This is ridiculous, Cullen thought to himself as he stopped to rest after, only the Maker knew how many stairs. One would think the original designer of this would place the main quarters a bit nearer the main building. But of course the original designer had not payed attention to that crucial detail, and simply ignored Cullen's protests and muttering, so up he went again, climbing stair after stair until he finally reached the door which lead up to, surprise, another pair of stairs to the Inquisitor's room. How their leader had the energy to go up and down these monstrosities everyday was an unsolvable mystery.
Cullen opened the door and was just about to announce his presence when he was stopped by a loud and unquestionable moan.
"Not so hard, Vhenan. You need to be gentler." He heard the Herald giggle.
"Trust me, Kadan, I'm trying. It's just so damn thick." Bull rumbled back and the giggling continued.
What in the Maker's name... Thick? Cullen paled and stood frozen where he was, cursing his what would appear to be extremely bad timing. Not again! He covered his face with his hand and slowly shook his head. He had already seen more than he could take, and he was NOT about to add to it! When another load moan rang through his ears, the Commander seemed to snap out of his haze and quickly turned around, slamming the door behind him. Which they most likely would have heard, he discovered the minute he had done it, which meant they understood someone had been eavesdropping.
Cullen had never run down a couple of stairs that fast in his entire life.
oOo
"Did you give the report to the Inquisitor?" Josephine asked the minute Cullen rushed out into the Main Hall. She gave him a questioning look and tilted her head. "Commander?"
"Ehm, no!" He mumbled and straightened up, rubbing his forehead. "No, eh...the Inquisitor was...occupied."
The Ambassador immediately turned a few shades darker and looked down at her notepad, she too most likely remembering the last time they accidentally walked in on their leader's...activities.
"Well..." She began, and cleared her throat. "Then I suppose we will just wait."
"Wai' for what?"
Both of them turned around at the same time to see Sera nearing them at a quick pace.
"You looked like you were in a rush from Inky's room, yeah?" She smirked and wiggled her eyebrows. "Saw something you didn't wan' to see?"
Cullen only groaned and looked away.
"I didn't see anything Sera!" He muttered. "I left as soon as I heard-"
"Heard?!" She almost shrieked. "Wha' did you hear? Did you eavesdrop?"
"I wasn't eavesdropping!" Cullen began.
"I do not think that is any of our business to begin with." Josephine interrupted and gave Sera a long look.
"Oh, come on!" Sera whined, until she suddenly straightened up. "Wait...they're probably still doin' it! I'm gonna run up there! Ohhh, I need to tell Varric!"
"Now wait just a minute-" Cullen started, but the elf had already taken off towards Varric's usual spot. With a deep sigh, he stomped after her, once again cursing the way this day had turned out. When he neared the table, Varric was looking at Sera with an amused expression on his face.
"Not that I'm not curious, Buttercup." He chuckled. "But I'm not suicidal either, it's your ass though."
Sera answered him with a frustrated sound.
"Fine! Then I'll report back what I see!"
"Please don't..."
Just as Cullen was about to stop her, she was off again, laughing loudly, and before he knew it, she was through the door up to the Inquisitor's room. Josephine was quick to follow.
"I thought you would be quicker than that!" She called before she too was through the door. Cullen only grumbled in reply and ran after her.
oOo
"I can't believe we're doing this again..." Cullen huffed as he and Josephine ran up the stairs, Sera a few steps ahead. "Can't we just let her be and let Lavellan deal with her?"
"Cullen!" Josephine hissed. "She is our friend! Don't you remember how uncomfortable she got last time?"
"Please, don't remind me."
"Then you know that Sera would be a lot worse!" She answered. "I don't think Her Worship would appreciate her private life being spread across the keep."
"It's hardly private..."
"Cullen!"
"Yes, yes, you're right..."
They continued up the rest of the stairs, and when they finally reached the top they could see Sera standing outside of the door, her ear pressed against the wood.
"Ohhh, they're definitely shaggin'!" She giggled and quietly opened the door, and quick as a rabbit, sprinted up the last staircase, Cullen and Josephine close behind, frustration burning on their faces. Sera practically jumped up the last steps and with her arms in the air yelled "Busted!", before she stopped dead in her tracks, Josephine almost bumping right into her.
"I am so sorry Inquisitor, I tried to stop her-" Cullen begins to explain but stops as well when he looks over at the bed.
Inquisitor Lavellan was sitting cross-legged at the end of her bed, fully dressed and with one of Leliana's reports in her hand. Behind her was Bull, holding a comb by her long hair which she had let down from her usual knot. Both of them were staring their way, looking a little bit confused.
"I'm not so sure what you're sorry about, Cullen?" The Inquisitor still looked confused, if a bit amused. Sera only groaned and gave Cullen a mean look.
"They weren't doin' it at all!" She turned around and stomped down the stairs again, muttering. "You lying twat."
Cullen cast Josephine a look of despair before turning back to the Herald, his ears practically burning.
"Just a misunderstanding on my part, your Worship." He mumbled and slowly walked over to her. "Ehm, the report from Scout Harding. They're ready for you in the West."
She took the scroll and looked it over, pouting her lips.
"Wonderful, a desert." She drawled before nodding. "Thank you Cullen. Josephine."
"Your Grace."
The Ambassador smirked at him on the entire trek down the tower, while he only sneered back.
"You would have thought the same." He muttered, to which she only giggled.
"Whatever you say, Commander."
oOo
A few days later, Cullen were making his usual round among the training grounds, looking over the soldiers and their progress. He was just about done and prepared to make his way back to his quarters, when he was interrupted by a giant hand on his shoulder.
"Cullen!" Bull greeted and shook him, a wicked smile on his face.
"Bull." He answered, a bit uncertainly. "I assume everything is well?"
"Yes, yes, couldn't be better." He waved his hand. "What about you? Eavesdropped on anyone lately?"
Cullen froze and looked up at him with an annoyed expression.
"I was not eavesdropping!"
Bull only laughed and gave him a hard pat on the back.
"I got to say, Commander, you've got a dirty side under all that fur and armour." He grinned and started to walk back to the tavern. "Eavesdropping on our leader, thinking she's screwing around. You dog!"
He laughed as he left, leaving Cullen where he stood, a helpless expression on his face.
"I was NOT eavesdropping!"