Disclaimer: Aziraphale, Crowley, and Good Omens are created and copyrighted by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. This is a fanfic, intended only in the spirit of fun. Tons of love and thanks is owed to the amazing and wonderful Daegaer, who provided tons of feedback for the first half of the fic, and then ended upsomehow volunteering herself as a beta-reader and a proofreader, and who helped me correct many of my Americanisms with proper British English. And thanks to y'all for reading!

Ordinary Miracles

by Nenena

Chapter 14

Reid, Dennis C. 1999. Love and Other Things that Hurt. Black Moss Press, Windsor, Ontario. PR9199.3.R4215 L68

As if reading Crowley's mind, Aziraphale said, "You want us to split up."

"Yesssss."

"But Theo can't come with me?"

"No," said Lucifer, with great finality, reaching out and grasping Theo's shoulder, pulling him back close. Theo stumbled toward the Devil and gulped. "He's my hostage," Lucifer said, "and he'll stay with me."

"We'll search the town and the woodlands around it," Crowley said hurriedly. "On foot, of course. And the angel will go out to some unpopulated area nearby and stay there, holding one position. It's bound to try to pick off at least one of us, other than the angel with the gun, once it sees us separated. It'll probably go for Theo, but we can't be sure, since it's probably clever enough to know that we can predict its moves by now. But as long as we have wings, we can move faster than it can - er, just barely. Anyway, if it comes for us, we'll run, and we'll lead it straight back to the angel."

"Crowley," said Lucifer, with great admiration, reaching out to pat the demon on the back, "That is the best idea you have ever had. Really, just the best. Better than the Spanish Inquisition, in fact."

Crowley was blushing furiously. "No, really, sir, it's nothing--"

"If we all survive this," Lucifer continued, ignoring Crowley's modest protests, "and I keep conveniently forgetting that I'm supposed to be mad enough at you to kill you, then mark my words, you'll be getting a commendation for this."

"Aw," said Crowley, every minute trace of the sinisterness that had shown up only moments before suddenly erased from his features, "shucks."

But Aziraphale was giving them both a cold, hard look. "It's most likely going to come after Theo," he said, turning to face the Devil fully. "Are you sure that you'll be able to protect him long enough, if that should happen?"

"I assure you," Lucifer soothed, "with or without the effects of your miracle, I'm still the Father of Lies and the Angel of the Bottomless Pit, and I still have full use of all of my powers. Besides," he said, finally remembering himself, if only for a moment, "this boy is still my hostage, remember? If I say that he's coming with me, then you don't get any say in the matter."

"But I'm the one with the gun."

"Er..." The Devil paused at that.

Aziraphale sighed, then glanced down and locked eyes with Theo. "How about you, Theo? What do you think of this idea?"

Theo looked at Aziraphale, looked at Crowley, looked back at Aziraphale, swallowed nervously, licked his lips, and said, "It sounds like a reasonable plan to me."

"Well." Aziraphale shifted his gun in his arms. "It's settled, then." He glanced back at Theo, quickly, and there was something in his eyes that Theo could not quite read. Perhaps it was admiration for Theo's bravery, agreeing to go alone into the woods with the Devil at his side. Or perhaps it was disappointment at Theo's foolishness. Aziraphale then turned back to the others and said, "Let's go. We'll head out to one position together, and then we'll split up."

I can hardly wait, Theo thought, with a tingle of dread in his stomach.

They piled into the Bentley and drove to the outskirts of Lower Tadfield. They abandoned the car in a gravel parking lot, and headed on foot into the snowy woods. Once they found a distant clearing where Aziraphale was sure that he could fire off his rifle without anybody else hearing, they split up. Aziraphale prowled around the clearing, staying behind, while Theo and the Devil walked off in one direction, and Crowley and Pauline in another.

Theo walked beside and then slightly behind Lucifer, as they crunched their way across the snow-covered forest floor. They walked in silence for several minutes, then Theo heard a small, breathy sigh escape the Devil's lips. He took two quick steps to position himself right beside Lucifer as they walked along, and then glanced up, searching for something to see in Lucifer's strangely lined, weary-looking face. Theo saw immediately that there was something very sad in his eyes.

