Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction. The characters of '24' are property of FOX and all that awesomeness, and other characters are made up, any similarities from any characters, names, or events are completely coincidental. No itsy bisty teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikinis were harmed in the filming of this episode. Disclaimer over!
The 24 Parody Project
Episode 22
4:00am – 5:00am 'Death Or Something Like It'
AT THE FOX EXECUTIVE HEADQUARTERS!
Fred walks through the front door of the Fox Executive Headquarters, approaching the receptionist desk in the lobby.
Fred: Morning Betty, do I have any calls?
Betty: Nope….but there is some people to see you.
Fred: Oh man…..I already have a bad feeling about this.
He walks on and into the writer's room, where Mickey and Minnie Mouse and their Lawyers are sitting at the table.
Fred: Oh for the love of peanut butter!...
Mickey Mouse: We have some business to discuss, Mr………How do you pronounce your last name?
Fred: Don't bother, just call me Fred.
Mickey: Anyway, we have a major problem with the recent airing of this week's episode of 24!
Fred: -Sigh-….What did they do now?
Mickey: I'll show you. Minnie dear, could you put the tape in?
Minnie: Sure, dear.
Minnie gets up and walks over to the TV, putting the tape in.
-PLAYING-
This week only, Fox is playing a timeless classic this Monday..…..Audrey In Wonderland!
Fred falls out of his chair. –CLAMPH!-
Audrey: Oh how I do love a stroll in the park, oh look, a rabbit!
Milo The Rabbit (looking at his stopwatch and freaking out): I'm late; I'm late, for a very important date!
He runs off.
Audrey: Hey! Get back here!
Audrey chases Milo down the rabbit hole falling to her death. –SPLAT!-
Audrey: Ow….
Oh, she's not dead….moving on.
Audrey: Ugh….where am I now?
Tom Lennox The Talking Doorknob: Hi Audrey!
Audrey: Hey Tom.
Tom: Drink that bottle over there.
Audrey: What is it?
Tom: Uh…..Pimp Juice?
Audrey: WHAT!?
Tom: Just drink it!
Audrey drinks the bottle and shrinks down. –SWOOP!-
Audrey: AAAH! I'm tiny!
Tom: Here now eat this cookie.
Audrey eats the cookie and grows to a massive size. –SWOOP!-
Audrey: Uh….this won't do, I'm huge!
Tom: You should've laid off those Klondike bars!
Audrey: Oh, shut up!
Later while Audrey is walking through the forest, she runs into Chloe The Cheshire Cat!
Chloe: Again with the stupid animal costumes, this isn't in my contract, dammit!
Audrey: Can you help me find my way home?
Chloe: I'll give you a clue……My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard?!...What the hell kind of clue is that!?
Audrey: Uh…..not a very good one?
Chloe: Ugh! Just leave me with what little dignity I have left…..
Audrey: Will do! Bye!
Audrey walks off, running into Jack The Mad Hatter, and his friend Morris and Bill.
Jack: Hi! We're celebrating our Unbirthdays!
Audrey: Good for you.
Jack: Would you like some tea?
Audrey: I'd love some!
Jack: Well, you're not getting any!
Audrey: Rude!
Jack: We'll be on your way now.
Audrey: Humph! Fine….
Audrey walks on into the courtroom of Nina Meyers, The Queen Of Hearts!
Audrey: EEK!
Nina: Arrest her!
Audrey: For what?!
Nina: Because I rule.
Audrey: Ugh…..
Her Playing Card Army seizes Audrey and throws her into a pit of snakes. –HISS!-
Audrey: SNAKES?! AAAAAHHH!!
-FIN-
Mickey turns off the TV.
Mickey: Well!? What do you have to say to that?
Fred: Well……I…..
Fred takes off running out of the writer's room.
Minnie: Well, that was unexpected.
Mickey: Don't worry; we'll get him…..
Beep…..beep…..beep…..beep…….bepbepbepbepbepbepbpebpebpepbebe……24!!!!
Jack: Previously on 24…..I've been stuck in a house and got blown up…….let's see and we can get Jack some screen time love, eh writers? Just sayin…….
-SWOOSH-
Milo and Nadia lock themselves in the upstairs storage room of Milo's Mother's House. –SLAM! LOCK!-
Nadia: ACK! We're trapped.
-SWOOSH-
Milo: Let me down out the window, I'll get help.
Milo falls out of the window and splats on the ground.
Nadia: Ruh roh…. (NADIA YASSIR)
-SWOOSH-
Jack: What are you going to do with me?
Rolando: Leave you in here to die.
Jack: I thought you wanted me to release the deadly toxin into the city's water supply.
Rolando: Oh, we'll worry about that later.
Jack: What? My head hurts…. (JACK BAUER)
-SWOOSH-
A bomb goes off as Morris, Bill, and Baxter make their hasty escape…..to Bill's House….
Morris: AOL 4.0?! Are you kidding, dahling?! It's 2007 dahling.
Bill: Sorry, I never bothered to upgrade.
AOL: YOU'VE GOT SPAM!
Morris: Oh that's just great. (1/5th of the COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT)
-SWOOSH-
Marilyn: Where are you taking me!? What's going on!? Will somebody explain the plot to me since I've been gone for 80 of the season!
Mandy: You talk too much!
Mandy bonks Marilyn over the head with a frying pan. –BONK!-
-SWOOSH-
A helicopter lands at the white house.
Noah: Go find Karen Hayes.
Tom: But I wanna watch 'Grey's Anatomy'!
Noah: Get going!
Tom: Tch! Fine…… (THE WHITE HOUSE STAFF)
-SWOOSH-
Sherry: Well, I'm glad I recovered.
George Mason: Hello friends!
Sherry: What are you doing here?
George: I'm death.
Sherry: Uh….. (SHERRY PALMER)
-SWOOSH-
Kim and Audrey run from the convenience store. Meanwhile, on the bus…
Doyle: We're getting out of here!
Doyle falls asleep at the wheel as the bus careens down a hill into the river. –SPLASH!-
Logan: All in favor of voting Kim off the show because she's bad luck say 'I'.
Everyone: I!
Kim: HEY! (KIM BAUER……AND THE LOGANS……AND AUDREY RAINES…….AND MIKE DOYLE…….AND A PASSENGER THAT LOOKS A LOT LIKE DANNY DEVITO)
Man: I do not!
-SWOOSH-
The taxi cab peels away from the internet café and zooms into the night. Later arriving at the house where Jack is held hostage.
Michelle: Jack! We're here to save you!
The house explodes! –KABOOOM!-
Michelle: ACK!
