Change - Chapter 5

Trost: 846

Garrus sat by a small table as he held the tied-up note containing his new orders in his gloved hand, awaiting to be opened. But recently, he has been having conflicted feelings on his stand in the military. There was a time where he was proud to shout the whole world that he was a loyal soldier to humanity. That, despite being a garrison soldier, he would still face death for the advancement of mankind.

That was before the Fall of Shiganshina. He was already shaken to the core, a fear of titans developed and rooted deep inside. But the soldier still was willing to follow the crown after the demise of Wall Maria. He trusted that every order, every dead soldier that held the line in Wall Maria was worth the lives they saved. His faith in the human order and government remained strong.

Until the massacre they called a counter-attack.

3 months earlier…

It has been a half a year since the Gatlings escaped to the Trost District. Through the combined efforts of Garrus and his parents, they were able to buy a small slice of meat bread to celebrate Venus' birthday. The young girl was elated beyond reason, and a little guilty, that they were to afford such a treat. All the older members of the family made a silent agreement not to tell her they did not eat for the day, focused on making this a special day for her despite all that happened.

Despite ten thousand people losing their lives in the retreat, the army saved a huge percentage of the Marian population. Unfortunately, that put heavy pressure on the already strained food supply of the inner walls, not to mention the lack of shelter, clothes, and other basic necessities other than water. Fortunately, they were able to secure a small room by a boarding house near the inner gate. Though it was a far cry from their old house, it was much better than tents littered around the refugee camps.

There were only two beds, but Garrus insisted his parents take one while his sister take the other. After being released from the hospital, he reported in as an active soldier to the Trost Division of the Garrison despite on-going recovery of his lost leg. He reassured his family that he would just sleep in the barracks since they gave lodgings to soldiers.

Due to the massive influx of refugees, any spare garrison from wall Sina, along with dismayed military police, were moved to the Wall Rose districts to provide order. That forced the soldiers to usually hot bunk, sometimes two sharing the same bed at the same time. But it was better than nothing. However, the garrison and military police seemed to grind against each other, both branches not seeing eye-to-eye in many aspects.

To deal with the food shortages, all refugees from Shiganshina, including Garrus' family, were sent to the fields outside Trost to help the massive farming project to feed everyone. Garrus was mostly assigned to either watch guard for both cannon duty and over the refugees or bureaucratic paper work, as he was still using a crutch for the first 4 months while getting used to his new prosthetic. Afterwards, he started walking quite normally most of the time. Most of his assignments were menial, but he paid no mind. If it freed up more capable soldiers for important roles he couldn't do, he was willing to go through guarding and paper work.

The Garrison was going through a revolutionary change. Most finally realized that the threat they face is actually real, not a distant danger. More and more garrison took their drills and details seriously, almost every wall guard on their toes as they monitored titan movement. His father found an extra source of income in helping maintain and repair weapons and equipment.

Even with all the new change and adjustments, humanity found it difficult to sustain its current food supply. The farming project showed little change in the situation, with winter being a large hindrance. A few hundred refugees have already died from frost.

The Gatlings were no exception to those worried about the food shortage. It became increasingly harder to buy bread and vegetables for the family. Their main concern was making sure Venus had a steady supply of nutrition, though she was not aware of it. When she asked, Garrus would often say that he ate at the barracks earlier that day, which was a half-truth. Part of his rations unknowingly went to her.

If there was one thing Venus hates, it's her being a nuisance to people. She sometimes goes with her friends her age who survived Shiganshina around Trost, and she unconsciously felt burdened by some of the words she overhears from the local Rosian Garrison. Though not all of them share the same outlook, a lot of Garrison soldiers from Trost had their lives disrupted from normal routine, one way or another. One of her friends was almost beat up because of trying to defend the humanity of the refugees after a few guards made inhumane comments on the situation.

