We now join our hero Toaster riding down the street in her big black van. She was singing and had Weird Al playing on the stereo.
"I'm driving a truck, driving a big ol' truck! Pedal to the metal hope I don't run out of luck! Rolling down the highway until the break of dawn, driving a truck with my high heels on!" She sang along, as she narrowly missed hitting a sapling. She parked in front of Freddy's house, 'tapping' the paperboy's bike and causing him to fall head over handlebars. She slammed on the horn. Freddy came running out holding onto his hat with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.
"All right already, Patient One! I'm here." He grumbled, taking the front seat. She glanced at him.
"Huh! I never knew you brushed your teeth. Anyway, on to Camp Crystal Lake!"
"Maybe I should drive-" Freddy began. Toaster looked at him, her eyes turned bloody red, her hair turned into hissing snakes and her tongue elongated.
"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
Freddy sat back down fast as he could. "Never mind."
Toaster turned back to normal quick as a whip and they dove off to Camp Crystal Lake. Toaster parked next to the lake.
"All right Fred-O, dive in and get him." She said, leaning back in her seat and resting her feet on the dashboard. Freddy scowled.
"Why can't you get off your lazy butt and do it?"
She leaned back farther and looked at him upside-down. "…Because I swim like a brick and I'm wearing new shoes." She held up her foot, showing bright green mesh slippers. "Aren't they pretty?"
Freddy wasn't listening, seeing as he had already dived into the lake. Moments later he surfaced with Jason and they got into the van. Freddy took off his sweater and wrung it out. Off-screen, there was a loud girlish squeal. Toaster grabbed a brick from the glove compartment and flung it. There was a thud and the squeal died down.
"Stupid fan-girls." Toaster grumbled. "They follow you everywhere!"
"Is somebody jealous?" Freddy grinned, Toaster turned red and glared at him.
"No. Now let's go to Haddonfield and get Michael." She threw the van in reverse and they drove off. Jason wrote on his slate: "But that's in Illinois!"
"This is a fan-fiction. It doesn't matter." Toaster said, "Heck, we're even going to skip us picking everyone up because it's going to take too long to write and I'm a lazy little author anyway."
"Really? That's a big surprise." Freddy muttered. Toaster heard him.
"Jason, I have to keep my eyes on the road. Punch Fred in the arm for me will you?" She asked. Jason, who was eager to please, did so. Hard.
"OW!" Freddy groaned holding his arm. Jason wrote on his slate and held it up.
"You big baby." It read. Freddy scowled and didn't talk until everyone else was picked up and in the van. (Much to Toaster's delight)
"Okay, now do you guys know why I came and picked everyone up?" Toaster stopped the car in a vacant lot and turned to look at everyone. There was a silence.
"Was it to play the Orange Game?" Pinhead asked, with slight nervousness. Toaster shook her head.
"You have a horrible disease and only have a few hours to live?" Chucky asked, looking a little hopeful. Toaster bristled a little bit and said 'no.'
A grin spread across Freddy's burnt face. "You're taking us to the laboratory to show us the beaker you spawned in?"
Toaster smacked him upside the head. "No."
"You're going to drive us off a cliff so we can fake our deaths and buy dune buggies with the insurance money?" Leatherface piped up. Toaster shook her head.
"No, silly! We're going on a road trip!" She said, with a huge smile on her face.
There was a huge assortment of groans. She bounced impatiently in her seat.
"Come ON! It'll be fun!" She squealed.
"FUN! Listening to your stupid music and pointing out obscure license plates is fun!" Chucky asked, completely incredulous. Pinhead folded his arms over his chest and crossed on leg over the other.
"I refuse to come along!" He said. Toaster slapped herself on the forehead and mumbled something about blackmail.
"Okay, fine. Pinhead has a shrine to Stevie Nicks in his closet!" She said loudly. Everyone gaped at Pinhead.
"WHAAAAA?" Was their surprised answer.
"Chucky's full name is Charles Lee Forsythe Llewellyn Wilhelm Aloysius Hogarth Chocolate Thun-Da Ray the IV!"
That was it. The passengers roared with laughter. Chucky looked at Toaster, shocked.
"You pinky-promised you wouldn't tell! Pinky promised!" He howled. Toaster went on, yelling out every secret that came to mind.
"Freddy goes to his boiler room to cry! Michael loves Paris Hilton! Creeper's favorite color is pink-" She was interrupted by Jason clamping his huge hand over her mouth. He held up his slate. It said: "All right! We'll go with you!"
"Yay!" Toaster gave a muffled squeal of happiness and hit the accelerator.
"Where are we going?" Pinhead asked.
"It better not involve dancing." Freddy grumbled.
Michael held up his slate: "Or karaoke."
"Or dancing cannibal leprechauns from the planet Pluto." Leatherface said, not noticing everyone staring at him in stunned silence. Toaster gave a little smile.
"You'll see." She said, and put on her Music Man soundtrack. "Now, who wants to sing?"
A FEW SONGS LATER
Toaster smiled, showing off her braces.
"See? I told you this was fun."
The boys nodded, some rolled their eyes.
"And this must be my lucky day! The sun is shining, we're in a good mood and I haven't run anyone-
Just she was about to finish her sentence, the van hit Ghostface. "-over."
Toaster looked at the boys. "You didn't see that, comprende?"
They nodded and she drove around Ghostface and into the clichéd sunset.
What will happen now? Will they reach their destination? Will Ghostface have revenge? Will the U.S. ever adopt the metric system? Stay tuned to find out in another insane episode of The Wacky Adventures of Toaster and Co.!