may flowers

Thank you for your support.

Chapter Six:

The case she works in January is crazy. She wakes up handcuffed to Lanie after they had been drugged at a crime scene. And as much as she loves Lanie, there's only so long she can be trapped in a room with her listening about her recent problems with Esposito, especially when she's trying to find them a way out. Oddly, as she and her friend clamber on top of the box to escape the tiger, she's thinking about how much of a great story it would be to tell Castle - how much he would enjoy the surreality of it, if he were there with her.

Gates is far less pleased, and she avoids the reprimanding glare of her Captain when they get back to the precinct once they've processed the killers and the Agent leaves. The boys fill her in on the situation of the tiger, Esposito teasing Lanie that it'll be killed, which only makes the medical examiner roll her eyes and walk away.

"What? What'd I do?" Esposito says, turning back to Beckett and Ryan.

She narrows her eyes at him while Ryan laughs and claps him on the back. Before she has a chance to reply, however, she hears a loud, low voice shout Kate! and mid-turn she finds herself crushed against a familiar, broad chest.

She instantly goes stiff, cheeks flaming as she can feel Ryan and Esposito's eyes on her. Confusion clouds her momentarily before she realises it's Castle, and she struggles from his grip. He doesn't seem to take offence, though, as she stares, blanching, at him, only reaches out to push her hair away from her face with one of his large hands.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he says breathlessly.

Instinctively, her cheek leans into his touch, before jerking back when she remembers where she is. Ryan and Esposito are practically giggling.

"Castle, what - what are you doing here?"

"I contacted your colleagues here, Detective Esposito and Ryan, when you weren't answering your phone today," he says, nodding to them, who grin innocently at her. In a lower voice just for her he adds, "Given what happened the last time you didn't answer my calls, I just thought I'd definitely make sure you were okay. But you were missing."

Ryan and Esposito lean closer to try and hear what he's saying, so she shoots them a glare, which makes them scuttle back slightly, still hanging around however. Kate shakes her head, pinching the bridge of her nose and taking a breath before turning to speak to Castle.

"How did you even get their numbers?"

"I did some research. On which precinct you work at. After that it was easy to call," he tells her, as though it should be obvious.

"You researched me?" She hisses, taking another deep breath when he nods eagerly. "Castle, can I talk to you in private, please?"

Kate doesn't leave him much room to argue, instead practically shoves him into the conference room.

"Aw, don't be mean to your boyfriend, Beckett. After all, that's how we knew you were - Ow!"

Ryan pouts, rubbing his upper arm where she'd pinched him. Esposito is roaring with laughter behind him, and she glares at them one last time before following Castle into the conference room, making sure to close all the blinds so that they have total privacy. Castle seems to think this means he's allowed to touch her even more now, because his arms rope around her from behind when the last shutter falls shut, his lips against her neck as he breathes her in. And no, her heart doesn't leap to her throat, but she does whirl out of his grasp.

"What the Hell were you thinking?" She demands, setting her hands on her hips. "I never said it was okay for you to come here, to talk to my colleagues, interrupt me at work!"

His face falls instantly. "I was just worried about you."

"I know, Castle, but you can't just barge in here, and hug me and - "

"Woah, okay, Kate. I didn't barge in anywhere. I rushed here because I heard you were okay after being locked in a room with a tiger. Forgive me for being worried."

She scrubs a hand across her face, fingers running over the weary lines and she feels exhaustion climbing the rungs of her spine. Okay. Maybe she's a little tired, a little on edge, and is being a little dramatic. He was just worried, and that's okay - that's… good, she thinks.

"I'm sorry, Castle. I shouldn't…" She shakes her head. "I'm just - my job is dangerous, and things like this happen, and I'm not really used to… I'm not really used to people other than my team being worried about me."

Something about him softens then, and he tentatively moves forward, taking her hand and she lets him run his thumb over her knuckles, forging warmth in his path.

"Well, you'd better get used to it," he tells her, quirking a smile, "because I plan on worrying about you for a long time."

She can't smother her smile, looking up at him shyly. "You do?"

"Yeah, Kate. I do."

This time, because the blinds are closed and she's so tired and she just wants to be held for just a moment to deal with the fact that almost became tiger kibble today, she falls into him when he tugs her into his body. His arms wrap around her loosely this time but she winds hers tightly around his chest and buries her face in his neck. One of his hands rises and he threads his fingers through her hair, making her hum.

