A/N: I'm back with another hilarious installment of Project Freelancer Plays Cards Against Humanity! This time, with Florida as the judge, we'll find out what Santa gives the bad children on Christmas instead of coal.

*Naughty Children's Worst Dream*

Now playing their sixth round of the horrible party game for horrible people, it was Florida's turn to be the judge. The blue Freelancer may have been the oldest of them by a large margin, but his decisions were usually taken strongly, for they were sound.

But, his choices for Cards Against Humanity were not so good. That, or he just had bad luck and got passed out some really shitty cards.

But now, his good judgment was being put to the test, for he was the deciding factor in this round.

He flipped over the next black card, his eyebrows rising into his forehead. "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children (Blank) on Christmas." He chuckled and glanced over at York. "Something tells me you guys will have good ones for this."

The tan Freelancer laughed, searching his hand quickly. "I think I should have a good one…just give me a few seconds. Someone else can go while I'm looking."

CT placed hers down first, thankful that York was being a gentleman. "Thank you, York. I shall embrace this opportunity…" She cleared her throat, glaring at a certain British Freelancer whose hand was on her thigh. "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children amputees on Christmas."

Florida and Wash closed their eyes, trying incredibly hard (and failing miserably) not to laugh. Everyone, including Maine, got a good laugh out of the brown Freelancer's card. "Damn, that was pretty good."

Wyoming was next, and the British Freelancer seemed confident in his. "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children necrophilia on Christmas."

South, who was already horrified by the incest card from last round, hid behind Tex, tightly clutching the black Freelancer. "Hold me…" She began to shake, which wasn't a surprise. Nearly everybody else (apart from Wyoming) found it beyond disturbing; it was a fucking nightmare.

North sighed and let his head thump on the table. So did Wash and Florida.

"Dude…"

"Come on."

"That was the worst card ever…of all time."

North snorted as he flicked through his deck. "For once Wash, I'll agree with you." He set his card down, tilting his chair back. "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children the biggest, blackest dick on Christmas."

Wyoming and CT both spat out some tea, the latter wiping her mouth. "What the fuck!? Since when is Santa a pedophile!?"

North gave her an exasperated look. "You don't really want me to go there, do you?" Wyoming and CT quickly shut their mouths, while the rest of them were snickering.

South, still shaking and having Tex hold her, placed down her card with a trembling hand. "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children Patrick Berglund for Christmas."

Carolina gave the blonde Freelancer a curious look. "How is that supposed to be a punishment? The guy's gorgeous!"

South let out a scoff. "Yeah, but you wouldn't want to have a hot hockey player fucking your girlfriend on Christmas, would you?"

"…good point, but that's not really a punishment."

York let out a sigh, a finger tracing the scar down his eye as he placed down his card. "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children a cooler filled with organs on Christmas." South and Tex retched, for that wasn't a pleasant image.

Florida and Wash, however, didn't seem too disturbed by the tan Freelancer's card. "Hey, it could be worse."

"Yeah, it could be like Wyoming's.."

The British Freelancer perked up, starting his horrible scheme AGAIN. "Knock-knock."

York and North let out groans, looking pleadingly at CT and Carolina. "Please, shut him up. A roll of duct tape would be nice. And some handcuffs to make sure he can't move his hands to take it off."

While Carolina found some duct tape and place it over Wyoming's mouth to prevent him from saying any shitty knock-knock jokes, Tex smirked and pulled out a pair of…pink furry handcuffs? "Will these do~?"

North's jaw dropped in surprise. "Where the hell did you get those?" He stopped, looking at a blushing South and an evilly smirking Tex. He let his head crash. "I think I get it…"

He sat up, casting a downcast look at his twin. "I never thought you were into that kinky shit…" South, blushing furiously, began to squirm. "Would someone just fucking go!?"

Maine let out a deep chuckle as he threw his card out, prompting York to peer over and read it. "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children dead parents on Christmas."

The Freelancers began to stare at Maine, surprised as to how the hell the silent Freelancer kept getting all of the good cards. "I think we have a winner."

York agreed, glancing at Florida. "Seriously, you should just end this round. No one is gonna come up with a better answer than that." Wash made a small noise of protest, but a look from Florida quieted him down.

The older Freelancer shook his head. "Now, now. I must be fair and allow all participants to place their choice down." Maine grumbled something that could have been an agreement or an insult. Only Wash seemed to be able to translate his growls into English.

The black and gold Freelancer went, his eyebrows twitching. "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children…Franklin Delano Donut for Christmas? Who! The fuck! Is that guy!?"

North shook his head in disappointment. "It does not say Franklin Delano Donut…" He read it, and his head crashed onto the table, sighing. "It does…"

Tex looked at Wash. "Why the hell is this…person, named after a famous old American President? Except he must be gay. He's probably someone who would wear pink armor and then try and deny it's pink."

Cut to Blood Gulch Red Base

"Achoo!"

"I think someone's talking about you, twinkle toes."

"It's not pink! It's light-ish red!"

Back to the Freelancers

With Wyoming finally shut up, Florida looked around at the other Freelancers. "Who has yet to go?" Tex and Carolina shared a small glare at each other, having not gone during this round. "Us."

Tex went first, but Carolina threw her own out first, having finally beaten the black Freelancer at something. "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children Natalie Portman on Christmas."

Wash and York snickered, for they knew exactly how much the redheaded Freelancer hated that actress. "We should have seen that one coming. I forgot how much she hated her."

"And she finally managed the beat Tex at some-" Wash was suddenly on the ground, groaning and holding his head in pain. Tex sat down, annoyed. "Shut the hell up."

She went, and hers was a bit…strange and kind of ironic in a sense. "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children a pair of pink furry handcuffs on Chritsmas."

North tried to not let a groan as he saw the evil smirk on Tex's face and his sister's massive blush. Wash meanwhile chuckled, an amused look on his face. "I see what you did there…" He ended on the floor again, holding his head. "Fuck! Stop hitting me!"

Florida, after thinking very, very carefully, finally had a winner. "This round's winner is none only that our dear Maine." The massive Freelancer hissed, and Wash sighed. "Yes, you can act somewhat pleased without looking smug."

"Grr."

"Um, okay?"

A/N: Next time, with Wyoming judging, what is a problem that is not one of everyone's 99? Until next time!

Ja