Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction. The characters of '24' are property of FOX and all that garbage, and other characters are made up, any similarities from any characters, names, or events are completely coincidental. No Furbys were harmed in the filming of this episode. (DAMN!) Disclaimer over!
The 24 Parody Project
Episode 15
9:00pm – 10:00pm 'Game Over'
AT THE FOX EXECUTIVE HEADQUARTERS!
Fred walks into the writer's room; he sets his jacket and things in his chair. He looks on the table and notices a Jack Bauer doll.
Fred: What the beans?
Fred picks up the Jack Bauer doll, which has a small handle to pull on its back.
Fred: How interesting….
Fred pulls the string.
Jack Doll: I'm federal agent Jack Bauer, and this is the longest day of my life.
Fred chuckles.
Fred: Heh, I like that.
He pulls the string again.
Jack Doll: Who are you working for!
Fred pulls the string again.
Jack Doll (Evil Voice): The dark lord is coming! He will devour on your souls!
Fred: Heh….wait, what?!
He pulls the string again.
Jack Doll: How about we all have a nice big bowl of strawberry ice cream!
Fred: Hmm.
He pulls it again.
Jack Doll (Evil Voice): I the dark lord will tear out your insides and eat them for breakfast! HA! HA! HA!
Fred: What the hell kind of doll is this?!
Paul and Sam enter the writer's room.
Fred: What the hell is this!?
Paul: Do you like it? We're toying with the concept of '24 Merchandise'.
Fred: First off, we're writers. Do we even do that?
Sam: Uh…..
Fred: Besides that, this thing is possessed!
Paul: By what?
Fred: The Spice Girls…WHO ELSE?! The devil!
Paul: Ah, you're pulling my leg.
Fred: Really?!
Fred pulls the string.
Jack Doll: Who wants cookies!?
Sam: Hmm….
Paul: Uh, Fred, are you okay?
Fred: I pulled the string and it just said something about eating people's insides! This toy is evil!
Sam: Well, I never had any problems with my Nina Myers doll.
Sam pulls out his doll and pulls the string.
Nina Doll: HA! I just tricked you into releasing a virus into CTU's computer network from your cell phone! I love being evil! Now turn this plane around! BWA HA HA!
Sam: See, it's normal….
Sam pulls the string again.
Nina Doll: You're my best friend! Let's go make cupcakes and watch family programming.
Sam: AHHHHHHH!
Sam throws the Nina Myers doll against the wall. –WHACK!-
He runs out of the room screaming.
Fred: Well?
Paul: ……ok, we'll stick with T-Shirts.
Beep…..beep…..beep……beep……bepbepbepbepbepbpebpepbepbepbpe…..24!!!!!
Nadia: Previously on 24…..
-SWOOSH-
When we last left our heroes...
The house of wax melts. –SIZZLE!- Ima croaks.
Ima: BLARG!
Kim: We'll go to McDonalds.
Worker: Get in the freezer!
Kim: Crap. (KIM BAUER)
-SWOOSH-
Chloe: We're at a cocktail party?
Tony: Woo Hoo!
Guard: After them!
Tony runs by Chloe and Baxter in a wedding gown. They look away, pretending not to know them.
Baxter: So, how about those Yankees?
Chloe: -Sigh- (CHLOE O'BRIAN AND FRIENDS)
-SWOOSH-
Noah: We're on our way to Los Angeles to meet this mysterious individual…..
Supposedly dead ex-president Rolando Callahan plays with his tea set.
Rolando Callahan: More tea? Mrs. Periwinkle? (ROLANDO CALLAHAN)
Oookay…..
-SWOOSH-
Jack kills Agatha.
Jack: HWA!
Agatha: BLARG!
Jack and Doyle get stuck at McDonalds.
Jack: Dang it!
Doyle: Not again….
Chuck Norris chokes on a french fry.
Chuck Norris: BLARG! (CHUCK NORRIS!)
Jack: Hey, he was only in the episode for like, 5 seconds! He doesn't deserve his own square! What a rip off!
And then there's Jack.
Jack: HEY!
Oh fine, you big baby.
Jack: It's clobberin time! (JACK BAUER)
Jack, Bill, and Doyle rush into the control tower main center.
Jack: Tell the pilot of Air Force one not to land that plane! If he does, his life is in danger!
Operator: Don't land the plane, you!
Pilot: Okay!
The plane flies over the landing strip and control tower, then explodes. –KABOOOM!-
Jack: Uh……
Doyle: Good going, Jack…
Jack: How is this my fault?!
Doyle: It just is……
Bill: Oh look, a cookie…..
Morris: The following takes place between 9:00pm and 10:00pm, dahling……
Jack, Doyle, and Bill run out of the control tower, since Air Force One blew up in last week's episode.
Jack: Hmm…….that was unexpected.
Doyle: You think?
Jack: Well, I guess we can try and find any remaining parts to the plane. And see if the President survived.
Bill: I'll head back to CTU and try to round up more people.
Jack: Okay.
Bill runs off and takes the bike.
Doyle: I sure hope he comes back; I really don't want to walk.
