may flowers
I'm so glad you're all still interested in this fic. This chapter is a little unlike the others, but I hope you like it nonetheless.
Chapter Nine
Hours later, when they're done, and her bones have melted into liquid and her skin is buzzing and she is exhausted in all of the right ways - she sags against him, draping her thigh over his as she curls her body into his side, her head cushioned on his bicep. Previous flames of desire that had licked their way up her spine are replaced with the cooling air of night, save for the few beads of sweat that cling to her skin. She hears him sigh contently and presses her smile into his skin.
"I don't even have the words for how amazing that was," he says into the silence, and she feels him shift, drops a gentle kiss to her forehead.
"Technically, doesn't saying it was amazing count as having words for it?" She teases, drifting her fingers up and down his side.
"No need to get so logical."
Kate doesn't have the energy to laugh, instead hums and sinks deeper into his embrace. Dredges of sleep begin to curl around her, normally so distant and teasing - it's the easiest that she feels she's falling to sleep in months.
"It wasn't about her, you know."
His voice pulls her from the edges of sleep, her eyes blinking open again to find the blue of his staring intently at her.
"I know I was… I was upset, about Sophia. But it wasn't about her. I would never have done this with you if it had ever - even for a second - been about her."
Kate smiles, curls a palm around his ears and tugs him towards her, kissing him gently.
"I know."
That settles whatever had been ricocheting through him. His breaths deepen, relaxing as she begins to fall asleep again him, content in this moment, here, with him, having no concept of anything else other than this.
Even as a child, she had been a light sleeper.
The sound of footsteps that don't belong and are slightly unfamiliar have her waking groggily. A quick peek to the side reveals that it's almost four in the morning - she's managed three hours of peaceful sleep, almost a miracle.
A shadow falls across the room from the light still on in Castle's office. The thought of an intruder has Kate sitting up sharply, but it isn't an intruder she finds standing in the doorway.
"Alexis?"
Kate clings to the bedsheets that preserve her modesty as the young girl stands, conflicted, in the doorway. She wrings her pale little hands as her eyes go wide and her gaze flickers between her dad and the detective. There's no light on the little girl's face, but Kate thinks that she spots blotchy cheeks as a result of crying. Oh, no. Is she getting in the way of Alexis seeking her father's comfort?
"You're the detective from the bank," the little girl says, watching as Kate nods. "You're not s'posed to be here 'till Friday. Dad said we were going to have dinner."
"Oh, um," Kate lets go of the sheets with one hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. "That - that plan changed a little. But I'm still going to be here on Friday. For dinner."
The redhead nods, and Kate waits for her to say something - little kids have always made her a little nervous. Toddlers, babies, they're fine; a little dependent, if slightly stubborn. Kids have an edge of awareness that could make them think like adults if it weren't for the naivety of their minds - they say what they're thinking in ways adults don't, ask so many questions that sometimes she's not sure she has all the answers to. From what she's heard from Castle, Alexis is inquisitive - bright, and not only in the way that most parents believe their kids to be. She can see it in the solemn, thoughtful look on Alexis's face now as she assesses the situation.
Her face bunches up suddenly, looking like she wants to cry, and she says nothing as she spins on the spot and bolts from the room.
Crap.
Kate leaps from the bed and tugs on her pants, finding her bra and shirt somewhere in the darkness. She glances at Castle but the guy looks dead to the world - and this is her mess, it seems like her presence kind of caused this.
Her shirt is only half buttoned and the wooden flooring of the loft against her bare feet makes her shiver as she rushes into the living room to find the little girl disappearing up the stairs.
Kate takes the stairs two at a time, making sure to keep her footsteps light.
"Alexis?" She calls calmly, stopping at the top of the stairs to find the little girl curled up in a ball in the middle of the upstairs hallway, crying into her knees.
The girl doesn't move, so she moves to crouch beside her, curling a hand around her shoulder.
"Hey, what's wrong?" She asks softly, making sure to meet the girl's bloodshot eyes when she looks up.
Her gaze flicks towards the open doorway in front of her and Kate sees the pile of bedsheets in the middle of the room, along with a pair of pyjamas on top of that. Why would Alexis have stripped her bed -
Oh.
"Alexis," she sits beside the girl, watching as an angry blush paints itself across her cheeks. "Did you wet the bed?"
Alexis sniffs, wiping her hands across her blotchy cheeks. "I'm not a baby."
"I know. I know that," Kate tells her. "But - you did?"
"I didn't mean to. I didn't. I - I changed my clothes and tried to - but I don't know how to wash them…"
The little girl looks as though she's about to burst out crying again so Kate pulls her close, hugging her side. This feels a little out of her territory, but there's no way she can just abandon this little girl now.
