Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction. The characters of '24' are property of FOX and all that great goodies, and other characters are made up, any similarities from any characters, names, or events are completely coincidental. No Gummi Bears were harmed in the filming of this episode. Disclaimer over!
The 24 Parody Project
Episode 20
2:00am – 3:00am 'Busted'
AT……UH, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?
Fred: We're still captured by Big Bird.
OK…..Hmm…...AT…..SESAME STREET!
Fred: Whatever works.
Cookie Monster throws a bucket of water in Fred's face. –SPLOOSH!-
Fred: Uk! –Cough!- -Cough!-
Cookie Monster: Wake up!
Fred: I was up! You jerk!...Geez, the people are so rude around here.
Sam: Yuppers….
Fred: Man, this blows. Why are we still held captive here?
Sam: I don't know, usually these things blow over before the start of the episode. But this time….
Fred: Wait…..where's Paul?
Sam looks over to see Paul….not there.
Sam: Oh right, he managed to get out of his restraints.
Fred: And…..he didn't free us?
Sam: He went to go get help…..
Fred: I can't help but to have a bad feeling about that……
Sam: I think I just heard gunshots…
Fred: Great. Well, I hope at least the show will be okay without any episodes being written. Us being held captive and all….
Sam: It's been covered.
Fred: What?
Sam: Paul and I took care of it.
Fred: What?! How, we've been captured.
Sam: Why you were unconscious. We wrote the next draft of the episode and gave it to Grover to put in the mail to send back to the FOX EXECUTIVE HEADQUARTERS!
Fred: I can't believe this….
Big Bird walks in.
Big Bird: I see your friend has escaped.
Fred: Uh….
Big Bird: Don't worry; he'll be taken care of.
We cut to Paul, running down the street, screaming. Being chased by an endless army of muppets!
Paul: AAAAAHHHH!!!!
And……back to the others.
Big Bird: And did you think I wouldn't notice 'your letter'?
Sam: EEP!
Big Bird: Well, since '24' is under my control.
Fred: Oh buggers…
Big Bird: I read it and LOVED IT! We'll be filming it as soon as possible!
Fred: WHAT?! You can't be serious!
Big Bird: Minions! Round up the actors! We have a show to shoot!
Fred: This is jacked up…..
Sam: Yay! He liked our idea.
Fred: My head hurts…
Paul runs up to the window and pounds on it. –WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!-
Paul: HELP ME! Oh for the love of god, they're going to kill me! AHH!
He takes off, being chased by the Muppet Mob.
-LATER-
Jack walks into a bar, Milo is the bartender. Bill is playing the piano on stage while Chloe is in a red dress, sitting on the piano.
Jack: Hmm…..this looks…..irrelevant.
Chloe (to Bill): Where the hell are we?!
Bill: Just sing!
Chloe: Crap, okay…..uh…..let's see….. (flips through some pages)
Jack sits at the bar next to Tony. Milo walks up.
Milo: What can I get for you?
Jack: Scotch on the rocks.
Milo nods and walks off.
Jack (to Tony): Uh……does something seem….'off' to you?
Tony: It sure does…..
Chloe: I don't know what to sing!
Bill: Sing the '24' theme song!
Chloe: WHAT!? '24' doesn't have a theme song!
Bill: Sure it does!
Chloe: Like…..'The beeping'?
Bill: No, it has an actual theme…
Chloe: Oh that……
Milo: Ladies and Gentlemen! Give a round of applause for 'Blowie!'
Chloe: What the?! (She looks at Bill)
Bill: It's a combination of 'Bill' and 'Chloe'.
Chloe: That's an awful name!
Bill: Hmm, that combination worked when Karen and I combined names!...oh well, sing it!
Chloe: Uh……
Chloe attempts the actual '24' theme song.
Chloe (singing): Doo….doo dee doooo dooo….dum de de dum dingaling dingaling!
Bill: What the hell is that!?
Chloe: It's the best I could do, I'm a little restricted here!
Bill: Fine, stick with the basics…..
Chloe: Okay…..-ahem-
Chloe hops back up on the piano.
Chloe (chanting): Beep…..beep……beep……beep……ebpebpebpepbpbepbpebpepbepbepb…….24!!!!!
Chloe: How's that?
Bill: Better!
Simon Cowell: That was the worst singing I have EVER heard! I honestly thought Bessie The Cow was being strangled to death! Absolutely dreadful!
Chloe: I'M SICK OF YOUR CONDESCENDING COMMENTS!!!!
Chloe jumps off the stage and tackles Simon Cowell. –BAMPH!-
Simon: EEEK!
Chloe starts slapping with hands of rage. –SLAPPITY!-
Chloe: And this is for knocking my jazzy rendition of 'Lady Marmalade! Take this! –WHACK!-
Tony: oooh! Now's our chance!
Tony and Jack run on stage, grabbing the mic.
Jack and Tony (singing): And a..One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight!
Jack: Sclemeel!
Tony: Schlemazel!
Jack and Tony: Hasenfeffer Incorporated!...We're gonna do it!
Tony: Give us any chance, we'll take it!
Jack: Give us any rule, we'll break it!
Jack and Tony: We're gonna make our dreams come true!...Doin' it our way!
A beer bottle hits Jack in the head. –CRASH!-
Jack: Urk……(falls)
Tony: Uh……no encore?
Tony ducks as the other bottle whizzes past him. –CRASH!-
Tony: Thank you all! You've guys have been great.
Tony runs off stage past Chloe beating the crap out of Simon Cowell. –POW!-
Chloe: Previously on 24…….
-SWOOSH-
Air Mandy crashes through the Airport. –CRASH!-
Unimportant Extra: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!
Doyle: You think they noticed?...Hey! Where did you go?!
Mandy runs down the airplane aisle to the exit, diving out the door. Doyle shows up as Mandy runs off.
Doyle: You'll never get away with this!
He eats some peanuts…..spitting them out in disgust.
Doyle: -Spittah!- Yuck!...That was unpleasant…. (MIKE DOYLE)
-SWOOSH-
Karen is in the helicopter.
Karen: I think I hear something.
She puts up a glass to the side of the interior of the copter.
