Author's Note: Sorry it's been so long this just came to me last night so I had to make sure everything was properly correct. The story gets much more thicker, I'll try to update again soon but it'd be nice to see reviews from those who favorite or followed this story please, I doubt anyone has read a Robin/Starfire/Beast Boy love triangle so I'll do everything I can to keep this going. Anyway...enjoy
The dreams Starfire had were known to change drastically, first it would be of a time when she was young and life was simple, despite the war tearing across the world from her people's hated foes.
Then it would turn into a game she and her brother, Ryand'r used to play until he suddenly disappeared in a harsh, white flash that stung her eyes and made her scream for him to come back to her, with Wildfire never being heard of again.
After which she would be flung into the current life she had now, the Teen Titans, the Honorary Titans, the war with the Brotherhood Of Evil, the kiss with Robin, seeing his eyes for the very first time, the ecstasy she felt for her leader, her hatred of Komand'r, the loss of her parents, her pride in Galfore being the Grand Ruler of Tamaran and finally the pain and shame of feeling as though she had abandoned her people to try to live a relatively normal life.
It was never in the same order though and it always ended the exact same way; That she was a selfish and arrogant girl who had been thrown into slavery in exchange for her people's safety.
If she was being honest with herself and if she was given a choice she would have done it again for no matter the horrors, pain, humiliation and attempts of rape or death she had been through she would not allow the blood of her entire planet to be on her hands, they didn't deserve that, especially the children.
Oddly enough the mental images were not plagued with her kneeling on barren soil, clenching the body of a little Tamaranean girl, her eyes empty and sad, blood dripping down her fingers and the eerie voice of the child whispering that their ruler had forsaken them.
Surrounded by shadows of the dead clamoring for her head and a real leader while a tall, blue skinned woman wearing an ivory colored, golden trimmed dress that pooled the floor and showed nothing but her golden eyes was shaking her head and telling the alien princess that the gods did not bless the fallen.
For once Starfire was not alone in her suffering with ghost surrounding her, her world had not lost the war, she was not holding the corpse of one of her people and even the goddess X'hal was silenced, instead she was as always knelt on the ground, tears were dry from her face, her hands were empty and most importantly she was not being shunned by her people and her deity which would normally force her to wake up, screaming and thrashing in a fit and almost hurting poor Silkie who did nothing to earn his master's accidental rage.
A hand was placed on her shoulder, a playful and rather irritating smirk evident on the owner's face, his skin glistening with what she hoped was water from his chest, muscles shown without effort from his toned and sculpted body and a mischievous glint in his eyes as the young man beside her was knelt on his knees, leaning his body over and putting his mouth near her left ear.
"Don't worry, Star. I won't let them break you, we're in this together." He whispered the honest and heart warming passion in his words to aid her sent a jolt up her spine and she gasp, right before she woke up.
Starfire's eyelids parted and she groaned, stretching her body out and hearing as well as feeling her jolts cracking or popping, smacking her lips to allow her a momentary sigh of relief making her yawn loudly, her long purple tongue rolling out of her mouth for an instant before she closed her mouth.
"What was that? I can't remember what color the boy's skin was...was it Robin? Or Beast Boy making such a promise to me?" She questioned to herself, her hands curling into fist gripping her blanket as she breathed trying her hardest to remember just who it was, she could have sworn it was Robin, the changeling never had such defined muscles that she could see until last night.
And yet the way he smiled at her reminded her to much of the green skinned boy, she didn't even have a chance to look at the ears to be absolutely sure, more importantly why did her heart skip a little beat at the thought?
And why were either of the men, no matter who it was in her nightmares that would usually finish her dreams and forced her to think of happier thoughts so she never revealed the darkness in her soul to the others?
Why now after all this time did they appear, it could have been Robin, Beast Boy or X'hal even Hot Spot but it did not answer the simple question of why now, when she had been forced to be haunted by her demons and ghost alone?
When she swore that Nega Starfire was whispering somewhere among the crowd that wanted her killed, though she was never able to find her and her own goddess to turn her gaze from her...where had that man, whoever he was been when she needed him the most?
It made her angry, her eyes glowed briefly at the thought and she slowly calmed down, it was a nightmare, a naturally recurring nightmare but it was one she could do nothing about at the moment, they had trumpeted, they had won and she was finally victorious, or rather they were.
With a loud sigh Starfire got out of bed, her morning attire consisted of a pink fluffy pajama shirt, with matching bottoms dotted with multi colored rabbits, she was barefoot as always and Silkie was deep asleep at the end of her bed allowing her to give an sincere smile towards her pet.
