Chapter 4 Needy

"That feels so good."

"Oh my God, yes. Yes."

"Fuck! I need you."

"Ughhhhh."

"—Wait don't slow down, baby."

"Mmmm. Huh? Bec?"

Going down was harder than Beca thought.

She had the hard part right, as Jesse remained quite stiff in front of her face.

"What's wrong baby?" Jesse asked, coming out of a clear daze, his words sounding a bit muffled.

Beca realized that she was just staring at his groin. She realized she wasn't staring in a good way, either. It—well, he perplexed her. She wiped her mouth off, realizing she had built up quite a bit of saliva—she had to in order to keep it up at least. What work it was.

The small DJ was never one to shy away from fooling around with her boyfriend. They were together for a reason right? She had boyfriends in the past, as well. This was a thing. It was a thing. However his thing was wigging her out tonight.

It's an odd shape. It's so large. I mean good for him. This is impressive. I have a good guy, right? Go me. My boyfriend is hung. I knew that. Not like I can brag about it to the Bellas. Wait, yes I can. No, no never mind. Why is he still up? Wait, what am I doing? Keep it up.

Beca leaned back down and kissed his tip softly, sending Jesse back into a drunken-bliss. She allowed her kiss to linger—surely sending chills throughout his body.

Does it really feel that good? Geez. My jaw hurts. How can I get through this?

Jesse moved his hand to the back of Beca's head. He never pulled her head down, however he was suggestive with a tiny push. As this happened, his motion threw Beca off, causing her to look up a tad—only to have himself push up against her nose.

"What the fuck!"

Beca jumped up from Jesse's bed and brought both of her hands to her face, embarrassed however also quite annoyed. This was all so incredibly awkward.

Jesse let out a laugh.

"I am so sorry! I thought you were opening your mouth—I'm sorry. I guess I just liked it a lot. I didn't mean to force anything. You're just really good at this babe—"

"—Just stop. Sorry. I didn't mean to—sorry."

Jesse looked at her without continuing. Her little outburst seemed to really show that something was bothering her. He didn't want to push it—or anything—more than he already did. He then grabbed his pillow and moved it over himself, sitting upright. He took his hands and ran them through his hair. He sighed a bit.

"Is everything okay?"

Beca stood near his bed as she lowered her hands from her heated face. She turned slightly and grabbed her flannel that was hanging on the edge of the bed. She wrapped it around herself and began to button up quickly.

"Y-yeah. Of course. Sorry. I'm just, I guess I'm—"

"—distracted?" Jesse blurted out.

Beca stopped worrying about her shirt and looked back at Jesse. He caught her off guard for some reason.

"Geez, Bec. Don't act like you're stunned. I'm surprised you even heard me say that." Jesse frowned.

Beca knew she had been a shitty girlfriend as of late. But at the same time, Jesse was the one who had been bothering her. He had been so annoying, so needy, and so persistent in fooling around.

Wait.

Beca had texted him to get together tonight. She was the one who initiated this. Had she forgotten? Clearly. Lately Beca had been aroused. She had been electrically charged. She had been, okay, yes—horny. You see, smut had become such a big part of her life. It was concerning. She loved that there was a name for this kind of, well, porn. Beca was coming back to her dorm each and every night after rehearsal and looking up different stories. If she had plans, she made them quick, and if she was having to put the boyfriend in the books, she would find moments to check for updates on her phone—or jump right in when she returned to her dorm late that night. Beca had moments here and there where she thought she might be addicted—no she actually was addicted—however she was suddenly realizing that people who claim to be addicted to porn might actually be.

Wait, there is a difference—damn it!

Beca felt better about herself because smut required a little more…critical…thinking. Stories were of higher caliber, situations were intense and quite explicit. Scholarly porn?

To be blunt, she read a lot of smut, mkay?

And she was conflicted about it. But that didn't stop her. Tonight especially, she had read about a her "Devil's" characters in a battle to see who of the two women could get their partner to cum first—by going down one each one at a time. She was on fire, and needed some attention greatly. Well, she had a boy for that, and that was kind of his job—their job—as a couple. Perhaps Beca was so let down by this, and Jesse, for it in no way compared to her smut. Well, how could it—one might ask. She was disappointed. Jesse picked up on her mood, and now they were at a crossroads.

"Yes, I mean that, Beca. What's going on?" Jesse asked, realizing that they were more than likely done with whatever this was. He turned over and grabbed his own shirt and slipped it over his head quickly. His pillow was still over his lap; however he had a tough time placing his pants.

"Nothing. I'm fine. I guess I just—you know what? I think I'm PMSing."

