It's such a simple word, Katoh, and yet it settles upon the room like a heavy fog and for a moment Shalini thinks that she'll drown, she can't breath, she'll suffocate.
Then everything suddenly stops, the fog lifts and she opens her eyes to see Bull before her, resting on his calves as he softly strokes her legs in soothing patterns.
"I'm sorry-" She blurts out before she can stop herself, and he looks up and stares at her. "It's just that-". But he stops her and shakes his head.
"No questions asked, Kadan." He reminds her and brushes his fingers against her jaw. "You don't have to explain yourself to me, all I need to know is if you want to stop or not, nothing else." She nods in understanding, but he cups her face again and makes her look at him. "And you definitely don't need to apologise. Ever."
"I know..." She mumbles and lies down on the pillow again when he has let her go. "It's just- I just had this feeling like I should, I don't know..." She shrugs and curls to the side when he lies down beside her, his hands going directly to her hair, his fingers brushing through it. It has become a sort of ritual between them, the hairbrushing. He seems to like doing that a lot, and she isn't exactly complaining, so it stuck.
"Are you afraid I'll be disappointed?" He asks while working out some of the many tangles, and she shrugs again.
"Maybe?" She whispers and turns her head to him, looking for traces in his expression. When they had first started this, Shalini figured sex with Bull would be kind of like running wild and free in a huge, thick forest. Sooner or later, you're bound to trip on something and fall. You loose yourself a little bit, and don't think about all the little details among all that green and untamed beauty, which is kind of the point. She isn't supposed to worry and think about other things outside of this world once they've entered it, but what happens when she does? Has he failed then? Has she failed?
She doesn't notice the frown that has started to develop on her face until he brushes her jaw again.
"I will never be disappointed." His hand moves back to her hair. "I'm not going to enjoy something that you don't. If you don't like it, it kind of loses its touch, you know?" He chuckles and finally manages to brush the hair out completely, making it pool out over her pillow, and she sighs as some of the tension eases, not just in her hair. She takes a long look at his face, but all she sees is honesty and complete calm and suddenly the forest doesn't seem so thick anymore. The trees clear and maybe sex with Bull is more like an open field.
"What happens if you don't manage to make me stop thinking about everything that's going on?" She finally asks and the silence that settles while she waits for an answer is endless and extremely quick at the same time. He blinks a few times before he chuckles.
"Well, Kadan." He starts. "Then we try again-" He puts her lips to her throat. "- and again-" Her collarbone. "- and again-" Her breast. "- and again..."
Okay, yes. Definitely an open field, with clear skies and fresh grass and no vines or roots that makes her fall. Just free and wild running. With one word to change it all. Such a simple word.