Dick Dastardly: Now Mutley, this has got to be the best plan ever to win 'The Wacky Races', you'll sneak up to Penelope Pitstop's car….and cut that bitch's break line! Then she'll go flying off the cliff!
Mutley wheezes in laughter.
Karen: Whew, good thing I'm not in that plotline.
She listens on the other side.
Karen (listening): Oh no! There's bad stuff a brewin! I better warn the others! (KAREN HAYES)
-SWOOSH-
CTU collapses. –CRASH!-
Morris: I found a location…
Chloe: Where?
Morris: At this Tree House!
Chloe: God, I hate you….. (THE COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT)
Billy The Psycho kid burns the Tree House down. –SIZZLE!-
Billy: Burn, suckers! Ha! Ha!
Bill: Let's start hauling.
Everybody is running through the flames of sweet burning tree house wood. (THE COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT……AGAIN)
-SWOOSH-
Rolando: ….hmm…..interesting….
Rolando is reading 'The Nina Myers' Big Book To Being Evil'.
Rolando: Oh……you use spinach……of course! (ROLANDO CALLAHAN)
-SWOOSH-
Martha Logan is talking to what could possibly be………hello?...yeah…..you do the 'split screen here'……Yeesh…..'New Guys'….. (AUSTRALIAN PRESIDENT HARRY LOVE)
Martha sits down with Charles.
Martha: Charles, are you thinking that Harry Love is have an affair?!
Charles: I don't know! (CHARLES LOGAN)
Harry Love offers Marilyn Bauer, who is sitting with him, some tea.
Harry: Tea? (AUSTRALIAN PRESIDENT HARRY LOVE……AGAIN!?)
Jack, Michelle, Tony, and Chloe are snooping around the carnival.
Jack: Looks like where trying to solve another mystery! (JACK BAUER AND FRIENDS)
Chloe: Whatever….
Bozone the clown opens fire upon the House Of Mirrors. –RATTATTATATATATA!-
Tony: Get down!
Chloe and Michelle hit the floor as shards of mirror fly everywhere.
Tony: ACK! It's in my hair! My beautiful hair!
Michelle: Oh, please……
Jack kicks Rolando in the face. –WHAP!-
A tranquilizer hits Jack's rear end. –THOINK!-
Jack gets dragged off while the team recuperates.
Chloe: I was able to activate a tracing device on the tranquilizer, but we have to hurry. If we don't track him down in 20 minutes…..we'll lose him.
Tony: CAN I TAKE HIS PLACE!?
Michelle and Chloe: NO!
Tony: Aw…..
Audrey: The following takes place between 2:00am and 3:00am……
Bill, Nadia, Morris, Milo and those other unimportant characters.
Kim: HEY!
…are walking down the street, for you see, CTU was burned to the ground.
Milo: When we were in the tree house.
Morris: And before that CTU collapsed…..and even farther back this season it blew up!
Nadia: You know, we already had a 'Previously on '24' segment'. We don't need another re-cap.
Milo: Well, long story short. We need a new place to set up operations.
Nadia does the 'Michelle Dessler eyeroll of disgust'. Suddenly, 4 black cars zoom past the group, screeching to a halt in front of them. –SCREEEECH!-
Baxter: Ack….
Nadia: What is this?
A group of men get out of the set of black cars. One of them pulls out a PDA, looking back and forth at it and the group.
Man: So, these must be the imbeciles from CTU…..
Milo: That's us!
Nadia smacks Milo.
Man: You have gotten in our way for the last time. Get them!
Audrey: Oh no, we're going to be captured again!?
Milo: Not if I can help it.
Nadia: Oh crap….
Milo spreads his arms out.
Milo: YOU WILL FEEL THE WRATH OF MOTHER NATURE!
His eye color fades to white as the sky rumbles with thunder. Lighting starts to crash down. –CRASH! CRACKLE!-
Meanwhile, back to reality. Milo is making awkward hand movements and weather sound effects.
Milo: WWWEEEEE! CRASH! Ker-KRAPPLE! BOOM!
Baxter: What the hell is he doing?
Nadia: Every now and then he likes to pretend he's Storm from X-Men.
Milo: She is the coolest character.
Morris: I kinda like Cyclops, myself, dahling.
Nadia: Morris! Come on……..Cyclops is just awful!
Bill: Yeah man….Cyclops? You can't be serious! He isn't that great.
Morris: He rocks! He can shoot friggin laser beams.
Milo: Well Storm can conjure storms. She can make it rain!...RAIN, Morris!
Morris: Well, Storm is kinda lame.
Audrey: I agree with Morris on this one.
Kim: I like Jubilee.
Baxter: JUBILEE!? She sucks!
Kim: No she doesn't!
Bill: Actually, Kim……..she does.
Kim: Jubilee is an awesome character….a role model even!
Audrey: How is she a role model?
Kim: Well…..I don't know, she just is.
Nadia: You know who is the best one…..Jean Grey.
Everyone scoffs.
Nadia: What?
Baxter: Really? She's just a telekinetic chick.
Nadia: She's a SUPER telekinetic chick, she can read minds!
Kim: Uh, duh, that's what Professor X is for.
Morris and Milo nod in agreement.
Bill: I like Cookie Monster!
Everyone stops and stares at Bill.
Audrey: I beg your pardon?
Nadia: Did you just say 'Cookie Monster'?
Bill: Yup.
Morris: Uh, dahling, he isn't an X-Man or whatever.
Bill: He should be one. I wrote a letter to Marvel and told them to add Cookie Monster into X-Men. Then, when they make a movie about the X-Men, they can give the role of Cookie Monster to Hugh Jackman, he's my favorite actor.
Nadia: BILL! Cookie Monster is a muppet from Sesame Street. They've already made X-Men movies, and Hugh Jackman is already Wolverine.
Baxter: I like Wolverine.
Kim: I don't see why, he's not that cool. Ooooh, I have knives coming out of my hands, I'm sooo scary!
Milo: I agree with Kim.
Baxter: He's virtually indestructible! That….would…..be……awesome!
Man: HELLO!? ARE YOU GUYS DONE!?
Bill: Oh, I forgot about them….
Morris: I'll handle this.
Morris…..
Nadia: JUST PULLED OUT A BOMB!
Uh, I was going to say that…..