Everybody falls to the ground as the house goes up in flames. Well, Jack's dead. So much for the show, thanks for watching. Riiiiight……okay moving on…..
Milo: The following takes place between 4:00am and 5:00am……
Outside at 4 in the morning, a cold front starts to move in with breezy skies with a high of 74 today and a 68 percent chance of rain.
Chloe: Thanks for the weather update….
This morning weather was brought to you by Adam Logan's Chicken Fry Palace!...Once you eat their chicken…..you're pretty much screwed.
Chloe: Wow, what an awful advertisement.
Meanwhile, Michelle lifts her head up to see the house that Jack was in go up in flames. It blew up last week, in case you weren't paying attention.
Chloe: I know I wasn't….
Michelle walks toward the mess.
Michelle: JACK!...JACK!...
Tony, who is sprawled out on the roof of the taxi, rolls off onto the ground. –SLAM!-
Tony: Ow…..
Michelle: I can't find him…..
Tony: Don't worry Michelle, we'll find him. And in the worse case scenario, I'll just take over as the Main Star of 24!
Michelle: Don't be ridiculous Tony!
Chloe: Yeah!
Tony: It's in my contract, that and the episode order will be reduced by half and we'll only have to face the terror for only 12 hours per season. The show will thus be renamed '12'.
Chloe: Tony, do you mind? We are trying to……wait……12 episodes?! Really? We only have to do 12 of these things a year?!
Tony: Yup, and we get free pizza every day!
Karen: I'm down for that. Where do I sign?
Michelle: You guys are pathetic…
Meanwhile, in the bus that Doyle, Audrey, Kim, the Logans and some unimportant extras are in. Doyle fell asleep at the wheel and the vehicle careened down a steep hill into a river. The bus is now sinking into the water. Will our heroes die?...Probably…..but let's watch anyway.
Audrey: This is bad, we're going to drown.
Kim: We can just open the door!
Kim walks over and tries to open the bus door, water starts to pour in. –SPLOOSH!-
Logan: What are you doing?! Close the door!
Kim: ACK! I can't, the pressure is too strong.
Logan: Great, Kim is going to get us killed….
Doyle: What's going on?
Logan: Oh, fine time for you to wake back up!
Doyle: Sorry about that. But anyway, we need to get….
Doyle collapses in the middle of the bus aisle. –CLUMP!-
Audrey: What the?
Kim: Oh no, he must have caught narcolepsy.
Audrey: We have to do……..What?
Kim: What?
Audrey: Caught narcolepsy?
Kim: Yeah.
Audrey: Uh……you don't….catch narcolepsy like you would catch a cold.
Kim: Yeah you can.
Audrey: Whatever….
Logan: Here, we can break the windows; it'll be easier to get out then.
Well, they're screwed. Anyway, let's see what Nadia is up too. She is pacing about the 2nd floor storage room of Mama Pressman's house while Milo, who attempted to escape out the window and fell to his death (sort of).
Nadia (Yelling out the window): Milo………You okay?...Wakey Wakey………GET UP!
She turns back around and continues to pace.
Nadia: Man, where is his mother?
A pigeon lands in the window.
Pigeon: CAW!
Nadia: Wow, what a noisy Pigeon………Hmm……
Nadia walks over and grabs the bird.
Pigeon: CAW!
Nadia: I can use this bird to carry a message to get help. Let's see………here's some paper, I just need something to write with.
Mama P (Outside the door): Are you two kids okay?
Nadia: Yeah, I just need something to write with.
Mama P: There's a pen in the desk. Have fun!
Nadia: Thanks……Oh crap, wait!
Nadia runs to the door and bangs on it.
Nadia: Hello?!...Are you still there?...Damn.
Nadia returns to the desk and starts writing out a help note.
Nadia: And……there.
She ties the note to the pigeon's foot.
Nadia: Now fly! Fly and get help!
She throws the Pigeon out the window, it hurls to the ground next to Milo. –WHAP!-
Nadia: Ehhh…….
4:06:11, at the hotel.
Mandy is in her hotel room, she gets dressed as Marilyn wakes up.
Marilyn: Ugh…..where am I now?
Mandy: Come on, we have to go.
Marilyn: Where are we going?
Mandy: ……The zoo.
Marilyn: Hmm……way too suspicious.
Marilyn gets out of the bed as the two of them proceed toward the door. Mandy opens the door to find Adam Logan standing before her.
Mandy: -Gasp-…..
Adam: Hi there. Remember me?
He whaps Mandy upside the head with a blunt object of some sort. –POW!-
Mandy: Ugh….. (Falls to the ground)
Marilyn: Eep!
Adam: There, I feel better.
Mandy (stumbling): Didn't……I kill you……back in episode 6?
Adam: Heh, heh. I'm a little harder to kill than that.
Mandy: I shot you and you fell off the balcony of a very tall building.
Adam: That was my fallguy.
Marilyn: What's a fallguy?
Adam: Well, I knew those clowns from CTU was coming up to confront me about my brother's involvement with the (finger quotes) "Assassination", so I just had one of my workers dress up like me because I knew it wasn't going to go well. However, I didn't see you shooting him. I'll give you props for that.
Mandy: Ugh…. (Passes out)
Adam: Now come with me, Mrs. Bauer. I have to deliver you to Callahan.
Marilyn: Callahan? As in….Rolando Callahan? The former president?
Adam: Uh…..nevermind, just come along.
Marilyn: Hmm…..
Back at the White House.
Tom walks into the oval office, his clothes torn to shreds.
Noah: Tom, what the hell happened to you!?
Tom: Well, while lost in the forest looking for Karen, which was stupid because we already know she's not in the same state as us, the search hounds turned on me, I got captured by wild cavemen and almost eaten, and I fell into a bear trap.
Noah: Really? You weren't even gone for that long…
Tom: Well, it doesn't matter. We should just have secret service just fly her back here.
Noah: I suppose….But in the meantime my secretary has gone missing.
Tom: Uh, it's 4 in the morning, she's probably asleep.
Noah: No, she's lost. I'm sure of it. You better check the forest again. Take these new search hounds with you.
Search Hounds: WOOF!
Tom: -Groan-….
4:10:11, at Bill's House. Bill walks downstairs to find hundreds of people in his living room. Techno music is blaring through the halls.
Bill: What the hell is this?!
Bill shuffles past the party people and up to Morris at the DJ table.
Morris: Dahling, you have a request?
Bill: Yeah, get these idiots out of my house!
Morris: Sorry, dahling, don't have that album.
Bill: Morris, you know what I'm talking about! Where the hell did these people come from?
