~Sobriety, Friendships and Maybe Something More~
My take on what could happen after 406.
Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes!
Sharon had been lying on her back in bed in her dimly lit bedroom staring at the ceiling when her phone rang. She didn't reach for it she just did need a few moments of quiet. She really wasn't ready for a new case. The one they had wrapped up today had taken its toll on her. Yes, they solved it but she wouldn't say justice was served exactly. They had done their job and that was the best that she could expect of them all. What really affected her most was the fact that Tate Harrison had been in recovery and was trying to make amends for the horrible things he had done. Just because an addict was going through the 12 step program and was trying to apologize for what they had done to the people they have harmed, did not mean the receiver of said apologize had to accept. She could honestly say that she was sure she could not forgive Jack for all that he had done to her and her family. Though for her own sanity she did try to forgive him of some things but she would never forget. Sharon had mostly put aside or at least to the back of her mind the things her ex-husband had done to her but it was the way he neglected and used their kids that she could never forgive.
Weren't the "I'm sorry" steps in recovery more to give the addict closure? As she remembered them wasn't step nine to make amends wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others? Wasn't bringing up the painful times harmful and quite possibly inflicting harm on those that the addict had hurt? How was that helpful to the so-called victims? She never saw herself as a victim she helped victims find that closure they needed to help them go on with their lives.
She knew she would go on with her life as she had done before. Sharon made sure not to dwell on what could have been. She was in a good place now though it had taken years to get there and she wouldn't let more thoughts of Jack ruin what she had built. Realizing when her phone rang once again it wasn't going to stop unless she dealt with it. So she let out a cleansing breath and rolled over on her side to be able to reach the phone on her nightstand. A slight but worried smile ghosted her lips when she looked at who was calling. He didn't give her a chance to say hello.
"Are you ok? This case seem to hit you pretty hard." Andy had been tossing and turning unable to sleep and he knew what he had to do. He found himself reaching for his phone and calling the person he was most needed to talk to.
"I'm fine. Well, except I have a living room full of your partner's stuff. Have you seen how outdated his stuff is? Andy, he has things from the 60's and I don't mean vintage either. Just things a he's had at his house and been using for forty years." Sharon let out a light laugh. It was the first release of the stress that had been building for days.
Andy liked hearing Sharon laugh again. It was such a nice sound. "I've been trying to get him into at least the 20th century but he's too stubborn to part with anything. Maybe Patrice will have better luck." Andy laughed at that knowing she would have a hard time of it. Then he explained to her that when he had called Provenza's house yesterday the guy said, "please, God tell me you have murder." They were both laughing hard now Andy was sure he heard a snort laugh out of her before the sound was muffled, probably by covering her mouth and nose. He didn't know why she did that he liked that sound it was her enjoying herself and letting go.
Sharon liked hearing Andy laugh and it caused her to laugh harder and eventually as usual when she laughed with Andy she made that embarrassing noise. She quickly brought her hand to her face to stop herself. She did like that Andy always had a way at helping her relax and not take life so seriously it had been a long time since she felt like she could do that. After getting her breath back from laughing she added jokingly, "Well, I hope we don't start finding Provenza's personal effects in our Murder Room." She was laughing again at hearing Andy groan at that thought.
Knowing she was stalling by talking about his partner's horrible taste in decor, he gave her this moment before he asked her again. "Sharon, are you ok? So, what's really bothering you?"
She got serious again at Andy's question. Sharon knew she wouldn't have been able to deflect him from what was actually bothering her for too long. Andy knew her to well for that. Finally giving in she told him, "It was this case and hearing all that Harrison went through to try and get and stay sober, then his sponsor losing his sobriety after 20 years. I lived that life with an alcoholic for so long well lived with on and off but dealt with Jack's drinking for our entire my marriage."
"Look Sharon," Andy was out of bed and now pacing his bedroom floor. He had already kicked off the sheets while tossing and turning from thinking about all the hurt this case was stirring up in Sharon. Andy started again, "Sharon, look I understand. No, I get it, really I do even after the great dinner we had and a very nice ending to very special evening. You've been through all this before and don't need to relive it all again. Your friendship means more to me then anything else. So as long as we can still have that..."
