III.
There is a real after, after this night. If they hadn't had so much work, their co-workers could have noticed it at first sight. Alicia and Kalinda aren't that different at work. But, there is something else. Or just something, after these months of avoiding each other.
To say it simply, we can call it Hope.
Actually, it's much more complicated.
Concretely, it can 't be described.
When they talk – because yes, they talk – Alicia really looks at Kalinda. Kalinda roves around Alicia's cases. They even share lunch, twice, during the month following this night. Yet, they never talk about what happened. Neither at work or when they share a drink a few times. As if Kalinda was carefully avoiding the subject. So that Alicia starts to believe Kalinda surrendered the idea of getting things otherwise. And she must admit she's both disappointed and frustrated…
But an evening at work, while they're on a case, Kalinda slowly puts her pen on her orange notebook and says in a plotter's voice :
« -Do you have… plans for the week-end ? »
Alicia stops typing on her laptop in the middle of an idea, raises her head and asks surprised
« - What for ?
Kalinda has an amused smile before answering :
« -A month ago I promised to fix thing between us. I'd like to try. This weekend. If it's okay for you. And if you still want me to try.
Her voice, tainted with sensuality, is full of promises. Alicia squirms on her chair, half excited, half ill at ease.
« -Do we really need a whole week-end to…do that ?
Kalinda's smile turns playful. She says in a low voice, coming closer to Alicia :
« -Well… We'll manage to take breaks if that's what you're worried about…
Alicia's cheeks turn into a lovely deep red despite the smile she puts on her face to hide her discomfort. At the same time, her inner thighs start shivering in anticipation. She clears her throat and says in the best imitation of confident-Alicia :
« -OK, I'll leave the kids at their's father's place Saturday morning. Good for you ?
-Perfect. I'll text you… instructions then. »
Kalinda has one last sharp look that shoots a flood of desire through Alicia's backbone. She gets up and, says with a calm, controlled voice :
« -Ok. Have a nice evening then. See you tomorrow. »
She turns on her heels and leaves. Alicia looks at her, dumbfounded, amused and passably turned on. There must be a God or something because luckily, Saturday is in two days…
{…}
Thursday and Friday are the longest days of Alicia's life. She's barely distracted by work while her stress level seems to never stop growing. Finally, very slowly, time can't last any longer and Saturday early morning is here. She's not anxious, the tension is beyond explainable. There are these internal demons preventing her from being completely confident. From being just excited by anticipation. She's afraid reason or fear or her wounds might take the lead over her feelings.
The night before, she got a text from Kalinda with as little information as possible. It was so Kalinda… She just knows they'll meet at 12 :30 in the restaurant of a 3 star hotel. She also knows she won't come back home until Sunday evening. Because when Kalinda was talking about a whole weekend, she surely included Saturday night.
She spent hours in front of her wardrobe, hesistant like a teen girl would be the day before prom. And after a hundred combinations of all her clothes she finally chooses something she'd wear to 1/ have lunch in a luxurious restaurant 2/ impress her host 3/ enhance her body. In practice, she's wearing grey pants suit, a white blouse, a red silk scarf and assorted high heels.
She leaves the children early at Peter's place. She can't stay in place anyway. But she finds herself completely idle when, at 11 am, she realizes she has to wait for more than an hour before her meeting. And she's afraid of this free time she could spend ruminating and regretting. She takes her phone from her bag and calls Kalinda. She picks up the phone and the first thing she hears is Kalinda's light laugh :
« -You're ready ?
-Well…Yes
-See ? When I told you a weekend was not enough and you didn't believed me…! »
Alicia giggles. She's embarrassed and amused at the same time.
« - Come and pick methen. »
Alicia obeys, too glad not to have to wait an hour alone in her apartment. When she sees Kalinda coming out of her apartment building, she self congratulates for choosing her clothes with care. Kalinda is, if it's possible, more beautiful than ever. Or maybe, it's her look on her that has changed. It must be that because if she looks closer, Kalinda is wearing a dress Alicia already knows, a leather jacket she recognizes, and her high heeled boots. Actually, she's so Kalinda…
The journey to the hotel is silent but not unpleasant or tensed. Each inwardly enjoys the pleasure of being with the other, the pleasure of taking this step. When they're near the parking lot of thehotel, Alicia asks :
« -Is the restaurant ready for us so early ? »
Kalinda has her little crooked smile while biting her lower lip. She answers :
« -Actually…We're not just having lunch here. I booked a room for us. So, I guess there's no problem with our early arrival.
There's this light shiver of excitement and fear between Alicia's legs that makes her thrill. She, too, bites her lip and avoids Kalinda's eyes before saying :
« -Ok. Let's go then. »
{…}
In the elevator taking them to their floor, Alicia is more nervous. Kalinda brings her body close to Alicia's, imperceptibly. Not to touch her, just to brush against her arm. They look at each other, maybe for the very first time today. And Alicia says softly :
« -Don't you think a room in a three star hotel is a little too…cliché ?
-Hey…You gave me your blessing to try something, didn't you ? Let me surprise you ok ? »
She slides a hand in Alicia's who squeezes it hard. Because she's afraid she could fall otherwise. Kalinda squeezes hard too, because she's afraid Alicia could let everything fall.
Finally, the room is just perfect. Neither too much nor too little. Nothing she can't handle. She puts her little travel bag on the floor and sits on the sofa in front of the bed. She comfortably spreads out. She wants nothing but to close her eyes and rest. For a long time. She feels Kalinda's body close to hers. Without opening her eyes, she leans in her head to rest on her shoulder. The both sigh. After a few minutes, Alicia asks in a whisper :
« -Do you… Have a plan ? »
She can hear Kalinda smiling against her ear.
« -I tried…It's hard to rebuild…I've never done that with anyone before… »
Alicia puts her hand on Kalinda's :
« -What are we gonna do… ?
-We'll improvise. I'm good at that. »
They stay in that position for long minutes. Suspended to an improvisation. But beaming at being side by side. Finally, they separate at 12 :30 to have lunch. Their hands still connected.