Morris: Bill, it's a party! Don't be such a stick in the mud.
Bill: I'm usually not. Any other time I wouldn't mind but we are still on the run here.
Baxter, over in the corner with some people, is telling a joke.
Baxter: So I said…"Oh my goodness, a talking blueberry muffin!"
The group laughs.
Man: Man, this guy's jokes are as good as Tony Almeida's.
Woman: Yea, his are just great.
Meanwhile, back at the wreckage of the house that Jack got blown up in.
Michelle: I think he's dead…….-sniff-……Jack's dead…….again…….for the 9th time.
Chloe: You know, there's not a body here.
Tony: Uh, duh, Chloe. He got blown up.
Chloe: No, idiot. I mean even so, there would be some…..pieces….of Jack lying about.
Michelle: She does have a point.
Karen: Can we go soon? I'm really craving some waffles right about now.
Michelle: I mean we never actually saw Jack inside; it's just what the tracker led us too.
Chloe: Maybe it's a distraction.
Tony: Maybe it's a trap.
Karen: Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline!
Everyone looks at Karen.
Karen: Sorry, got caught up in the moment.
Away from the group a pilot stands next to his helicopter.
Pilot (on the phone): It worked, they took the bait.
Rolando: Good, I have Bauer here with me, so I can proceed without them interfering. Take care of them.
Pilot: You got it. (He hangs up)
Somewhere else, Jack wakes up to find himself in a glamorous room, lying on a very comfortable bed. Confused, he looks around to see the 72 inch flat screen TV, a pool table, a hot tub, and a mini-bar.
Jack: Am I dead?
Rolando: Ha, ha…..Far from it.
Jack: Callahan! What are you up to?
Rolando: Nothing…..just…..relax.
Jack: I don't know the meaning of 'Relax'.
Rolando: I've noticed. Don't worry; someone you know will be here very shortly.
Jack: Hmm…..
Rolando exits as Jack turns on the television.
Jack: Oooh Six Feet Under….okay I'll stay for a little bit.
Back off the shore of the river where the bus fully sinks. Audrey and Kim (who are dragging Doyle), the Logans, and the other passengers make their way to dry land.
Martha: That was close.
Logan: Yeah, we're lucky.
Audrey (Dropping Doyle): Is there a reason 'we' had to carry him?
Logan: My back's out.
Passenger: I haven't eaten yet.
Woman: My feet are cold.
Audrey: Worthless….Oh darn, my phone crapped out on me. Must've gotten wet.
Doyle gets up off the ground.
Doyle: Okay everybody, we made it to safety.
Kim: Doyle, you're awake!
Doyle: Yes, we need to get to CTU at once. Everybody follow me!
Doyle takes a step and collapses to the ground again.
Audrey: Oh geez….
Man: That poor man, he must've caught the Narcolepsy that's been going around.
Woman: How awful….
Audrey: For the last time, you can't catch Narcolepsy! GAH!
At the hospital, Sherry gets into a taxi; George follows her and hops in as well.
Sherry: I see you're still following me.
George: Listen, Sherry, it's not like I had a choice, okay?
Sherry: Why are you 'death' anyway?
George: It is my destiny.
Sherry: Right….(Rolls eyes)
George: So….where are you headed to?
Sherry: Well, if I can get in touch with anybody from CTU I could head back there.
George: That's too bad.
Sherry: Can I use your phone?
George: No.
Sherry: Why not?
George: Because it's a business phone.
Sherry: Well, this is for business.
George: Not my business.
Sherry: Well, I'm being kind enough to let you travel with me….
George: 'Let me travel with you!?' Puh-lease! This is no joy ride for me. I have to do this.
Sherry: Then let me use your phone.
George: Nope.
Sherry: Please?
George: Nope.
Sherry: Then you left me no choice…..
Sherry opens the door of the taxi and rolls onto the street.
George: GAH! Turn the taxi around, now!
The driver slams on his break sending George slamming up against the seat. –WHAP!-
George: Ow….
The car backs up to where Sherry is sitting in the middle of the road.
George (yelling out the window): You just get out of the hospital, and you pull a stunt like this.
Sherry: Yeah, that didn't feel so hot.
George: Get back in the car, Sherry.
Sherry: Humph….fine…..but can we at least stop by a cell phone store.
George: Is there one open this early?
Sherry: I'm sure there is.
She gets up to dust herself off and climbs back into the taxi.
Sherry (to the driver): Okay, drive…..
Driver: Ooookay……
Back at Rolando's Hideout Number 14.
Rolando (on the phone): Come on….answer……
At the Convenience Store, the shooter who was pursuing Audrey and Kim is still lying on the ground as his phone rings.
Rolando: Damn, she must have gotten away.
There's a knock at the door, Rolando opens it to find Adam Logan with Marilyn.
Rolando: -Gasp!- It's you.
Adam: In the flesh. I'll be taking that money now.
Rolando: What money?
Adam (laughs): I'm not an idiot, Callahan. You're little worker friend, Mandy, was bringing you Mrs. Bauer for some money.
Marilyn: WHAT!?
Rolando: Well, she was, then I was going to take a stun gun to her, and everything would've worked out just fine. But you kinda threw a kink into that plan.
Adam: Well, I guess she stays with me then.
Marilyn: Double what!?
Rolando: I don't think so….
One of Rolando's thugs bonks Adam on the head, he goes down. –SLUMP!-
Rolando (To the guard): Take both or our guests to the cell. I'll deal with them later. And find out where Mandy is.
Marilyn: Um….she's in the trunk of the car we came in.
Rolando: Oh…..great. Well, get on with it.
The guard picks up Adam and escorts Marilyn to the cell. Inside, Jack looks up to see them entering. The guard drops Adam to the ground and walks out.
Marilyn: Jack!
Jack: Marilyn! Wow, I practically forgot about you!
Marilyn: Thanks….
Jack: Is that….Adam Logan?
Marilyn: Yeah.
Jack: I thought he was shot and fell off a balcony way back in Episode 6?
Marilyn: Well, I guess nobody ever follows through the rules of death these days.
Jack: Very true. Well, I've been working on a way to get out of here. And I think I know how, follow me.
They start to walk when Jack stops in front of the TV.
Jack (watching): Man…..How does Rachel Ray come up with these recipes? She's brilliant!
Marilyn: Uh, Jack? Your escape plan?
Jack: Oh right, right…..this way.
At the destroyed house, after digging a little bit more, Chloe approaches Michelle.
Chloe: Michelle, I think this was a diversion, we should probably leave.
Michelle: Yeah, you're right. Okay Tony, Karen, let's head back.
