may flowers

This one's the penultimate chapter. And, oddly, for a penultimate chapter, was very fun to write. I hope you like it.

Chapter Twelve

Her regular appointments with Burke are becoming lighter. It's a small transition - weeks long, but noticeable. She stops hunching in the chair she sits in during appointments, doesn't avoid his eyes when she speaks. The room is warm and comfortable and she tells Castle as much the day after she realises it's been a week since she's had a panic attack.

His hand travels down her back, the pads of his fingers soft against her naked skin.

"That's great, Kate," he tells her, and the words should sound bored, but the smile on his face is a form of encouragement that makes her chest stutter.

"It's not… wholly because of you," she says, pausing for a moment to find the right words. "But, you're a huge factor, Castle. You - You help me. Ground me."

His arm wraps around her waist to drag her closer. Her thigh slips easily between his as he dips down, sprinkling light kisses across her jaw and her throat.

"You, Kate," he responds easily. "None of this was me. You put the work in, you learned to let me in, you're teaching yourself to be happy. You are your own greatest achievement."

The tears in her eyes threaten to spill, so she rolls them and pushes on his chest until he releases her. He laughs when he notices her embarrassment at the praise, but doesn't apologise or take the words back. Instead his head dips again, lips seeking out the scar between her breasts and she sighs, weaving her hands through his hair. He stays there, breathing her in.

"The last one. My last panic attack," she clarifies, drifting slow patterns through his hair. "Sparked from a nightmare. You'd - You'd gone missing. I woke up and opened all the windows in my apartment. I couldn't breathe. Had to take a really, really cold shower to make my lungs work normally again. And then I couldn't tell if I was trembling from the cold or from the attack."

He props himself up on his chin, digging into the scarred skin. She waits for him to berate her, to tell her she should've included him, but he doesn't. Instead his hand cups her shoulder, warm as always.

"I listened to some of your voicemails. You know, the ones you leave on my phone when I'm working and can't pick up and what you want to say can't be expressed in a text? The kind where I can hear the spots that you smile and when you talk with your hands and you sit on the edge of your seat as one idea leads into another. So, yes, Castle - I am the one that's put in the work. But you're always there… You're…"

The words trail off and she closes her eyes. She isn't a wordsmith. That's always been him.

He shifts, moving so that his palms lay on each side of her head while his face hovers close to hers. Bumps his nose against her own and makes her smile.

"How about we agree to disagree?"

She curls her hand around the back of his neck and pulls him in to kiss him softly.

"I can live with that."

Alexis swings her feet happily beside Kate as they sit on the creaky bench in central park. It's April, and one of her rare days off of work, and she's glad to be spending it with Castle and his daughter.

"Who do you think they are?" Alexis whispers, tugging on her sleeve and pointing not so discreetly to two young women lined up behind Castle for ice cream.

Kate smiles and lets her eyes trace over the two young women. Castle and Alexis had been playing the same game as they'd gotten here together on the subway - made guesses at stranger's lives; outlandish theories that made her roll her eyes. Alexis had been enraptured at the game, staring up at her dad as he whipped up CIA theories and alien abduction stories, completely enamoured. Now, she's been pointing people out to Kate while they wait for Castle to return with their ice cream.

"Undercover detectives," Kate murmurs back, watching Alexis's eyes widen. "They're a little young, so they're probably new to the job. Explains the over the top college attire."

Alexis tugs on her sleeve again. "Tell me more, Kate."

"We'd better be quiet. We don't want them to know that we're onto them - or let anyone else around us know who they are. Their suspect could be right here in this very park."

"No way," Alexis breathes out in wonder. "Who do you think it is?"

"Well," Kate takes a moment to pause, pursing her lips. "I think it's… you!"

Alexis shrieks happily as Kate begins tickling her sides, squirming away on the bench even as Kate chases after her. The redhead tries to twirl away and hop off of the bench, but Kate catches her under her arms, lifting up to twirl Alexis around before flipping her so that she's holding her upside down, the back of her skull against her knees. She's seen Castle do it a thousand times now, and it produces the same peal of laughter from the young girl.

Castle approaches them with two ninety-nines in his hands, stopping in front of them and grinning.

"Daddy! Make Kate put me down!"

Castle pretends to mull it over. "I don't know, I think maybe I'll just… eat your ice cream instead."

"No!" The young girl giggles.

Ignoring her, Castle makes a show of lifting Alexis's ninety-nine with strawberry sauce to his lips and licking some of the sauce off with an appreciative hum. His daughter wriggles in Kate's arms, arms reaching out to poke Castle's knees in protest. He staggers dramatically, making Alexis groan when he pretends to almost drop the ice creams.

Taking pity on the young girl, Kate turns her back to the right way up and sets her down on her feet on the floor. Her face is flushed, hair static as her chest puffs from all of the excitement, glancing between her father and Kate.