Sharon sat up in bed and leaned against her headboard. To get more comfortable she stretched her legs out smoothed them together a few times then crossing them at her ankles. Adjusting her phone, she pulled her hair to one side and draped it over her left shoulder. "Andy, stop. You will always have my friendship. That will never ever be in question. Especially after all you've done for me over the years."
Andy had stopped pacing when he heard movement through the phone. Was she lying in bed? It sounded like bed sheets ruffling as she moved. He instantly wondered what Sharon Raydor wore to bed. He really did need to stop it. She had just agreed they would stay friends and that would have to be enough for him. Though his mind quickly drifted to their dinner date. They had really had a great time and when he walked her up to her condo door there was no awkward goodnight. They were at ease with each other and it was easy to bring her into his arms. The feel of finally having Sharon, the woman he had been falling in love with slowly over the years in his arms and kissing her like this was everything he imagined it would be. No, actually it was much better then he could dream of.
"Andy? Are you still there?" Sharon tilted her head to the side wondering if he had fallen asleep or something. "I'm sorry if I'm keeping you up. I know you called and didn't except me to go on and on about my problems."
While Andy's mind had wondered to thinking of her lying in bed wearing who only knows what, she was worried she was keeping him up by talking too much. He replied a bit out of breath after imagining her in bed, "Sharon, of course I'm still here. You need to stop worrying about what you..."
"You sound exhausted I should let you sleep. I'm fine, thanks for calling. Goodnight, Andy" and she quickly hung up. Lightly knocking her head backwards on the headboard and said out loud "idiot." Here she was messing everything they had starting working towards. Andy would never want to go out on another date after what she just said the way she had been acting. She kept giving him mixed signals she didn't mean to she was just mixed up herself. At work she couldn't seem to keep eye contact with her Lieutenant and that was another thing they went back to calling each other by their ranks. Andy had agreed when she said, they needed to be more professional at work. Their date had gone very nice. Surprisingly it was better then nice. She was only surprised about it considering she was so nervous about it. The ending of it was the hardest part because she didn't really want it to end. It was confusing because as she told Rusty earlier a romance can suddenly up end all balance of your life. It can interfere with family, friendship and your job. She didn't did know if she was ready for that.
Sharon felt horrible for complaining to Andy and unloading him. She found it easy to talk to him that was why it all spilled out. She didn't mean to add to his problems or stress levels. But this case and the parallels between Jack and Andy got to her. Sharon had wanted to explain that she understood how hard he worked at his sobriety every single day. The concern in his voice and then him saying that he was willing to just be her friend, she panicked and ended the call as fast as she could. She really needed time to think about what she wanted.
After hearing the line go dead Andy was stone still. Did she just basically run away from him in a phone call? Sharon hadn't given him a chance to talk. She just said good night and hung up. She could think she could run away but her won't let her. What mattered the most was that Sharon knew she would always have his friendship. So he sent a text to her... breakfast tomorrow, be there or I'll bring it to you. Friends always, Andy.
She jumped when her phone buzzed in her hand. Smiling as she read the text. Yes, she would meet him for breakfast because she had no doubt he would be knocking at her door bright and early the next morning if she didn't agree and well, of course she wanted to see him again. Even if it's to make sure what she had said didn't put a Grand Canyon size divide between them. Quickly sending a reply... absolutely same place, same time. Your friend, Sharon.
They arrived at breakfast at the same time, settling into their usual booth it was a comfortable silence with a small exchange of pleasantries while they ordered their food then began to eat. After a few bites she couldn't mange anymore, without any appetite. Sharon quietly said, "I am so sorry at the way I've been acting the last few days. I know we haven't talked much after our date and at work it's formal which it should be anyways. I also can't seem to keep eye contact with you. But Andy there's a very good reason why."