They start to make their way back to the taxi when a helicopter flies over them. –VROOM! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!-
Michelle: Strange that a helicopter would just fly over a scene like this. It's like they didn't even notice us….
The chopper turns back around and faces the group.
Tony: Oh, I think they notice us.
The Chopper's turret gun starts unloading bullets on the group. –RATATATATA!-
Chloe: ACK!
Tony: Oh crap, oh crap…..
The Taxi explodes in the crossfire. –BOOOM!-
Michelle: Are you kidding me!? We're getting shot at again? Give us a break!
Chloe: We've got nowhere to hide this time!
4:15:11. Jack and Marilyn are going over some plans / George is talking on the phone while Sherry glares out the window / Nadia uses a kazoo to signal for help / Audrey and Kim (carrying Doyle) and the other bus passengers are walking down the street……
Kim: …singing do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do!
Logan: Please stop talking….
Kim: No fun!
Meanwhile George was……talking on the phone….
George: Really!?...I can do that and there are no repercussions?...Great…..No, that….that's wonderful………What is the address?……..uh huh……….uh huh……So the guy fell out of a window huh?...Interesting……Great, thanks.
George hangs up his phone and pockets it.
George: Great news!
Sherry: You're going to lend me your friggin phone?
George: No! Even better.
Sherry: Let's hear it.
George: The powers that be were able to find a loophole that can get me out of our current predicament.
Sherry: Wow; that means you'll go away. Which is good, but I still need to use that phone.
George: They just gave me an address where I'm supposed to take the soul of someone who just passed. If I do that, my job will be complete and I can move on away from here.
Sherry: So this entangled mess that you were in only had to be resolved by just….taking the soul of someone else. That doesn't sound like such a big deal.
George: They said this guy was different, so, who knows?
Sherry: Hmm….
George: …..
Sherry: …..
George: …..
Sherry: …..Can I use your phone now!?
George: No…..
Sherry: Geez…..
George: Okay, turn left here.
Nadia hears a noise and runs to the window. She sees a taxi pull up in the driveway.
Nadia (screaming out the window): HEY! Help!
Sherry: Is that Nadia?
Sherry gets out of the car and proceeds toward the house.
Sherry: Nadia! What are you doing up there?
Nadia: It's a long story, can you tell Milo's mom to get me out of here?
Sherry: Milo?
She looks down to see Milo splat on the ground. George kneels down to him.
George: Oh crap a duck!
Sherry: What's wrong?
George: I can't take this guys soul…..
Sherry: Why not….
Then, Milo props up, Sherry shrieks.
Sherry: SHRIEK!
Milo: Oh hey everyone……oh god, I'm not a grim reaper again, am I?
George: No. But this is bad.
Nadia: Uh, hello!? A little help up here?
George: This guy is just as dead as you are, I can't take the soul of something that's…..soulless!
Milo: Well, nice to see you too, jerk!
George: We're back at square one. Now I have to be in close distance of both of you or the world will explode.
Sherry: Isn't that just a little far fetched?
Milo: So….am I dead or not?
Nadia: Anytime now! You guys are taking forever…..
George's phone rings.
George: Hello……WHAT!? No you can't talk to Sherry Palmer, this is 'my' business phone!...Oh all right….
Sherry sticks her tongue out as she grabs the phone.
Sherry: Yes?...Really?! (She holds the phone down real quick) They rebuilt CTU…..for the 9th time…….(She gets back on)…..Yeah…..Can we head back to work?...Wonderful, we'll be there shortly.
Sherry hands George his phone back.
Sherry: CTU has finished repairs. Which is impressive since it's been down for only a few hours and there are workers available this early in the morning.
Milo: How convenient…
Nadia: Will someone get me out of here already!?
Somewhere else, Audrey gets tired and drops Doyle again, Kim falls with him. –CLUMPH!-
Kim: Ow….
Doyle gets back up.
Doyle: Sorry everyone, I'm back.
Audrey: Mike, what is wrong with you.
Doyle: This isn't easy for me to say, Audrey…..but…..I caught the Narcolepsy…
Kim: How awful….
Audrey: You do not catch Narcolepsy dammit!
Doyle: It will take some time getting used to, but we still have to fight on, for we…..(falls asleep).
Audrey: -Sigh-……
Doyle's phone rings.
Logan: Well, aren't you going to answer it?
Audrey: Oh, right……
Audrey leans down and grabs Doyle's phone. She flips it open.
Audrey: Doyle's Phone…….Sherry hi……
Logan (whispering): I don't want to talk to her….
Audrey: Well duh…..
Sherry: Audrey, it's good to talk to you. Where's Mike?
Audrey: Uh…..he's a little…..incapacitated at the moment.
Sherry: Oh no, did he catch Narcolepsy? That's been going around pretty bad this season….
Audrey: GRR!
Sherry: Anyway, relay the message to everyone that CTU is up and running and we need to meet back there at once.
Audrey: Okay, we're on our way!
She hangs up and drops the phone.
Audrey: Guess what?! CTU is back up and running!
Kim: For real this time?
Audrey: Everything looks like its going to work out, let's go. (She marches off).
Kim: Uh….can someone help me with Doyle…..anybody……?
4:25:10, back outside being chased by the helicopter. The gang is hiding behind a rock.
Tony: Any ideas?
Chloe: None. What are we going to do?
Karen: I have an idea……no…..it wouldn't work.
Michelle: Well, we have to try something! What's your idea?
Karen: I think we can take the copter.
Chloe: How? That thing has mounted guns!
Karen: But us……the four of us……..together we are fantastic…..The Fantastic Four!
Chloe: Oh, dammit, why didn't I see this coming!? See, Michelle? This is what happens when you let Karen give her ideas.
Karen: I will be…..The Invisible Woman!
Karen runs out and disappears into thin air.
Tony: I'll be The Human Torch!
Tony takes off running and jumps into the air.
Tony: Flame on!
He takes off flying leaving a trail of fire behind.
Michelle: I'll be The Thing!
Michelle picks up a nearby car (wherever that came from) and hurls it at the Helicopter.
Chloe: I guess that leaves me as…….
Chloe's body turns into the consistency of a Fruit Roll Up and collapses into a wad on the ground.
Chloe: That Stretchy Guy……..-sigh-……
Uh….no. Meanwhile…..back to the chaos and peril…..
Chloe: No more ideas from Karen!
Michelle: Agreed.
Tony: Aw…..I wanted to be the human torch.
Karen: If we get our own Spin-off, they're not allowed.
Tony: Agreed.
Karen notices in the distance a roll of thick wire lying on the ground.
Karen: Ooh! I have a good idea this time…..
