Shalini count Josephine as one of her closest friends since this whole disaster started. And after they found Skyhold, they often spend many afternoons on Shalini's balcony, which she has slowly started to turn into her own private garden. It's nothing extravagant, merely pots here and there with flowers and bushes that stretches up over the stonewalls and rails, making it all seem wilder and greener.

It's on this balcony, among all the herbs and plants and flowers, that Shalini gets to hear about Blackwall. Or rather, she confronts the ambassador about it, eager to please her curiosity. She's noticed the flowers on Josephine's desk which weren't there before, and suspected she had a suitor. That it would be their so called "Warden" was something she would never have guessed however.

The entire situation on the other hand makes her extremely sad and once again she declares that she will never understand humans, and especially nobles.

When Josephine then tries to explain the whole deal with "la splendeur des coeurs perdus" Shalini understands even less.

"This doesn't make any sense, Josie." She says. "I've both heard and seen the romantic that lives in you, why couldn't you just forsake people's expectations and be with the man you obviously have feelings for?"

But of course, it's not as simple for a woman who's the head of her family, with siblings who are not fit to take over. Shalini supposes she can understand that, with her role as First of the Keeper. Certain responsibilities must come before personal wishes, no matter how much it hurts. For a moment Shalini almost feels lucky that she can be with whoever she chooses, no longer required to continue in her Keeper's footsteps. That victory came from the cost of her clan and family however, which leaves a sour and bittersweet taste in her mouth, and the moment quickly passes.

She turns back to Josephine and watches as she looks out over the courtyard, some of the soldiers sparring, Blackwall and Cassandra one of them. She hasn't quite forgiven him for the lie, and the way their blades clash shows it clearly. She's driven and ruthless in her swings, making it almost impossible for him to hit back. Shalini watches them as well before turning back to Josephine.

"You have a very gracious and true heart, Josie-" She says and smiles as the ambassador drags her eyes away to look at her. "- to be able to see past another's wrongdoings. I'm sorry it's like this."

Josephine's face turns a few shades darker and she nods, a sad smile on her lips.

"So am I..." She whispers and turns back to look out over the keep. Shalini's eyes stays on her however and after a moment she gives her shoulder a light shove.

"If you'd like, we can put together a few flowers from here and hide them in his quarters, it's not fair that only you should receive bouquets." She smiles playfully and Josephine answers her with a delight giggle.

"I'd like that very much." She says and smiles warmly. "Thank you."

oOo

Everyone has heard of Warden Commander Surana, the Hero of Ferelden. Some more than others, Shalini thinks as she leaves the tower after a long conversation with Leliana. She has many stories, and happily shares her tales about the woman she considers her best friend. It makes Shalini feel a bit better about her current situation, being an elven mage thrown into the position of leadership, with the world on her shoulders. She could learn a thing or two.

"Did you know that Cullen was a templar at the circle where she grew up?" Leliana asks one day.

She did in fact know that, but has yet to ask him anything about it. The Commander seems to loath his former life, and hasn't talked much about it at all, other than the horrible things that happened during the blight. Shalini doesn't want to trouble him further with mindless prodding, but perhaps questions about Surana will be harmless?

But of course, nothing is ever harmless.

"I attended her Harrowing, actually. She was a lovely woman."

Shalini can't help but smile playfully at him.

"Lovely?" She repeats.

And then she learns that the Hero of Ferelden was a close friend to some, and to others a reason not to be able to fall asleep when the night neared and one was alone with nothing but their thoughts and wishes. Wishes that could never be as it were, a templar and a mage, forbidden, even if she had felt the same.

But ten years is a long time, and it was a youthful infatuation, he says. But Shalini can see the strains on his face and the way his eyes drift downward whenever someone mentions her. And Shalini swears that if the Hero walked through those doors right at that moment, the Commander of the Inquisition would turn both heaven and earth to prove himself worthy of her.

But she isn't, and he won't.

And life moves on.

oOo

"I'm a better man for having met you, Kadan." He says as they lie sprawled out on the bed, sheets in disarray and bodies flushed. "I just hope this made things a little easier on your end."

And Shalini thinks that the world isn't fair that she has Bull yet so many other good people don't get what they wish for. And she looks at him and she can feel her heart swell and she thinks maybe this is it, this is how she'll die, overwhelmed with feelings.

"Not "this". You made things easier on my end." She says and looks him directly in the eye, so scared, but she will do this. She knows what this is and she will honour it for everyone who can't have it but deserves it far more than anyone ever will. She takes a deep breath. "I love you."

And for a deepclenching moment she thinks he's laughing it off, and her swelling heart turns heavy and brittle. She looks away, shame written all over her features, until she feels his hand over her cheek. He looks at her, a tender expression on his face.

"I love you too."