Scratching the back of her head from an itch, she opened her door which slid open with a hiss and walked towards the Ops Room, hungry from the long night that toyed with her as always thankful that Robin had allowed the team to wear civilian clothing to at least try to appear normal with the other humans, it was an option that he had given to all the Titans, Honorary or living in a constructed T, unless they were forced into battle which was quite rare after they had come back from Tokyo, at last for Titans West .
At least now Robin wouldn't look like a human traffic light all the time, the thought caused her to giggle as she walked down the corridor and the door to the Ops Room opened upon her arrival.
For once Beast Boy and Cyborg were not arguing over meat and tofu, Raven was absent and Robin was scrolling through the channels of the television, for a second the sight of how lonely the area seemed without Terra's loud but cheerful laughter due to a joke or her angry and annoyed voice when she and the other Titans fought over what to watch that echoed through the confinement squeezed Starfire's heart and she stopped walking.
Refusing to allow any more tears to spill, she focused on her vow that she would do what she could to find the missing statue, she had no idea if the girl Beast Boy saw at the high school was really her missing friend and felt terrible for disbelieving him every time he tried to convince them but she knew that perhaps one day, the earth meta human would return and she would be embraced with open arms, if Raven could stomach the contact that is.
A smile lit her entire demeanor at the thought of her friend one day being home again giving the Tamaranean the strength to hover into the air and settle next to Beast Boy, the hero in question currently eating a bowl of chocolate cereal with skim milk, his attitude calm and relaxed, enjoying his food and wearing a black Rolling Stones t-shirt with dark blue jeans, white socks and green Nike's, his hair a mess which caused an even bigger smile on her lips and he smelt like deodorant which he must have exchanged for a shower.
Leaning over towards him she spoke a simple greeting, his only response being a nod with his mouth full but at least he looked her in the eye when she spoke as she turned to Cyborg who was busy on his communicator arguing with Jinx and cooking bacon, eggs and sausage on the stove in front of him, he only gave her a hasty greeting then returned to the tasks at hand, his voice being drowned out as Robin turned the volume up over the yelling.
Jinx and Kid Flash did not last as long as anyone expected, Wally was to much of a flirt and the girl simply did not have the patience to deal with a boy who could not keep his eyes focus on one woman, though he tried to show genuine interest in her like he had in the past, the breakup was not a disaster enough for the two of them to quit the Titans but it was still a sore subject if it was ever brought up, even on accident.
Cyborg was there to comfort both of them, but his feelings for Jinx resurfaced and the two found themselves wanting to be together romantically like in the days before when he was Stone, though this time they were doing what they could to be honest with each other and taking it slow, they had yet to even go on an official date which if any of the occupants in the room listened in on the conversation, they could hear the two arguing about loudly.
"Jinx for the last time, the carnival closed down a week ago, it won't appear for another six months. We can't go….no...I get it ok, you don't like seafood but I'm trying to tell you about this new restaurant that has more than just sea...hello? Hello? Damn it girl!" He growled at the now blank screen in his hand, turning his anger to the slowly cooking food before him.
"Told you dude, should have just took her to go miniature golfing but nooo...you wanted to go to a restaurant, how boring could you be Cy?" Beast Boy teased with a playful roll of his eyes as the large metal man before the two sighed.
"I just want everything to be perfect, I can't screw this up, BB...not like last-"
"It was a mission, she understands. Neither of you can change the past so stop crying about it and listens to what she wants to say, you have the T-ship so get out of Jump City and go somewhere you both have not been, don't get all wimpy and depressed on me now because she's giving you another shot." The sudden tedium voice of Raven interrupted making the three beside her jump at her entrance.
Beast Boy and Cyborg became over dramatic at both Raven's presence and cold but true words, gripping their chest as though they were in pain and telling the half demon not to scare them like that and that she didn't know what it was like when in truth she knew exactly what they had both gone through .
Raven's only response was to smack both of them over the head with the morning newspaper in her black telekinesis with her natural magic words and stand next to Cyborg, preparing the ingredients for her herbal tea which once brewed and she calmly and carefully swiped a plate of two strips of bacon, sausage and two over easy eggs she joined Robin on the couch, the plate and tea in her hands and utensils with a few napkins floating behind it's owner encased in onyx colored magic ignoring the second in command's very loud and angry protest.
Starfire noticed that for once Raven was not in her usual black leotard and indigo colored cloak, but a gray sweater and matching sweat pants with dark blue slippers on her feet, it was a very surprising and shocking sight, though she did have the sweater's hood pulled over her head to conceal her emotions if necessary which left a nagging feeling in the back of Starfire's mind if maybe the group was getting too relaxed over less enemies if Raven was walking around without her cloak.