Nadia: Whatever….
You know what? I don't need this. You can take over 'Narrator Duties'. I'm going to grab something to eat.
Nadia: WHAT?! You can't do that…….The Narrator has left the studio and Nadia takes over the role of telling the story in her words. DAMMIT!
Morris: I'll save us!
Nadia: Morris lights the bomb as Milo and Kim get nervous. Audrey runs her hand through her greasy hair!
Audrey: HEY!
Nadia: Hey, this ain't half bad! Being the narrator is fun!
Morris: Eat bomb-y death, thugs!
Nadia: Morris drops the bomb which turns out to be….a smoke bomb?!
-BOOM!-
Nadia: Dense smoke starts to fill the air. Everyone takes off running.
Milo: I can't see! AIIIEEE!
Morris: Oh no, my glasses! I can't see anything without my glasses.
Nadia: -COUGH! COUGH!- Morris and Milo run into each other….
-WHAP!-
Nadia: I think……I can't see a thing in here.
Man: Dammit! FIND THEM!
2:05:12
Nadia: Further down the road; Michelle, Tony, and Chloe are driving from the amusement park without Jack.
Michelle: Is that Nadia?
Tony: I guess the narrator went away.
Nadia: Chloe is on her laptop, laptopping!
Chloe: That isn't a word! God, Nadia, you suck at narrating the story.
Nadia: Suddenly, Chloe accidentally gets a piece of 'Candy Corn' lodged up her right nostril. –SHOINK!-
Chloe: ACK! What did you do that for?!
Nadia: I love narrating!
Chloe: Oh man, I hate candy corn!
Tony: Damn!
Michelle: What is it?
Tony: I'm trying to get this GPS thing to work so we can find out where CTU is…
GPS: Hello, Tony.
Tony: Hi, GPS!
Michelle: Tony, you don't have to talk to it.
GPS: Actually, he does.
Michelle: HIKE!
Chloe: That's odd.
GPS: Where would you like to go, Tony?
Michelle: CTU.
GPS: I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to Mr. Almeida.
Michelle: You rude box of crap! Oh, and now he's Mr. Almeida now.
Tony: Bout time I get some respect.
GPS: Is there any other way I can serve you Tony?
Michelle: Tony, I don't like the way that box is talking to you. She sounds like a tramp.
GPS: Take's one to know one.
Michelle: Oh, real mature.
GPS: I know you are but what am I?
Michelle: A stupid box.
GPS: I know you are but what am I?
Chloe: Oh, I've had enough of this.
Nadia: Chloe puts on her earphones and listens to her IPOD.
Michelle: This is stupid. Tony, turn her off.
GPS: Oh, he could never do that. In fact, he is really good at turning me on!
Michelle: WHAT?!
Nadia: Chloe rips out her headphones to listen in to the conversation.
Chloe: This is interesting.
Michelle: Tony, are you having an affair with this stupid machine!?
Tony: HUH!? Michelle, that's a dumb question. I'd expect that out of Chloe, but not from you!
Chloe: Hello!? My headphones are off, I can hear you!
Michelle: We need to kill this box. She's a home wrecking slut!
GPS: White Trash.
Michelle: Witch!
GPS: Trollop!
Michelle: Jezebel!
GPS: Skanky McSkankerson!
Michelle: That doesn't even make sense!
Nadia: Michelle is getting very angry.
Michelle: BAH!
Nadia: Chloe puts her headphones back on.
Tony: Oh look, Nachos!
Nadia: Tony reaches for his nachos. WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP DOING STUFF!? I'm trying to avoid death here…..god, I can't see through this smoke. Chloe, I'm going to kill your husband.
Chloe: Whatever.
Michelle: Unplug her.
Tony: But, how will we get to CTU?
Michelle: Geez…..
MEANWHILE……SOMEWHERE ELSE.
A van zooms by. Thanks Nadia, I'll take it from here.
Nadia: Finally!
Oh crap, I forgot to get some potato chips. Well, you know the drill.
Nadia: CRAP!...oh well…..Rolando Callahan and his thugs are driving in the van, with Jack captured.
Rolando: Wake up, Bauer.
Jack doesn't move.
Rolando: Hmm…..what's this?
Okay, I'm back.
Nadia: Thank you, Yeesh!
Anyway, Rolando pulls the tranquilizer out of Jack's butt, and decides to take a much closer, detailed look…..
Tony: At Jack's Butt?!
NO! At the tranquilizer! And you're not in this scene, mind your own business!
Tony: Rude-ness!
Rolando: There's a tracking device on here…..we're going to be tracked.
Everybody starts screaming.
Driver: What are we going to do?!
Rolando: I was…..going to 'throw' it out.
Driver: That's a pretty good idea.
Rolando opens the back door to the van and chunks the dart into the open road.
Back in the car with Michelle and friends.
Chloe: Uh oh.
Tony: What is it, Chloe?
Chloe: I think they found the tracker.
Michelle: Well, it was a tranquilizer dart sticking out of Jack's rear end, it shouldn't be that hard to miss!
Chloe: Well, this is going to hamper our time to find him.
Michelle: By…..how much.
Chloe: I'm not sure……..we have to get to CTU, fast or I'll lose the signal for good.
Tony: What good is it going to do without the dart?
Chloe: I programmed it to where the liquid in the dart will also serve as a location device, but it won't last anywhere near as long as the dart would've.
Tony: How the hell did you do that!?
Chloe: I guess I'm just that good.
Michelle: Hmph!
Michelle slams her foot on the pedal and veers off toward CTU. Meanwhile, those other losers……
Milo runs and sits next to Nadia on the curb.
Nadia: That smoke is pretty bad, can you see anybody else.
Milo: Nope.
Nadia: This is bad, really bad. We need to find someplace to hide. These men want us for some reason.
Milo: I know! We can hide at my mom's house.
Nadia: You must be joking.
Milo: Nope.
A little a ways from there, Baxter, Bill, and Morris meet up.
Morris: Dahlings!
Bill: Damn, we got split up. Morris, why did you have to let off that stupid bomb?!
Morris: Well, we escaped death, did we not?
Bill: I guess so. I guess we have to stick together and find them before….
