A big Thank You to my reviewers, first round at Fishponds Tavern is on me. And thank you for keeping me honest, I could have set the scene a little better for those who had not read or reread GEMJiB. I also cheated on the abilities of medical science, the pregnancy test should have waited until 5 to 10 days after the attack not 18 hours. I claim literary license.
Skins may not be mine, but the grammatical and spelling errors are.
They sat on the bench until the sun went down, the weather giving them a break by not raining. Emily was pretty sure that was the only thing that had gone right today.
"I'm getting cold, will you take me home?"
Naomi stood without letting go and pulled the redhead to her feet still not looking back.
"And you can look at me you silly twat."
The blonde turned towards her, trying to wipe her own tears away she only succeeded in making her face a bigger wreck. Naomi wanted nothing more than to pull Emily close and hold her forever, but instead opted for kissing the back of her hand and tried to force a smile. They walked home in silence.
As the front door opened Gina ran into the entry way. "Naomi, did you find..."
"She found me. I just needed some time to think." She looked down at the hand she had been holding for the last three hours, "About a lot of things."
"Emily! Are you all right?" Her voice preceded her by a fraction of a second as Katie ran into the room and threw her arms around her twin. "Would it hurt to answer your bloody mobile?"
"I must have left it upstairs."
"We were so worried about you; mom didn't really mean to say that..."
"Katie stop. This woman," pointing at Gina, "is Mom. Jenna may have given birth to us but she quit being Mom some time ago."
"Ems how can you say that?"
Gina chose that moment to rescue both Naomi and herself from the twins. "Naomi, could you help me in the kitchen with dinner?"
Naomi turned to Emily with a look of concern; she was met with a node and quick smile that everything would be ok. The blonde gave a quick squeeze to the hand she was still holding, before letting go and following her mother.
"Not only did she tell me it was my fault I was attacked, but she still won't accept me for who I am. I didn't choose to be gay any more then I chose to be a girl. And twice in what maybe 30 words she asked if I had given up on the 'gay thing'. She has a lot of changes to make before I can start to think of her as mom."
Katie looked into her sister's face and realized this was not a fight either would win here and now, and chose instead to simply hug her tighter.
"Emily, Katie come and have some food. Kieran bring another chair in would you?
"Really I should be on my way," Katie called back towards the kitchen.
"Non-since, I made you stay until they turned up, now you come eat something and visit with your sister."
The meal started to look like another stress filled gathering around the table. There were a few short words exchanged but no conversations, and the tension was growing as everyone tried not to talk about Emily. And then a thought occurred to Naomi and she had to try and hide the smile it caused. Sitting right across the table was the solution. "Katie, did you see what was being worn in the new issue of Heat?"
Everyone around the table with the possible exception of Gina was aware of what Naomi had just done. She had given Katie Fashion Fitch an open invitation to discuss style and celebrities. Kieran rolled his eyes and looked over at Naomi. She mouthed the word "Sorry." He smiled and replied "Well done," and looked down before anyone noticed the exchange.
Katie was in true form and carried the conversation for the rest of the meal. Kieran just focused on his plate, having given up on weighty political matters being a topic of discussion. As dinner came to a close the oldsters excused themselves and left the table and the kitchen to the girls to clean.
With the cleanup starting Katie realized what time it had gotten to be and make her good nights. Emily walked her to the door for a final hug and farewell, and then returned to the kitchen to help Naomi finish the dishes. The room had become much quieter with Katie's exit, but Naomi was not about the let the mood turn sour and tried to keep the conversation going.
Finally Emily could not take it any longer. "Naomi, I know what you are trying to do, and thank you, but silence would be nice too."
"Sorry, I was just enjoying seeing you smile."
"I know, I was enjoying smiling. But I still have a lot of darkness to work through."
"Ok." Looking sad and almost lost Naomi returned to the dishes.
"Hey don't look that way, I needed cheering up and it was appreciated, just not constantly. And if you ever turn my sister loose at a dinner table like that again," she reached into the sink for a hand full of soap bubbles and placed them on the blonde's nose, "there will be consequences."
