Disclaimer: I do not own Suikoden, nor do I own Luc, or any of the other Suikoden characters.
Author's note: Okay, in this chapter I aim to; help Luc recover his staff; have Ishtar drive Luc even MORE insane (sorry!); introduce a few other characters. Perhaps Viki will accidentally teleport herself onto his coffee or something? I dunno.
Sorry again, Luc!
Luc: You want to die, don't you?
Kiba: You wanna try it?
Luc: I'll Shred you! I'm not kidding!
Valeria: Oh, come on, Luc! We all know that if you were going to Shred Kiba, you'd have done it before she had chance to upload this fanfic. Stop making promises you can't keep.
Luc: Shut up, Valeria. What are you even doing here, anyway?!
Valeria: (Shrugs) Tormenting you. It sounded like fun, so…
Luc: Well get lost!
Valeria: Oooooh who poisoned your coffee?
Kiba: Anyway! On with the show!
I blinked, barely awake, and found that, once again, someone had left a coffee on my bedside table, steaming hot, just before I woke.
Weird. I wonder who? I shrugged. Who cares who? I was getting a free coffee, without having to get up, with no milk and no sugar. Perfect!
I grabbed the mug by the handle, God knows I need a lot of caffeine to wake me up in the mornings, and was about to drink when I heard a scream above me. I looked up, confused, and saw an equally confused Viki suspended in the air above me, quite set to fall on my face.
"Uaaaaaaaahhhh!" She shrieked as she fell.
"Oh holy- OW!!" As predicted, she landed smack, bang on my head. Well, that's one sure-fire way to wake a guy up. "Viki, get the hell off my face!" I shouted, my voice muffled by her nightdress.
"Luc, oh my God, I am so sorry! I just woke up, and I have a cold, and- achoo!"
"OWWW!!!!" I was in pain now. Not only had she just given me serious whiplash and possibly a broken nose, but now I think my kneecaps were suffering too." You just teleported onto my legs, you dipshit!"
"Sorry!! I can't- achoo!"
Gone. So now what do I do? I have a probable broken nose, probable cracked kneecaps and probable whiplash. It's highly likely now that I will catch Viki's cold, me being prone to such minor illnesses, I've scalded my left arm where my coffee spilled and now, after I decide to get up and face the whole godforsaken world, I have to go deal with the child from hell.
Sometimes, I wonder why I'm alive. I really do.
So I dragged myself out of bed, mainly since today I have to find my staff, since Ishtar still couldn't remember, after two days, where she's hidden it, and then I can maybe get some peace…
Ha, what am I saying? Of course I won't get any peace! I'm starting to think that this whole goddamned castle is congregated for the sole purpose of driving me round the twist.
No joke.
About half an hour later, after washing, dressing, and getting myself a fresh mug of coffee, I sat, getting more and more infuriated, beside the stupid stone tablet.
"Uncle Luc! Uncle Luc!" Ishtar screeched joyfully. I gritted my teeth.
"What?" I replied, completely uninterested.
"Look what I can do! Look what I can do!"
"I'm watching." I replied, teeth still gritted.
Damn right I'm watching. For the day you break your neck doing your goddamned handstands, you little brat.
She did her handstand against the wall. Big thrill. Whoop.
"Great, Ishtar. Now can you go do that someplace else?"
The child burst into tears. Seriously, is it so easy to upset a four-year-old? Remind me never to have kids.
"Waaaaaah!"
I sighed.
"What's wrong, Ishtar?" Totally rhetorical, of course. I did not, I repeat, NOT, want the brat to answer. The sound of her voice gives me nightmares. Seriously.
"Uncle Luc's being mean!!"
Lucky for me, Tir walked in at that moment. Oh, sorry, did I say 'lucky'? I meant 'dooming'. My bad.
"Luc, what the hell have you done?" He asked, apparently appalled. I opened my mouth to answer, but of course-
"UNCLE LUC'S BEING MEAN!!" Ishtar snivelled. Tir turned to me.
Aww, crap. Now I'm for it.
"Luc, seriously, cut it out. I don't want to have to, but if necessary, I'll come down pretty hard on you. How do you think the True Wind rune would stand up against the Soul Eater, huh? She's only a kid. Pick on someone your own damn size." He wasn't kidding.
"I- but- I-! Come on, Tir!" I was trying to sound reasonable. "You know I wouldn't-"
"Luc. I don't want excuses. I want amends." He glared at me, rather out of character, for him. He was usually such a nice guy. "Now, I had a reason for coming in here… what was it? Oh, yeah. Listen up, Luc. You're getting a day off."
"A day off what?" I asked, rather stupidly.
"A day off babysitting. I need your help-or rather, I need your rune."
I stared at him, suspicious.
"Why…? What's going on?"
"Well, there this… thing…Well…"
"Come on, spit it out." I was losing patience. What was going on?
"Okay, okay… There's this… fire… thingy. It's like a monster, and it's tormenting a little mountain town somewhere… I think it's called Isnagh or something… and we can't beat it. I figured if I team you up with Cleo, who recently acquired a Water rune, we might stand a chance against it. Whaddya think?"
"Why can't you just use your 'A-team'? I thought they were perfect." I asked bitterly. I sounded like a sulky kid, but I didn't much care.
"Ah… I tried… We nearly died." Tir grimaced.
"Oh, right." I wanted to scream 'YES! TAKE ME WITH YOU! BREAK THE MONOTONY! TAKE ME TO THE FIRE-THINGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
However, I didn't want to sound too enthusiastic. So instead, I replied.
"Yeah, whatever. If it gets meout of this hellhole, I think I'm prepared to do anything."
Tir grinned.
"Do not, for your own benefit, say that in front of Sheena."
Sheena's gay?
"Sheena's gay?"
"Apparently. It kind of slipped out at the dinnertable last night that he'd made a pass at Flik. Poor guy. Then, supposedly, Viktor as well."
I couldn't help but laugh.
"Anyways," Tir said as he left, "I look forward to working with you. Don't let me down!"
See what I mean? Generally nice guy!
Author's note: Review, please!!
And he still didn't get his staff back. Poor guy.