Elsewhere, Bill is in his bathroom washing his hands. He looks up into the mirror and sees a silhouette in the shower curtain behind him. Slowly, he turns around and jerks the curtain open to find someone drinking and eating a sandwich.
Bill: GAH!?
Man: Hey dude!
Bill: THAT WAS MY SANDWICH! That's it.
Bill storms out of the bathroom and up to DJ Morris & Beatbox Baxter (wherever they got those names from).
Morris: Hey, dahling, a request?
Bill: Quit asking me that. That hooligan in my bathroom is now eating my food! I'm putting a stop to this right now.
The doorbell rings, everybody freezes.
Baxter: That was fast.
Bill: I didn't call anybody.
Baxter leans over to see police cars in the driveway.
Baxter: No, but I'm sure somebody else did.
Bill: Great. Well, I'll take care of this. Get these people out of my house.
Morris: Okay, fine…...how do we do this?
Baxter: I don't know.
Bill opens the door and two policemen try to peek in.
Bill: Hey officer, what's the problem?
Cop 1: You know, I really hate it when people say that. They know they did something wrong or else we wouldn't be here.
Cop 2: I think it's a reverse psychology thing where if they give off the illusion that something is wrong and they don't know about it. We must be wasting our time.
Cop 1: Good point. Well, you have a nice morning sir, and…..
Some random guy comes flying out of the second story window. –CRASH!-
Cop 1: What the hell!?
Bill: I can explain. I'm Bill Buchanan Director of CTU.
Cop 1: No, Sherry Palmer is Director.
Bill: She's incapacitated at the moment.
Cop 2: No, she's out of the hospital. And is on her way back to CTU now.
Bill: Oh…..well, crap.
Cop 1: You and your friends are all coming with us.
Cop 2 goes in as the first cop puts handcuffs on Bill.
Bill: I have a CTU badge!
Cop 1: Doesn't matter.
Bill: Ugh.
Cop 2 brings Morris and Baxter out side and handcuffs them too.
Morris: What about those people?
Cop 2: They ran away.
Baxter: Aren't you going to chase them!?
Cop 2: Nah, we have the people that started this mess.
Baxter: Well, in all honesty if Jack didn't run over Celine Dion none of us would be in this mess.
Cop 2: And what's with the cougar outfit?
Baxter: Uh….I'm a cougar…..
Cop 2: Sure and the world at one point was going to be taken over by witches!
Cop 1: Yeah, and Ronald McDonald is going to run for president!
Both of the cops laugh as Bill, Morris, and Baxter look at each other. Meanwhile, back at Rolando's.
Marilyn: That's your plan?
Jack: Yeah, we should be fine if we don't sway from this course of action. We will be able to make a hasty escape and get back to CTU; hopefully it's fixed by now.
Marilyn: So……you are just going to pretend to be sick and then bash a guard over the head with a toilet seat. That's your elaborate plan?!
Jack: No, no, no. It's not like that.
Marilyn: Oh good….
Jack: You are the one who will pretend to be sick….
Marilyn: Oh.
Jack: Okay, ready.
Marilyn: Ready…..oh wait. What should we do about him? (Points to Adam, unconscious)
Jack: Leave him; he won't be any use to us. Okay, go!
Marilyn: Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!
Jack: That was horrible.
Marilyn: Well…..
Jack: Come up with something better!
Marilyn: Help, I think I have The Bird Flu!
Jack: Something better!
Marilyn: I think I caught the Narcolepsy!
Jack: You must be…..
Guard (runs in): -Gasp!- You caught it?! Oh no, I'm in here…..that must mean I'm going to get it too!
Jack: Oh geez…..
Guard: AAAIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!! (Passes out)
Marilyn: Oh no! He may actually have it!
Jack: Uh, no. He's just a ninny. Well, no use for this…. (Tosses the toilet seat aside). Let's roll…..
Jack and Marilyn step over the guard's body and take off running down the hall.
4:30:11, Jack and Marilyn are bolting down a hall of some sort / Tony is looking out for the helicopter / Audrey, Kim, and the others are still parading down the street / Tom is trying to win a MacGyver action figure set on Ebay.
Tom: DAMN! I LOST! Nooooo!
Noah: -Sigh-
Back at the wreckage.
Michelle: Karen, are you sure this is going to work?
Karen: No.
Michelle: Oh, I feel much better now.
Chloe: So what are we supposed to do?
Michelle: Okay, Tony is going to distract the helicopter and not get shot.
Tony: Uh…
Michelle: Chloe and I will run over to where those two poles are and run the wire across them. Tony will lead the helicopter across the wire, which will 'trip' over it and crash. Karen will stay here and eat this delicious piece of Pineapple Upside Down Cake.
Karen: Go team! (She grabs the plate from Michelle and digs in) –SNARF!-
Chloe: Where...? Nevermind, I don't want to know.
Michelle: Okay, let's do this. Tony, go distract the helicopter.
Tony: Right!
Tony runs out in plain view.
Tony: HEY! Over here! I'm a vulnerable target! Oh no! I tripped.
The copter takes off in his direction at super speed. –CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!-
Tony: AHHH!
He hauls, as does Chloe and Michelle who string a line of wire across the two poles. Tony comes up.
Michelle: I hope this works.
Tony reaches the poles and hurdles over the wire, the copter flies over, unaffected.
Michelle: Crap, we need to make it higher. Tony, send it back around!
Tony: Geez! AHH! Being shot at!
Tony runs into an old barn and collides with a cow. –WHAMP!-
Cow: Angry Moo!
Tony: Sorry, Yeesh!
He hops to his feet and exits out the back door of the barn, where the chopper was waiting.
Tony: Urk, that won't work. 180!
Turning around, he bolts back inside, running into the same cow. –WHAMP!-
Cow: Angrier Moo!
Tony: Sorry….
Michelle: That should work? Shouldn't it?
Chloe: Yeah…..oh here he comes.
Tony comes running, Limbo music plays as Tony leans under the wire.
Chloe: Not going to ask.
The helicopter approaches and runs into the wire, the force rotates the vehicle upside down and into a nearby rock. –CRASH!-
Michelle: That was no way realistically possible; but it'll work for us!
Karen runs up with her empty plate.
Karen: Mission Success!
Chloe: Whatever. Let's get the hell out of here.
The team runs up to the helicopter and toss out the two unconscious pilots.
Michelle: Oh no. I can't get it started up!
Karen: Hmm, so I guess that plan didn't work. Well, part of it didn't, the cake was good though. Pecan Pie anyone? (She holds up a plate)
Chloe: Where the hell do you keep getting these things!?