Theo finally stopped walking, and the Devil, surprised, stumbled over his next step, and then stopped, too. "You really had your heart set on seeing him again, didn't you?" Theo said, more of a statement than a question, although he could not disguise the questioning, incredulous note in his voice.

Lucifer whirled on him. "See who?" he snapped, as if he had already forgotten.

"Your son."

"He probably could have helped us," Lucifer admitted, grudgingly. "He certainly set everything right with a snap of his fingers, last time." Lucifer sighed then, and added, "I was even hoping that he could provide some insurance for us, as well. If we don't find and destroy this miracle of yours within the next few hours... If all the changes that it has wrought become permanent... Then there's still a chance, albeit a small chance, that my son might still be powerful enough to undo all the damage that's been done. With a wave of his hands, he once set the whole world right back to the way that it had been before. I thought maybe he might be able to do that again, for us."

Theo raised one eyebrow at the Devil. "So that's really it, huh? That's the only reason you wanted to talk to him?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's just sort of fishy, the way that your story changes every time. When's the last time you actually saw him, anyway?"

"When he was this big." Lucifer made a gesture with his hands, indicating something tiny and round. "When he had just come into the world and he still had his little baby hooves," he added wistfully, a sad, nostalgic smile creeping across his face. "Those hooves fell off the moment he hit the Surface, I was told. Replaced by five-toed feet, which is a bit of a disappointment, as far as I'm concerned. I haven't seen him since. I tried to meet him again, once - last year -but he rejected me. He turned me away."

"I heard that you were coming to kill him."

"Well, yes. I was angry with him."

"Being rejected like that hurts, doesn't it?"

Lucifer's face clouded over. "Listen, we should probably keep going. We need to find--"

"At the Youngs' house, you said that you wanted to apologize to him," Theo pressed on, persistently.

Lucifer winced, as if stung. "That was your miracle's fault."

"But it's true, isn't it?"

Lucifer heaved a great, weary sigh, and, defeated, finally slumped down onto a tree stump that had appeared beneath him only a moment before. He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. "Yes, that's exactly it," he moaned. "I wanted to see him now because I knew that I might never get another chance to say anything nice or kind to him." He took a deep, shuddering breath, but did not cry. "I wanted to apologize for the horrible thing that I almost did last year, I wanted to tell him that I couldn't just bring another life into the world and then turn around and hate it forever, I wanted to tell him that he'd always be a part of me and that he'd always be in my thoughts, and that nothing could ever change that; I wanted to tell him that I could never stop loving him, that part of me always felt for him and part of me always will feel for him. I wanted to tell him that when he was first born into the world I held him in my arms and felt real wonder for the first time because I had never known what it was like to create something so beautiful, or to create anything at all, to create instead of to destroy." He sniffled, raised his head, and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his coat. "I wanted to tell him that I was proud of him. Because he did the one thing that none of us, angel or demon, had ever managed to be able to do before."

"Which is...?"

"He was the one who decided to fuck everything over." Lucifer laughed a bitter little laugh, then blushed at his obscenity. But when he saw Theo still standing, staring at him patiently, he knew that he had no choice but to continue. "So look at me and my demons, okay? So we try to rebel against God, and we've been trying to rebel against God since before this world ever came into being, and it turns out that, every step of the way, we've been predicted, prophesized, pre-recorded, and written down in some holy Book or another, almost everything that we do, right down the minutest little detail. Every time we think we've succeeded in outsmarting or outwitting God, it turns out that we were only doing exactly what someone, somewhere, had already predicted we would do; we were still only pawns in His hands, acting out according to His designs. And then this little pup comes along, this little whelp of a Antichrist, and with a few words and a wave of his hands, he succeeds in doing something that nobody, nowhere, had ever predicted or written down in any Book. In fact, he makes things end completely differently from the way that THE Book says that they're supposed to end. Which is to say, nothing ended at all. There haven't been any predictions or holy scripts written since. Nobody knows what to think about the future anymore, because it's not written down, anywhere. It's like he finally freed us all from something, although I'm not sure exactly what from."