Meanwhile, at Rolando's Evil Hideout. Audrey gets thrown in a chair; the burlap sack gets pulled off of her head.
Rolando: Tried to run, I see.
Audrey: No, I tried to get help.
Rolando: I wouldn't worry about that. You're friends won't find you….
Audrey: Oh popsicles….
Rolando: And now…..
He leans in closer to her.
Rolando: You are going to give me information, on where I can find….Jack….Bauer….
Audrey: Never heard of him.
Rolando: You're lying.
Audrey: Yeah, well your breath smells.
Rolando: Okay, I'll play along. I'll be back in one hour. You know where Jack is…..
Audrey: Actually I don't.
Rolando: You will tell me what I want to know…..or……else!
Audrey: Or…..else……what?
Rolando: Hmm…..I haven't decided yet. Most likely torture.
Audrey: Oh whoopty doo.
Meanwhile, the van holding 80 of the cast, pulls into a McDonald's Drive-Thru. Morris, who is driving, pulls up to the board.
Morris: Okay, what do you all want?
Kim: Happy Meal.
Nadia: Just a cheeseburger.
Milo: A chocolate milk.
Logan: I guess I'll take a salad.
Tony scoots up to the front.
Tony: I want the Big Mac meal, Super sized!
Morris: No, you're not getting it super sized; you never finish all your fries!
Tony: I will this time!
Morris: No!
Tony: You suck!
Morris: Hey! Don't make come back there, dahling.
Michelle: Just let him super size it, Morris.
Morris: No, Michelle. He's spoiled enough as it is.
Tony: Like I care, you're not my real dad anyway.
Morris: That's it!
Morris crawls into the back seat so he can spank Tony. –WHAP!-
Tony: Ow!
Chloe: My night has officially reached a new low……
Baxter: How the hell did I get involved with you people?
Karen: Can I get an apple pie?
9:05:12, out in the middle of nowhere.
A man strapped to a parachute lands on the ground, it's Tom Lennox!
Tom: Hi kids!
And look, its President Noah Daniels as well! They're alive!
Tom: Sir, I'm glad you survived the explosion as well.
Noah: Well, to be honest Tom I jumped kinda early.
-FLASHBACK-
Tom: Okay Mr. President, I'm putting in the 'Special Extended Edition Of Happy Feet', with commentary by Andy Dick, Carrot Top, and Roseanne…….Mr. President?
Tom looks up to see the Noah gone, and the hatch to the airplane wide open…..
Tom: Man, that happens every time.
Tom picks up a parachute and proceeds to jump out of the plane.
-FIN-
Tom: Yes, I figured…….
Noah: Well, I don't know what we're going to do out here; my phone isn't getting any reception.
Tom: Yeah, and it's getting late.
Noah: We have to survive, I'll go look for some stuff to start a fire, it's stating to get nippy out here. You set up a tent.
Noah walks off.
Tom: …….a tent?! How am I supposed to do that…?
9:08:12, back at CTU.
The van pulls into the CTU parking lot. Michelle gets a call on her cell phone, she answers it.
Michelle: Hello?
Sherry: Yes, Michelle?
Michelle: Yeah?
Sherry: This is Sherry.
Michelle: Yes.
Sherry: Director Of CTU.
Michelle: I know.
Sherry: Former wife of former alive former ex-president David Palmer….
Michelle: I know all that! What do you want!
Sherry: Oh, I wanted to call you and inform you guys not to come back to CTU just yet.
Michelle: Huh? Why not?
Sherry: Well, about a few minutes ago, I was cleaning and I found a bomb.
Michelle: A bomb!?
Sherry: Yes.
Michelle: Uh oh, hey Tony, Sherry found our bomb! We're in so much trouble now! Ha, ha, I'm just kidding….
The cell phone call drops.
Sherry continues to talk, though you don't know what she's saying.
Michelle: Uh….Sherry it was a joke….
Sherry: (laughing, mouthing something)
Michelle: Sherry….you know be better than that. Tony and I wouldn't put a bomb at CTU.
Sherry: (blahblahblah)
Michelle: Sherry! Come on! Be realistic here!! We are not the enemy!
Sherry realizes the call has been dropped and hangs up, she calls Chloe.
Michelle: Sherry, we've been friends since we were little….okay not really, but please don't fire me. I don't want to go back to being a stupid fairy godmother again.
Tony: I don't know, I actually had fun doing that.
Chloe's phone rings.
Chloe: Wonderful, I'm getting called into work…….Hello?
Sherry: Chloe it's Sherry…….
Chloe: Okay, what do you want?
Sherry: I was trying to talk to Michelle but our called dropped.
Chloe peers into the front seat to Michelle sobbing over the phone.
Michelle: Sherrrrrry! Please talk to me…..
Chloe: Yeah, she's fine.
Sherry: I wanted to inform you guys to not come back to CTU yet.
Chloe: Really!?
Sherry: Yes, I was cleaning when I found a bomb.
Chloe: Hmm…….
Sherry: So you all can go home…
Chloe: Yes!
Sherry: For now…
Chloe: Crap….
Sherry: Well, actually….
Chloe: -Excited Gasp-
Sherry: Just remain 'On Call'.
