A/N: *sighs* Man, I really do need to think of better things to do than just write and read fanfiction all damn day. But, I have time to write this, as I have 'Agent Reach' on temporary break…only for another week or so. After all, I need to write some badass-ness, right?

*99 Problems and the One I Don't Have*

Carolina and Tex loomed over Wyoming before they unhand-cuffed the British Freelancer, their eyes burning holes into his. "Now Wyoming, are you going to tell anymore knock-knock jokes?" Wyoming shook his head, his shoulders slumped and a muffled, "No, Carolina" was heard.

Tex rounded on him, staring him down. "And, will you stop trying to mentally scare the rest of us, you creepy little annoying bastard?"

Another nod, though this time it was more frantic and a tinge of fear was in his voice. "Yes, Tex."

Tex gave Carolina a curt nod. "Remove the tape." Carolina smirked and ripped the tape off, causing a small portion of Wyoming's mustache to come along with it. The British Freelancer let out a pained hiss. "Fuck! That really did hurt! And my beautiful mustache!"

"It wasn't never that good looking, to be honest," CT deadpanned, causing Wyoming to lower his head. "It was…" He earned a comforting pat on the shoulder from Wash, trying not to shiver as Tex glared at him. "Don't worry. I've suffered even more pain from her as of late."

Wyoming sighed, giving Carolina a pleading look. "Before we start though, can I make one more knock-knock joke? One that will have a punchline?" The redheaded Freelancer looked away, seemingly annoyed by him. "CT, control him."

CT let out a sigh of annoyance, crossing her arms. "We've already heard enough, one more won't really hurt, will it?"

Wyoming took that as a sigh to begin, and he started it off by looking at the other Freelancers, swallowing. "K-knock-knock…"

"Who's there?" a chorus rang, seemingly annoyed with his antics.

"Lettuce," Wyoming answered, trying to keep his slight amusement and fear of Carolina's punch down.

"Lettuce who?" everyone asked, and judging by the looks that North, York, and Wash were giving each other, they seemed to already know where the joke was heading. It's not like the British Freelancer was hard to read.

"Lettuce begin," Wyoming stated, and nobody seemed to react badly. Well…save for CT and Tex.

The two Freelancers stood up, ready to punch the British man incredibly hard, either in the face or dick. But, Wyoming was saved from a sharp, irritated hiss from Maine. Even though he was mute, no one dared to fuck with the white Freelancer; you'd have to be absolutely fucking insane.

Flashing a nod of gratitude towards his savior, Wyoming flipped over the next black card in the pile, reading it out loud. "I have 99 problems, but (Blank) ain't one of them. I sense some entertaining sentences in our near future."

Wash smirked, holding up one and seemingly confident, for once. "And you have one right here. I have 99 problems, but not giving a shit about the Third World ain't one of them." Many of the others started to laugh, as that card was more than a little fucked up.

Maine let out a deep rumble, which seemed to be in amusement. Wash looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "Is that too soon?" Florida shook his head, patting him on the shoulder. "Nope. That is the only good one you've had this entire game."

"Speaking of the game…" North started, throwing out a card to match the black/gold Freelancer's. "I have 99 problems, but losing The Game ain't one of them. Oh, and by the way, I lost The Game."

The Freelancers started to laugh as they heard a passing soldier scream in anger. "FUCK!"

Tex let out a sigh, having run out of the good cards and only stuck with the shitty ones that never win. "I got 99 problems, but beating someone to death with their own skull ain't one of them." North and Wash exchanged a confused glance, for that wasn't something that couldn't happen, as there was something called fucking LOGIC! "That doesn't seem physically possible…"

"That's what I said!" Wash shouted.

Maine cut them off, hissing as he placed his card down on top of the three. York read it, trying to keep a straight face (and failing). "I got 99 problems, but knitting like that crazy Russian grandmother ain't one of them." The idea of the massive white Freelancer even considering knitting was…quite funny.

York wiped his eyes at the amusing mental image, placing his own down. "I got 99 problems, but repeatedly shooting someone in ass with my Shotgun ain't one of them." Wash and North each let out two coughs. "Bullshit, bullshit." They had seen what the tan Freelancer had done to an Elite that got in his way, and it wasn't pretty. The alien, if it survived, could have sued him for sexual assault and rape. Keyword: IF

CT let out a groan as she threw hers out, hanging her head. "I got 99 problems, but shoving a cork up my ass ain't one of them." South cringed, as anal anything was not appealing to her. "Ouch…that would really suck in a whole different way."

"No kidding," North muttered in agreement with his twin.

South then threw hers out, not confident in her choice. "I got 99 problems, but getting dominated by that bitch in black ain't one of them." Wash gave her a look. "But you do. She's right there." He pointed at Tex, but before she could lunge across the table and strangle him, Florida went. "She's not a bitch, though. Now, it's my turn. I have 99 problems, but waking up in the middle of Vegas with a wedding ring on my finger ain't one of them."

York let out a sigh, looking upwards. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Unless you get someone pregnant."

"Then they follow you across the damn world looking for child support," Wash muttered, a snicker coming from North.

Carolina, the last one to go this round, placed her card down. "I got 99 problems, but masturbating to hardcore Attack on Titan yaoi ain't one of them."

After no one really commented on that card, Wyoming had made his decision rather quickly, for the winner needed SOME sort of confidence. Which will be negative in a few minutes.

"Wash, my dear old chap, you are the winner."

"Fuck yes!"

"It ain't gonna last too long..."

A/N: Next up…any suggestions! I'm gonna have to end this eventually (sadly, I'll admit. This was very fun.), but until then, I'll need help from you, the audience, to react and give suggestions for upcoming chapters. See you!