A/N: There is no excuse for the lack of updates. But here it is! Enjoy!

After the night of Carlisle's birthday dinner, I was feeling better, stronger. Even though I was still very embarrassed by my reaction to Emmett's comment, I knew there was hope for me. I had started real therapy with Jasper. Jasper was easier to talk to than I thought it would be. He is my therapist during sessions and a friend outside of sessions. He has never made me uncomfortable and I trusted him more and more each day. Even though we had only had three sessions, he told me I was making progress. There were a lot of things that I was doing, for the better that I hadn't realized. For example, I was no longer putting random burn words in my sentences, only when I became distressed. I didn't pull away from human contact, as long as it was someone I knew, and I was sleeping better. I hadn't had an episode for many weeks now and even though I didn't feel all that was a big accomplishment, Jasper told me it was. I talked to Edward too, as a friend though. He never pushed any physical contact on me unless I initiated it, which I didn't do very often.

Today Jasper and Alice were going to the doctors for an ultrasound of the baby. They were going to find out the sex of the baby today. I was happy for them. Even though this was a time in life I would never get to experience, childbirth taken away from me before I even knew I wanted it. I know Carlisle said it wasn't definite that I couldn't have children but I would never be able to be intimate with someone to become pregnant. No one would want my broken, ruined body.

But today was going to be a special day, nonetheless. Today Emmett had a surprise for me. He was taking me out of the house and we were going to go on a small trip. To where? He wouldn't tell me, but I was excited. Rosalie and Edward were going too.

I looked at the clock, there was still two hours before we were to leave and I wanted to see if I could talk to Jasper first. I remembered something after the night Edward kissed my hand and I wanted to speak to him about it before I left the house with him and Emmett today.

I found him in Carlisle's study. He was currently sharing it with Carlisle while they lived in the guesthouse. Although I didn't know how much time Jasper actually spent in the guesthouse because I knew that either Carlisle or Jasper were in the house at all hours during the night and most during the day. Even though someone stayed in my room with me at night, I knew that one of them was here too, just in case.

I knocked gently on the door.

"Come in," Jasper answered.

"Hi," I said as I walked into the room, closing the door quietly behind me.

"Good morning Bella, how are you?"

"I'm fine," I said nervously, biting my lip. "I was wondering if I could talk you for a minute before I leave."

"Of course, have a seat," He motioned me over to the couch while he sat in the chair across from it. This is where we had our sessions. Carlisle had reintroduced this room to me a few weeks ago. Other than it being Carlisle's study, it was also a library. I vaguely remembered this room from when I was younger. It was filled with hundreds of books, most of them classics, many of them medical journals. In the evening, I would come here, sit in front of the fireplace, and read. It was my safe place and it made talking to Jasper a lot easier.

"Are you nervous about your trip today?" He asked.

"No…I…I remembered something…"

"Okay..."

"Well, I know I am going to have to speak to the F.B.I at some point."

"Not until you are ready though."

"I know. I know you stepped in and declared me mentally unfit for questioning," There was a bitter tone in my voice that I didn't truly mean.

"Bella, it's for the better right now and it's the only way to hold off the questioning."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I just don't like being unfit. It makes me feel like a child. But yes, I know it's for the better. But I will have to talk to them eventually and I know they are going to ask me very personal questions. So when I remember things I would like to talk to you first about them. Is that okay?" I kept looking at my hands; I didn't want to look at him. It made me nervous to talk to even him about the sensitive subject I was about to bring up but I needed to tell someone and if I wasn't comfortable telling him, I knew I would never be comfortable talking to complete strangers.

"Of course Bella, that is what I am here for. You can tell me anything. I will never judge you or criticize you for anything. You are safe with me, I promise."

I nodded and continued, "I know we have been working on things Joseph didn't take from me and I remembered one thing he hasn't."

"What was that?"

"My virginity." I was afraid of Jasper's reaction but he just continued the conversation like he has every other time.

"You had intercourse before you were abducted?"

I nodded, "With Edward, only once. It was only a few nights before I was taken. He took mine and I took his, but Joseph didn't know that."

"He thought you were a virgin?"

I nodded again, "Yes, he was obsessed with it. I never insinuated I was or wasn't. He assumed I was and talked about it constantly. He said he was going to take my innocence from me, but only when I was ready. There was a special date and time when it was going to happen but he never told me when that was. It was probably a year before he did it, I remember thinking it was around a year because of the weather but I am not completely sure."

"Did he touch you at all prior to that?"

"No, he would make me undress and stand in front of him while he pleasured himself but he never once touched me that way until that night. I was too afraid to tell him I wasn't a virgin, it was too important to him. I was afraid he would kill me if I told him the truth."

"Did he physically hurt you during that time?"

"No, he never touched me at all. He would punish me by not feeding me, locking me in the closet, or making me sleep in the basement with no bedding. I didn't realize how pleasant that year was until he forced me to have sex with him. If the situation was different, it could have almost been sweet. He was very gentle, trying not to hurt me. I was so drugged that I couldn't really feel much anyways but you could tell he was trying."