Hearing that something in her voice he knew she used to let victims know of bad news about a loved one. Andy put his fork down and he stopped her by saying. "As I said on the phone last night, I understand and as long as we are friends, I'm good with that."
"That's the problem Andy, I'm not sure about being friends anymore." The fallen look on Andy's face made her realize what she had said. Once again here she was falling all over her words. "Listen, Andy can we get out of here and take a walk. I think the air might help clear my head and let me think straight.
"Sure, Sharon that's fine." Andy got up to pay the bill. Walking to the register he stopped and pulled out his wallet as he paid he looked over at Sharon as she waited outside. He should just let her go home. Did he really need to hear what she was going to say? Andy knew this case brought up old memories of her dealing with Jack's drinking and she didn't need another alcoholic around to cause her more pain. He didn't want to stay here and hear her explain it all to him in detail but he would do this for her. She needed someone to tell this to and he was her friend. Her best friend she told him once. He'd wait it out once again and hope they would still remain friends to some degree.
As he exited the door Sharon hooked her arm through his and pulled him along the sidewalk. "Andy, I am messing up everything I'm trying to say to you because, you do that to me. It really is all your fault." She tried to put a little humor in her voice. She must have failed at it.
Andy stopped so fast it jerked Sharon back to him due to her still walking and her arm was linked with his. "My fault what is that suppose to mean? Seriously, Sharon what have I done now? All I've ever done is wait for you and hope you'd see me as more then a friend." He removed her hand from where it was still wrapped around his arm. "It seems to me you were making it perfectly clear right now, last night on the phone and at work the last few days, where we stand." He watched her walk a few steps in front of him and sit on bench that was under a tree. Feeling frustrated and confused Andy continued when she offered now response, "I really thought things were going well with us. Maybe when I asked you out to dinner and you answered me with fine that should have been a sign to me. But then we had such a great time at dinner and after when I...Well, when I dropped you off at your door you had seemed pretty into the kiss we shared. If it wasn't working for you why didn't you just tell me?" Andy was now pacing in front of her his right hand was constantly rubbing the back of his neck. "I know I remind you of Jack and all the things he put you through but I'm not..." Andy was silenced when he felt her hand grab his left hand. Sharon pulled him and he couldn't help but sit beside her.
"I'm so bad at this, Andy. I agree you're not Jack in fact you are nothing like Jack and that's what I was trying to tell you last night when I messed that all up. I really wanted to tell you how much it amazes me on how well you handle your alcoholism and how hard you've tried to make amends." Sharon brought his hand she was holding to her lap and focused on them. It helped her to hold his strong solid hand because it gave her a center point and so she wouldn't fidget with her hands as much. "You see, Jack never tired very hard for sobriety or stayed in rehab for too long, when I got him actually go to one. I've never told you this but after the divorce, Jack came to the office and apologized. He's done said he was sorry all the time but this time I could see that he meant it but apologizes don't go very far. It's the actions behind the words that matter and I've seen how far you've come with trying to repair what you may have broken. Andy, I know how hard it is for you to stay sober. I've witnessed failure time and time again with my own eyes."
Andy was listening to Sharon and the things she had gone through hurt him. He was glad that he was always trying to be there for his children and even his ex-wife even if she didn't like him much. He would never turn his back on his family or walk away from them. Sharon didn't open up and get this personal, though they had talked and it wasn't news that Jack was an ass to his family. Also she was always there for him, to listen to him complain about what was bothering him. Which was usually Provenza so he figured it would be best for him to stay silent and let her get it all out. He was just apprehended that she was now talking about him. Andy didn't look at her he wasn't ready to see the disappointment in her eyes.
"When Jack came to talk to me that last time he had realized what he had lost but all I felt was sorry for him. I have wanted him to come to that conclusion for so long and it was just too late. Well, that's enough about my ex I don't want to talk about him ever again if I can help it." She laughed trying to lighten the very tense mood between them. She noticed Andy still sat there looking off into the distance. Great, she thought now he won't even look at me. She squeezed his hand that she had still resting in her lap. Andy briefly looked at her but then was back staring at the local scenery. Taking a deep breath Sharon knew she had to do this now or she would lose him for good. With the sadness she was feeling she said quietly, "Andy, I'm sorry." That got her the results she wanted, for him to look at her.