She didn't eat that day, causing much concern to her parents. Garrus only learned about it the next day, luckily with the parents convincing her to continue eating. He knew some of the Trost garrison who would wish a few more people were eaten while escaping Wall Maria and it really pushed his patience to the boundaries. Some of them didn't know he was there that day and speak out loud regarding how useless the refugees were. Times like those sometimes bring the idea to his mind that humanity deserved to suffer if they act like this all the time.

"Wow! I-I-I'm… wow. Thank you so much!" She ran to hug her parents and her brother. At 11, she was starting to get taller and more mature. She was only a few inches shorter than their mother and a head shorter than her father. Garrus was around the same height of his dad, maybe an inch taller. Her dark brown hair continued to grow long, much to the convenience to anyone else who sees her and her mother in one place. It reached the lower portion of her shoulder blades, tied into a ponytail most days.

As she took the slice in her wooden plate, she hesitated to take a bite, looking up to her family siting on the small table with her.

"Do you want some? I want to share it with you." It was tempting. Garrus has only tasted meat bread twice in his life, way before he joined the military. But he'd be damned before taking something specially reserved for his sister

"It's your 11th birthday. This is yours and yours alone. Just for today, of course." He ended with a laugh, just to reassure her that her family will not starve to death tonight. Their parents gave similar nods, her mother waving her hand at her to start eating it.

She took a small portion of the treat with her fork, letting it reach her mouth. The taste of beef and sugared bread swirled around her tongue, her face smiling in delight as she ate. That sight was more than worth not eating for one day for the other three family members. Garrus laughed as she gave a quiet, happy sigh.

"I guess your day was made then. For gift giving, I'll go first." Reaching through his bag, he found a hand sized box that he had saved for this occasion. Just as he was about to give it to her, a knock on the door got their attention. Garrus stood up to answer it, opening the door to reveal a blond-haired man with a stoic face. Garrus then brought his fist to his chest in salute.

"Corporal Dietrich, sir!" The soldier then also gave a similar salute. Ian Dietrich was one of the young, upcoming soldiers in the garrison, two years his senior. He sometimes shared guard duty with him from time to time. Not a joking fellow, but not a pain as well.

"At ease, Private Gatling. I did not expect you to be here." Garrus put down his fist, body relaxing in a more normal posture.

"I asked for leave from the barracks for tonight, sir. It's my sister's birthday." Dietrich raised an eyebrow as he looked inside the room. Seeing the actions of his senior, Garrus took a step back, allowing him full view of the residence. A young girl and her parents were looking at the new arrival from a small dining table. The Corporal also noticed a small piece of sweet bread on the plate of the girl.

"Ah. My apologies for the intrusion and my greetings." He gave a short bow at the family. "But I have a circulatory issue for all refugee families from Shiganshina living in the Springs Boarding House." Corporal Ian handed Garrus a letter, with Garrus giving a nod in return. The senior soldier turned to the civilian family.

"May I speak with Private Gatling for a while?" The parents look to each other in curiosity before giving a nod. Garrus stepped outside with Ian as he shut the door behind him. Snow fell outside the building, the cold temperature eating its way through the windows. Both looked to each other, breaths visible as puffs of clouds, before the corporal spoke.

"Garrus, I highly recommend that your family reads the letter after your celebrations, much preferably when the girl gets to sleep. With the reactions I have been having from the people we have been giving these letters to, it doesn't look like good news." Garrus then gave a look of uncertainty in the letter he was holding.

"Is there something I should know, Ian?" The blonde man was about to speak before he stopped himself and closed his mouth. After thinking for a while, Dietrich spoke again.

"It's nothing that I haven't found out about until today. You might have received word if news reached the barracks earlier. I still think you should read it with your family after your celebrations. I don't want to spoil your mood, and you don't want that." He gave a salute again, the private returning the gesture.

"Gatling."

"Sir Dietrich, sir." Ian then took his leave and approached their neighbors, pulling out a similar letter. Garrus once again stared at the letter with a mixture of emotions. It was obviously not good news, otherwise his senior wouldn't have told him to read after Venus' party. But he also said that it was something passed today, so he wasn't that far behind the news with the other soldiers.