"Would you like some, Kate?"

Castle offers her Alexis's ice cream, holding it just high enough to be out of the girl's reach even as she stands on her tip toes and jumps. Kate holds back a laugh and takes the cone out of his grasp slowly, pretending to consider the option. Alexis whines as Kate takes a bite from the flake, batting her little fists against Kate's abdomen while the two adults laugh.

"Kate! You're a traitor!"

Finally giving in, Kate hands the ice cream to Alexis before turning to Castle.

"Where's mine?" She asks, nodding to the sole ice cream he holds in his hands.

"I thought we could share."

At his wolfish grin, she raises her eyebrows. "Oh, really?"

Kate glances at Alexis, but the young girl is trotting back to the bench they'd abandoned to eat the ice cream with a concentration she's never seen on any other girl her age. After deciding the girl is out of eyesight, she turns back to the man before her and grips his wrist, pulls the ice cream towards her lips. His jaw hangs open as she lets her tongue run a long, slow strip from the bottom to the top of the ice cream, pausing to swirl around the tip and collect more there.

The ice cream is cold and sugary on her tongue, but heat flushes her skin as Castle continues to stare at her. Motionless.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," he says.

Kate smirks.

Later, after a long day in the park and teasing him mercilessly through dinner, he has her gasping and moaning. Payback, she thinks.

"You know," he says after, still struggling for breath as he flops down beside her. "We are really good at that."

Kate laughs, reaching to pull the comforter over their naked bodies as she wriggles into his side. His skin is slick with sweat against hers but she doesn't care, lets herself breathe him in and be content.

"Alexis keeps wetting the bed," he says suddenly.

Kate frowns, propping herself up on her elbow to look down at him. "Castle?"

He sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. "I know it's been - it's been so long since the bank robbery. But ever since, she avoids certain TV shows, ones with just the hint of violence - even Star Wars. Wets the bed and tries to hide it from me. She's even stopped trying to convince me to let her read my books."

Kate sighs, letting her thumb brush against his lower lip. He leans into her touch, kissing the pad of her thumb lightly.

"She needs some help," she murmurs.

"Yeah. She does," Castle admits, defeated.

Kate shifts to straddle him as he sits up with his back pressed against the headboard. She lets her hands rest on his broad shoulders, squeezing gently. He doesn't say anything, so she leans in, kissing him softly. His hands rest on the small of her back, pull her closer, and when they part she rests her forehead against his neck, her lips at his collarbone.

"I thought - Of course, I knew it was going to be traumatic for her. Hell, there's not a day that goes by where I don't count my lucky stars for Alexis getting out of that alive. But I thought she'd… Kate, she's always so happy. You know her. Especially when you spend more time with her; the longer you're around, the happier she is because… Well, to her, you're the one that saved us. But Kate, she's not getting any better. I don't know what to do. She never wants to talk about it, and I don't want to force her to."

"It's easier. Talking to an objective stranger about it. It's why therapy can be so helpful."

"But I don't - I want to help her, Kate. I don't want to have to rely on some stranger to do it. I can't fail her - "

"Woah."

Kate pushes back, taking his face between her hands. He's so forlorn, like a lost little boy and it makes her chest ache. She loves this man. So much, and his daughter too, no matter how many questions and doubts she has about their future dynamics. Seeing them both ache unsettles her. Makes her crave for the ability to make things better.

"You are not a failure, Rick Castle. That little girl loves you."

He sighs, and she pushes her mouth against his fiercely. His hands flounder, confused, before settling on her waist and she lets her hips roll against his.

"Do you have any idea what seeing you with that little girl does to me, Rick?" She asks breathlessly. "Seeing how much you care, how much you love her?"

"Kate - "

"You are not a failure, okay? You are recognising that are some things out of your control. That you can't fix everything in your daughter's life, no matter how much you want to. That is not failure, babe."

At that, he gives in, the argument resolving itself. He pulls her closer and she wraps her arms tightly around him, nose against his shoulder and kissing the fabric of his t-shirt.

"How about we look for therapists for Alexis in the morning? Broach the subject with her once we've found someone."

"Together."

She unwraps one of her arms from him to tangle their fingers together.

"Together."

Colin Hunt is… interesting.

Dancing around with him in what is quite probably her fanciest dress hasn't exactly been an unpleasant experience. There are far worse people to go undercover with. And he is rather charming - doesn't push like other male detectives have when undercover before, hands in inappropriate places she hasn't given consent to (she will never miss vice). He keeps himself a respectable distance from her while remaining convincing, and, well, his accent isn't too bad either.

But he's not Castle.

They step off of the elevator and onto the precinct floor still dressed in their fancy attire. The dress is a little irritating now, and the make up she's used to cover her scar wearing away slightly and itching. All she wants is to get to her desk, grab her locker key and go get changed into something more appropriate and far more comfortable.