Chloe: Crap.
Sherry: You know what, just forget about that.
Chloe: Yay!
Sherry: Just come back at the top of the hour, I'm sure everything will be resolved by then.
Chloe: Double Crap!
Sherry: Toodles!
Sherry hangs up.
Chloe scoots up to Morris.
Morris: Yes, dahling?
Chloe: Sherry told us to go home and remain on call since there's a bomb in the building.
Morris: You don't have to tell me twice.
Chloe: I wasn't going to.
Morris: Uh……okay.
Karen scoots up.
Karen: What happened?
Chloe: Ugh….ask Morris.
Morris: I forgot.
Chloe scoffs.
Chloe: Okay everybody, there's a bomb at CTU, and it's really bad. So we don't have to go back and stuff. So go see your loved ones or whatever, and come back at 10:00.
Milo: What did you say? I was listening to my Ipod.
Chloe: -Sigh-. We don't have to go back to CTU, go home for now, and return later.
Nadia: Chloe, did you say something? I was baking brownies….
Chloe: Dammit! Go home! Come back later! End of story!
Baxter: Yawn, that was a good nap. What's going on now?
Chloe: AARGH!
Chloe opens the van's door and dives into oncoming traffic. –WHAP!- Okay, that didn't happen….
Chloe takes a deep breath.
Tony: We're taking a break.
Everybody: Oh…..
Chloe rolls her eyes.
Nadia: Oh Tony, you're so smart!
Baxter: I agree.
Kim: And handsome!
Michelle: He's the coolest husband ever!
Chloe: WHAT!?
Morris: Yeah, dahling, I want to be just like Tony.
Tony: Oh stop, you guys are making me blush.
Logan: Tony, why don't you show everyone your Pulitzer Prize?
Tony: Okay!
Tony pulls out his Pulitzer and another trophy for being 'The Coolest Guy on Earth!'
Everyone gives him a round of applause.
Chloe: Oh my god! My nightmares are coming true! ARRRGH!
Chloe opens the van's door and dives into oncoming traffic again. –WHAP!-
Chloe: Do you mind?!
Okay, Chloe lives……for now…..
Chloe: Oh nice….
9:15:12, The CTU-mobile drives past / Tom tries to make a fort out of dirt / The bomb squad enters CTU to start their investigation / Jack and Doyle look through the fields for any clues on if the president survived, and I guess Tom Lennox too….
Tom: Well……how rude…..
Back at CTU.
Bomb Squad Man Bob: Okay, Mrs. Palmer, my troops are surveying the premises and should have the situation under control at the top of the hour.
Sherry: Yes, yes….
Back in the Van.
Michelle: Well, what should we do since we're on break?
Milo: I was wondering, do we even get lunch breaks?
Everyone remains quiet.
Milo: ….because there have been times where we worked for 24 hours straight without even a lunch break….I mean….there has to be some sort of law against that right?
Everyone is still quiet.
Milo: …..right?
Michelle: I know!
Michelle turns around to Tony.
Michelle: We can throw a party! We'll play games, and it'll be a fun way to take our minds off today's horrible events.
Karen: What horrible events?
Tony: Hey, that does sound like fun; I just bought this really cool board game we can play.
Michelle: Great. Chloe, you and Morris are more than welcome to come over.
Morris: Sweet!
Chloe: Whatever.
Michelle: And Karen, you can call Bill and you can bring your delicious green bean casserole!
Karen: I'll do that right now! (She gets on the phone)
Kim: Hey, that does sound like fun!
Michelle: Oh, actually the games are only up to 6 people, I'm afraid the rest of you can't come.
Kim: WHAT!?
Nadia: Ugh!
Milo: Jerks!
Baxter: How rude indeed…….
Logan: I don't even care……
Michelle: Oh, Morris, right over here.
The CTU van pulls up to Michelle and Tony's house.
Michelle: Okay, here's the plan. Tony, Myself, Chloe, Morris, Karen, and Bill will be inside playing games and eating. You guys can go do something else, but be sure to meet back here so we can head back to CTU.
Kim: You suck….
Michelle and the others pile out of the car and walk into the house.
Kim: ……
Logan: …..
Baxter: …..
Nadia: …..well, this bites.
Milo: You know what? We don't need them and they're crappy cooking….
Nadia: Karen is cooking her famous green bean casserole.
Milo: Okay, we don't need they're crappy games. We can have fun by ourselves.
Nadia: What do you suggest?
Milo: Let's go see a movie!
Kim: I'm down for that!
Logan and Baxter: Whatever.
Milo: Okay, let's roll!
Milo tries to open the door, which is locked.
Milo: It's locked from the inside!?
Nadia: Urge to kill……rising…..
Meanwhile…..Bill is riding on a bicycle; he finally reaches the CTU parking lot.
Bill: Whew! That was strenuous.
He turns around to the 4 people pushing the bike.
Bill: Thanks guys!
Random Guys: -Grumble- -Grumble-
Bill gets off the bike, his phone rings.
Bill: Yes, Kare-Bear?
Karen: Bill, it's your wife…..
Bill: Oh good. Go ahead.
