Z25

Raphael

Blood is everywhere, that bulls horn is protruding from her chest and she's cold, so cold. Her head hangs over my arm like a broken limb; her red hair a tangled, bloody mess swinging silently with the rhythm of my step.

"Don't pull it out! She'll bleed out Raph, and you don't know if it's pierced an artery, or worse." Donnie follows close behind me and I take each step closer to somewhere I've never gone before, somewhere that puts everything I am at tremendous risk. I wasn't going to pull it out, though that's what instinct would tell anyone untrained to do. I didn't fail field med, I'd patched up as many battle wounds as Donnie, maybe not as well, but good enough. I just don't think he knew what else to say. It's bad and we all know it.

She saved my life.

I look at her near lifeless body, at her blood drenched shirt, wasn't it white? Fuck. There's so much of it, the scent of it is so strong I can taste the copper in my throat.

"Raph!"

Leo's voice summons me but I won't stop. There's no time for a lecture.

"I can't fix this Raph, she needs a hospital." Donnie is keeping pace with me, his eyes on her, and I can tell by his expression he thinks the worst.

My heart is somewhere in my throat, and it hurts. I can't think. I just have to do it. She's unconscious, been out for a while now. I glance at the gash on the side of her head, more fucking blood. Head wounds bleed a lot though. My thoughts aren't coming out in order, I just know what I have to do, and I focus on that.

"RAPHAEL!"

Leo's standing in front of me, calling my name in the most commanding voice he possesses. Dumbass. I will plow him. I'm not doing this, not now.

"Get out of my way Leo."

"What are you doing Raph? Where do you think you're going?"

She's dying and he wants to do this? My jaw clenches and I summon my reserves, emotional and physical, because there is no time for this. One thing I know I don't want is to go home and tell my kids their mother is dead. I step up to Leo and look at a fading, unconscious Zoe, motioning to her with my head, trying to contain a breaking heart. My voice comes out cracked and weak and I hate it. "Fuck Leo, if it was Karai you'd do the same thing. You know what I'm doing and I'm only gonna say this once, get the fuck out of my way because if she dies because you won't, I will never forgive you."

Leo's eyes drift down to his sister, my love, and soften, "Raph-" I know what he's going to say and I'm not ready to hear it. He looks at me, sees that and steps aside.

Every footstep feels like I've got tar on the bottoms of my feet and I'm dragging them onward, the bright lights of the hospital and the mess of people rushing around the emergency room growing ever closer. My hands are trembling, my stomach a rock, and there's a strange tingling in my chest when Karai appears by my side.

She jumps in front of me and I stop short, glaring at her but not feeling the rage I should. I feel, defeated. "Raph wait here. I'm going inside for a gurney, I'll put her on it, wheel her in and you don't have to go in. It solves the exposure problem. You can't come back from that Raph, just, please."

My head moves awkwardly, almost like it's on a rusty hinge and needs oil. "Hurry."

Karai is sprinting across the lot, returning within seconds, a security guard yelling at her from the doors. I duck behind a van in the parking lot as Karai whips around and I lower Zoe to the bed, blood immediately dripping onto the sheet when I move her over it.

Karai is across the lot with her in an instant, and I stand watching them disappear through the doors, feeling part of me slip away.

"She's going to be alright, right Donnie?" I can hear Mike behind me, but louder than my little brother is the silence that fills the space between us. Leo and Donnie come to stand on either side of me and none of us answer him.

If I'm honest with myself, I'm not even sure she was alive when I laid her on that gurney. My eyes close and I hear a whimper slip from my chest through my nose. Leo's hand touches my shoulder and I whirl on him, "Where the fuck were you Leo? Why did none of us have her back?"

"Since when have we ever had to Raph? Zoe handles herself as well as anyone of us, and there was plenty to fight. She knew what she was doing you can count on that." Leo isn't angry, he's not stoking my fire, not the way he used to, no, when I look in his damn eyes I see he's hurting, for me, for her, and for our kids. Our kids. My body grows unbearably heavy, my world whirls and I feel the ground drawing closer until my kneepads absorb the impact when I hit the pavement.

"We should get back to the lair, check on things there, get these meds to Noah, call the house and check on things there too." Leo's voice sounds so far away. Blood rushes through my ears matching the rhythm of my pulse thrumming from my heart to my fingertips and toes. I sink back onto my haunches staring at those damn doors, wishing Karai would come tell me something, wondering what's happening, doing everything I can to keep myself from barging inside.

Knowing I can't see her, steals the breath from me. What if I never see her again? What if I never see her smile, hear that sassy voice of hers, run my fingers through those red locks, look in those shining gray eyes, what if…