Once the cleanup was done Naomi took Emily by the hand and led her up the stairs stopping outside their bedroom door. "I don't want to push or to make you feel uncomfortable in any way. There is a bed in here and one in the spare room. You choose where you want to sleep, and where you want me to sleep."
"I would like to sleep in this bed," pointing to their room, "it feels safe there." She could feel the blonde's fear of being pushed away again. "But I think I need some space."
Naomi held the sadness in check, but her voice still cracked as she answered, "You should be where you feel safe. Good night," and started to turn away before the tears began.
"Wait, will you come and sit with me and talk for a little bit?"
Naomi's smile was the only reply necessary. They entered the room without turning on the light and found a spot on the floor leaning against the bed. They sat just close enough to hold hands in the dark and talked of nothing for hours.
Naomi finally stood up and pulled the redhead into a hug and sent her to bed, and then made her way to the spare room. She lay in the dark with tears in her eyes, afraid to close them, for if she did it would be Emily's face she would see. The sad hurt face. She cursed the individual who had caused this, and imagined a place where she and Katie could explain in PAINFUL detail why his action had been wrong. It was a nice distraction, but Naomi found no comfort in it. She was just trading hurt for anger, and neither would help Emily. She had to find a way to give her the love and friendship needed to find her way back.
The knock at the door and voice were so soft she almost missed them, "Noms, are you still awake?"
"Ems, what's wrong?"
"It's lonely in there and I need my best friend. Can you come to our bed?"
If the lights had been on Emily might have laughed as Naomi in her hast tangled herself in the covers and fell to the floor. In the dark all she heard was the thump as the blonde hit the floor.
"Shit."
"Are you all right?"
"Yes, just tripped."
A slightly more restrained Naomi followed Emily back to their bedroom and watch the redhead crawl into the bed and under the covers. As she started to join her Emily turned and looked up, "You're not warring any pajamas?"
"You know I normally don't, and I didn't take anything in the other room with me." Emily continued to just look not saying anything. "I'll go put something on."
"It's ok, be comfortable. Just don't expect more than some hand holding."
"Are you sure? It's not a big deal."
"Naomi just get in bed." The blonde climbed in under the covers and offered a hand which Emily accepted, lacing their fingers together. "And Noms, try not to be so guarded around me. Of all the things that were taken from me, don't let the strong, self-assured woman I fell in love with be one of them."
"I'll try. I just can't imagine what you have gone through or begin to understand what's ahead. I don't know how to fix it and I'm afraid of making things worse."
"You can't fix it Noms; I think that is my job."
"Why does it all have to be on you? Why can't you let someone help?"
"Because I am the one it happened to. I know what's broken, what needs fixing."
"But we are a couple. We help each other, even if it is just a little thing like holding hands."
"Accept that this is on me. I can't make it un-happen so I have to learn to live with the memory. And don't for a minute think holding my hand is a little thing. It is so important to me just knowing I am not alone and that you're there."
There was so much more Naomi wanted to know and to say, but she remembered her mother's advice and simply squeezed Emily's hand and let the silence continue. Just as she felt sleep about to overtake her, "I like you so much Emily, and I love you."
The words struck a chord in the redhead's heart, and a smile spread across her face. "I like and love you too."
The sun filled the room with light and Emily started to wake. She could feel the warmth of the person next to her and the smooth skin of the body her arm was draped across. She slid her hand up and cupped her girlfriend's breast and gave it a light squeeze as she snuggled in closer. It had all been a bad dream.
The attention woke Naomi who turned her head towards the redhead and whispered "Good morning beautiful." She reached across and placed a hand on Emily's shoulder and drug it down her arm towards the elbow. The same motion had been in her bad "not-dream". It all had been real and the memories came rushing back along with the fear and and the panic. Emily pulled her hand back as if it had been burned, turning and scooting until her back was to the blonde.
"Please Naomi don't."