Karen: Listen, I'm over at the Almeida's…..or Dessler's…..or whatever they want to call themselves. Anyway they're having this delightful dinner party. The O'Brians are here as well; did you want to meet me here?
Bill: Are you cooking your famous green bean casserole?
Karen: You bet I am!
Bill: Wonderful! I'll hijack the nearest sports car and be there in a few minutes.
Karen: Splendid! I'll see you here! Bye now!
They hang up.
Bill looks around and notices a very nice looking sports car sitting at a stop light.
Bill approaches the driver.
Bill: Excuse me sir, I need to steal your vehicle.
Driver: What!?
Bill: You don't understand, I'm meeting my wife, Karen Hayes, for dinner. She's making her green bean casserole.
Driver: She is!? Wow, I heard she makes the best! Here, take the car.
Bill: Thank you, kind sir.
Bill trades places with the driver, he speeds off.
Back at Tony and Michelle's….
Karen: He's on his way.
Michelle: Great, the kitchen's ready for when you want to make your famous green bean casserole!
Karen: Oh, good. I know you all will love it! It's won many cook-off contests.
9:19:43, back in the middle of nowhere.
Noah comes back to the 'tent' with some sticks. Noah has finished his dirt fort.
Noah: Uh….
Tom: You like?
Noah: Um…..it's…….dirt….
Tom: Yes. I know.
Noah: Weren't you supposed to make a tent?
Tom: Well, sir, I really don't have tent making materials out here. Now we better get inside, it's about to rain.
Noah: Um……..
Tom enters the dirt fort, Noah follows.
Noah: Uh, Tom, about this 'fort'.
Tom: I know, it's a real piece of work.
They both see the rain falling outside.
Tom: See, we'll be safe in here.
Noah: Tom, can I ask you something?
Tom: Sure, sir.
Noah: What happens to dirt when mixed with water?
Tom: It becomes mud, sir.
Noah: ……..
Tom: …….
Noah: ….okay, just making sure.
They both lie down on the ground.
Tom: So I hear the Los Angeles cook off is in a couple of weeks, I wonder if Karen is going to cook her delicious green bean casserole?
Noah: I really don't care for green bean casserole.
Tom: What?! How?
Noah: I just don't like the taste of it.
Tom: You never tried Karen's, it's the best.
Noah: Okay, I'll take your word for it.
The both sit there.
Tom: You know, I still can't help but wonder whatever happened to Karen? It's been about almost 6 hours since we heard from her.
Noah: I'm sure she's fine……I think….
The dirt fort turns into mud and collapse on Noah and Tom. –SPLASH!-
Tom: …..Hmm……I think I learned something from this.
Noah: I would hope so.
9:23:11, Bill pulls up in his fancy sports car at Tony and Michelle's. He walks up to the door and rings the bell. Michelle answers it.
Michelle: Bill, I'm so glad you were able to make it. Karen is about to start making her delicious green bean casserole.
Bill: Wonderful, where should I put my coat?
Michelle: Right over there on Chloe.
Chloe: HEY!
Bill throws the sports car driver's coat on Chloe.
Chloe: OOF!
Michelle: Okay, let's start the first game.
Michelle, Tony, Chloe, Morris, Bill and Karen sit at a table.
Michelle: So Tony, what's this game you picked up?
Tony: Oh it just came out, it's really cool.
He reaches down to his side to pick up a box.
Tony: It's called '24: The Board Game!'
Chloe: You must be joking…..
Michelle: Oooh, sounds fun. Okay, we'll play a few rounds then we'll have some of Karen's delicious green bean casserole!
Tony puts the board on the table.
Tony: Okay everybody starts on the 'Series Premiere' square. You roll the dice and every square you land on represents an episode. You draw a card every turn for a 'Plot' of that episode square. The object of the game is to make it to the 'Series Finale' square without getting killed off. If you do, you have to go back to the beginning.
Morris: Hmm…..okay.
Tony: Everyone get their pieces.
Everyone grabs a character token, of their own characters, respectively.
Tony: Okay Chloe, you can go first.
Chloe: Oh boy….(rolls eyes)
Chloe rolls the dice, it's a 1. She moves her 'Chloe Character' 1 space then draws a card.
Chloe (reading): You sit at your desk and eat a sandwich, which is actually a bomb. It blows up in your face, Ka Boom!……wonderful, I was killed off in the first episode.
She moves her token back to the start.
Morris rolls, moving him 4 spaces.
Morris (reading): You've won the National Beauty Pageant, collect $500.
Chloe: WHAT!?
Morris: Hey, I like this game already.
Tony rolls; he moves his character 2 spaces.
Tony (reading): Oooh, a 'Get Out Of Death' free card!
Karen rolls a 6.
Karen (reading): You win the national cook off for your famous green bean casserole! Fox has also extended your contract! Collect $5000, and move ahead 10 spaces. YAY!
Chloe: Of good grief…..
9:27:12, at the movies, Nadia, Milo, Kim, Baxter, and Logan stand outside.
Milo: What movie do you guys want to see?
Nadia: I still don't get why we weren't invited to Tony and Michelle's. That is Yup.