"It was still wrong of him, you know that right? It is still rape, no matter how gentle he was," Jasper told me.

"Yes, I know that now." I looked up at Jasper then, he didn't look convinced.

"Bella, Joseph was not good man," he reminded me.

"I know, I just wish that things would have stayed that way the rest of the time I was there. After that night, he turned into a different person, a monster. The next morning he said I was a whore and I was nothing but filth. He said he had to burn away my sins." I shivered.

I felt a hand slip over mine and squeeze. It was Jasper, "It's okay Bella. You are safe now."

A few tears fell but I nodded. I knew I was safe.

"You didn't remember this before?" Jasper asked me.

"No, not until Edward kissed me."

"Edward kissed you?" There was slight anger in his voice.

"Just on my hand, I swear. But after that night I remembered making love to him. I didn't remember it before then. I remember what it felt like, how beautiful it was. How truly awkward it was, for both of us. But it was perfect. It made me realize how horrible Joseph truly was. Even though I may never have it again, I at least got to know what it felt like to be loved once. And Joseph has never been able to take that from me."

"I am very proud of you Bella."

"For what?"

"It takes a strong person to make sense of all of this and that fact that you actually came to me, shows more strength than you realize."

"I don't feel stronger."

He smiled at me, "You know you can have that again?"

"Have what?"

"You can be loved and make love again, someday."

"No I don't think I will ever want to. Besides, no one will want my scarred and ruined body."

"Bella, if someone truly loves you, the scars won't matter. They will only see you for who you truly are."

"There is no one out there like that, I know that for a fact."

Jasper smirked, "We will see about that." He paused and chuckled to himself, as if he was laughing at some inside joke. I just looked at him, giving him a questioning look.

"Anyways, are you nervous about your trip?"

"Not really, do you know where we are going?"

"Yes but I am not going to tell you. I promise you will enjoy yourself. Your brother would never take you somewhere to make you uncomfortable."

Ever since the dinner incident, things with Emmett and I have been a little tense. I didn't blame him at all but he blamed himself. Jasper said we should invite him to a session but I wasn't ready to talk to him about what happened.

Jasper looked at his watch, "If my time is correct, Alice will be looking for you to help you get ready."

At that exact moment there was a knock on the door, as it opened. "Jasper, have you seen Bella….oh! I am so sorry, I didn't know you were…I'm sorry, I'll come back…" If Jasper and I are having a session or Carlisle doesn't want to be disturbed, they turn the sign that hangs on the doorknob.

I forgot to turn it over, "No, Alice, it's fine. We were just finishing up."

"Oh. Well then, are you ready to get dressed for your trip?" Alice quickly recovered.

"Sure," I shrugged my shoulders.

"You should be a little more excited about your trip, Bella" Alice told me.

"I am, it's the dressing part I am not particularly looking forward to."

"Oh, don't be silly!" Alice exclaimed. There were many things we had in common but clothes and fashion had never been one of them.

"Thank you, Jasper." I turned to leave and he nodded. I was overly dramatic as I dragged my feet and sighed as I went with Alice to get ready.

There was an outfit of dark skinny jeans, brown boots and a long cream sweater with a burnt orange scarf lying out on my bed.

"It's from my Isabella Autumn collection…" she told me.

"I am back, you don't need to use my name in your clothing line anymore Alice," I smiled at her.

"Nonsense, Isabella is my brand. You have inspired so much for me and you are my favorite person in the world. Missing or not that didn't change and never will. But do you like the outfit?"

"Of course! I love all your pieces but this one looks very comfortable and you know how I am. The more comfy the better!"

Even though I think all of Alice's clothes are beautiful, I still like to feel comfortable and I do not want the clothes I wear to draw attention to myself and she knew that.

After I was dressed and set to go, Edward came to help me down the steps. I was capable of doing it myself but I tired easy and I was instructed by Carlisle that I should have someone with me when I exert myself, just in case. Everything that happened in my life was just in case. Ugh.

We sat in awkward silence throughout the entire care ride, thank goodness it only lasted about ten minutes. We pulled onto a long road that had I sign hanging above that read "Whitlock's Children and Animal Rehabilitation Center –Love & Safety for All".

"A children and animal rehab center? I'm not a child nor an animal." I didn't say this defensively, just pointing out the obvious.

"Bella, you are not here for rehabilitation. We are here to visit the animals," Emmett explained.

I didn't respond, I was confused but just let it go. About after a mile, I saw the facility. There was one large building in the center with 3 separate barns. There were many fences that had horses, dogs, pigs and other animals inside. Emmett parked the car and I was led into the main building. We were greeted by Eleazar at the front door.

"Good morning Bella, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, it's nice to see you all again," he said.

"Good morning, Eleazar," we all said in unison.