He quickly turned at the sorrow in her voice. The way she said those words, it was if she was giving up, but giving up on what Jack, him, herself? "Sorry, for what? You've done nothing wrong."
Shaking her had in disagreement with him she said, "oh, I've done everything wrong and probably done it wrong twice but that's neither here nor there. What I'm really sorry about is hurting you."
Now Andy was fully turned toward Sharon he could see the moisture in her green eyes and how she was fighting to hold it back. He was in complete dismay over what she could be talking about and said, "I'm sorry, Sharon I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about. You've never done anything to hurt me."
Sharon softy laid her other hand over-top of their intertwined hands "Andy, I've been so unfair to you. You have been the best friend anyone could ever have. You've always been there for me and I've taken you for granted."
Quickly Andy said, "No, Sharon you haven't. Everything, I've done was because I wanted to."
She continued as if not hearing him. "You've waited for me for so long and yes, I did take that for granted." When he was about to speak again she stopped him with a touch of her hand to his cheek. She could see the confusion in his dark brown eyes. Forcing herself to finish what she started, Andy deserved that much. "I agree, our date was great and our first kiss was amazing. But there in lays the problem." Sharon could feel a tear escape her eye. She had been fighting them back but she was losing the battle.
Andy's heart broke a little when he saw the single tear trace a path down her cheek. She obviously didn't want him to talk right now. This was what she needed, to get all what she was feeling out. So he took the hand she didn't have a death grip on and wiped away her tear with his thumb.
Sharon gave Andy a slight smile as she felt hand brush her cheek. If Andy could summon up the courage to ask her out on real date then she could find the courage to explain why she was acting the way she was. "Well, you see there's this guy I like and when he kissed me the other night, on our first real date, so many feeling came rushing back into this heart of mine that hadn't been there in so long, I admit it freely, I freaked out. No, that's not the truth. The real truth is I completely and majorly freaked out, as Rusty would say." Sharon smiled more at seeing his eyes lighten a bit and a small smile starting to form on his lips. She did remember the feel of the lips on hers and she wanted to know that feeling again and soon.
Andy couldn't help but smile at what Sharon was saying though it turned into a smirk when he thought of her freaking out. Comprehending all that she was saying he understood her better now. She was saying she did want to date it was just that she was scared. So to try and help her he offered, "We can take this slow, as slow as you want to. Sharon, I've waited and I will continue to wait for you. Always, remember I'm here if you need me."
Bringing her hand back down to rest on his, she just liked the feel of his strong hands in hers. "That's just it, Andy it's not fair for me to make you wait. You shouldn't have to and as for taking this slow isn't six years slow enough?"
"Six years? Wait, you knew I liked you all the way back then?" Andy asked shocked.
"Actually, no I didn't but it's nice to know. Was that why you were always yelling at me and always getting into trouble?" Sharon laughed thinking about all their encounters.
Andy was memorized, when Sharon Raydor laughed it made everything around her better. The way her eyes lit up and her smile was so genuine. Andy couldn't help but stare at her. There wasn't any alcohol in the world that could give him a high like this woman's smile and laugh. Trying to focus on what she had said he answered her, "Truthfully, I was just a hot-head looking for a fight and you seem to always be in my way." Andy eyes narrowed as he processed what she had said about taking this slow "Wait? What do you mean six years is long enough? Don't tell me the Wicked Witch had a crush on the out-of-control bad tempered Lieutenant, that was always in her office receiving a lecture from her?" He was kidding with her but when she looked down and he saw a blush rise up in her cheeks, he knew he was right. Andy placed one finger under her chin and tilted her head up to look at him. "Why not ever say anything, Sharon?
Looking him in the eye she questioned him, "Seriously, Andy? There wasn't anything we could do about it. Even if you felt the same way, which you didn't"
His hand went back to rest on hers again, "Which I did!"