Man: FOUND 3 OF THEM! I'm going to shoot now! Which button do I push?
Man 2: It's a gun. You pull a trigger, no buttons involved.
Baxter: I think we should run for the hills.
Bill: Works for me, hopefully we'll catch up with the others. RUN!
Kim hides in a back alley, shortly before being joined by Audrey.
Audrey: Kim! Are you alright?
Kim: I'm good; I wish I could find the others.
Audrey: With all this smoke, it'll be difficult now. But we have to run or we'll get killed.
Kim: I guess you're right.
Audrey: Yeah, let's keep moving.
They take off running down the back alley, sneaking into a back door somewhere.
2:10:05, Meanwhile, on The Logan Express (not really, but it is a train)
Charles and Martha were sitting in their seats eating delicious pot roast!
Logan: No we're not!
Martha: This pot roast is delicious! –MUNCH!-
Logan: Where did you get that?
Martha: The guy.
Logan: What guy?
Martha: The Pot Roast Guy.
Logan: That's ridiculous.
A man walks by with a cart.
Man: POT ROAST! Get your pot roast!
The man lobs a pot roast across the train, smacking Logan in the face. –SPLAT!-
Logan: Uck!
The door of their compartment opens and the two of them are approached by Australian President Harry Love.
Logan: Eep! (Holds up a newspaper to hide himself)
Harry: Excuse me, miss. You left your purse in our car.
Martha: Oh, whoops!
Logan slightly lowers his newspaper to glare at Martha.
Harry: Wait a minute, you're Charles Logan!
Logan: Uh…..no I'm not.
Harry: Yes you are.
He turns to Martha.
Harry: And I thought you looked familiar, you're Martha Logan.
Martha (claps): Hey, he's good.
Logan rolls his eyes.
Logan: Listen, we don't want any trouble….
Harry: Oh, you're getting trouble. Somebody get the police!
Logan: Oh this is bad.
Martha: My pot roast is kinda tough.
She leans out of her seat.
Martha: HEY! Can I get another pot roast!?
The pot roast guy slings another one across the car, slapping Logan in the face again. –SLOP!-
Logan: Ugh, man.
Logan looks out the window as the train enters the station.
Logan: We're at the station; we can get out of here. Come on!
Logan grabs Martha's hand and they start running through the different train cars.
Harry: The fugitives just left the train. Don't let them get away!
They get off the train and run into the busy crowd of the train station.
Logan: There sure are a lot of people here this early in the morning, strange actually.
2:15:23, Logan and Martha make their way through the unusually busy crowd / Michelle and the others are driving / Harry is glaring out the window of the train car / Chloe is trying to 'blow out' the candy corn stuck up her nose.
Michelle: You got CTU's location, right Tony?
Tony: Yup, it should be around this corner.
Around the corner…..was the burnt down tree house.
Michelle: Uh….it's gone.
Tony: Burnt down……
Michelle: Well, that sucks!
She picks up her phone and dials Bill's number.
Chloe: Here Tony.
She hands him a set of pliers.
Chloe: Try to yank it out.
Tony: EW! You want me to pull that out of your nose?! That's gross! What were you doing putting stuff up there anyway?
Chloe: It was Nadia's fault! Now just yank!
Tony steadily holds the pliers to the bit of candy corn sticking out.
Tony: And…..okay, I got a hold of it.
Chloe: Now pull.
Tony tugs on it, but it won't budge.
-TUG!-
Chloe: Ow!
-TUG!-
Chloe: OWW! Okay, okay. Stop……I'll think of something else.
Tony: Man, it's really up there. You know you put the candy corn in your mouth, right?
Chloe: Oh, shut up.
Michelle: Man, nobody is answering their phone. I hope they're allright.
Tony: I guess if we drive around we can find them.
Chloe: We don't have time. We need to find someplace where I can hook up my computer or we'll lose the tracking signal. I managed to prolong it's longevity but it I don't know how much longer I can keep it up.
Michelle: Okay, I'll try Bill again.
-CRASH!- The car shakes violently.
Chloe: What the hell was that?!
Michelle: I don't know.
Chloe turns around to see a van attempting to run into the back of them.
Chloe: There's somebody trying to run us off the road.
Tony: How rude.
Michelle: I'll try to lose them.
The car speeds forward, but not quick enough. The van drives to the driver's side of Michelle's car and veers into them. –CRASH!-
Michelle: ACK!
Tony: Who is trying to kill us now?!
The van swerves to the left, then charges back the other way. Slamming into the car again… -SMASH!-
Michelle: EEEE!
Michelle loses control of the car as it veers off the road hitting a telephone pole. –SHATTERCRASH!-
2:20:33, Milo and Nadia get away from the smoke.
Nadia: I can't find anybody else.
Milo: Yeah.
Nadia: If we stay here for two long, those jerks will find us.
Milo: Yeah.
Nadia: We need to hide somewhere.
Milo: Yeah.
Nadia: Is that all you have to say…..
Milo: ………
Nadia: Nevermind. Let's walk.
Milo: ooh! I have an idea. We can stay at my mom's house!
Nadia: You must be joking.
Milo: Do I ever joke at a time like this?
Nadia: No, that's the scary part.
Different Man: Hey! I think I see someone.
Nadia: Let's hope she's up this late! Come on…..
They take off running, meanwhile.
Baxter bolts into a back alley, running into Bill and Morris.
Bill: Any sign of the others.
Baxter: No. Those hit men are everywhere though.
Morris: I wonder what they want….
Bill: We'll we need to find them quick. What the?...My phone stopped working!
Morris: Hmm, mine too.
Bill: Morris, did that smoke bomb do something to our phones.
Morris: Probably. I never had a chance to test it out first.
Bill: Oh, great.
A manager looking person steps out into the back alley, throwing away something.
Manager: Hey! Are you the new guys?
Bill: Uh….
Manager: Well, the smoke break is over! Get back to work!
A black car abruptly stops at the end of the alley.
Bill: Oh goose eggs! In here!
Baxter: You can't be serious!
Bill: Why not?
Morris: Dahling, you don't know what kind of place this is.
Bill: If we stand around for too much longer, we'll be killed. Move!