There was always the matter of paying the bills, without villains to fight for the city to give them money how were they going to pay for food, electricity, water, heat, their own personal items and more importantly the tower itself...but the thought quickly diminished, it was Jump City after all, whether it was monsters, aliens, demons, meta humans or hell even regular criminals or a fire many always thought it was a brilliant idea to challenge the Titans and that ultimately lead to their downfall.
They would scrape by, all they had to do was wait for some idiot to appear so they could take him or her down and get paid like normal, heroes had to eat and pay bills to.
Beast Boy finished his food soon after, Cyborg made a plate for Starfire along with her natural bottle of mustard on the side and another plate for himself with a glass of milk to which both sat on the couch, enjoying their meal and try to decide on a movie over the large selection they rapidly got into a fight, choosing Cool Running at the end, laughing, content with their friendship, Robin slowly wrapping an arm around his girlfriend who with slight hesitation allowed herself to lean against him.
She didn't know why she paused in finding comfort with him, perhaps the attraction she had towards him after their long history was fading, maybe it was because she was becoming in closer proximity to Beast Boy...or her feelings were mixed with the unnerving dream she had woken up to, it was confusing, and her heart hurt just at the idea of Robin not being the partner she thought he was after everything.
Regardless, Starfire felt she deserved to know just what Beast Boy thought of her, was his feelings attuned to something resembling siblings? Or did he harbor romantic feelings that he had made himself repress for the sake of their friendship at the very end?
She didn't know, but she intended to find out, it was not cheating on Robin since he was the one who wanted a break, she had no idea she was so demanding, that she was draining him or suffocating him, even if she was not in reality she certainly felt guilty for not giving him space.
With the movie over, breakfast done and another boring day, they secretly hoped beginning, Robin took back his arm and went to the Gym to train without a word, he must have temporarily forgotten he requested space but Starfire didn't seem to mind.
Raven put her dirty dishes in the sink, sat down on a large blue recliner chair they all, minus Raven pitched in to get her due to a crappy sixteenth birthday and read her book of Azar which she mesmerized out of thin air with a few quiet words.
Cyborg quickly opened up his communicator to call Jinx again and set a trip for another part of the world, leaving Beast Boy and Starfire alone on the couch looking through the channels.
Nervously, Starfire questioned to herself if this was even something worth asking, if she even had any right to know if the changeling had any desire to be more than friends, or if she was merely doing thing to pique her own curiosity, what if he answered in the positive or worse the negative...what if she unknowingly gave him the option to be more, would this be considered cheating on Robin?
"Beast Boy...may we talk? Alone." Starfire questioned to the morpher a bit nervous with a quick glance to Raven who paid them no mind, Beast Boy himself raising an eyebrow in confusion and shrugged, standing up he motioned for her to do the same and strolled towards the entrance for the roof while the alien princess gawked, stunned and wondering if this was the same young man she had known for quite some time, perhaps he was maturing faster than any of them thought.
As they walked up the metal stairs in silence, she half expected him to say some corny joke or ask why she wanted to talk to him when she could talk to Raven or Robin but he did neither and simply traveled to their destination.
Opening the door and holding it for her, they walked until they were both a foot near the edge of the roof and sat, allowing the enchanting and exquisite sight of the ocean, sun and gentle colored sky above to calm their thoughts.
"So...what's up, Dudette?" He chuckled with a smile making her giggle and blush without meaning to, she had not meant to become captivated by him in just a few words and she felt annoyed with herself that she allowed herself to become at ease so quickly when she was trying to be serious.
With a long, deep breath she asked him straight out what he thought of her, no games, no tricks no hastily rushed attempt of humor or even light tone, she laid it her question bare and sincere which naturally caused him to look at her with bewilderment, if he had no feelings for her beyond companionship she would let the matter drop completely and they would never speak of it again...but she had to know or she fear she would regret it for the rest of her life.
"What do I think of you?" Beast Boy repeated, his right hand scratching the back of his neck unconsciously as he pondered her question, seeing the firm and determined look on her face which almost made his immediate reaction to give her a joking answer but the small hint of fear in her eyes deflated that action immediately, he coughed, cleared his throat and did something he rarely did with anyone since Terra or the Doom Patrol, spoke his heart.
"I regret not comforting you after we fought our personal demons, not saying anything when Robin was Red X knowing how much it hurt you, not giving your food that you work hard on to resemble from your home a chance. In truth, I should have done a lot when you were lost, alone or scared. You're still new to the world, no one not even Robin or Batman knows everything there is to know in our world, we are only human. But you're not...and we shouldn't treat you as such."