Her eyes widen and her jaw dropped open. Was he telling her the truth? "There wasn't anything we could do about it anyway, Andy. I was a married woman and you were the resident LAPD playboy." When she saw the shock on his face Sharon added, "oh, trust me even down in the Wicked Witch's lair I still heard all the rumors. They were all about the blonde leggy girls you dated. I really think you were there envy of most the men there. They wanted to be you."
"And all I wanted was you. Look it only took me this long to get you to agree on date. That's some great track record." Andy laughed but when he didn't hear anything from Sharon he quickly stopped and looked at her, it was if her face was frozen. Concerned he asked, "What did I say now? Sharon, you know I don't think before I speak. It's a very bad habit of mine. The complete opposite of you, I know. Here I go again but can you tell me what is it?"
What Andy had said threw her in a bit of a loop and it took her a minute to get her voice back. She took a deep breath and asked him, "Did you mean that?" Still seeing the confusion in his eyes she added softly, "you said all you wanted was me. Was that just back then or...?"
Andy was complexly baffled by this woman, shaking his head in disbelieve he told her firmly. "Good lord Sharon can't you tell how much I want you. It's an absolute yes I wanted you back then but I want you even more now. The more I get to know all the sides of Sharon Raydor the harder it was for me to stay away from you."
"Then isn't it time you stopped, staying away from me that is." Sharon smiled and scooted down the bench to get closer to him. "Andy, what I was trying to say and failing miserably at it was that I don't want to be friends anymore, I want to be more. I care about you very much and as much as our kiss freaked me out I would like to do that more much more, really."
Having no way to stop the smile from forming across his face Andy said, "well, then how about we start right now. We are off today. Why not go out on our second date now? I'm all for trying our second kiss also. I think all the guys still want to be me cause I get to date the beautiful Darth Raydor." Andy said before leaning towards her just enough to let her meet him the rest of the way to make sure this was what she wanted. When Sharon's lips connected with his there was no way either one of them could deny this was exactly what they wanted all along.
Breaking their second kiss to lean back just enough to look into his eyes she said, "I really do, want us to be more the friends. Whatever that might be called at our age." Sharon laughed then leaned in and kissed him again.
Andy was the one to pull back this time. He ran his fingers through her hair then gave her kiss number three. Then he smiled at her and said, "I can't wait until we lose count on how many times we have kissed."
"We do have lost time to make up for don't we?" Sharon smoothed her lips together while looking at Andy's then kissed him that was kiss number four they both thought. After needing air Sharon leaned her head on his shoulder and said, "You know I gave Rusty some advice last night that really struck a cord with me as I was saying it. It was about friendships." She took a minute to catch her breath like she had done last night when she realization hit her that she wasn't only talking about TJ and Rusty that it was also about Andy and her. Sharon held onto her best friend hand again and explained, "I told him that sometimes friendships can grow into something more. I for one am very grateful for your friendship but Andy, I'm excited to see where this will lead."
He's arm was across her shoulders holding her to him but Andy had turned just enough to watch Sharon as she talked. He could see the vulnerability in her eyes but he could also see honesty and hope glimmering in them too. He had nothing to say, Andy agreed with what she said earlier that actions were worth more then words. He twisted away from her so he could slide his fingers into her hair once again and brought her lips back to his. They were up to kiss number five already he thought. As he held her there Andy quickly deepened their kiss. He was pretty confident that by the end of the day they would lose track on that number of kisses.
Sharon heard herself moan as she felt Andy's tongue slipped past her lips, one last thought from last night past through her mind before she let go and just lived in the moment. Yes, a romance can suddenly up end all balance of your life but now Sharon knew she was ready. She was ready to rock the boat she had been trying to keep perfectly balanced on the troubled waters of her life. Sharon felt ready as long as she had Andy there to help her from going under.
Yep, a bit of a "ship" slipped in at the end. But Sharon talking about "balance" and Andy saying "Bon Voyage" last week got me living on breadcrumbs that are probably only in my mind. lol
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