Michelle: None of us know how to fix a helicopter!
Tony: ……I do………Give me a second.
Tony flips out a cell phone and dials a number.
Michelle: GAH! You had a cell phone this entire time that works and you didn't call for help!?
Tony: Priorities, Michelle……Priorities.
Michelle: What?!
Meanwhile, on the Nebuchadnezzar, Tank the Operator was watching their progress. He answers the call.
Tank: Operator.
Tony: Tank, its Tony. I need a program downloaded that will let me fix this chopper. It looks like a model Q-811L!
Chloe: Huh?
Tank: You got it.
Tony's eyes blink rapidly for a few seconds, he then hangs up the phone.
Tony: …..Now I know how to fix this thing…..
Chloe and Michelle look at each other nervously as a disclaimer rolls across the screen. Cue Cheesy Elevator Music!
DISCLAIMER: We here at Fox and the cast of 24 deeply apologize for the awful 'Matrix' reference. On behalf of the entire cast and crew to the Wachowski Brothers….Please don't sue! Thanks!
Wachowski Brother's Lawyer Bob: Like hell we won't!
Bob points his finger as the other lawyers stand up.
Bob: To the 'Lawsuit Mobile'!
The lawyers slide down poles as The Batman Theme plays. The Lawsuit Mobile drives off. Cue Cheesy Elevator Music again…..
DISCLAIMER: We here at the Law firm representing The Wachowski Brothers deeply apologize for the even more awful 'Batman' reference. On behalf of the Law firm to the cast and crew of 'Batman' and 'Warner Brothers'….Please don't sue! Thanks!
Michelle: Tony? Helicopter?
Tony: Oh right…….uh…..I just forgot how to fix it, let me make another call.
Michelle: GRR!
At the newly rebuilt CTU, Sherry opens the doors to the main floor and is followed by George, Nadia, and Milo. All the equipment has been replaced except for Chloe's, whose computer has been replaced with a cardboard box with a square shaped hole in the front and the words 'Computer' written on the side.
Sherry: Finally! I have my office back…
George: Yeah, it feels really weird being back here…
Milo: You're telling us! You didn't have to run operations in some kid's Tree House!
Sherry: Not going to ask.
Sherry happily runs upstairs to the 2nd story glass office. George takes a seat in one of the chairs.
Nadia: Great, we can finally get back to work and end this mess.
4:40:23. The doors fling open as Nadia, George, and Milo look toward that direction. Audrey, Kim (carrying Doyle by herself), The Logans, and the bus passengers waddle their way inside. Kim drops Doyle, who immediately stands up.
Doyle: Hey, CTU is back up.
Nadia: Audrey, Kim! I'm glad you guys made it okay.
Audrey: Yeah, same here.
Nadia: You guys are soaked, what happened?
Kim: Long story.
Nadia: Okay, well. Milo will get you guys to where you can dry off and change clothes.
Audrey: That'd be great.
Sherry walks back downstairs.
Sherry: Audrey, you guys are alive. That's good.
Audrey: Yes.
Sherry: I see you brought Charles….and….Martha Logan and a bunch of unimportant extras.
Man: HEY!
Sherry: Guard!
A Security Guard walks up.
Sherry: Escort Logan to the cell.
Guard: Which one?
Sherry: uh….Logan.
Guard: Which one?! Charles or Martha?
Sherry: Uh, Charles….
Guard: Okay.
He walks over and starts to escort Logan to a cell.
Guard (To Logan): Seriously, I didn't know which of the two of you she was talking about!
Logan: Don't worry about it. Some people have just been calling me Logan this season for some strange reason.
Guard: I guess it's just easier.
Logan: I guess.
Sherry: Martha, we can call someone to send you back home….
Martha: Uh….that won't be necessary. I'll be fine here. I can actually go for something to eat. Is there a food court around here somewhere?
Sherry: Yes. Go down the hall and take the escalator next to the JC Penny's down to the lower level. The food court is down there.
Martha: Thanks.
Nadia and Milo exchange looks.
Milo: Right. Audrey, if you and Kim and the others want to come this way.
The group walks off as Sherry goes up to Nadia.
Sherry: Okay, that's dealt with.
Nadia: We need to get Chloe, Michelle, Tony if we absolutely have to, back here soon!
Sherry: Yeah, and find out where Jack is.
Nadia: I'll start locating Jack.
Sherry: Ok. Now that CTU is back up and in stable condition it should make our jobs easier.
Sherry turns around and falls through the floor. –CRASH!-
Nadia: Uh….
Back outside, Jack and Marilyn are still on the run.
Marilyn: Stop….stop…..
Jack: Marilyn, we can't stop or they'll catch us. And I don't have a gun. I can't use my smarts to get out of this one, it didn't work last time.
-FLASHBACK-
Jeff Foxworthy: Ok, Jack Bauer, look into that camera right over there and say it.
Jack: Do I have to?
Jeff: Yes.
Jack: -Sigh-……My name is Jack Bauer, and I am NOT Smarter Than A 5th Grader.
-FIN-
Marilyn???
Jack (sobbing): Those stupid 5th graders make you look so stupid on national television! I WAS SO CLOSE TO WINNING!
He sniffles as he grabs a Kleenex and blows his nose. –HONK!-
Jack (sobbing): I JUST SUCK AT MATH! WAAAAAAH!
Marilyn: Uh, Jack.
Jack: Oh right, we're being chased. Let's keep moving.
Back at Rolando's.
Harry enters the hall and up to Callahan who is fidgeting.
Harry: Did you get the 'shipment'?
Rolando: Yes.
Harry: Do you have 'my' part of the deal.
Rolando: No.
Harry: Uh….heh, heh……Why not?
Rolando: She got away and we were never able to find her.
Harry: That's too bad. Well, I want Marilyn back until you find her.
Rolando: She kinda…..got away….too.
Harry: WHAT?! You lost both of them!
Rolando: Well, I'm not perfect!
Harry: This is unforgivable. You will pay dearly for this.
He starts to walk off and then turns back around.
Harry: Don't you get it!? That was all we had to make CTU do what we wanted. We don't have nuclear bombs, or nerve gas, or warheads or anything! You better find them!
Harry storms out of the building.
Rolando (to himself): Well, we have one thing……
He walks off into another room that has a giant dark blue device, tubes running across it containing green liquid of some sort; and a giant sign that says 'This is connected to the city's water supply! DO NOT PULL UNLESS YOU ARE EVIL!'
Rolando: I have this….
4:45:58. The helicopter flies through the skies, with Tony piloting it.
Tony: It's a good thing I knew how to fly this thing.