"Ryan's getting married next week," she whispers against his skin, "I could do with a plus one."

He pulls away slightly to study her. "Really?"

She shrugs lightly. "You already introduced yourself to them. Why not make it our third date?"

"I would be honoured, Kate," he tells her, so sincerely it makes her grin.

She moves away from his neck, tilts her head so that her lips press against his gently, shyly. His hands settle on the small of her back, perfectly cautious as the room goes silent and her hands flex against the muscles of his shoulders.

And when she moves away, her throat is not- it is absolutely not - clogged with emotion because of this man.

"I'll see you then," he murmurs, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I'll see you, Castle," she says softly.

Nerves cluster in her stomach on their way to the wedding.

He's the perfect gentleman, of course. Pressing a kiss to her cheek and telling her that she looks beautiful when he picks her up, making her smile shyly as she tangles her hands with his to walk from her building to the town car he's hired. It makes her heart falter slightly - this man is rich - but it seems almost nothing to him, to be treating her like this, only holds her door open for her happily (and maybe, maybe his eyes linger on the exposed curve of her ass in this grey dress).

It's not just her and Castle anymore, though, unlike their other dates. On their other dates she can laugh and joke and get to know him in all the ways she wants to and hold his hand or kiss him or whatever without the fear that her colleagues, her friends, will be watching. It's their own small bubble and now it's being permeated.

"You okay?" He asks as the car passes through the city, swirling a thumb over the back of her palm.

Shifting slightly, she rests her cheek against his shoulder for a moment. "Yeah… Yeah, I'm okay."

She hooks her arm through his when they walk into the church, which seems to surprise him, but he only smothers a smile as she peers at him from the corner of her eye.

"Ryan," she greet him, smiling, as they approach Ryan and Esposito standing together.

"Hey, Beckett," he says, reaching forward to accept her hug and kiss on the cheek while Esposito shakes Castle's hand. "Thanks for coming."

She grins, shaking her head. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Castle intervenes then, smoothly sliding a hand around her back that settles on her hip and she lets him, sinking into his side slightly. He holds a hand out for Ryan, who shakes it happily.

"Congratulations, Detective," he says, voice a smooth timber that makes her bite her lip to prevent a smile.

"Thank you. You don't have to call me detective," Ryan replies, grinning.

As he speaks, Jenny appears on the stairs behind him, and Kate feels Castle grinning beside her as she does herself. The dress is beautiful, as is the bride, and God, she is just so glad that Jenny is here and alive and that her phone call lead Kate to the man warming the ancient frost that's curled around her creaking bones.

"Oh, Jenny," she says.

"You look beautiful," Castle tells her.

"Thank you, Rick," she replies, blushing a little as she fiddles with the bouquet in her hands.

The exchange makes Kate look between them curiously, wondering how well they got to know each other in that bank robbery. Had they leaned on each other for support? Had they befriended each other in that moment of fear? Had… Had Castle asked Jenny about her?

"You're marrying a hero, Ryan," Castle tells him, to which Ryan laughs and nods his head.

Esposito and Ryan leave then, and she watches as Castle stares after Ryan wistfully. Of course, she knows, he's done this before. Two previous marriages are what he has to show from his share of churches and - wow, she's never really thought about it; the baggage he has, how it must be hard for him to meet women of substance who will stick around for him and his daughter rather than use him for his fame and his money. Divorce isn't as careless as it seems, she knows that, has seen the ramifications of it in homicide too often for her to always believe in a happy ending. But she'd never thought about the pain, the loneliness, it must've caused for Castle - trying to dedicate his life to someone who only rejected him.

Guiltily, she finds herself roping her arms around him before they walk into the church.

"You okay?" He asks again, hands on the small of her back.

"You're a great man," is all she replies with, avoids looking at the happiness that shines in his eyes and accepts his arm as they walk into the ceremony.

The ceremony is beautiful, and emotional, and she's sure that she sees tears in Castle's eyes when everyone stands up to clap and celebrate once Ryan and Jenny are officially husband and wife. Hours later though and the evening is littered with stars and she thinks that maybe she might be a little tipsy, because she's dancing slowly with Castle in full view of her colleagues and friends, their hips pressed together and his arms around her waist with hers on his shoulders.