Nadia: I mean, who cares about the stupid games!? We still could've eaten something.
Baxter: Especially Karen's famous green bean casserole…..
Milo: Forget about them. Let's see, we have..….'Horny Teenagers: The Movie'……..'The Land Before Time XXXXIV: The Extinction'……..'Honey, I Auctioned The Kids On Ebay' …..and 'Weepy Chick Flick 4: The Final Tearjerker'.
Logan: God, those all sound like crap…..
Nadia: I wouldn't mind seeing 'Weepy Chick Flick'.
Kim: I heard it wasn't as good as '2'.
Nadia: Yea, but they're all the same anyway.
Baxter: I guess the 'Honey, I auctioned the kids' sounds the least horrible.
Milo: Okay, we'll go see that.
Milo walks up to the counter.
Milo: Yes we need 5 tickets for 'Honey, I auctioned the kids'.
Clerk: Sold out.
Milo: Ah hell….Now what?
Baxter: I guess 'Land Before Time'.
Everyone else agrees.
Milo: Okay, 5 for 'Land Before Time'.
Clerk: Sold out.
Milo: Geez…..what do you have?
Clerk: Hmm…….all I have left are seats for 'Weepy Chick Flick'.
Nadia: Oh yay!
Milo and Baxter: Oh no…….
Milo: Whatever. I'll take them.
9:30:12. Milo, Nadia, Kim, Baxter, and Logan walk into the theater / Jack and Doyle are still on their search / Chloe moves a few spaces, reads a card, then moves back to the start. / The bomb squad is searching through the cafeteria.
Doyle: Hmm……Hello! President Daniels!...Tim!?
In a fort made of the firewood sticks, Noah and Tom are sleeping.
Tom: It's Tom……
Noah: Wait! Was that someone!?
Noah gets up and runs outside.
Noah: Bauer! Over here!
Doyle and Jack run over to Noah and Tom.
Doyle: Good to see that you're alive, Mr. President.
Noah: Yes, well……
Jack: Now Mr. President, you were on your way to see someone, right?
Noah: Yes.
Jack: I need you to tell me where I you are going to meet this person.
Noah: I don't know Jack, he said if I brought anyone…..
Jack: Mr. President, we don't have time. We don't know what Rolando Callahan will do next if we don't find him.
Tom and Noah: What?!
Jack: Oh right……he's still alive. In fact, he's the one behind today's 'attacks' and is also the man who wanted to see you in person.
Tom: Huh…..so I guess his breakfast wasn't poisoned after all.
Noah: Okay, here's the address.
Doyle: I'll go with you.
Jack: No, you have to take them to a safe house. Preferably not the only Kim and Teri were taken to back in Season 1.
Doyle: It's not safe?
Jack: No, they're replacing the carpet. Take them to…..this address.
Doyle: Jack, this is the address where Noah was supposed to meet Rolando.
Jack: Oh, whoops! That would've been embarrassing!
Doyle rolls his eyes.
Jack: And try to get a hold of Bill to meet up with you at the safe house. Who knows where he is now…..
Meanwhile,
Bill draws a card.
Bill (reading): You are about to eat a sub sandwich which is actually a missile launcher. Fortunately it's backwards and the missile fires off in Chloe's direction, she explodes. The character playing Chloe move back to the starting point.
Chloe: OH MY GOD! I was one space away from winning!!! I hate this game!
Tony: Okay, we'll play something else.
Chloe: Thank you….
Tony pulls out a '24 Themed Monopoly Set.'
Michelle: 24-opoly?
Chloe: Oh for the love of cool whip….(bangs her head on the table).
Tony sets up the board and everybody grabs their pieces. Chloe goes rolls the dice first, she moves her token.
Chloe: Yay, community chest!
Chloe (reading card): You eat a sandwich which turns out to be a bomb, which blows up in your face. Go directly to Jail!?
Tony: Oh, tough luck….
Karen: Sucks to be you….
Chloe: See, this is why I don't participate in these things.
Bill's phone rings.
Bill (answering): Hello?
Doyle: Bill, where are you? I thought you were going to get help?
Bill: Oh Doyle! I was but I got distracted when Karen called me and invited me over to Tony and Michelle's to eat dinner and play some games.
Doyle: Oh….is she making her famous green bean casserole?
Bill: Oh yeah….
Doyle: Man, I'm jealous. But anyway, I need to see if you could help me. Jack and I have found the President and Ted.
Tom: It's TOM!
Bill: Oh good….
Doyle: And Jack went off to confront Callahan while I'm taking the President to a safe house, could you swing by for extra backup….
Bill: Well…..
Chloe grabs the game board and flings it across the room. –CRASH-
Bill: Yeah, things are about to wrap up here.
Doyle: Okay, see you then.
Meanwhile, at the movies.
Kim and Nadia are sniffing on a Kleenex. Milo, Baxter, and Logan are not enthused.
-MOVIE-
Renee: Oh Sandra! You are my best friend!
Sandra: Oh Renee! So are you!
Renee: But…..unfortunately…..I have every disease known to man!
Sandra: So do I!
