Takes place from Raven's POV during the trip to the future in "How Long is Forever?"
Mainly friendship, but implied BBRae, Rated K
My life was once filled with colors. Vibrant hues that made my dark blue seem better somehow. Seem brighter. Could even be beautiful. But now I know that without them, my colors are nothing.
She was the first one that I lost. The brightest of them all with purple, orange and green. I told myself that she was the only one that I had truly lost, but I was just kidding myself. After that, I was starting to lose them all.
I thought he would stay with us the longest, but when she was gone there really was nothing keeping him with us. Robin's red turned to black as Nightwing emerged, and he only worked alone. Where he went, we could not follow. It wouldn't have helped, Starfire's absence affected him the most and by the time we realized it, the red was gone and replaced with darkness.
I never told anyone. They wouldn't have believed me or it would have been just to big of a change from what they were used to to share. But my favorite color was and always will be green. And my green, my Beast Boy left me as well. He took his colorful jokes and tried to shape them into a new career for himself. His jokes were horrible, but they were him. It was a waste. No one would appreciate him like I did, even though I will never show it. But its too late to even show him, green passed on as well.
He probably would have left before, but he stayed with me because of his own limitations. I watched in pain as his spirit turned from its electric blue glow to a backlit gray. He was still there, still with me, but he was a shell of his former self. I couldn't handle it, it was killing me and I left him. I left him. How could I? I put him through the same thing I am subjecting myself to, this lonely horror. My mind is gone and I forced him to go through the same thing.
I'm haunted by specters of what once was, what I dream could come back, but I'm just hurting myself more. As I lost each of them, a part of myself faded as well, because they became part of me. I never wanted to get attached, but once I was I couldn't let go. My dark blue, the least worthy color of all of ours, faded as well. It was no longer beautiful, bright. No, when the other colors left me I became duller than ever.
Without them, my blue became white. Scientists say that white is all the colors together, and that is what I could have been. But my color is gone and I go with the artist's perspective. White is no color. White can not replace or replenish the colors I have lost. I am nothing. Nothing without my color.
I'm losing my mind. My powers constantly conjure up what I wish with all my heart to be true. I fell for it the first few times, but no more. My heart has broken time and time again by believing in their return. Hoping in it. But I know better. It is better to shove sentimentality out the door.
Yesterday, it was different. If I didn't know better, I would have sworn that Starfire returned to me, like a day had not gone by. But she was the same as when she left me and that is not possible. She asked me for help like she always does. Her aura was so strong… could it have been…? No, I'm being ridiculous again. I couldn't be her. It wasn't her. She was never really here.
Flash
…
Flash
…
Flash
…!
My… communicator…?! How could this be? I had believed this to be deactivated years ago… Is it really… My powers have done nothing like this before, I don't believe they are capable. This is a flash of red… Robin's color. I am only able to create blackness, dark energy that absorbs all light, all color.
No, I can't be too trusting. It must be a trick. I can't bear to have my heart break again.
But… what if my hope had finally been fulfilled? Can I afford to be wrong in assuming that its all lies? What if they need me? What if my colors have returned? I may regret this, if its a trick again I will die. But if I find out that its not and I don't go I'll continue living here in agonizing solitude forever. And that is a fate worse than death.
I pass though the walls, tracking my colors. Flying over the city. It seems to have come to ruin since my solitude. But that doesn't matter so long as my colors are here somewhere. I phase through the wall. Before I'm even all the way through, I feel their emotions. They are stronger than anything I've felt in a while and it almost hurts but I don't care. My colors are there, and thats where I'm going. I come into the room and some sort of battle is going on. But for a moment, I just float there. My colors are waiting for me, and I will be one with them once more.
Maybe its okay if I stay white. So long as I have all my colors with me, I'll just have to go with the scientific definition.