"Em, sorry. I..." Naomi not being fully awake or understanding what had just happened stammered her worlds trying to find the right thing to say. "I... just... but... you...," finally just giving up and ending with "sorry." She crawled out of bed slipped some clothes on and left the room.
Emily curled up in a ball and thought a few very nasty things at the Universe for allowing her to hurt Naomi like that.
Gina was in the kitchen when Naomi walked in and flopped into one the chairs and rested her head on the table. She couldn't help asking the obvious as she placed a mug of coffee in front of her daughter, "Rough night?"
"Something like that."
Gina considered pressing for details, but before she could ask what the latest trauma was Emily entered the room. "Good morning Emily. Coffee?"
"Yes please."
At the sound of her voice Naomi sat up and tried to look like everything was alright. Emily walked up behind her and leaning in placed a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek. She then whispered in her ear, "You lady are a saint. I am sorry for what just happened." Emily went on to find breakfast and left Naomi staring at her coffee wondering what life would offer up next.
Emily sat in their room looking out the window at nothing, asking herself for the thousand time today Why me? The sound of the mobile ringing rescued her from the dark thoughts surrounding that question.
"Hello?"
"Miss Fitch?"
"Yes."
"Miss Fitch, this is Dr. Grant; I was you attending the night before last in A & E. I am sorry this took so long but I wanted to let you know we got your STD screens back and they were all negative.
"Thank you Doctor."
"Is the post address you provided current?"
"Yes?"
"I am going to send you a referral to an OB-GYN I know. Whatever course you choose you should go see her. And you should have the STD screen repeated in one month's time, she can arrange that."
"Thank you."
"Take care Miss Fitch."
"I will."
Emily just stared at the mobile after the call ended. She should be happy, that was good news, but all it really meant was the next decision now needed to be made.
Emily found Gina in her room sorting through a big pile of mismatched socks. She walked over and started helping sort the different colors. Gina looked up from the task to see the intensity in the girls face, but refrained from asking, letting her share when ready.
"You said you'd be a mom whenever we needed one?"
"Of course."
"Could you not be for a little bit? I mean just listen, not judge, not be supportive, not offer advice, just listen?"
"Well if you were to ask my daughter she would tell you that was beyond my abilities, but I will try," she answered with a smile.
Emily looked back down at the socks and continued sorting. Gina could see her trying the words out in her head, and just waited.
"The doctor called and my STD screens all came back negative." Gina wanted to say how happy for her she was, but bit her tongue and stayed quiet. "I should be happy, but now all I can see is the next question." She dropped the socks, placed both hands on her stomach and looked down at her belly, "What do I do now?"
It killed Gina to stay quite but she was true to her promise, and waited for the redhead to continue. She could see the tears in Emily's eye as she tried to match the different colored socks.
"Do I welcome another person into my life, or turn my back on it. Do I go through at the struggles and give it up for adoption? What will this do to Noms? Can we ever be us again?" She paused realizing she had moved the same sock between piles four times.
"I shouldn't have to make decisions like this. I wasn't out shagging around; I was trying to do a good deed."
"And this life had nothing to do with what happened. How could I just brush it aside? That's not who I am. That's why I went with JJ; I couldn't just brush him aside. Naomi didn't want me to go, she wanted me to live our life not someone else's." Emily slumped to the floor and broke out in tears, "It's all my fault. I have wrecked my life, and Naomi's and our chance together."
"Do I just get rid of it or bring it into this fucked up mess of a world?"
Gina finished sorting and stood by the bed making busy work until Emily's tears slowed. A little voice from near the floor called up to her, "Mom?"
"Yes love?"
"It sucks being an adult."
"It does. And," she walked around the bed and sat on the floor next to the girl, "it is wonderful. I just watch an 18 year old girl prove herself a Person. And that was amazing. While I will not defend Jenna, she did raise a very bright young lady who just asked all the right questions. And showed that you do think about things and care about others. I won't try and answer any of the questions you just posed because you already have the answers in your heart; you just need to believe what it is telling you."
"But what about Naomi, what will she do and say?"
"Her mom didn't do such a bad job either; have faith in her heart too."