"Castle?"

He's drawn a chair up to the side of her desk, playing what sounds like candy crush on his phone with a bag filled with Thai in his lap - upon closer inspection, she thinks it's from her favourite store.

At the sound of her voice he looks up, smiling. Just plain happy to see her. His eyes track over her outfit with wonder and a little confusion if the tug of his eyebrows is any confusion, before snapping to Hunt who stands beside her. He doesn't ask where they've been, but she knows he instantly picks up on the correlation between her and Hunt's attire, begins sizing up the man stood beside her.

"Rick?"

He drags his eyes back to her. "Hey. Sorry, I - I thought I'd bring you some Thai for dinner. You said you wouldn't be able to make it home in time for it, so."

She grins. "Thanks, Castle. That's really sweet. You know, we don't have anything left to do here tonight, so how about I go change and you and I can head out?"

"Sure thing."

Hunt is watching them curiously. She knows the detective inspector has a blossoming interest in her, the same way she feels a budding attraction towards him, but it would never go anywhere. Whether Castle had shown up here or not, she wouldn't have allowed it.

"Where's Alexis, by the way?" She asks as she searches through her desk drawer for her desk key.

"Shopping with mother," he replies slowly. "She took her from school. Claimed there was no sadness that couldn't be cured through a shopping spree. I think she was just looking for an excuse to get her hands on my credit card."

Kate laughs, finally finding the key. "Sounds like Martha."

"Where were you, by the way?" He asks, glancing at Hunt again. The man is waiting for her as she'd let him use some of the space in her locker for his casual clothes. "And how can I convince you to wear that to the launch party of Nikki Heat?"

She glares at him. "First of all, you are not calling her that. Second, we went to the British Consulate as part of a case. Undercover. Hence the dress. This is Detective Inspector Hunt, Scotland Yard are letting us borrow him."

Castle stands, still assessing Hunt. The Brit is nothing but polite, however, and holds out his hand for Castle to shake.

"More like Detective Beckett allowed me the privilege of working this case with her," he tells Castle, smiling.

The corner of Castle's eyes go tight and she gulps, moving to stand beside him.

"I'm Rick Castle."

"The author?"

"One in the same."

"Interesting," Hunt says, glancing between them again. Okay, time to break up the testosterone party.

"I'm going to get changed. I'll be back in five minutes," she tells Castle.

He hums, sitting back in the chair he's claimed as his. Kate tells herself not to look back at him as she walks away, but she thinks she catches him glaring at Hunt as he follows her upstairs to the changing rooms.

"I suppose my plan of asking you out for drinks is redundant?" Colin asks as she hands him his clothes from her locker.

Kate blushes, laughing softly. Yeah, Castle had not played it cool with Hunt. Honestly, does he really think she was going to run away? Lead astray by a man from overseas? Oh - Actually, that does sound like something out of a romance movie.

"It would be," she admits.

"A shame," Hunt says.

She doesn't know what to say to that. Yes? No? It's not a shame, for her, but she'll let him have his moment.

It's a relief when she wiggles into her NYPD sweatpants and an old white t-shirt she's had buried in her locker for god knows how long. She slips into a pair of ratty sneakers, too, flexing her toes in relief. Sure, she loves heels. But days in them are often long and have her legs aching. She wonders if she'll be able to convince Castle to massage them for her. Well, that won't take much convincing.

Quickly, she slips into the toilets and lets her hair fall loose from its pinned up style, shaking her head and making the curls bounce. After, she makes sure she wipes away all of the make up hiding her scar before throwing the wipe in the bin. It's almost startling to see it again, but she feels more like herself.

Castle's still waiting by her desk when she returns, hopping up onto his feet and grinning at their height difference. She knows he loves it. It's odd that she loves it too.

"Ready?"

Hunt has joined the boys at their desks as she lifts her bag onto her shoulder and grins at Castle.

"Ready."

She refrains from rolling her eyes when he throws his arm over her shoulder on their way out.

They take a cab back to her apartment. Though she loves his place, the fact that his mother is looking after Alexis is something she wants to take advantage of. Craves cuddling with him on her couch while watching their favourite movies and eating too much takeout. He doesn't question it, lets her pluck the bag from his hands as he moves over to her DVD collection to choose their movie tonight.

"Hey, Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"What's this?"

She leaves the bag of takeout on the table and find that he's -

Oh.

Castle is nothing but curious, eyes scanning the photos and writing stuck to the windows and shutters of her apartment. Left open from one late night she'd had recently, images of her mother's dead body swirling around in her mind and depriving her of sleep until she'd slipped out of bed and returned to reading the same files she's read for the past thirteen years.

"You're investigating your mother's case," he concludes flatly.

And then he turns to her with fire in his eyes.

TBC