Beca really didn't want to say that, however she would say anything to drop the subject. She was embarrassed of her actions lately—maybe not embarrassed, but she didn't want people to know what she had been up to either.

"You've been pretty checked out for the past 3 weeks. You're not pregnant are you?"

"Don't be an ass, Jesse."

"There it is. There's my girl. Feisty and argumentative. Welcome back!"

"Wow. Okay, yeah. Sorry I didn't want to blow you longer. Way to be a gentleman about it too, by the way."

"I'm sorry. Shit. Beca, really. I'm just concerned. Am I doing something wrong?"

Jesse seemed to really dial it down. He was actually very fond of Beca and didn't want to mess things up. He was crazy about her, and loved any and all moods she flashed by him. Beca picked up on this too, and she dialed herself down as well. She felt badly—this was her idea and now she was acting crazy. At least she felt like she was. She lowered herself back to the bed and sat across from her boyfriend.

"Nothing is wrong. I guess…I guess I just got uncomfortable. I'm so awkward, my God."

"It's okay, babe. We don't have to do anything further. Just want you to be okay." He smiled lightly.

"I want you to be okay too, but you won't be until…"

Beca slid her hand on to the pillow over Jesse's lap. She tossed it onto the floor, and smiled up at him.

"Seriously—Bec—"

"Shut up and finish for me, baby." Beca said slyly, however feeling weird saying it. She slid her hand over him and began to pump him—rather hastily.

The next day, Beca had a bit of downtime in between her classes. She was close to her dorm so she decided to poke back in and rest for a bit. She decided to log on to her computer and see if her Fan Fiction had any more attention—despite the lack of emails going to her phone. When she signed on she had nothing new to gander upon. That shouldn't have been a big shocker. She hadn't updated in about 3 weeks now.

There was a slight problem. She had been reading more than writing. That wasn't so horrible—however she began to get worried that her own writing did not compare to some of the pros. There were writers who had clearly been around for a while—their words were incredible, and those words really seemed to irk her. Stir her. Affect her. Beca was also inexperienced when it came to having sex with a girl. What could she bring to the table? She had some heat—definitely. Her second chapter was promising, and stirred some flirtatious—no, some desirable ideas. But could she finish? So to speak.

When she tried to add her third chapter that night a while back—she was very excited. However she found it difficult to get out. Anytime she typed things like, "she moaned, she inserted her finger, her hips…bucked back," everything was backspaced. Everything was reviewed three or four times. It was maddening. It was…awkward. She didn't know how to hook anyone with a finger…let alone a sense of anything sexual. She was all build up, no pay off.

Guest: Update soon please.

Beca had received this review a week and a half ago. She was convinced it was her favorite person ever. If only she could reach out to this bitch, to tell her she had just been preoccupied—and yes, she had been busy too!

Beca buried her face in her hands. She loved Andrea and Emily, and she wanted them to get together. But was she doing it the way she truly wanted? Or was she trying to get the popular viewing of lusty readers?

Writing as a career must be a bitch.

As much as she loved to make excuses for herself, she knew that she needed to update. It would bring her some piece of mind. She had been seemingly stuck for a little while. Jesse was noticing, the girls were noticing, Chloe called her out on it before anyone else. She was in a funk.

Beca buried her face in her hands after scrolling through her Word Document.

"Hiya."

Beca felt the warm breath on the back of her neck.

"What tha—"

She whirled around so quickly that she never realized how close she was to Chloe's eager lips. They were centimeters apart from one another's face.

"You're forward, already trying to kiss me." Chloe winked.

Beca leaned her head back as far as she could—quickly realizing that she was somewhat pinned between Chloe and her desk.

"Why are you always doing this to me?"

"I like being sneaky. Anonymous. It really works you up." Chloe giggled.

"Yeah well you're paying my medical bills to fix my heart. And my neck. Damn it Chlo." Beca scowled, placing her hand on the back of her neck—which she nearly broke.

"Another stressful day?" Chloe frowned—still remaining practically on top of Beca.

"They all are, lately."

"Hmph." Chloe crossed her arms and looked to the side for a moment—clearly pondering something.

Beca stared at her, wondering what new idea Chloe was fleeting off with. That was the thing about Chloe, when she got an idea, she ran with it—no matter what. If you were an innocent bystander, well, you couldn't be a bystander. You had to partake. Beca noticed the sweet scent of Chloe—I mean again they were very close at this moment. Chloe's perfume was always quite noticeable. It was a scent that Beca was beginning to recognize in random places during the day—like a memory.

It was like, cinnamon, or something.

"Seems like you need me." Chloe said, matter-of-factly.