Theo sat down in front of the Devil, plopping his butt right into the snow on the ground, and folded his legs. He no longer felt any cold or wetness penetrating his jeans. Was he doing something about that, or was Someone else? Now this was interesting. "So how do you know," he asked, rather pointedly, "that your son still didn't stop Armageddon because that was exactly what God had intended all along?"

"Because I know that God, and I know that he wanted a war."

"How so?"

Lucifer grinned a terrible grin. "He's a cruel, bloodthirsty, terrible deity. I've seen him heartlessly punish the mistaken and the misguided; I've seen him condemn without giving any second chances; I've felt his delight at all the wars and all the bloodshed and all the blood that has been spilt in his name. I've seen the Hand of God do things that I would be proud to have seen any of my demons do; I've seen His wretched, simpering angels commit acts of unspeakable cruelty and injustice, all for the sake of His word. I ask you this, boy," said the Devil, as he leaned down toward Theo, "has that angel of yours ever taught you how to give a real good, old-fashioned smiting yet? The type with crashing thunder and striking lightning bolts and fire and brimstone raining down from the sky?"

"Er, no." Theo scratched absent-mindedly at his nose. "Actually, he seems to be quite down on the whole smiting business."

"Really?" Lucifer frowned at that. "Crowley always said in his reports that the angel was rather trigger-happy with his lightning bolts."

"Oh, yes, well, he is," Theo said hurriedly, realizing that that would be something Crowley would have to keep continually lying to his superiors about. "But, er, he doesn't like to actually use any fire or lightning, unless, um, he can outright catch any demon in the act of doing something, you know, bad. He told me that Crowley's usually clever and sneaky enough that he can never catch him with his hands red. And he doesn't like to ever smite without first seeing proof that it's deserved. Innocent until proven guilty, and all that. We angels are big believers in that."

"I suppose you would be." Lucifer seemed convinced by that; Theo heaved an inward sigh of relief. "Still, I know what I know," Lucifer continued. "Holiness and self-righteousness are just wickedness and cruelty, one step removed; your God is wicked and cruel, and he wanted there to be a great war between us. My son stopped it all from happening. After all these thousands of years, my son was finally the one who successfully rebelled against God."

"So. You want to tell him that you're proud of him because of that."

"Exactly. Among other things."

Theo stood up then, brushed the snow off his dry jeans, and gave the Devil a long, hard look.

"What?" Abbadon, also known as the Adversary, the Angel of the Bottomless Pit, the Father of Lies, the Great Red Dragon, the Tempter, and the Wicked One, blinked at Theo blankly.

"It's just... I dunno. You look so sincere."

"I am sincere," Lucifer said in a voice smaller and quieter than any Theo had ever heard him use before.

They both stared at each other for a moment, and silence spun between them. The snowy woods whispered and breathed around them.

It's just because of my miracle, Theo tried to tell himself.

And then, But what if all your mutant miracle really does to people is dig out and amplify things that are already there?

That was what Theo had feared, and secretly suspected, all along.

Finally, Theo shook his head, as if clearing his thoughts, and said, "We should go this way." He started off.

The Devil quickly followed him. "This way? But I thought--"

"Trust me," Theo said, "this way." Something was prickling in the back of his neck, and he knew exactly what it was.

Five minutes later, Theo and the Devil rounded the top of a snowy ridge, looked down into a clearing in the woods, and saw the boy and his dog. The boy was studiously building a rather deformed-looking snowman, and his small, ratty dog was sitting off to one side of the clearing, panting, and watching the boy attentively. The boy paused, and turned his head, gazing up at them, most of his face obscured by a high scarf and a low hat pulled down over his unruly blonde hair.

His eyes swept over Theo, and Theo shivered. The boy knew exactly who they were, and what they were doing in the woods.

The dog sniffed the air, glanced up at Lucifer, and barked a cheerful, high-pitched greeting, his tail beginning to wriggle wildly. The dog then stood up, and began dancing in place, raising its paws up and down excitedly.