"That's okay. I can help you, Alexis. We don't have to tell your dad if that's what you're scared of," she says, and she feels the little girl nod earnestly against her side. "Okay, we can do this ourselves. Do you know where your washer is?"
Alexis points to a room at the end of the hall and Kate nods, humming. "Okay, let's take the sheets there, shall we?"
Kate stands, offering a hand to the little girl. She takes it, standing to her feet and rushes over to the sheets before Kate can even blink. Okay. So that's how this is going to go.
"I don't want you to touch them," Alexis explains, grabbing a part of one of the sheets and pulling them over to the doorway. Kate doesn't argue. Alexis is embarrassed, she knows.
"That's okay. Why don't you lead the way to the washer, hm?"
Alexis leads the way down the hall, making sure to tiptoe quietly outside of her gram's room. The action is almost amusing - but Kate smothers her smile. Now is not the time. Instead she keeps her facial expression neutral as she girl tugs the sheets into the room at the end of the hall. She gestures to a light switch and the room switches from dark to light, and she watches as Kate closes the door behind her.
Kate crosses the room, opening the washer and scanning the shelf on top for the detergent. Alexis quietly deposits the dirty sheets and pajamas into the washer and watches as Kate twirls the dials the correct way and switches the machine on.
"They shouldn't be too long," Kate tells her. "Why don't we see if we can find you some spare sheets to put on after we wash your mattress?"
Alexis nods, quiet, and takes Kate's hand. The action shouldn't make her heart thump - but it feels like acceptance.
They find the spare sheets in an airing cupboard and lay them on the floor at the foot of Alexis's bed. Kate finds a mixing bowl in the kitchen and fills it with warm water, some washing up liquid, vinegar and even manages to find some baking soda to pour into the mix. She doesn't say anything as she sets the bowl on the bed and begins to scrub at the wet patch, doesn't want to risk upsetting Alexis even more.
"Do you have kids?" Alexis asks, and there's almost something like hope in her eyes.
Kate shakes her head. "No - my friend, Lanie, has quite a few nieces and nephews about your age. They stayed at my place once and the youngest, she was only four, wet the bed. I had to call my dad to find out how to clean the mattress," she tells the girl, laughing slightly to attempt to diffuse the tension between them. The corners of the girl's mouth lift but something about her has deflated. Huh. "Oh. You want siblings?"
Alexis looks down at her feet. "My daddy's fun."
"I understand. I was an only child too, like you and your dad," she tells her. The little girl looks up with wide eyes. "Yeah. My parents were always fun, but I always hoped for a little sister that I could play with."
Alexis smiles, swaying slightly on the spot as a happy mood begins to come back to her. "I want a little brother."
Interesting.
Kate moves the bowl to the floor once she's done, and, with a little difficulty, manages to raise the mattress and flip it over so that the wet side is on the bottom. She motions for Alexis to hand her the bedsheets and makes the bed for her, waiting out Alexis's silence.
"Thank you, Detective Beckett."
"Oh. You don't have to call me that. Call me Kate."
The little girl grins. "Thank you Kate."
They collect Alexis's sheets from the washer and Alexis lets her handle them this time, watching as she puts them in the dryer. Kate glances at the clock in the room and notes that it's nearing five now. The little girl definitely shouldn't still be awake.
She turns to Alexis. "Why don't you go get some sleep? I'll wait until these are done and fold them for you."
Alexis's happy mood vanishes instantly.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
She crouches in front of Alexis, cautiously reaching out to place a hand on her arm. The little girl's lower lip wobbles and Kate's heart clenches. No - she just got her to smile. She can't make Castle's daughter cry again.
"I have nightmares."
Oh. Nightmares.
"Of the bank?"
Alexis nods, hair rustling against the fabric of her pyjamas. Oh - the poor girl. She knows, she can tell, that Castle still holds memories of that situation in his heart; the day he and his daughter were almost killed and there was next to nothing he could do about it. And she'd wondered - about Alexis - about how the girl had been handling that memory too, how such a young mind can possibly learn to cope with that experience.
"Come with me."
Alexis follows her back into her room and Kate motions for her to sit in bed. The girl leans against her pillows and watches every single one of Kate's movements as she places herself beside the girl, unbuttoning her shirt.
"I have nightmares too," Kate tells her, and she points to her scar. "I was… shot, once. And it was very, very scary."
Alexis's hand reaches out and presses against the scar. "You almost died?"
"I almost died. And I have nightmares - a lot of them - where I don't survive at all," she says, fighting the emotion that clogs her throat. "And as much as I hate this scar, when I wake up, I just have to look at it in the mirror or feel it against my fingers to know that I survived. I'm still alive."
Alexis's eyes glitter with tears, so Kate shucks the shirt completely, motioning to the surgical scars.