Nadia and Kim sob.
Kim (sniffing): It's so sad! They've been friends since they were little! –Sniff-
Nadia (Weeping): I know, and they just got tickets to go see 'Sex and The City: On Ice!' Now they can't go!
Kim and Nadia sob some more.
Milo: This is just…..hell.
Baxter: Yeah, forget this. I'm going to sneak into the other theater.
Nadia: What? You can't do that! It's wrong!
Baxter: This movie blows. I want to go see 'Honey, I auctioned the kids!'
Baxter takes his leave. Milo and Logan follow. The door to into the hallway opens, Baxter peeks his head out.
Baxter: Okay, the coast is clear.
He takes off across the hall to the other theater.
Baxter, Milo, and Logan stand at the bottom near the screen.
Milo: Look, seats! Those people must have left!
Baxter: Excellent.
They make their way up a couple of rows then shuffle past some people. They finally sit down to enjoy the movie.
-MOVIE-
Wayne: Uh oh!
Diane: Wayne, what did you do this time?
Wayne: Honey, I auctioned the kids off on Ebay!
Diane: Wayne! How could you?
Wayne: It was an accident!
Diane: Well, can't we cancel the auction?
Wayne: Well…..I thought you would want to look at this first.
Diane: Wayne Szalinksi! You wouldn't dare think about actually going through with……is that how much they're going for?
Wayne: Yes, this person is willing to pay us this much, him being the highest bidder and all.
Diane: Wow……we can get that swimming pool we've always wanted.
Wayne: Yes!
Diane: Okay…..okay…..well…….see how much the winning bid is……then we'll take it from there….
Wayne: I love you, Honey!
Diane: No, I love you! I'm going to go look at Swimming Pools!
Baxter chuckles to himself. Milo and Logan's jaws are dropped in shock.
Logan: That's just horrible!
Milo: This is family entertainment?!
9:39:12, back at CTU.
Bomb Squad Man Bob: Good News, Director Palmer.
Sherry: Yes?
Bob: There have taken care of the bomb.
Sherry: Oh good.
Bob: Everyone can resume working.
Sherry: Oh……so……you don't need to…..temporarily shut down the building….in case if you wanted to double check……just askin…
Bob: Nope, we're all clear here. You can have your employees come back to work.
Sherry: Damn! Okay…..
The bomb squad heads out. Sherry gets on her phone.
Michelle answers her phone.
Michelle: Yes, Sherry.
Sherry: Michelle, it's Sherry Palmer.
Michelle: Yes Sherry, go ahead.
Sherry: Michelle, the bomb squad has cleared out; the bomb has been dealt with.
Michelle: Oh good…….
Sherry: Yes, and is Chloe still with you?
Michelle: She's in the middle of writing hateful letters to Parker Brothers.
Sherry: I see, we'll I just wanted to ask her something but I guess it can wait. I'll see you all back up here.
Michelle: Okay, oh and sorry about planting the bomb, we were just trying to blow you up, that's all! Ha, ha, ha….
Sherry laughs; Michelle can't hear it because the call drops again.
Michelle: Sherry………..?...Um……….I'm just kidding………you know that, right?...Sherry?...
9:45:58, a helicopter lands in front of the safe house. Doyle, Noah, and Tom get out.
Doyle: Good thing this chopper came by, or we'd still be walking.
Noah and Tom sit down on the couch. Doyle answers his ringing phone.
Doyle: Doyle.
Bill: Doyle, it's Bill.
Doyle: Oh hey, I've just reached the safe house with President Daniels and Todd.
Tom: It's Tom, dammit!
Bill: Okay, where is this place?
Doyle: Oh yeah, you would need directions. Here….
He walks out of the room. There's a rustling sound heard outside.
Tom: What was that?
Noah: Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.
Tom: ……
Noah: ……
Tom: …..There it is again!
Noah: Tom, chill out, I'm sure it's just a tree branch or something.
Tom nervously looks out the window.
IT'S TIME FOR TELETUBBIES!
Tom: AAAIIIIEEEE!
Noah: What is your problem? I just turned on the TV.
Tom: Oh, that just startled me……thats all……stupid Teletubbies…..
Meanwhile, at a parking garage.
Jack pulls up in a sports car he hijacked. He steps out in investigates.
Jack: Hmm…….
He walks into the middle of the parking garage, a mysterious figure appears.
Jack: …….Hello?
Man: You are not President Daniels…..
Jack: Yes I am…….
Man: I'm not stupid!
Jack: …..oh….
Man: How dare you waste my time! Die!
The man pulls out a gun and fires at Jack; he misses as Jack hits the floor. The man takes off, Jack stands back up and runs after him. He pulls out his wand.
Jack: Stupify! Oh crap, I keep forgetting this thing doesn't work anymore.
He throws the wand to the side and continues to chase after him.
Meanwhile, Tony and Michelle are driving back to work.
Tony: Well, that was fun.
Michelle: Yes, yes it was.
The mysterious man runs in front of their car.
Tony: ACK!
Tony slams on the breaks, stopping right before the man, who inadvertently places his hands on the hood of the car.
Tony: Uh….sorry.