Gina watched them walk up the road towards the house, and went to meet them on the step. "You," looking at Naomi, "I believe have someone waiting for you inside. And you," letting her daughter into the house and turning on Kieran, "you two have been down at the pitch smoking and watching the club practice, haven't you?"
"I... well a..." dropping his shoulders, "guilty as charged."
"Fine, you are taking me to the pub and buying me a pint or three of cider."
"I am?"
"Yes let's go." She reached back pulling the door closed, and proceeded to lead him away.
"Is something wrong?"
"No, but there could be a conversation that we don't need to be a part of."
"Is it bad?"
"I don't think so, but they may learn things about themselves and each other that they had never thought to ask."
"Ems?"
"In here," she answered from the lounge. Naomi found her sitting on the sofa holding her laptop. The blonde walked around and looked over her shoulder; the screen was filled with an image of a beach at sunset. She rested a hand on the redhead's shoulder who reached up and covered it with her own. "That night the sky was so beautiful." She paused for a moment still looking at the screen. "Would you sit with me and talk a while?"
"Sure." Naomi moved to the other end of the couch, kicked her flats off and folded her legs up under her on the cushion. She was suddenly aware that her mother and Kieran had not reentered the house. Emily's expression did nothing to relieve her growing concern.
Emily set the laptop on the table in front of the couch so that they could both see the screen, and then set a folded sheet of paper on the keyboard. "We need to talk about me, about what has happened, the choices I need to make and what they mean to us. I have made a decision and it is on that piece of paper, but before you look I need to know what you are thinking. There is no wrong answer as long as what you tell me is true in your heart."
"Just a bit melodramatic don't you think Ems?"
"Yah, but I mean it. I want to know what you feel not what you think I want to hear or need to hear."
There was a pause as they stared into each other's eyes trying to figure out what to say next. Emily looked away first and let her eyes rest on the image of the beach. "I want to go back to that place and time, it was all perfect."
"I can't take you to that time but I will take you to that place and a hundred other beaches."
"Right, how is that going to work if we have a kid or kids?"
"Kids love the beach."
"Be serious Naomi, it won't be just us anymore. We won't be able to just pop off to the club, or the beach any time we wish."
"I didn't say we could. I'm just saying our dreams don't end if we choose to keep it."
"But some of them do. How are we, how am I going to go to Uni?"
"Did I miss something; none of the schools said moms can't attend."
"How is that going to work, who will take care of the kid while we go to class and study?"
"So we do it one at a time, we take a gap year and then you go first."
"What if I don't keep it, just get rid of it now."
Naomi turned her head away, eyes unfocused as she looked across the room and searched her heart for the way to describe her fears. "It seems like it would be the easiest way to put this all behind us. But I am afraid that you will regret the choice and grow to resent that you made that choice for me."
"I'm scared to be a mom. I don't know how and I don't want to be like Jenna."
"You will be a brilliant mom."
"How do you know?"
"You care so much and never give up."
"That's call being stubborn."
"Katie is stubborn, you're determined." That caused the redhead to smile and playfully push at Naomi. "Can you separate the child from the attack? Or will it always be a reminder?"
"In a way. There will always be that connection, but the child is a victim just like me. It didn't ask to be created this way."
"But one way or another it changes your life."
The both sat in silence looking at the photo of the beach. Naomi looked over to find Emily's brown eyes looking back.
"From the heart Naomi what do you think?"
"You may not like this answer. I miss you Emily. I know you can't just be magically over all this and that it is going to take time, but I still want to hold you and have it all be better."
"Does that mean I should get rid of it?"
"I didn't say that. I think she deserves a chance, and shouldn't have that taken away before it ever begins. But in the end Emily it is your body and you have to choose. As much as it hurts me to say this you have put Emily first."
It was almost a whisper as she put her hands on her stomach, "She..."
Emily reached over picked up the paper and handed to Naomi, who unfolded it and read the words aloud.
"I choose Naomi and I choose my baby, together the three of us are a family."
Thank you for reading. Please review and let me know what you thought.