"Hullo," said the boy. He was speaking directly to Lucifer, who was standing frozen on top of the ridge, an expression of utter disbelief on his face. And then, "Didn't expect t'see you out here."

Lucifer's mouth open and closed, as if he were struggling to say something, but no words could escape his throat. Then he paused, swallowed, licked his lips, and managed to croak out, "Uh, hi... Is that your dog?"

"Yeah, ain't he great?" Even from behind the scarf, Adam's proud grin blazed with a bright light all its own, even within the gloomy, cold, overcast woods.

"You, ah... You like him like that?"

"He's Dog. That's the way he is." Adam was giving the Devil a curious look, as if he had expected the Abbadon, also known as the Adversary, the Angel of the Bottomless Pit, the Father of Lies, the Great Red Dragon, the Tempter, and the Wicked One, to be less thick.

Lucifer blushed shyly and said, "He was your birthday present, you know. I picked him out myself. Best pup in the litter."

"I knew." Adam brushed the snow off his gloves. "Why've you got an angel with you?"

"He's my hostage."

"Ah," said Adam, as if this explained everything. For him, it probably did.

Now if was Theo's turn to blush, and he was becoming more and more aware of how much of a third wheel he was, an outside intruder into this admittedly bizarre yet extremely intimate little tableau. Still, he knew that he yet had a role to play. He nudged the Devil with his elbow, very carefully, and stage-whispered, "Isn't there something you were going to tell him?"

"Um..." Lucifer took a few stumbling steps forward, down the slope of the ridge, into the clearing. "Um, I don't suppose... You'd let your old man give you a hug now, would you?"

"Greasy Johnson used t'say that only nancy boys and queers hugged their dads."

"Well, Greasy Johnson is a prat, and I can personally see to it that he burns in Hell for an eternity if he ever dares to call you a nancy boy or a queer."

"Swear?"

"I swear."

"That's all right, then." Adam didn't move or say anything more, but a moment later, Lucifer stepped forward, sank down to his knees, and wrapped his arms around his son, squeezing tightly.

Theo averted his eyes, turned away from them both, and stepped down the opposite side of the ridge. He sat down in the snow again, his back still turned to them, but his ears straining to hear what would happen next, not wanting to spy on them outright, but helplessly eavesdropping in anyway.

"He didn't want the war," Adam finally said, and his voice suddenly sounded decades older and wiser than it had just a moment before.

His father pulled his head away from where it had been resting on Adam's shoulder, and blinked at him. "What?"

"God never wanted there t'be a war," Adam said, picking up the conversation that Theo and the Devil had had in the woods just as smoothly and fluidly as if he had heard the whole thing himself. Maybe he had. "You all chose t'have a war. But He couldn't intervene and stop it. And He never predicted that anyone would stop it - or that the one t'stop it would be me." He reached up, with one red-mittened hand, and touched the Devil on his hot, pale cheek. "All's He's doin' is watching us now. Just watching and waiting. To see what'll happen next."

Lucifer stared at him for a moment, then squeezed his arms tight and pulled Adam deep into another hug. "Still," he whispered into his son's ear, "Even if I was wrong about all of that, still, I'm very proud of you."

"You're not mad at me, then?"

"Right now, I can't be."

"That's not very comforting." And then, "You're squeezing."

"Sorry." Lucifer loosened his arms.

Adam gazed solemnly up at him. "You're doin' it like you've never been hugged before."

"I haven't."

"Aw. That's awful. No wonder you're so bad all the time." Adam wrapped his own arms briefly around the Devil's chest. "That better?"

"Much." Lucifer's voice dropped to a breathy whisper. "Thank you." Then he pulled away from Adam's embrace, stood up, and stepped back. "Er, and one more thing."