"I think I like this version of you," he says, leaning down so that his lips brush against the shell of her ear when he speaks, "drunk Kate. She's very relaxed."

"You're not too sober yourself," she returns, curling a hand at the nape of his neck to brush his hair softly.

He laughs, pressing a kiss beneath her ear.

"That's true."

Kate hums happily, resting her head on his chest, her heels making them the perfect height for this. Between the other swaying couples on the floor she spies Lanie dancing with Esposito, who is watching her openly, mouthing he's cute at Kate. She smiles, and closes her eyes, content for this moment.

"Congratulations," she says for the tenth time that night, voice a little slurry from the alcohol now as she says goodbye to Jenny and Ryan, hugging the former. "You look so beautiful."

"Thank you, Kate," Jenny replies, catching Kate's hand and grinning. "You and Rick are so cute together."

Her heart fumbles. "You think so?"

"Of course!"

Bashfully, Kate ducks her head, laughing a little. After one last hug with Ryan she finds Castle again, waiting in the doorway of the reception for her. His arm winds around her waist automatically now, and his face turns up, looking at the inky swirl of dark blue and purple and black of the sky, the moonlight washing in silver over his expression. It's not the first time she's found herself breathless by how beautiful he is.

"The car should be here soon," he says, and then looks down at her in concern when he notices her shivering. "Are you cold?"

"Only a little," she admits.

Kate shakes her head profusely when he moves to take off his jacket, instead leans into him and lets him rope her into a hug, feeling the warmth transcend through her blood and her bones. Oh, this man. It feels too raw and right and real already and maybe that should scare her, maybe it does, but his body and the alcohol is making her chest warm and her limbs loose and she's happy.

She lets herself be happy.

"I had a really good time tonight, Kate. Thank you for inviting me," he says softly, kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you for coming," she responds automatically.

After a moment of silence, he whispers, "I want to write about you."

Maybe it's the alcohol, but she doesn't seize up with shock like she thought she would've. Instead she shifts slightly, her body still pressed against his but now her nose brushes his nose, close and intimate.

"Write about me?"

He shrugs. "I… have this idea of a character. Because of you. And I don't just mean personal writing; I'd like to make it into something more, something I can publish. If that's okay with you."

Oh. Oh.

Her favourite writer wants to write a book about her.

And he's looking at her like that again.

"I inspire you?" She barely whispers.

Castle pauses, eyes roaming over her face with such reverence. She wonders what he finds there.

"All the time, Kate."

Without hesitance, she leans forward, pressing her lips to his. They come alive beneath her touch almost instantly and she's spurred on by the idea that anyone could walk out and see them like this, see her so happy. So she adds more tongue and draws low groans out of him that make her hips jerk against his, his hands moving down and palming her ass now and she doesn't mind one bit.

He tears his lips away from hers and she finds his neck, paints the canvas with her passion as he gasps.

"Kate, car's here - "

"Come back to my place," she requests, voice low and rich.

He groans when she sucks his earlobe into her mouth, nibbling on it softly.

"You're drunk, Kate, I don't - "

"Not that drunk," she tells him, laughing.

He still seems to hesitate, so she presses herself against him wholly, adding a little more bite to her kiss this time as her fingers trip down the buttons of his shirt and tug at the waistband of his pants.

"I want you, Richard Castle," she murmurs, scraping her teeth against his chin.

He doesn't hesitate for a second longer.

At first it's fast and rough and everywhere. Her heels end up scattered somewhere in her hallway along with her purse and keys, as he presses her up against the door and makes her gasp when his fingers travel up her thigh.

Somehow she ends up shoving him down onto the bed, pulling his shoes and socks off and playing with his belt, dropping to her knees in front of him. But he's too impatient, yanks her up onto his lap so, while he devastates her with his lips across her neck and the exposed hint of her collarbone, she scrabbles with the buttons of his shirt until he's topless.

"Castle," she gasps, and it's still fast and rough and everywhere as his fingers trail up her legs and she rocks in his lap and warmth curls loud and sharp in her stomach.

But then he pulls her dress over her head and she watches the way his smile falls and his eyes focus on the scar between her breasts.

For a moment, she'd almost forgotten.

"Kate," he whispers between ragged breaths, fingers moving to rest against the scar and she holds back her bated breath.

Nobody else but her has seen it before.