"Bella, welcome to Whitlock's Children and Animal Rehabilitation Center."

"Love and safety for all," I finished.

"Yes," he said, a smile across his face.

"Eleazar, I don't want to sound rude or unappreciative but why am I here exactly? I am neither a child nor an animal."

He chuckled, "Of course you are not a child nor an animal. But I heard from your brother that you are fond of animals and are very good with children."

He paused for a moment.

"How about we head into my office so we can discuss this further and then we can take a tour, how does that sound?"

"Okay."

We all followed into his office. His office was not what I expected. He had a desk pushed up against the far wall but that was the only thing that resembled an office. There was a large table off to the right with many chairs. There were toys and crayons and colorful pictures all over his office. It wasn't dirty or even cluttered but looked like organized chaos, which for some reason put me a little at ease.

"Have a seat," Eleazar instructed. But instead of him sitting at his desk he sat around the table with the rest of us.

"First let me explain what this place is. Obviously, you know Jasper."

I nodded, Whitlock? I was unsure how Jasper was involved but Whitlock was not a common last name.

"About 15 years ago Jasper's parents opened up Lily's Children and Animal Rehabilitation Center. It was named after his sister Lily. She had been kidnapped at the age of nine. She had only been gone for about 3 months but it was enough that Lily had retreated into a catatonic state."

"Like I do?" I asked quietly.

"Yes but for Lily, she never came out of it like you do. Even after Lily had physically healed, her mind did not. Their Dad was a physical therapist and their mom an OR nurse. Their training had not prepared them for what condition Lily was in. Lily stayed that way for almost 4 years. At this point, animal and art therapy started to become popular but didn't have a lot of evidence backing it up and for some in the psychology profession, it was very controversial. Lily and Jasper's parents were desperate though. They hired a private therapist that worked with Lily and a dog named Jazzy."

"Did it work? The animal therapy?"

"Well, it was Lily who had named the dog Jazzy,"

I smiled, "Is she okay now though?"

"She is now the head therapist and manager of Lily's Children & Animal Rehabilitation Center. About seven years ago, Jasper had brought the idea to me to open a sister center, Whitlock's Children & Animal Rehabilitation Center. I couldn't refuse and now here we are."

"Sir, again I do not want to sound rude but what does this all have to do with me?"

"Bella, I know the type of situation you are and have been in."

I stiffened.

"But I promise I only know the bare minimum. I know I am trained in children specifically but I have had my fair share of adults too. I know it says children center but we have therapists and programs here for adults also."

"I already have a therapist."

"I am not offering you therapy Bella, although I can offer you a friendship and will be here for you if you wish to talk, my door is always opened. But what I am offering you is a volunteer position."

"A volunteer position?"

"Yes, we have many volunteers that help this place run. Emmett has told me about how good you are with animals. About half of the animals here have come from abusive homes. We need kind, gentle volunteers to help with them."

I hesitated for a moment; did I want to do this? Yes. But could I do this, I didn't know. What would happen if I had a panic attack or a trigger occurred?

"Bella, this is just an option. If you don't want to do it, that is your choice. I just wanted to give you an opportunity for you to feel like you again," Emmett told me.

I tried to blink away my tears, "I know, I want to do it…I just don't…know if...I can…" I whispered.

Edward grabbed my hand and squeezed, "Why wouldn't you be able to?"

"What would happen if I had a panic attack or something triggered me to freak out? That's not fair to the people that need help here."

"Bella, many of the workers and volunteers here were once patients or family of patients from the center. And with your permission, Jasper could give me updates on your progression. We could have your medication here if you would need it. We would also start off slow, maybe half hour increments and increase your time here as you feel comfortable. Again, this is all up to you."

"Can I maybe have the day to think about it?"

"Of course but in the mean time, would you like a tour? It may help with your decision."

"Of course."

For the next hour or two, Eleazar showed us around the center. There were so many animals, horses, dogs, cats, fish, turtles, rabbits, goats, chickens and even a cow. I met a horse named Sasha. She had been neglected and abused by her previous owner. She had only been here for about a month and wasn't doing too well.

"Hi Sasha, my name is Bella." I reached out to her.

"Wait, Bella!" I heard someone say behind me.

But it was too late, Sasha had already nuzzled her nose against my palm allowing me to pet her.

"That's amazing Bella." I heard Eleazar say behind me, "She hasn't allowed anyone to pet her since she got here."

"Wow, maybe I am meant to be here."

Eleazar agreed, "Maybe you are."

After a few minutes with Sasha, I knew what my choice would be. I told everyone at lunch and they were all very excited. I had to sign a few papers, as well as Emmett. He was still my power of attorney, which I tried to not let bother me but it did.

After lunch we said our good byes and all got into the car. Once the car started moving, I could feel my eyes begin to droop.

I felt Edward grab my hand and whisper in my ear as I drifted off to sleep, "I am so very proud of you Bella Swan."