Bill opens the back door and goes into the mysterious building. Morris and Baxter shrug and follow him inside. The door closes revealing the neon 'Adam Logan's Chicken Fry Palace' sign. Outside of the alley, a garbage truck drives by. In the endless mounds of trash, Audrey and Kim poke their heads out.
Audrey: We sure were lucky to get away.
Kim: Um, did we have to dive into this garbage truck? It's all icky.
Audrey: I guess we can clean off wherever we stop.
A giant pile of trash gets dumped on them. –SLOP!-
Kim: Eeeew!
2:25:45, at the train station.
Logan and Martha are still making their way through the crowds, finally reaching the exit.
Logan: What now?
Martha: Um, Charles?
Logan: Let's see. I wonder who I can call in this situation.
Martha: Charles?
Logan: What?
Martha: Police!
They notice some cops in the distance making their way toward them, they start to run the other way, just to find more of them.
Logan: We're surrounded. If we take off now, we'll be noticed.
Martha: I have an idea.
Martha runs off.
Logan: Martha!? What are you doing? Get back here!...-Sigh-……
Martha strolls up with a baby carriage!
Logan: What the hell are you going to do with this?
Martha: Hop in.
Logan: Excuse me?
Martha: Hop in, Charles. It's the only way!
Logan: What are you talking about?
Martha: Get in and I'll pass you off as my child, that way we can avoid the police.
Logan: Martha, that is the stupidest idea I have ever heard. And I've been around a lot of stupid people today!
Martha: Well, Charles, it's all I have. If you have a better plan I'd like to hear it. The police are bound to notice us.
Logan: -Sigh-, I can't believe I'm actually going to do this.
Martha: Here, put this on.
She hands him a bonnet.
Logan: I REFUSE TO WEAR THIS!
Martha: Not so loud! It's only for a little bit. Do you want to go back to prison…..much less CTU's holding rooms?
Logan: Okay, I'll do it.
He snatches the bonnet out of Martha's hands and ties it around his head, crawling into the carriage which of course is waaaay to small for him.
Logan: Marti, this isn't going to work. I look ridiculous!
Martha: Oh god, you're an ugly baby!
Logan: This isn't funny, Martha! My legs are dangling over the side!
Martha: It'll work.
She puts on sunglasses and a big hat, wherever she got those from.
Martha: Let's roll.
Martha starts to walk with the baby carriage when she gets confronted by the police.
Cop: Hello, miss.
Martha: Oh, hi.
Cop: We're looking for these 2 fugitives, have you seen them?
Martha: Must say that I haven't.
Cop: Oh, and you have a baby.
Logan sighs dejectedly.
Cop: Wow…..what an ugly child you have!
Logan: HEY!
Martha: Thanks!
Cop: Well, you two have a good night.
Martha: We will, thank you, officer.
He walks off as Martha quickly pushes the carriage to a nearby bus stop. The carriage tips over. –CRASH-
Logan (getting up): Well, that was stupid.
Martha: We escaped, didn't we?
Logan: I suppose, I'm going to get a hold of my contact. Let's get on this bus.
The bus pulls up to the stop, Logan and Martha board. The bus drives off past the policeman, who has a suspicious look on his face.
2:30:11, Logan and Martha are riding on the bus / Nadia and Milo are quickly walking down the sidewalk on the way to his mom's house / Jack is still passed out / Bill, Baxter, and Morris are putting on their uniforms to work in the kitchen.
Michelle, who was unconscious after hitting the telephone pole, wakes up and looks around. Tony and Chloe are still in the car.
Michelle: You guys ok?
Chloe: Yeah, I guess so.
Tony: The GPS is dead! Nooooo!
Michelle (sarcastic): Oh no, how awful. ANYWAY…..
Tony: Hmph….
Michelle: I can't believe those guys ran us off the road, how rude….
Tony: That's not all their doing.
Michelle: WHAT?!
Everyone turns and looks out the back window; the van that ran them off the road is sitting parked behind them.
Chloe: What do they want?
Michelle: Whatever it is, it isn't good.
Some men get out of the van, holding guns and rocket launchers.
Michelle: ACK! They're going to kill us!...Or try to again….Get out!
Chloe: Are you sure that's a good idea?
Michelle: We're not going to do any better in here!
Chloe: Good point.
Michelle pulls the lever to her door and tries to open it, but fails to do so. She shakes it a couple of times.
Michelle: My door's jammed.
Chloe: Ugh! The 'Child Safety Locks' are on back here.
Tony gets out of the car, slamming the door behind him.
Michelle: TONY!
Tony: Oh, right. Sorry.
Tony opens his door as Michelle and Chloe crawl out. The men pull out their guns and start unloading bullets. –RATATATATAT!-
Tony: AEEEEI!
The three of them drop to the ground, taking cover behind the car that's getting destroyed.
Michelle: We're trapped.
Man: Load up the launcher.
Chloe: Uh oh.
The attackers start prepping to launch a rocket toward the group. Then, a taxi cab whizzes straight towards them. –VROOM!-
Man: ACK! –DIVE!-
The cab pulls up to Michelle and the others, the driver gets out of the back seat…..
Driver: Oh my god, lady, you're nuts.
The driver's window rolls down to reveal Karen at the wheel.
Karen: I'm sorry, but you're too slow at driving……hey! I know you guys.
Michelle: Karen! You have got to get us out of here.
Karen: Sure, hop in.
Everyone piles into the taxicab (including the driver).
Karen: Hold on tight.
She slams her foot on the accelerator and the car peels out, speeding away from the carnage. –VROOOOM!-
Man: DAMMIT!
In the cab, Chloe whips her laptop out.
Chloe: Crap (she types random stuff), I'm about to lose Jack.
Karen: Oh, that reminds me. I needed to warn Bill that Jack is in trouble.
Michelle: What else is new?
Karen: Well, I was about to take off back to D.C, when I overheard that President Love is back in town and is going after Jack for killing his Australian Consul yesterday afternoon.
Tony: Hmm. Since he's going after Jack, was that his men that attacked us?
Michelle: Possibly, or they could be Callahan's.
Karen: Well, I need to warn husband.
Michelle: We can't get a hold of him yet, or anybody for that matter.
Chloe: I'm about to lose him, we need to find someplace I can hook up.