The man takes off, Tony start to drive again before almost hitting Jack.
Tony: ACK!
Jack: Hey guys!
Michelle: Jack?!
Jack runs off, Tony starts to drive again, almost hitting Ferris Bueller.
Michelle and Ferris stare each other down, before he takes off.
Tony: Does anybody use the crosswalk anymore, geez!
Michelle: Follow Jack!
Tony turns left on a street and races to follow Jack and the mysterious man.
Michelle: There he is…..I wonder what he's doing?...TONY! LOOK OUT!
Tony crashes the car into an innocent bystander. –CRASH!-
Tony: Oh man…..
They slowly get out of the car.
Michelle: Oh my god, Tony! You killed Big Bird!
Tony inspects the totaled front end of his car, as well as the giant yellow bird lying in the pool of blood.
Tony: Man, it's going to cost a fortune to fix this.
Michelle: Tony, we have bigger problems at hand, you killed…..that!
Tony: So?
Michelle: I swear, you're worse than Jack. Either he's running over Celine Dion, or you're mowing down the residents of Sesame Street!
Tony: I wish it would've been Elmo….
Michelle: Tony!
Tony: I'm sorry; he just gets on my nerves…..
Michelle: Well, let's find Jack.
A grey delivery truck zooms past them, with Jack holding on to the back door.
Tony: Uh…..
Michelle: Come on…..
Tony and Michelle take off running after Jack as the screen splits down at 9:55:12. Tony and Michelle are running / Jack is hanging on to the door, trying to open it. / Chloe and Morris are driving back to CTU with Karen in the back seat. / Milo, Baxter, Logan, Kim and Nadia are walking back to CTU after seeing 'Weepy Chick Flick'. / Noah is channel surfing while Tom looks out the window. / Doyle makes himself a sandwich / Bill is driving to the safe house / Sherry is organizing her desk, in the 2nd floor glass office / Audrey is sitting in the chair, Rolando comes back in.
Rolando: Well, it's just about 10:00.
Audrey: Thanks for the update, how's the weather?
Rolando: Breezy skies with a 70 chance of rain. Now, you will tell me where Bauer is……
Audrey: I…..don't……know…..
Rolando: That's too bad……..I guess I'll have to find out for myself. But let me know if you have any ideas.
Audrey: Never!
Rolando: Why don't you sleep on it?
Rolando sticks a needle into Audrey's arm.
Audrey: Oooh…..this better not knock me out for another 11 episodes…..uuugh…..
Her head slumps. Rolando walks out of the room.
Meanwhile, in pursuit….
Tony: Man…..so……tired of running…..
Michelle: Jack!
Jack gets the door opened. He turns to see Tony and Michelle running after him. They catch up to the truck as Jack helps them inside, he slams the door shut.
Jack: What are you guys doing?
Michelle: Well, we thought you needed help…..
Tony: Uh…..Michelle?
Michelle: Hold on, Tony. What are you doing? Where's Doyle?
Jack: He's with the President in a safe house. I came here to meet the person that Noah was supposed to meet with; he took off in this van. Fortunately he doesn't know I'm on board, so I'm thinking he'll take me straight to Callahan.
Tony: ….Michelle?
Michelle: Well, are you prepared? What if this guy has extra security?
Jack: I'll worry about that when I come across it…..
Tony: Michelle?
Michelle: What is it Tony?
Tony: Um……something's not right about this truck….
Michelle: It does smell kinda bad in here…….
Jack: …..uh oh.
Michelle: Jack, this truck is filled with dirty diapers!
Jack: Man, why do I always end up in these situations….
Michelle: Well, open the door.
Jack tries to open the door, but it's stuck.
Jack: Oh….crap…..
Michelle: It's stuck, isn't it?
Jack: Yeah.
Michelle: Wonderful…..
Tony passes out.
Michelle: Tony…..wake up! Oh…..it's so awful…….
Michelle tries to hold her breath.
Jack: Don't worry, I'm Jack Bauer, I'll save the day!
Michelle passes out.
Jack: Hmm……well, I guess I could take a quick nap on the way over there.
Jack nestles himself in a corner and falls asleep.
Meanwhile, back at CTU.
Chloe, Morris, Karen, Milo, and everyone else walk into the main floor.
Chloe sits down.
Chloe: For once it actually feels nice to sit down here.
Milo and Nadia walk upstairs to the glass office.
Sherry: Oh good. You guys are back.
Nadia: Yes, glad the whole bomb incident is under control.
Sherry: Yes, well, now we can get back to work. Get Logan in a holding cell, have Chloe try to get a hold of Jack and Doyle. And see if Kim and that cat would like a lift home.
Nadia: Okay.
They leave.
Chloe is shuffling through some paperwork. She notices her lunch bag still on her desk.
Chloe: Oh, I forgot about this.
She pulls out a sandwich from her lunch bag and is about to take a bite when it explodes in her face. –KERSPLAT!-
Chloe: ACK!
A nasty green cloud spreads throughout the room.
Chloe: It's sleeping gas….-cough- -cough-
Chloe faints.
Kim and Baxter run to the exit but fall to the ground before reaching the door.