This is the first time she's willingly ever let anyone else touch her scars like this.

His hand sweeps her side, inspecting the surgery scars there, touching her gently as he does. She knows that he's waiting for her to say something, can see in the tense of his jaw and the pain in his eyes that he doesn't want to ask. But if she speaks now, if she opens her mouth, she thinks she might fall apart.

"What happened?" He asks eventually, and he stares in her eyes as he does. Seeing her as more than her scars.

Closing her eyes and curling her hands around his shoulders, she takes a long, deep breath, focusing on keeping the anxiety attack lurking at the back of her mind away. She can do this. She trusts Castle.

Opening her eyes, she admits, "I was shot."

His reaction is immediate, his hands bruising against her skin as he grips her with such force as his mouth falls open.

"May of last year. At my Captain's funeral. The - the sniper was never caught."

"Oh, God," he says in a rush of breath, fingers reaching up to trace around the bullet wound. "But - you're okay now? Physically, you're okay?"

She nods slowly. Physically, yes, she is okay. But the mental ramifications? She doesn't think they'll ever leave her. And that makes this so unfair, because this man has wormed his way into her heart over the past four months and she wants nothing more than to give herself completely to him, but it's impossible. Because she can't even find the pieces that make her complete; she's scattered and lonely and impossibly broken and this man deserves so much more.

Instead of admitting to all of this, however, she simply says, "Yeah. Three months of recovery and - and I was pretty much back to normal. They, um… they tug a little sometimes, but it's bearable."

They burn. It aches. Devastates her.

She doesn't sleep.

She doesn't tell him this.

"You're so extraordinary," he whispers, leaning forward to drop a kiss to her throat, "you - you survived a bullet to the heart, Kate. God, I'm so glad you're here."

His lips move and she holds her breath as they descend from her throat and down her chest, pressing slow, wet kisses to her skin. She's waiting, wondering, and then finally his lips kiss her scar and it doesn't hurt, so her back arches up against his mouth, his hands reaching behind to fumble with the hook of her bra.

But she finally takes a breath and the tears splinter bitter and spiteful in her eyes, a low sob escaping her and he stops instantly, cupping her cheeks and forcing her to look at him.

"Kate? Did I do something wrong?" He asks quickly, thumbs wiping away her tears.

"No, no it's not you," she insists, taking a ragged breath. "I just - nobody's…"

His mouth drops again. "You haven't… with anyone, since?"

"I - I was with this guy, Josh, when it happened. He was a cardiac surgeon, helped fix me but… we weren't right. And since then there's… there's been no-one. Only you."

"Oh, Kate," he murmurs, leaning forward to dust a kiss against her hiccuping lips. "We don't have to do this."

"I…"

"It's okay, Kate. You know that, don't you?" He asks, staring deep into her eyes. "It's okay if you need more time. I'll wait, I promise. You take all the time you need."

At that, she feels herself break even more, moving forward to wrap her arms around him and bury her face in his neck. He wraps his arms around her waist and his bare skin on hers still makes dredges of arousal swirl in her stomach, but it's overcast by the grief and sadness that thunders inside of her every night. She wishes she could be more. For herself. For him. So that they could make this work.

"Would you stay the night, Castle?" She whispers, breathing deeply to stop the tears. "Not - for that, but… Just stay?"

He nods against her.

"I'll stay, Kate."

For the most part, they are silent after. He shucks his pants until he's only in his boxers, slipping under the covers with a bashful look on his face and she curls up against his warmth in her underwear, their bare legs tangling. She reaches over him and twines her fingers with the hand not wrapped around her, pressing her cheek against his chest and listening to the reassuring thud of his heart. It's peaceful, and for once she thinks maybe she'll escape the nightmares.

"I want you to meet my daughter," he confesses quietly.

She rests her chin on his chest, frowning. "Castle, you said you only introduce your daughter to women you think it's going well with. And - after what I just told you - surely you know that… well, I'm not exactly a great person to have around a kid."

But he only smiles.

"I think you're more than you realise you are, Kate."

God, his words devastate her. Nodding, she closes her eyes and settles against him again, pressing a kiss to his chest. They say nothing more, and she's grateful - so exhausted. Darkness blankets her vision and bathes her in sleep.

She only has one nightmare and he's there to lull her back to sleep when the shadows dance across her room.

TBC