to the two men.

Felix pointed to the tiny person in the bassinet. "Is that..." he struggled to form words, "...that's my..."

The nurse scooped up the baby. "Your wife wanted to surprise you when you woke up. Mr. Unger, meet your daughter."

"D-d-daughter?" The nurse nodded and gingerly passed the newborn to her father. Though Felix was terrified he wouldn't know how to properly hold the baby, when his daughter was deposited in his arms, an instinct took over and he held her as if he had done it before. He proudly looked down at his new baby. "This is my daughter."

"I'll give you guys some privacy," the nurse left.

It wasn't as though Felix noticed, his attention was still focused on the babe in his arms. "Wow," this wasn't necessarily directed to anybody, "this is my daughter."

"I think we've established that," Oscar noted before getting serious. "She's really beautiful Felix."

"That's because she looks just like her mother, thank God," Oscar let out a small laugh at that (hey, Felix said it, not him). "Hello," Felix began cooing to the baby. At this point, the baby was starting to open her eyes. "Hey! Hey, she's looking at me!"

"And you're looking at her?" Oscar wasn't all too impressed with that. "I mean, opening their eyes is all babies can do at this point, right?"

"Oscar, I think she knows who I am."

Oscar shrugged. "If you say so, Felix."

Felix seemed to ignore him as he spoke to his daughter. "Hi, I'm your daddy. I love you very, very much. Yes I do, and...oh, sweetheart, you're drooling," Felix reached for an emergency wipe and gently wiped his daughter's face.

"Oh, I guess they can drool too. Sign that kid up for Harvard!"

Still cradling the newborn, Felix sat down on the bed. "Oscar, you have no idea how proud of Emily I am right now." Oscar sat next to Felix. "I don't think I'll ever be able to repay her for giving birth to this beautiful," Felix took out another wipe, "drooling angel in my arms."

"I think I know one way."

"You do?"

"Emily and I got to talkin' and she told me about this fantasy she had of her and her little girl who looked just like her."

"Oh? I don't recall Emily ever mentioning this to me."

"That's because her fantasy included the name of her daughter. Emily didn't tell you because she was convinced you'd reject the name."

"What was the name?"

"Violet."

"Violet?"

"Yeah like the color, and the flower, and the girl from Willy Wonka who turned into a giant blueberry."

"Violet?" Felix repeated. "I actually do kind of like that name." He thought more about it. "Violet?" This got some sort of response from the baby.

"I think she likes it too." Oscar couldn't help but smile. "I know I said it before, but she really is beautiful, Felix."

"Thank you, Oscar."

"It's hard to believe she shares some of your genetics." Even Felix let out a small laugh at that. "Hey, you said it first, I'm just agreeing with you."

"You want to hold her?"

"What?" Before Oscar could give a yes or no answer, Felix had begun to position Violet in her godfather's arms. "Felix!"

"You'll be fine, just remember to support her head."

"Holy shi-cra-moly," Oscar was careful to watch his language, "this feels weird."

"Good weird?"

Oscar paused before admitting, "Yeah."

"It's a shame I don't have my camera to capture the moment."

"Me neither."

"I suppose I'm going to have to make a mental picture of this."

"Sure, you get to remember all the not-gross stuff." Oscar paused. "Speaking of gross stuff."

"What?"

"I think your kid just peed on me." He gave the baby back to an amused Felix. "Yeah, why don't you take one of your emergency wipes and use it on that smirk." Oscar patted the top of Violet's head. "I'll give you a free pass for what you just did because it's your birthday." Oscar grabbed the tennis racket and was about to leave. "I'll see you later Felix," he waved the racket at Felix as a sign of goodbye.

"Oscar," Oscar turned around to face his friend. Even though their point was getting through to one another without words, Felix still felt the need to say, "I know I said this before, but thank you...for everything."

The friends shared a parting glance while Oscar offered a genuine, "Congratulations, Felix."

I would've preferred giving a more comedic ending personally, but I wasn't sure how to go about one. In the end, I thought an ending with just Oscar and Felix would suffice. I hope you guys don't mind.

¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! Vamos! ¡Estoy tranquilo! translates to: "Come on! Come on! Come on! I am calm!" It was a last minute addition and I thought it worked.

Yes, there were references to FRIENDS as well as a nice homage to the original Odd Couple television series. And Doogie Howser of course. I even threw in a little Midnight Cowboy at one point. Oh, (and you guys might not remember) the actress who plays Emily (Lindsay Sloane) played Ryan Reynolds's love interest in the 2003 remake of The In-Laws. Neat, huh? And Room 219? That's a little throwback to February 19, the day the 2015 version of Odd Couple premiered. And Cinco de Mayo was really on a Thursday in 2016.

Well, that's all from me. I hope you enjoyed reading. Peace out!