Garrus opened the door to his family's room and approached the table. His family still watched him in curiosity and slight concern. Garrus pulled out a chair and smiled again, handing his father the letter.

"He said we can read it later. It's nothing anything too urgent for us to miss." He reassured his family while patting the hand of his mother, who shared a suspicious gaze with his father on both him and the letter. Venus still looked in curiosity, wondering what it was all about. Garrus, wanting to make the atmosphere light again, turned back to his sister.

"As I was saying, I got you this present." He brought out a rough box from is bag underneath the chair, diverting his sisters full attention to the gift.

"What is it? What is it?" He was about to answer before looking at his parents again. They were still a bit cautious about what was happening and obviously conflicted over the letter. Not to mention his gift wasn't exactly child friendly. He could kill two birds with one stone at this situation.

"I'll show it to you outside. We can use it out there." He grinned at Venus as she gave a smile and began to look for her scarf. Garrus edged closer to his parents, who were a bit surprised at this action.

"You both can read the letter while were out. I'll read it afterwards. Just don't show it to her or react to it until tomorrow. I'll knock on the door 3 times to let you hide it before we get in." He whispered. Both parents nodded in agreement and played their part in making the occasion jolly by smiling at their daughter, who now had a white scarf wrapped around her neck, slightly covering her mouth.

"We'll be back in a while."

"Bye!"

"Have fun, kids!"

"Don't be out too long in the cold."

Garrus closed the door as they walked side-by-side to the outdoors. The area was lit with torches despite the cold, and the snow only covered parts of the courtyard. Venus continued to stare at both Garrus and her gift in his hand, wondering where they were going and what was inside. They reached the courtyard outside the boarding house before they sat on a few steps by the entrance.

He gave his sister the small, rectangular box for her to open. As she did, her smile turned into an excited grin as she gazed upon a wooden dagger.

"Happy Birthday, Vivi. I got my friend to carve that. It's similar to the things we use for practice on hand-to-hand combat." She gave an excited squeal as she held the dagger on her left hand, slowly moving it around. The box came with a small holster for the mock weapon that she wore like a strap bag. The young girl then stood up and moved it a little faster, as if there was a target Garrus couldn't see in the air. It was sloppy child strikes, but then again, she is a child. She then turned to Garrus again, holstering the dagger to her side before running up to him and giving a warm tackle-like-hug.

"Thank you, Gary! Thank you so much! This is great! I can't wait to show Mikasa, Eren, and Armin this!" Garrus gave a small laugh as he returned the hug before patting her head.

"Remember to hide it, though. Some Garrison may feel a bit iffy with a girl carrying a weapon around, even if it is wood. And don't get me started on those snobby unicorns." Garrus shared his disdain about the military police with her before. Venus gave a small giggle as she nodded her head.

"That's what the holster is for, right?" Garrus gave a short nod.

"Right. But for now, since there is no one around, want to know how to handle it like a soldier?"

To say she was excited was like saying a titan is not very big. They spent a few minutes learning how to handle a real blade if she ever got one, where and how to slash and stab, and a little, boring etiquette. Garrus made sure, however, that she would not point or use it against anyone who did not endanger her, even if it was a wooden dagger. He made the point that it could still hurt someone, badly if done right. She nodded again, with a bit more respect for the toy-weapon.

They headed back towards their room, a holster on the side of the young girl. Garrus knocked on the door three times before opening the door. His mom and dad were at the table, giving them both smiles as their children entered.

"Welcome back. So what did Garrus give y-" His mother smile turned into surprised gape before becoming a frown. "Is that a knife?"

Garrus held up his hands in surrender.

"It's wooden! It's just like a toy." His mother continued her look.

"I taught her the important things, like how she should not point it anyone and such." Leaving the part of teaching her how to fight with it, for the sake of Venus' ownership over the dagger.