He rummaged around the pockets of his coat for a moment, frowned, muttered to himself, then snapped his fingers, as if suddenly remembering something. "Ah, yes - that's where I stuck them!" He snapped the fingers of his left hand again, and then his right hand was suddenly clutching a pair of long, black, sinister-looking candles. He handed them to Adam. "If you ever need anything," he said, "You know, if you ever want to talk to your old man, or get some fatherly advice, or if you ever, ahem, have enemies that you need someone to smite... Just light these candles, draw a pentagram, say my name three times, and sacrifice a bat. I'll be right there. If it's an emergency, sacrifice a goat."

Adam took the candles in his mittened hands, and looked at them rather dubiously. "Huh. Seems like an awful lot of work to me. Don't see why any ol' bats have to be sacrificed, either. Don't you have a phone or beeper or somethin'?"

"...No."

"You should get one. All the important people carry beepers, like on TV."

"I'll ask Pauline to look into that for me." Lucifer grinned, and then reached out and patted Adam on the shoulder. "The other thing you need, son, is to get yourself a good, solid pitchfork. I'd hand mine down to you, but..." Lucifer shrugged. "No matter. You deserve a new one, anyway."

"What would I do with a pitchfork?" Adam had never even seen or heard of a pitchfork before; he had a vague idea that it was something his mother would use as a cooking utensil.

"Why, you can poke people with it, of course. If they don't do what you want them to do, you can poke them with your pitchfork."

"Seems like an awful lousy why to get people to listen to you, if y'ask me."

"Hmm." A ghost of a frown flitted across Lucifer's face. "You really did turn out funny, didn't you?"

"...Funny?"

"That is, not what I expected. Not what anybody expected." He stepped back, and began to turn. "Well, I, uh, I best be going now... Still've got this crisis to deal with, and all..."

Adam waved at him (although he had to set the candles down on the snowy ground to do so). "See ya 'round, then?"

"Er, no. Probably not." A wan smile. "It'll be for the better. Trust me."

The Devil climbed back over the ridge, passed Theo, and kept walking on. Theo stood up hurriedly, brushed the snow off his bum, and caught up with Lucifer as quickly as he could.

"Well," said Theo cautiously, "that went well, didn't it?"

Lucifer stopped in mid-stride, and turned to face Theo.

"Thank you," he said, his face unreadable. "There's no use in either of us pretending that you didn't arrange that whole thing; so I might as well thank you now, in case I decide to kill you for it later."

Theo gulped.

But then Lucifer shot him a weak smile and said, "You know, I really mean it. Thank you. It's a miracle that I got to see him at all; it's a miracle that I was able to say all those things to him."

"S'not a miracle," Theo mumbled, embarrassed. He'd just done what anybody else would have done. Theo had seen something in the Devil's eyes, and heard something in the Devil's voice, that had betrayed his feelings even more than his candid words had done. Lucifer had just wanted to see his son, just for once, in a way that would allow him to act like a real father, if only for a moment. Theo had seen instantly how much that would have meant to him...

Theo hadn't been about to deny Adam that, Antichrist or not.

Theo missed his own father.

Lucifer had turned his back to Theo and was walking again; Theo hurried to catch up. His boot crunched through the snow, and he watched his breath puff out in misty clouds in front of his face. For somebody who was technically dead, he thought grimly, he sure was breathing heavily, and his heart was beginning to pound. He was cold, and sore, and it was difficult to keep up with Lucifer's quick, purposeful striding.

Suddenly, again, Lucifer stopped in his tracks. Theo had the distinct impression that one of his ears was perking up, as much as a mostly human-shaped ear could perk. "Hey... Do you hear that?"

Theo wasn't hearing anything at the moment - he was suddenly too distracted by an inexplicable itching all across his back. "Urgh," he groaned, reaching around to his back and trying in vain to scratch himself through his thick winter coat. It felt as if the skin between his shoulder blades was positively crawling. Theo's brain was seized by a sudden mental image of tiny, biting bugs crawling up and down across his flesh, and he shuddered violently. The itching! Where in the world had it come from?! It was unbearable, it was--

"It's like a funny swishing sound," the Devil was saying, cocking his head, listening to the woods, "like something sliding across the snow..."

Then they heard the unmistakable sound of a woman screaming.

Continued.