Tony: There's an internet café not to far from here…
Chloe: That'll work.
Tony: Oh look, this car has a GPS in it too!
He flips the 'on' switch.
GPS: Hello Tony, thank you for turning me on!
Michelle: Oh hell….. not again…..
2:35:51, meanwhile…..
Milo and Nadia approach Milo's mom's house.
Nadia: Milo, it's really late. Are you sure your mom is even up now?
Milo: Of course.
Nadia reaches for the doorbell. Before she even touches it, the door flies open.
Mama Pressman: Milo! I'm so glad you came to visit!
Milo: Hi mom! Listen, we're on the run from killers, can we lay low here for a bit?
Mama P: Of course, dear. Come on in, I just made brownies!
Nadia: What a weird time to make brownies.
Mama P: Oh, and I see you brought a friend.
Nadia: Yes, Nadia Yassir…..
Mama P: Nadia…..Nadia……where have I heard that name before?
Nadia: I work with your son.
Milo: Yup!
Mama P: Say, weren't you the girl who got your windows broken by Milo?
Nadia: Yes. Turns out he was looking for his '3 Musketeers' bar. (Turning to Milo) Which Bill ate by the way…
Milo: I knew it!
Mama P: Well, enough standing out here. Come in, come in……
Elsewhere….
The manager of Adam Logan's Chicken Fry Palace (which isn't Adam Logan by the way, he was killed earlier, and that just wouldn't of made any sense!) His name is Steve.
Steve: Okay men. Are you ready for the 'Early Morning Rush'?
Bill, Morris, and Baxter are standing in the kitchen in their 'Chef' getups.
Baxter: Who eats chicken at 2 in the morning?
Steve: Drunks.
Baxter: oh….
Bill: So, what do we do?
Steve: It isn't that hard. You take the frozen chicken, you place it in the 'fry bucket'. You submerge the bucket of chicken in the 'Frialator 9000' and fry the suckers. Then 2 minutes later. You got some of the best chicken money can buy!
Baxter: Just 2 minutes?
Steve: It's the 'Frialator 9000' my boy! It can could much faster than any normal fryer.
Baxter: That's nice.
Steve: Okay, the rush is coming in.
Bill, Morris, and Baxter look out of the kitchen into the restaurant which is filling up fast from the drunken people who just got kicked out of the bar.
Bill: Swell…..
Steve: Okay, start cookin!
He leaves. Bill, Morris, and Baxter are unsure what to do next.
Bill: Where's the chicken?
Morris: Oh, dahling, I found the freezer.
He pulls out a bag.
Morris: This looks like it.
Bill: How much do we put in there?
Morris: Hmm…
Morris dumps the entire bag of chicken into the bucket, dropping it into the 'Frialator 9000'. –SPLOOSH!-
Baxter: I don't think that was wise.
Morris: Oh, who cares, dahling?
2:40:12, Jack comes to, trying to grasp his surroundings.
Jack: Where am I?
Rolando sits next to him.
Jack: EEP!
Rolando: Hello, Jack.
Jack: Where have you taken me? Where's Michelle and the others? What happened on last night's episode of 'Desperate Housewives'?
Rolando: It's none of your concern. Don't know, don't care. And…..you're kidding, right?
Jack: Uh…..
Rolando: I will tell you that I've taken you to a secret hideout of mine.
Jack: What is with you people and 'Secret Hideouts'!?
Rolando: You have been tracked by your buddies at CTU….
Jack: Oh goody!
Rolando: But I will kill you before they get to you in time.
Jack: Oh baddie!
Rolando: I've had enough…..you are a horrible person, Jack Bauer. And I must rid the world of you…..
Jack: Of course…..
Rolando: Look around you and you will see yourself armed with explosives.
Jack: Eck!
Rolando: They will detonate in approximately…..1 Hour, 17 minutes….
Jack: What? What kind of time is that?
Rolando: That's the highest I could set it to.
Jack: Yeah, but……that's kinda…..weird….
Rolando: Yeah, it is, but who cares?
Jack: And why wouldn't you want to set it lower? You're just giving them more time to find me.
Rolando: That's just how it is, quit pointing out the show's plot holes!
Jack: Can't help it.
Rolando: Goodbye, Mr. Bauer……..It's been fun……but to you…..I'm sure it will be…..'A BLAST'!...Mwa, ha, ha, ha!
Jack: Oh my god, that was just awful……
Rolando turns to leave. Jack squirms around in his restraints, he notices the timer….which was not activated.
Jack: Heh, heh. That idiot didn't start the timer! I can be here all night!
A bird flies in and rams into the bomb, activating the timer. Beep…..beep…..beep…..beep…..
Jack: UGH! Stupid bird!
Meanwhile, the garbage truck stops at a gas station. Audrey and Kim climb out of the vehicle and fall onto the ground. –WHAMP!-
Audrey: Ow…..
Kim: Oh, that stung……
Audrey: Look, Kim. A gas station! We're saved!
Kim: I don't know, my previous adventure at a gas station wasn't pleasant.
Audrey: We'll be fine. We can clean ourselves up so we don't smell like crap, then we can get something to eat, and call CTU to pick us up…..once they ever find a stable place to set up shop.
Kim: I hope your right.
They walk into the gas station as a mysterious individual spies from a distance, ruh roh…
2:45:04, in the taxi cab.
Tony: Okay, here it is. 'The Super Geek 24-Hour Internet Café'. I love this place…..
Michelle: Let's hurry.
Karen makes a horrible attempt to Parallel Park; the group gets out and heads into the Café. Where they are stopped by the……
Host: Hello, that will be 5 dollars.
Michelle: Uh……I'm broke.
Tony: I'm broker.
Karen: I'm brokest!
Chloe: I don't have anything either.
Michelle: Chloe, we'll distract him while you find Jack.
Chloe: Okay.
Michelle: Tony, I can't believe I'm resorting to this but……tell the man 'one of your jokes'.
Tony: Really?!
Michelle (sighing): Yes, really.
Tony takes the man to the side as Chloe sneaks off.
Tony: Which one should I tell him? The Pillsbury Doughboy one?
Michelle: No, Tony, everybody sick of that joke. Tell a different one.
Tony: That's the only one I know!