His mom still gave a disappointed before sighing in defeat. His father just watched the ordeal in entertainment and laughed.

"Let her be a child, Jayna. Sure, it may not be a doll or a stuffed animal, but Venus will always be our one-of-a-kind daughter."

Whatever news they read from the latter, Garrus observed that they were good in hiding what they were feeling about. They were quite more cheerful than they were when they started the celebrations, giving tighter and frequent hugs.

Both parents also had a gift for Venus. Her mother gave her a small, brown strapped pouch while her father gave her a pair of thick, leather gloves, which unfortunately cannot fit her yet. But she didn't really care if she had gotten gifts. Joy glowed from the young girl's eyes as she spent a wonderful time with her family. This had been the best thing that has happened to her since they moved to Trost.

It was getting late and everyone needed to sleep. Garrus would have to report early in the morning to start his rounds, while the other three are scheduled to head to the fields to tend the crops. Venus hugged them all for one last time before her parents tucked her into bed. While doing so, Garrus got the letter from his father and took a seat by the table to read what was so important about this parchment.

TO ALL READING THIS MESSAGE

The time has come for us to take back what we lost from the titans! Humanity is preparing a massive counter-attack that will push the titans out of Wall Maria and back into the outside the world. To make this attack possible, all able bodied adult refugees from Wall Maria are to report to their local military headquarters to arm themselves for the quest to retake your homes! This is a glorious time for mankind! For the first time, we will be victorious over those monsters! We will avenge all those who have died in the retreat to Wall Rose. You will take back your homes, your businesses, your lands, and your lives! No longer will we accept the suffering brought by the…

Garrus dropped the letter onto the table. He could not read anymore. The rest of the letter was just full of glory hunting. He was there when the gates broke down. There was no possible way that they can repair the gates in such a short time. He had no idea how the crown planned to fix giant, titan sized holes that released the very enemies that exist only to eat them. He looked to the bed of his sister, Venus fast asleep with a smile on her face. As his parents reached the table, their true expression started to form through their masks. Distress. Confusion. Fear. All three of them shared those feelings.

No wonder Ian told him to read the letter after Venus' birthday.

The next day, they had to tell Venus about it before they headed to the center of the refugee camps for the announcement. Better hear it from her own family than a crier. She only nodded through the news, growing uncharacteristically silent.

Garrus felt half-relieved and half-frustrated while standing by the stage near the town plaza. At least Venus had one day to enjoy herself, free from the influence of titan dominion. But all good things must come to an end. The military police were in charge of the entire conscription. The attack was to happen in a week.

This made Garrus even more suspicious about the plan. There was basically no time to train the refugees. One garrison soldier actually asked about this to one of the lead MPs. He said that the sheer number of people would be too many for the titans to defeat and that the best soldiers from the Garrison and the Scouting Legion would join and be the main striking power of the attack.

This caused some garrison soldiers to look down in despair. The reason why many people picked the garrison was, other than the fact they can't join the military police, was to fight titans from the safety of the walls. With the walls in-between them and the titans gone, morale for those who will be sent on the attack will be incredibly low. They were not scouts. They had little to no idea how to fight on the ground.

A few garrison glared at the MPs. Apparently, they will handle the establishment of order and training of the refugees, supplying further assistance for the future victory. In shorter words, they were not going along with the main force.

Families with children below twelve were allowed to keep one parent behind. After a long and painful debate on who would stay with Venus, Jayna Gatling heartbreakingly gave her position to fight to her husband, Christopher Gatling, who wrote his name on the conscription papers. Not to mention that he was required to go as his blacksmithing skills will be needed in repairing the weapons. No tears have fallen between both of them, who just stared hard at the list where the man wrote his name.