"They had to cut me open to keep me alive. I couldn't really do much for myself after the surgery. I was tired a lot of the time, and had to stay with my father, until the day came that I was well enough to go back to work. It felt like that day was never going to come, but it did."
Alexis sighs, one that shudders through her body and leans against Kate. Her head is pillowed against the swell of her breast and her hand remains curled around the scar above her heart. Kate thinks she read somewhere - about babies bonding with their mothers from skin-to-skin contact. Had Alexis's mother ever given her this? Castle's told her, before, mentioned it in passing, that Alexis's mother is flightily - not purposely neglectful, just absent.
Kate's heart constricts at that.
She runs a hand through Alexis's hair, doesn't give herself time to wonder exactly what it is she's doing here - because then she'll wonder if she really wants long-term with Richard Castle, if she's ready to bring her darkness into their home (and, she thinks, she already knows the answer; an answer that scares her but makes her heart twist with anticipation).
"My point is," she continues, feeling the little girl relax against her. "Everyone has nightmares, just like you. I don't think about my shooting so much anymore. My nightmares aren't so frequent. And it's better to share that pain with someone, you know? I've told your dad about mine. And he's so helpful, Alexis. He would never be angry with you, or make you feel ashamed or embarrassed, if he found out you were having nightmares about these moments."
Alexis's breathing fans against her skin. "Do you love my dad?"
Oh. Well. That's -
It's best to give children honesty, right?
"Yes," she answers, resolute. "I love him very much."
Alexis's eyes close, breathing deepening. "Good."
The little girl falls into sleep then, still against her, and Kate runs her hands through her long hair. She tells herself that she'll get up and collect the sheets from the dryer soon, that she doesn't want to jostle Alexis too soon, that she'll just wait a little while first. But then suddenly everything around her is dark and peaceful, and she's sleeping too.
Footsteps wake her again. Familiar ones.
Her eyes crack open, peering foggily at the figure standing at the end of the bed.
"Kate?"
Oh -
"Castle," she whispers, glancing at the clock. Eight in the morning. Damn it, she must've fallen asleep.
He's looking at her strangely, as though he can't quite understand the picture in front of him. She looks down at Alexis, whose head is pillowed just below her breasts now, at the top of her stomach. Her face is completely peaceful, no evidence of her distress from last night lingering. And - Oh. Right. Her shirt is on the floor.
Slowly, Kate shifts from beneath Alexis, making sure to gently place the girl's head on a real pillow this time. She holds her breath when Alexis mutters, but then she rolls to her other side, snoring lightly. Mission accomplished.
She grabs her shirt from the floor, buttoning it up as she and Castle walk out into the hallway.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep, I was waiting for the dryer to be done but I guess I must've just dozed off and - "
"Why were you up here in the first place?" He asks - and from his tone she can't work out if he's curious or angry.
"Alexis, she… had a nightmare," she tells him, following him down the stairs. Daylight streams in through the loft now and she can see the conflict warring across his face as they come to a stop in the kitchen.
"And you didn't think to wake me?"
Oh - is he upset?
"It wasn't like that. It's just…" she purses her lips. "Alexis seemed a little thrown off to find me in your bed. I just wanted to make sure she didn't run away from her problems just because I was there, you know?"
She steps forward, squeezing Castle's arm and his eyes soften. He loops his arms around her, pulling her close.
"She's okay?"
"I think so. We had a discussion about nightmares and I showed her my scars - that's why I wasn't wearing my shirt."
"You showed her… Kate, I don't think - "
"Don't worry, Castle, I didn't fill your daughter's brain with violent images that will haunt her forever," and she stops him before he can protest. "I know that's what you were thinking. And that's okay, she's your daughter, you want to protect her. But I was just showing her that everyone has their nightmares."
Castle sighs, pitching forwards to capture her lips with his. The kiss makes her heart pound as her hands clasp his biceps tightly, the knowledge of her love for him making this all feel so different and new and better. Admitting it to herself had been a stage she'd skipped, instead telling his daughter but she can't find herself to regret it - she's made so much progress, with this man and in her own mental health. He makes her want to be better.
They break away and he smiles. "Have I told you lately how awesome you are?"
She laughs a little. "You might have mentioned it."
Castle drops a kiss to the side of her head, squeezing her waist with his hands before he moves away to the fridge. She slides onto one of the kitchen stools at the island and watches him, and this all feels perfectly normal - this whole scene; him cooking for her, hair still ruffled from sleep and her shirt creased from the way it had crumpled to the floor when he'd undressed her last night, his mother and daughter sleeping peacefully upstairs. It feels normal, and happy, and it's what she wants. This sense of family. Hadn't realised it's what she's been looking for this whole time.
He stops, assessing her and she must be showing it on her face. "You okay?"
She leans across the counter to kiss him again.
"Never better."
TBC