Michelle rolls her eyes.
Michelle: I'm going to try to get a hold of someone. Wait, where's that cell phone you were using?
Tony: I broke it.
Michelle: Of course.
Tony: Don't you have one.
Michelle: Yeah but it stopped working.
She bangs it on the control panel a few times. –WHAP! WHAP!-
Michelle: See, it's dead.
-RING!-
Michelle: Or not…….(Answers it)…..Hello?
Bill: Michelle! Let me talk to Karen real quick!
Michelle: Uh….okay.
She turns around to the back and hands Karen her phone.
Michelle: It's Bill.
Karen: Oh……Hi husband!
Bill: Hi wife. Listen, I'm in prison…..
Karen: What did you do?
Bill: I didn't do anything. Morris had this party…..
Karen: And you didn't invite us…..how rude….
Bill: No, it wasn't like that. Anyway, the cops came over and didn't believe we are a part of CTU and arrested us. We need to get out of here.
Karen: We will do that Bill! Because the four of us combined……are Fantastic!...In fact we are….
Chloe glares at Karen.
Karen: Uh….we'll be there shortly.
She hangs up and hands the phone back to Michelle.
Michelle: What's going on?
Karen: Bill and Morris got arrested. We need to go break them out.
Michelle: I don't think 'breaking them out' will be necessary, but maybe we can negotiate something. Tony, turn the copter around.
Tony: You got it!
Michelle: Oh, maybe I can call someone.
-RING-
Michelle: Or they can call me…….(Answering)……Dessler…
Nadia: Michelle, its Nadia.
Michelle: Oh, hey.
Nadia: Are you guys all right?
Michelle: Yeah, are you calling me from CTU?
Nadia: Yes. Everything is back up, and Sherry is here as well.
Michelle: Good. Tell her we will be there in a little bit. We have to pick up Bill and Morris first.
Nadia: Okay. Hey, I've been trying to get a hold of Jack; do you know where he is?
Michelle: Well, I don't know exactly if he's even alive or not.
Nadia: Huh?
Michelle: Well, we tracked him to a house that blew up. But I think it was just a diversion because we were attacked.
Nadia: What do you think this means?
Michelle: I'm not sure….wait…..The taxi driver from the café!
Chloe: The one who pretty much told us the entire basis of the plot?
Michelle: That one! Nadia, we have to find Audrey and Marilyn as well.
Nadia: Audrey's here.
Michelle: She is? Great, keep her there. What about Marilyn?
Nadia: Marilyn Bauer? I thought she was dead.
Michelle: Uh, no, we just thought she was dead.
Tony: Even though she was clearly shot, stabbed, strangled, poisoned….
Nadia: What's going on?
Michelle: We found out that Rolando and Harry Love are working for each other; the conference earlier today was set up just to distract CTU. They wanted Audrey and Marilyn to use as bargaining chips against Jack and James Heller for their own personal, stupid reasons. You have to find Marilyn and Jack quickly before they do.
Nadia: Okay, Milo and I will work on it. We'll see you guys when you get back.
Nadia hangs up the phone as Sherry crawls out of the hole in the ground.
Sherry: Okay, the place could still use some work.
Elsewhere, Jack peers behind a corner to take a look.
Jack: I think the coast is clear.
Marilyn: Ow….
Jack: What's wrong now?
Marilyn: My arm kinda hurts.
Jack: What did you do?
Marilyn: No, that Adam guy stuck me with something.
Jack: Hmm, well you're still kicking so I guess it can't be too bad. This way…
Jack and Marilyn start to run; he stops in front of a TV store whose televisions are playing the news in the front glass window, this early in the morning.
Reporter Betty: And in recent news. Construction workers have finished repairs on the main building for the Counter Terrorist Unit. They want to keep it in stable condition for more than 1 episode so if there are any terrorists watching, please turn off your TV now and disregard this report. Thank you.
Jack: They fixed CTU! We can head back there, come on.
They take off running again.
4:50:11. Bill, Morris, and Baxter are eating prison food / Tony is flying the helicopter / Martha is torn between which restaurant she want to eat at / Noah is on the phone.
Noah gets off the phone, nuff said.
Noah: Tom, you got a minute!
Tom enters the oval office.
Noah: Good news. Karen just called me.
Tom: Oh good.
Noah: She's okay and she's with CTU. You don't have to look for her anymore.
Tom: That's even better.
Noah: Did you find my secretary?
Tom: Uh….
Noah: I'll take that as a 'No'.
Tom: Yes.
Noah: You found her?!
Tom: No.
Noah: Then why did you say 'Yes'?!
Tom: I was saying 'Yes' to you saying 'No'.
Noah: Huh!?
Tom: Nevermind.
Noah: Well, I'm getting some sleep.
Tom: You know Mr. President; we haven't been kept up to date with what CTU is doing to stop the terrorist attack, whatever that is.
Noah: They'll be fine. I want sleep.
Tom: Oh no!
Noah: What is it?
Tom: Do you know what today is?!
Noah: Uh….
Tom: The Presidential Breakfast is today!
Noah: So?
Tom: Uh, it's in 10 minutes.
Noah: WHAT?!
Tom: Yeah.
Noah: Who has these things at 5 in the morning!?
Tom: Uh….
Noah: Well, I can't attend.
Tom: You have to, you're the President!
Noah: Well, under the circumstances I shouldn't have to attend.
Tom: Mr. President, this is an important breakfast. Election is right around the corner.
Noah: Okay, first off, I haven't even been President for a day yet. And second, are you telling me the fate of my Presidency rests on whether or not I eat breakfast?
Tom: Yes.
Noah: This is ridiculous…fine, I'll get ready.
Tom: I hope they have Rice Krispies!
The helicopter keeps on flyin….
Michelle: Chloe, do you have anything?
Chloe: Okay he's at the Azkaban Correctional Facility.
Michelle: The what!?
Chloe: Uh….it must be new.
Michelle: Fine, we will try to see if we can bail them out and if not….
Tony: JAILBREAK!
Michelle: -Sigh-…..yes, Tony. We will have to do a Jail Break.
Tony: Yes!
Michelle: Which we shouldn't because we are CTU so they can pull some strings.
The helicopter approaches Azkaban Correctional Facility. Their neon signs flashes "Welcome to Azkaban. Home of over 3,000 convicts. Where the rules are so strict we will not release anybody! We do not care if you are CTU, WE WILL NOT PULL ANY STRINGS! Have a peachy day!'
Tony, Chloe, and Karen look at Michelle.
Michelle (rolling her eyes): ………..fine, we'll break them out.