Garrus heard the news about his parents', or rather his father's, conscription. He went up to them and told him that he would make sure he and his father came back, whether in victory or defeat. A few hours later, while the refugees continued to write down their names while others trained with the MPs, the garrison opened up there booth and list for the soldiers who would be required to join and for those who, for some reason, want to volunteer. Garrus was not on the list of those required, much to his surprise with being a Marian native. Some soldiers who had their names on the conscription list were just in as much distress as the refugees, one of the vomiting over a patch of snow.

As he was about to sign on to the volunteer paper, he was denied by a military police recruiter by the booth. He was in deep, inner turmoil. He was a soldier. His father was not. How could he protect him out there if he remained here? He angrily inquired why he cannot join, and was answered with two reasons why. One was he was a cannon operator. That brought him to demand why that would be a reason he cannot go, as cannons should be used in the assault anyway. They said that the list of those required already had enough of the soldiers who can operate cannons, and some needed to stay behind to equip the hundreds of new cannons that will be placed on top of the walls.

The last reason was because he was disabled. He apparently "accomplished his true service to humanity" by losing his leg to the titans and that he needed to stay here to support those who will still fulfill that task. He was getting really tired of the MPs bullcrap. He asked if he could replace one of the cannon operators required to go, one preferably with a family to return to. The young soldier argued that he can still load and fix a ground cannon, as he did in Shiganshina, despite having a peg leg for a foot. He said the last part a little louder so that a few Garrison could support his motion.

But he was still denied and told to move aside. He then went to one the Garrison captains and asked him to replace one of them. The captain knew him and heard about his plea and said he will do what he can. Unfortunately, he returned fruitless, saying he cannot change what the MPs have placed.

For 6 days, this continued. Garrus tried to find ways to join the expeditionary force, trying to seek every loophole there is. But it appeared hopeless.

For 6 days, his father was sent to the training grounds on how to handle a long 4 meter pike and short sword. Ancient methods of fighting titans when they first appeared, they were designed for at least one person in an entire platoon to strike a lucky hit at a titan while everyone else died around him. His mother just remained quiet through the week, barely saying a word.

Venus distracted herself by staying with her friends, though Garrus has seen her alone, striking the air up and pretending she had 3DMG on, as if she was fighting a titan. Though it looked like she was playing, there was stress and pain in her grunts when she sliced the imaginary monsters. It was as if she was using it to vent herself, being frustrated she can't do anything again.

Garrus gave up on the 6th night. He remained silent as he entered the boarding house room to be with his dad for one more night. The Family was all seated by the table again, this time with no merriment happening. Suddenly, his father smiled and looked under the bed of him and his wife.

"Wait here. I have something I want to show all of you." He got out of his seat and started searching through the other bags and belongings under the bed. He pulled a parcel out, which was surprising to all of them, much more to his wife who recognized the bag.

"Wait! I thought they threw out all our belongings before we got into the boat?" Her husband gave a sheepish grin, but they can see amusement in his eyes.

"I hid it under my shirt and I acted much fatter than I was. Obviously, it worked like a charm." Both the blacksmith and the herb farmer shared a laugh.

"You haven't changed since the day you asked my father for my hand in marriage by pulling out a ring from your shoe. You made that stupid excuse that your foot was itchy when you weren't able to pull it out immediately."

"In my defense, it might have gotten stolen if I placed in my pocket and lost if I placed it under my shirt or pants. Let us not go to other possibilities." The children then joined the laughter as their father opened the parcel. Inside was two unique items.

One was a pair of black, thick, leather smithy gloves. It was the same pair he has used every day in Shigansina. The children can see sloppy stitches and well-knit repairs.

"I'm pretty sure one reason why I married your mother was because she can take up any piece of torn rag and turn into a something a human can wear. Give a bit more rag, and she can give clothes to titans." They all had a soft laugh while he earned a light shove in the head by the older woman.

"These gloves were with me since I dreamed of becoming a blacksmith when I was around Venus' age. My fingers were too small back then to fit into the glove nicely and that led to many unfortunate accidents. In and out of the forge" He gave a soft chuckle as he placed it on the table.