Nadia and Milo descend the stairs.
Milo: What the?
Nadia: It's sleeping gas! Run!
They turn around to run back up the stairs before collapsing.
The security guard escorting Logan to a cell falls to the ground.
Logan???
Logan turns around before passing out himself.
Everyone starts dropping like flies, Morris makes his way to his desk, he notices a fax that has came in from Audrey with an address on it……
Morris: Hey…..its…..ugh……(Falls down)
Sherry looks up from what she is doing and everything outside the glass office is filled with green smoke.
Sherry: I should've stayed in bed today.
Sherry picks up the phone to call for help. She sees a mouse named Ralph get on his motorcycle.
Sherry: Uh…..
Ralph speeds off and flies off a ramp crashing through the window. –CRASH!- The green cloud seeps into the office.
Sherry: AAHHH! Stupid rat!
Sherry quickly dials the numbers.
Doyle's phone rings, he doesn't hear it since him, Noah, and Tom are sleeping on the couch.
Sherry: Dammit……..ooooh……
Sherry falls to the floor.
Bill comes up to the safe house.
Bill: Oh good.
Radio: And now, the Best Of Enya!
Bill: Oh crap, not her.
He tries to turn the knob, which breaks.
Bill: Oh no! Man………it's soo relaxing…….zzzzzz
Bill passes out at the wheel; the car veers off the road and into a giant bush. –RUSTLE! RUSTLE!-
Bill: ZZZZZZZZ………
9:59:57
9:59:58
9:59:59
10:00:00
Fred: WHAT!? Why is everybody asleep?!
Paul: Huh?
Fred: Everybody has passed out!
Paul: Oh...no……
Fred: Uh yeah. Jack, Michelle, and Tony passed out from diaper fumes. Then Everybody at CTU, The President, Tom, Doyle, Audrey, and now Bill.
Paul: Oh….I guess everyone did pass out.
Fred: You could've ran this by me before they started filming. How are we going to fix this……!?
Paul: Uh…..
Sam: …….
Fred: Well?!
Paul: Uh…..
Sam: ……hmm…..
EVERYBODY IS UNCONSIOUS! WILL THEY WAKE UP SOON BEFORE THE TERRORISTS STRIKE? ARE THE WRITER'S GOING TO HAVE TO GET NEW JOBS BECAUSE PAUL SCREWED UP AGAIN? WILL ANYBODY REALIZE THAT KAREN NEVER ENDED UP MAKING HER FAMOUS GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE!? FIND OUT NEXT WEEK IN AN ALL NEW EPISODE OF '24'.
Next time……-SWOOSH-
Coming This Summer…..
Tony Almeida….
Michelle Dessler….
In Tony And Michelle's High School Reunion…….
Tony and Michelle are hanging out at their 10 year High School Reunion.
Audrey walks up with her skanky friend Nadia.
Nadia: HEY!
And Captain of the football team, Jack Bauer.
Jack: Yes…..
Audrey: So Tony…..Michelle…..what horrible, unimportant lives are you two leading…?
Tony: Uh….
Michelle: Hmm….
Tony: Well, I created Post It Notes…..
Audrey: …….
-Whatever…SWOOSH-
Jack: ZZZZZ……
Tony: ZZZZZZ…….
Michelle: ZZZZZZ
-SWOOSH-
Everyone at CTU: ZZZZZZZZ
-SWOOSH-
Bill: Hey, where did you want to go for our date night?
Karen: Oh I don't care.
Bill: I was thinking the opera.
Karen: The opera?! Yuck!...oh wait, I have ticket's to the Diff'rent Strokes convention.
Bill: They have a convention for that?
Karen: Yes! And they also have a costume contest! Whoever has the best costume gets to have a small role in next week's episode.
Bill: How is that?! That shows been off the air for like….30 years.
Karen: Oh………huh……..well……..
Bill: Well, we can stay at home and eat some of your delicious green bean casserole….
Karen: Bill, that's not even funny! You know I don't know how to make green bean casserole!
She storms out of the room.
-Well, glad that's settled, SWOOSH-
Jack: Hey folks, welcome to this week's edition of 'Punked'. I'm going to play a little joke on fellow co-worker Chloe O'Brian. Who has a little surprise waiting for her when she comes home.
Jack hides in the bushes as Chloe's car pulls up in the driveway. She gets out and walks to her front door. Upon opening it, he house goes up in a gigantic explosion! –KABOOOOOOM!- Chloe goes flying.
Jack: Oooh, that's going to sting.
Chloe lands right beside Jack.
Jack: Chloe! You've just been punked! How does it feel?
Chloe: ……
Jack: Chloe…?
Chloe: …..
Jack: Chloe: ….?
Chloe: ….
Jack: Chlo-ster?
Chloe: ….
Jack: Hey!
Chloe: ….
Jack: It's Chloe….Miss O'Brian if you're nasty!
Chloe: ….
Jack: Wake up!
Chloe: ….
Jack pokes her with a stick. –POKE! POKE!-
AN ALL NEW HOUR OF 24 NEXT WEEK….beep…..beep…..beep…..beep…..beep…..