"When your sister fought you again and again you took her on by your self, you're tough, Star...stronger than me. You're beautiful and you do what you can to fit in, it's not easy but then again we're not an easy group to get along with." He finished with a wink causing her to chuckle but she did not respond having a feeling he had more to say and she was right.
"I know your species if strong by genetics but you don't have to put on a brave face if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, we're...I'm here for you, Starfire and-"
"Koriand'r." She interrupted causing him to blink in confusion as she explained.
"That is my real name, as I said before, Starfire is what you would refer to me in your language. You may call me that, if you like." She whispered soft enough that only he could hear, despite them being alone.
He grinned, then laughed and with his arms spread wide told her that her name was awesome, the simple gesture made her laugh uncontrollably until she had calmed down after a few seconds, seeing the smirk from her dreams directed her way, she swallowed and swore that her heart skipped a beat as he slowly became serious again.
"Call me Garfield, my real full name is Garfield Mark Logan. But like I was saying, you ever need me you know I'll be there for you, you're my best girlfriend after all." He added with a caring smile tossed her way, he frowned once she saw her eyes lower to the cement.
"Have you ever wondered if maybe-"
"You're with Robin, Star. I couldn't do that to either of you, it wouldn't be right, you know that...it's not the type of man I am." His answer was cold, to the point and brisk as he stared towards the sea, knowing that even if she would not admit it to herself she was starting to have feelings for him, or maybe they were in her all along and neither of them acted on it like they should have due to fear and worry of rejection, a common storm of emotion but a whirlwind all the same.
"And...if I was not with Robin? If it was just us, Garfield?" He heard her whisper so quiet that even his sensitive ears had a bit of trouble picking it up, the final nail in the coffin hitting home once she spoke his real name.
Finally he looked her in the eyes, or rather, he titled his head up to look at her, forgetting about their height difference for a moment, trying his damnest to control his breathing and think seriously about her question.
His brain feeling as though it was going to bash itself against his skull until it was pus in order to understand what was it she saw in him to even make her ask him such a question.
He had no idea what to say, so he asked her to move closer to him to give her the answer or was he moving towards her? It didn't seem to matter as their faces were suddenly both inches from the other and neither of them knew it while she patiently waited.
"If it was just us? I saw the fear in your eyes when the Gordanians threatened to take you back with them, along with your anger. The pain when you went through puberty and considered yourself a monster. The shame and remorse when you had to leave your planet, and the joy you had felt after it all came to a close. If it was just us, Koriand'r...I could offer you nothing but my heart and vow to stand by your side no matter what came our way." His speech at an end and the tears in her eyes with his heartfelt confession they both inched their faces closer.
Neither knew who it was to start the slow, sensual kiss. They didn't know how it jumped from an innocent peck to something much deeper and more meaningful, more passionate and animistic, grabbing handfuls of the material on their body, running small pecks on one another's neck or jaw bone, moaning and groaning from the contact as their tongues intertwined for a second until they tore away from each other as if they had been shocked and even then they did not know who it was to pull away.
Panting so hard their chest were heaving, their bodies craving for more, their hands painfully dragging across the gravel in order to contain themselves to not jump at the one in front of them, their eyes widen to their full extent and their lips still tingling even after a full five minutes of being separated not trusting themselves to speak.
As they calmed themselves down, Beast Boy did the one thing he had been doing his entire life, he ran, ignoring the scream of the one he had spoken his heart to and acted in such an intimate and forbidden act as he yanked open the door, not even noticing the other figure trying to press tightly to the wall to not be noticed.
"Garfield!" Starfire screeched after him, anguish crushing her to her very soul at what she had done and the betrayal she felt towards the man she truly believed she loved...or she thought she did.
He should have just thrown himself off the tower without morphing, that must have been a better mercy then stabbing one of his best friend's in the back, but instead he was running, his heart pounding so hard it hurt, he rushed out the tower and transformed into a shark so fast he doubt anyone even saw anything but a splash as he hit the freezing cold water which his shark form was accepting quickly, he had to get out of here...he had to escape or else he feared they might have skipped directly to the baby making stage, and they weren't even of the same biological chemistry.
While the young man that had literally caused her heart to stop once their lips touched disappeared into the ocean, Princess Koriand'r of Tamaran was left to be sprawled on the gravel, tears cascading down her face, her nails easily leaving long, bloody claws marks into the ground and her emotions blown to hell so bad she would be lucky if she had enough strength to make it to the door.
"What is Robin going to think?" Was the last thought she could honestly ask herself right before her vision faded, her body shut itself down before she killed herself over the emotional wound and she lost consciousness.