Michelle: WHAT?! Well, make something up.
Tony: Okay……There is this guy…..named…….Phil……
Host: Go on……
Chloe sits down at a computer and slides a disk in; she goes through some screens and enters some passwords.
Tony: Well, it's tax-day, and Phil is all "Oh no! I have to pay my taxes' so he runs to Krispy Kreme and buys him a doughnut, because they give him good luck.
Host: Does this story have a point?
Tony: I'm getting there.
At the Chicken Palace.
Baxter: Man, will this ever end?! We've cooked like, thousands of pieces of chicken.
Bill: This stuff isn't half bad!
Baxter: Uh, I don't think you're supposed to eat that.
Bill: Why not? They get to.
Baxter: Because they're customers.
Bill: Well, since I'm cooking it, I should be able to eat it.
Baxter: Whatever.
Bill: Where's Morris?
Steve: Hey! What's the holdup! I have angry drunks out here wanting chicken! Step it up!
Baxter: I don't know……
Baxter looks over and sees Morris at Steve's computer.
Baxter: EEEE!
They both run over there, Bill leaving a load of chicken in the 'Frialator 9000'.
Baxter: Morris, what are you doing? Are you trying to get us fired……wait…..who cares?
Bill: That's what I'm sayin.
Morris: I think I can get a hold of Chloe from here and tell her the situation. Since our phones stopped working.
Baxter: Can't we use the phone here.
Bill: Too obvious.
Morris: Oooh, she's online. I'll send her a message. (He types)
Back at the Café.
Chloe: Oh crap, there's another password?!
An 'Instant Message' box pops up from Morris. –BLEEP!-
Chloe: ACK!
Chloe (IM): Morris! What the hell are you doing using an unprotected Instant Message line! You could be traced! Glad you're alive by the way….
Morris (IM): Oh, thanks, dahling.
Tony: So, Richard the bartender says 'Poker?! I hardly know her!' and Farmer McSteamy screams 'Where's my sandwich'?
Host: WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF THIS STORY?!
Tony: I'm getting there…..
He nervously looks over at Michelle who gives him a 'thumbs up'.
Michelle (mouthing): Keep going…..
Tony: So, then Princess Maribel…..
Host: Who the hell is that?! Where did she come from…..?
Tony: I just made her up…..
Host: Ugh…….
Morris (IM): When the Tree House burned down we were trying to find another place, we got attacked by these guys…..
Chloe (IM): We did too...
Morris (IM): Don't interrupt, dahling, it's rude.
Chloe (IM): How am I interrupting you, it's an……forget it.
Morris (IM): You guys got attacked on your way back from the Carnival?
Chloe (IM): Yeah, I wonder if these hit men work for the same person, they're trying to kill us and all...
Morris (IM): Most likely.
Chloe (IM): Hey, what's the password into the 'Tracker Locator Program 4.1'?
Morris (IM): Super Awesome Quest
Chloe (IM): Are you serious?!
Morris (IM): Yup.
Chloe types in the password and another screen pops up.
Chloe: I got it, this is Jack's location!
She hits the print button.
Chloe (IM): Okay, I got it. Where are you guys anyway?
-Morris has been disconnected-
Chloe: Uh oh……
She gets up and walks back toward Michelle; the electricity goes off as the room is cased in darkness. People start gasping.
Chloe finds Michelle and the others through the pitch black.
Michelle: Chloe, what's going on?
Chloe: I was talking to Morris. Everyone at CTU is okay, I think. They were attacked by who I think are the same people who attacked us.
Michelle: Where are they now?
Chloe: I didn't get an answer, Morris got disconnected. But I have an actual lock on Jack's location.
A gun gets held up against Chloe's head.
Taxicab Driver: And now you are going to hand it over to me…..
Chloe: Oh……
Karen: You!
She throws a bag of airline peanuts at the driver. –THAP!-
Driver: You all aren't going anywhere, especially to save Jack……
Michelle: Crap a kangaroo…
The screen shrinks down at 2:55:29. The taxicab driver has Michelle, Chloe, Tony, and Karen held at gunpoint at the internet café / Milo and Nadia are enjoying brownies at Mama Pressman's house / Morris is freaking out that the connection died and is trying to fix it while Baxter and Bill watch, the 'Frialator 9000' is looking like it's about to blow up / Logan and Martha are riding on a bus back to the city, unaware they are sitting behind Doyle / Kim and Audrey are in the bathroom cleaning the garbage off their faces / Jack is tied to the explosives at the secret hideout / The fast chopper lands at the White House, Tom and Noah head back inside / Sherry is getting wheeled out of surgery / Harry Love and Marilyn Bauer are riding in a limousine on their way to the city as well / Rolando is looking off in the horizon.
Jack tries to kick at the bomb at scoot it closer towards him, but to no avail.
Jack: Damn……oh well, this looks like the end of my adventures…..again.
At Chicken Palace.
Bill: The connection just stopped?
Morris: Yea, I was talking to Chloe and then…..ke-put!
Baxter: Well, I guess all we can do now is go back and try to remain undercov….
The Frialator 9000 explodes. –KAPOWWWWM!- Insanely hot grease slides toward them.
Morris: Ahh! Hot grease!
Bill: Out the back door……
Steve: HEY! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE!?
Bill: Nothing!
They open the back door and jump outside into the back alley. Where the 'guys' where waiting for them.
Baxter: Eep!
Man: Thought you could run, huh?
Bill: It would've been nice.
Man: You're coming with us.
Bill: Darn….
At the internet café.
Driver (on his cellphone): Yeah…..I got them right here.
Karen: Boo! Hiss!
Driver: No…..she's not with them.
Michelle stares at the driver.
Driver: Uh huh…I guess she's with the others…..oh don't worry, they won't be leaving…….yeah………of course……okay, talk to you later. –Click!-
The driver bends down in front of Chloe.
Driver: I need to know where Audrey Raines is.
Chloe: I don't know.
Driver: I was informed that you were talking to someone by instant message.
Chloe: Ugh, I told him not to instant message me.
Driver: You need to tell me where Audrey Raines is, right now, or I start killing each person in here, one at a time.
Tony (still talking to the host): So then Abigail The Sorceress replies 'Do I look like the kind of person who eats cheese!?' And she turned the Prince into a toad! The end.
