IV.
Lunch is another step toward reconstruction. It's something they never did together, to have lunch in a great restaurant. Alicia observes with delight Kalinda contemplating on entrees for long minutes. She's amused and impressed by her knowledgeon wine. She is so talented she almost succeeds into irritating the waiter with her thousand questions about fishes and meats origins. And it fills Alicia with wonder.
They don't talk about anything important. Nothing too sensitive. Just small talk. But these banalities make all the difference. Because maybe it's not important to know that Kalinda prefers dogs to cats or that she can speak a few word of french, for Alicia it's more than important. It's valuable, intimate, one of the most beautiful gifts of confidence she's received.
Finally, it's just a delicious and harmonious moment. At the end of the meal, exactly when Kalinda eats the very last piece of her dessert, she takes a different posture and puts on her poker face. She leans in over the table and says in a low voice :
«- Actually, I kind of have a plan. »
Alicia comes closer to Kalinda. She's relieved that at least one of them has a plan. In the mean time, she's scared by this strange spark in Kalinda's eyes.
« -I made a list. A list of things I never did before. That I'd only want to do with you. »
Alicia's hand, the one holding her glass of wine, starts trembling. It's alternately clever, touching, and terribly scary. It both turns her on and makes her want to cry. Kalinda's dark eyes on her don't make things easier.
« -Before showing it to you, I'd like you to do one too. »
The past two days, Alicia has imagined dozens of scenarios on how this week-end could / would / should go. Not once did she imagine herself in front of a sheet of paper, making a list of the things she wants to do with Kalinda. All that can escape her mouth is a light nervous giggle.
« -Are you…Ok with that plan ?
-Well…I think, yes…But...When you talk about making a list, how many points are you…expecting from me ?
-Mmm…Let's say on my list there are only two points.
-Oh…Ok… »
Alicia ponders for a minute. Quickly, anticipation and desire take the lead over fear. A shy smile appears on her mouth and she says in a whisper :
« -I think I have two points to…explore. »
It's the first time she sees discomfort on Kalinda's face. Her cheeks turn pink as she bites her lips a little stronger than usual, and a shiver runs through her back, from bottom to top. Alicia, proud of herself, says in an even lower voice :
«-Finally, this terrible hangover on this first morning was a blessing. It would have ruined my first point if I had been completely sober… »
She slides her hand on Kalinda's. There still is this haze of melted desire and need in her eyes. She's barely aware anyone who would look at them now could see all the feelings swirling around them. Desire, frustration, love ? Kalinda says in a hard breath, because she has no voice left :
« -Come… »
She doesn't let her the choice or the time to think about it, she grabs her hand and stands up. While Kalinda steers her to the elevator, Alicia can feel all the wide possibilities. And she can feel every one of them all over her skin and deep inside her body.
{…}
They are sitting on the bed, face to face, eyes wide open, looking intently at each other. Between them lay two sheets of paper and a box the size of a shoe box. Alicia grabs her paper and gives it to Kalinda. She opens it with a thrill of apprehension. It contains two lines of Alicia's delicate scripture. But Kalinda only reads the first line because it holds all its promises and a little bit more. Alicia wrote :
I want Kalinda to make love to me. With her tongue all over my body.
Kalinda closes her eyes. Inside, it's like everything was loosening instantly. Outside, it's as if all her body was tightening toward Alicia's words.
She grabs her own sheet of paper, trembling. She changes her mind, grabs the box and gives it to Alicia. She stays still for long seconds in front of Kalinda's gift, as if she knew it was going to be strong. Finally she opens the box and realizes she was right. Inside, there is a harness made of thin red leather ribbons, and an elegant silicon dildo which ties on the harness. The simple idea of pronouncing the name of this object makes Alicia completely uncomfortable. And yet it turns her on ina way she never experienced before. She doesn't want to admit it to herself or to Kalinda, but she's surprised. Maybe she was expecting something else. Maybe she thought Kalinda already did that before with other women. Or maybe her excitement was so overpowering she'd better stop thinking and just enjoy. As if it was too – intimate, erotic, exciting, much – to simply look at it, she puts back the lid on the box and looks up at Kalinda. Kalinda whose cheeks are pink and whose lower lip is red for having been bitten too violently. She gives Alicia her piece of paper. There are two lines too. And Alicia is only going to read the first too.
I want Alicia to make love to me with a strap-on.
The least they can say is that they are on the same mood. Neither of them expressed the need to listen to opera, hand in hand, all weekend long. And when they look at each other, even if it's not written anywhere, it's implicit that they think about spending hours on their two wishes.
Alicia closes her eyes because she feels like she's burning from inside and outside and all around. She mutters :
« -Damn it, Kalinda… »
She can't say more, her brain is too monopolized by their lists. She stands up and closes the curtains. Because semi obscurity is the least they'll need. Then she goes around the bed and stands still in front of a sitting still Kalinda.
And she does something she already did for others. But it doesn't matter because here and now, she only wants to undress slowly, eyes locked, for Kalinda. More by game than by bashfulness, she keeps her panties on. She both wants to take them off right now and let Kalinda tease her for hours before taking it off herself.
She grabs Kalinda's hands in hers and brings her close. All against her almost naked body. The feel of the leather jacket against her skin, of her smaller hot hands on hers, the feel of her body's weight against hers, it's undescribable. She undresses her, taking good care to look at everything, to make her moves as slow as possible. Here again, it's not the first time, but, hell, she only wants to do it to Kalinda.
When they are finally both almost naked, bodies entwined, and only at this very moment, they kiss. For so long it becomes obvious that a weekend isn't going to be enough.