All: JAILBREAK!
The Chopper approaches the prison as the screen shrinks down at 4:55:01. Tony is landing while Michelle looks out the window / Bill paces in his cell while Morris and Baxter are still eating prison food / Jack and Marilyn are hitching a ride on the back of a tow truck / Noah and Tom are walking down a hallway to the Presidential Breakfast Room / Audrey and Kim have changed clothes and are proceeding to grab something to eat from the CTU food court as well / Guards are loading up the bus passengers to take them back to their homes / Milo and Nadia are looking up something on the computer / Logan is sitting in a cell again / Martha is shopping at JC Penny's / Doyle and Sherry are talking in the 2nd floor glass office / George is playing FreeCell on Morris' computer / Harry is fuming as he is driving somewhere / Rolando is typing something on a computer, the toxin device starts to make a funny noise / Mandy wakes up to find herself in a cell with Adam Logan.
Mandy: Ow…..my head. You didn't have to hit me so hard.
Adam: You would've just done the same to me…
Mandy: True.
Adam: We should be out of here shortly.
Mandy: I don't think I should trust you.
Adam: If you want to live, I suggest you do.
Mandy: How?
Adam: There was no money for returning Bauer.
Mandy: Hmm.
Adam: Callahan was just going to throw you in a cell, which he did.
Mandy: Yeah.
Adam: I suggest we work together.
Mandy: I don't know, working with your brother got me nowhere.
Adam: If we team up, you can get whatever you want.
Mandy: ……ok. What do you have in mind?
Adam: Just wait…….you'll see.
Back at CTU.
Sherry and Doyle come downstairs, they approach Nadia and Milo.
Sherry: Any luck?
Nadia: Nope.
Sherry: So Michelle and the others have to go rescue Bill from prison?
Nadia: Yeah, it's odd.
Sherry: Well, I'm sure they can pull some strings for us.
Nadia: Maybe.
Doyle: Any leads on where Jack is?
Nadia: No, he could be dead for all we know.
Jack bursts the doors open to CTU; he and Marilyn walk in.
All: Jack!?
Jack: Hi everybody.
Nadia: Jack, I'm surprised that you're alive.
Jack: Oddly enough; me too…..uh…Why is George Mason here?
Sherry: Oh, don't worry about him, he's 'death'.
George: Hello, Jack.
Jack: George.
Nadia: Jack, look at this.
Jack walks over to Nadia's computer.
Nadia: I got a call from Michelle; they are going to get Bill and Morris out of prison.
Jack: Nice.
Nadia: However, our computer was able to intercept a call from who we strongly believe is from Harry Love.
Jack: Love? What's he doing back here?
Nadia: Michelle told me that Rolando Callahan wanted Marilyn to use against you to do whatever he wanted.
Jack: Why didn't he use Audrey?
Marilyn: Wha?!
Nadia: Because Harry Love wanted her to use against her father.
Jack: Heller? Doesn't he want me because I killed his consulate?
Nadia: The conference was a setup to distract us, so you didn't kill him. Someone else must have.
Jack: That jerk!
Nadia: He looks like he's on his way to this address.
Jack: Excellent. Marilyn, you stay here. Do you guys have any leads on Audrey or Kim?
Nadia: Oh, they're downstairs in the food court.
Jack: Food court?
Nadia: Yeah.
Jack: Okay, I'll run down there real quick. Doyle….
Doyle: Jack.
Jack: Get a team ready, we leave in 10 minutes. It's time to finish this…….
George (flipping through a magazine): That was cheesy.
Jack: Your face is cheesy!
George: That doesn't even make any sense!
Jack walks off as everyone gets back to work. George answers his phone.
George (on the phone): Yeah…….ok, are you serious this time? Because now I have two people to deal with. If I take this guy's soul can I finally leave?!...Great, fax me the info.
The fax machine makes some noises and it shoots out a piece of paper. George picks it up to show Jack's Picture. Cause Of Death: Incineration from House Explosion….
George: Hmm……..
He looks up and watches Jack go down the escalator.
George: Interesting…..
4:59:57
4:59:58
4:59:59
5:00:00
NEXT WEEK: THE 2 HOUR SEASON FINALE OF 24…..
Chloe: Finally!
THE PLOT FINALLY COMES TO AN END….HOPEFULLY…..
Chloe: -Groan-
FIRST, IT'S A SPECIAL HALLOWEEN '24'!
Fred: Ugh….
-SWOOSH-
Michelle, Chloe, and Tony are checking their Trick or Treat bags.
Michelle: I got a razor blade.
Chloe: I got a syringe.
Tony: I got a copy of 'The Simple Life' on DVD.
Michelle: Oooh, that sucks.
Chloe: Tony wins….
Tony: Yay!
-SWOOSH-
AND TEMPERS FLARE WHEN JACK BREAKS THE RULES….
Jack (on the phone): I have to do this Bill, whether you like it or not.
Bill: Jack, don't do this…..hello?...damn!
Bill (walking onto the main floor of CTU): We have a problem. Jack has gone Rogue!
Nadia: He's gone Rogue!?
Milo: Not Rogue!
Computer Techs: Oh no, Jack's gone Rogue!
Fozzie Bear: Jack's gone Rogue! WOCKA! WOCKA!
Chloe: Why does everyone keep saying that word?
Reporter Betty: And in recent news, Federal Agent Jack Bauer has gone ROGUE! We now return you to our feature presentation of X-Men.
Iceman: Rogue! I want to be with you, Rogue. But every time we get together, Rogue, I almost die.
Rogue: I can't help it! I'm Rogue!
Professor X: Rogue, you and the other X-men get to the Briefing Room. We're afraid Wolverine has gone Rogue……Rogue.
Chloe: Will you people stop saying that word!
Suddenly, loud Broadway type music starts to blare as Bill, Nadia, Milo, Tony, Michelle, Sherry, Doyle, Morris, and some Computer Extras line up together and start doing the Can-Can!
Everybody (singing): JACK'S GONE ROGUE!...da, da, da, da, da, da, da. JACK'S GONE ROGUE!...da, da, da, da, da, da, da. HE'S GONE...
Tony: R!
Michelle: O!
Bill: G!
Nadia: U!
Morris: E, dahling!
Everybody: JACK'S!...GONE!...ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGUE!
Chloe (pissed): Dammit, that is it!
Chloe pulls out a TNT box from under her desk and presses down on the handle. CTU explodes. –KABOOOOOOOM!-
THE 2 HOUR HALF HALLOWEEN SPECIAL SEASON FINALE OF 24, NEXT WEEK…..beep…..beep…..beep…..beep…..beep……