Host: I've only known you for like, 10 minutes, and I already hate your guts.
Tony: Rude.
Elsewhere, Harry Love hangs up his phone.
Harry: Good, everything should be falling into place…..
Marilyn, who was unconscious, wakes up next to him in the limo.
Marilyn: Huh!? What happened?! Where am I?
Harry: Don't stress yourself.
Marilyn: I know you…..you're the Australian President!
Harry: You're sharp.
Marilyn: Why am I here? What happened to me?
Harry: I need to 'borrow you' for a minute.
Marilyn: What are you planning?! Let me out of here!
Harry: Man, you are noisy. I guess I need to 'drug' you again.
Marilyn: WHAT?!
Harry: Driver, pull over.
The limo pulls over as the driver gets out, carrying a suitcase with him. She gets into the back seat and prepares a needle.
Marilyn: What are you going to do to me?
Harry: Just relax.
The driver gets the needle ready……jabbing it into Harry's arm. –SHOINK!-
Harry: ACK! What the hell are you doin….g……arrrr……(He slumps over to the side).
Marilyn: Wha!?...Oh, thank you! Thank you!
The driver takes off her cap and lets her hair down. Turning out to be Mandy….
Mandy (disguised): Don't thank me. I never said I was saving you.
Marilyn: Uh……
She holds up a gun to Marilyn.
Mandy: But I am going to have to ask you to come with me.
Marilyn: o….okay…..
They both get out of the limo as Harry lies unconscious.
2:59:57
2:59:58
2:59:59
3:00:00
Big Bird: Okay, Lights! Camera!...wait…..'Where are the prisoners!?'
Elmo: I can't find them!
Big Bird: Oh juicy fruit! They must have escaped.
Elmo: YAY!
Big Bird: No, you moron, that's bad.
Elmo: Oh….
Big Bird: FIND THEM!
Elmo: Right!
Elsewhere….
Fred, Paul, and Sam are running down the street.
Paul: What are we going to do?
A trolley wheels past them.
Fred: Hop on!
They start chasing after the trolley. Fred and Paul hop on.
Paul: Here!
Paul reaches his hand out and helps Sam on board. In the distance, they can see the residents of Sesame Street try to chase after them!
Big Bird: DAMMIT!
Ernie: Hey, you can't swear!
Big Bird: Oh, shut up.
Fred: So long, suckers! HA!
Big Bird: This isn't over, writers. This…..is……not……over…….
Sam: Woo hoo!
Paul: Now we can get back to THE FOX EXECUTIVE HEADQUARTERS!
Fred: Yeah….(He goes to the front to talk to the driver).
Fred: Hey, can you take us…..
Driver: You are going to go where we take you…..
Fred: Wha….what?
Kermit The Frog (holding up a gun): And I think it would be in your best interest not to argue.
Fred: Oh hell's bells! Don't you people have anything better to do!?
Paul: Uh, Fred?
Fred looks back to see Miss Piggy and Gonzo holding Paul and Sam at gun and knifepoint.
Fred: Un-freaking-believable!
Paul (To Miss Piggy): So…..you and Kermit…..how does that work, anyway? I mean….he's a frog…..
Miss Piggy: Silence, you! HIIII-YA!
She knocks him out. –WHACK!-
Paul: Ooof!
NEXT TIME ON AN ALL NEW '24'……..-SWOOSH-
President Love is up to no good, as is Ex-President Rolando Callahan. What's up with that?!
Rolando: You will deliver Audrey Raines to me right now!
Man on phone: Okay……did you want any hot wings, cheese sticks, or soda to go with your pizza?
Rolando: Hot wings, please!
Audrey and Kim are running down some hallway. They are stopped by hit men.
Man: Going somewhere?
Kim: I got this under control. Eat 'Super Karate Dragon Lotus Kick'!
Kim lifts her leg 2 centimeters in the air.
Kim: AAAH! LEG CRAMP!
Audrey: That was pretty pathetic……
Kim: ooooooh, it hurts so…….
Hey, Mandy's back!
Marilyn: What is going on here?
Mandy: I know……everything….
Marilyn: Really? What did I have for lunch last week?
Mandy: Not that! Ugh……
And Tony has to make one of the most difficult decisions of his entire life……
Howie Mandell: Okay, Tony Almeida. The banker is offering you 1 dollar and a wad of belly button lint…….
Tony: Whew!
Howie: So, Tony…..Deal…..or No Deal?
Tony: Oh! I don't know!
He looks back at Jack, Michelle, and Chloe who are screaming "NO DEAL!".
Tony: That's a lot of money; I just can't take the risk of losing it all……'DEAL!'
Michelle falls to the floor. –CRASH!-
Tony: Michelle! I DID IT!!!!
Chloe (to Michelle): What do you see in him?...Seriously……
That's it for this episode, now let's give it up for Chloe O'Brian who is going to sing the '24' theme song while we go to the credits!
Chloe: WHAT?! Again….?
Just do it!
Chloe: Crap….fine…..
Chloe (singing): Duh, duh, dum…..dooooo dooooo dee dooooo doooo, dum ditty dum, dum ditty, dum, dum dum, dum ditty dum, ditty ditty dum dum.
What is that?
Chloe: Give me a break! The theme song doesn't have words!
Well, put some in then.
Chloe: Oh, geez…..
From the top!
24
Starring
Jack
Bauer
Chloe O'Brian
Bill Buchanan
Nadia Yassir
Milo
Pressman
Morris O'Brian
Tony Almeida
Michelle Dessler
…and
the rest…..
Chloe (singing the end credits theme): You've just watched 24…..god only knows why, you must've been bored, really really bored, really bored, really bored bored!
Chloe: There's nothing better to do….Except to watch 'Heroes' it comes on the same exact time on NBC.
Chloe: The producers are glaring at me angrily; better wrap this up before we get cancelled!
Chloe: I hope I don't die next weeeek. Duhn duhn duhn!
Chloe: How was that?
You are sooo fired!
Chloe: Great…..
4 EPISODES LEFT, ALL NEW HOUR OF 24 CONTINUES….NEXT WEEK……beep….beep…..beep…..beep…..beep…..