The other was an oddly colored forge hammer. It had copper and gold colored head, a sturdy dark wooden body, and a musky yellow handle.

"I don't know if this is true, but my mentor told me that this hammer has been passed down from generation to generation of blacksmith, dating past the arrival of the titans." Shock and Awe displayed on the faces of Garrus and Venus. There aren't many things other than illegal books that date past the age of the Walls. He and his wife only shared a smile at their children's reactions.

"It is made out of a special type of alloy, metals found from lands far away. That body material is a very rare type of hardened wood, stronger than stone. Lastly, the handle carries the essence of blacksmiths from before the fall, symbolizing the preserving of knowledge." He gave a small smile, remembering the inspiration given by his mentor in regards to this relic.

"Unlike other pre-wall relics, this is not something easily broken. I have used it in the smithy when there was an emergency like my tools suddenly broke and the end products that have been created by this hammer never failed to deliver." He look to both of them, holding onto the two items.

"This hammer symbolizes the golden age of humans and the hope we will return to it once again, while my gloves are but a remnant of my legacy as a simple blacksmith, blessed with a loving family."

"Garrus." He turned to his eldest son, the pair of gloves in his hand. "I cannot express the joy I feel on seeing how far you have grown as a man. You have a heavy duty upon you, my son. Being a soldier, despite knowing the very enemy that lies before you, is a duty many people take for granted. If it wasn't for the soldiers who died in Shiganshina, fewer people who have made it out alive. If it wasn't for the many scouts who died in their attack on the titans, we never would've known so much about them, along with new ways to fight them. What you have committed yourself to is something that may put you in the brink of death, but it is also a responsibility to ensure our survival. I'm glad you know this." Garrus held back tears. It wasn't time. Why was his dad saying these things?

"Dad, calm down. What are you-" His father held up his hand, showing he was not finished.

"You are a cannon operator. You are the first line of defense against them. Though many people say cannons are useless, you possibly save tens of lives of your fellow soldiers who would have died fighting a titan head on. We are fighting a war of attrition, my son. To win against the titans, we must preserve ourselves and who we are. And that is why I give you these gloves. They protect me from the dangers of the forge, much like you protect humanity, including your comrades, from the dangers of the titans."

As he handed the gloves to Garrus, tears slowly rolled down the young man's cheeks. The young soldier took the gloves and wore them on his hands, them fitting comfortably around his fingers.

"I know you tried your hardest to fight with me for this offensive. But truth be told, I am more at peace knowing you will stay. Do not think I blame you. I never did. Not for what happened Shiganshina, and not for here. You will always be my little soldier boy." A tear dropped from his father's eye as he gave a sad smile.

"My dearest Venus," His father then turned to his only daughter with the hammer in his hands. "You are the closest thing I have to an apprentice. But that is not why I hand this hammer to you. I have told you before that a blacksmith does not create something out of thin air. We take something without much form and turn it into what we desire it to be. Either a tool for construction, a weapon for destruction, armor for protection, or restoration of what something used to be."

Venus nodded, remembering the one the lessons her father gave her. Her father gently placed his hand on her face.

"You have become such a beautiful young lady. I see a great future ahead of you. There is so much you can do. For yourself, for your mother, for your brother, for your friends, for the people around you, and for humanity. And that will be your struggle. Like a metal ingot, you might not have a form yet. There are so many things you can become. But a blacksmith creates from it what is desired, whether from our own want or what is required by others. And though you are metal, you are also your own blacksmith. You decide what you become, but it is intertwined with what you think you should be and what you are needed to be. Your brother has chosen his path, one of protection. You will soon pick yours, but no one knows exactly when. Remember this hammer, remember your potential, remember who you are, and remember who you wish to be."

As he handed the hammer to Venus, her silence was broken by loud sobs as she put the hammer down first and almost tackled her father, crying into his shirt. Garrus followed, his arms wrapping his father from behind, wiping his tears onto his shoulder. The blacksmith held one hand to his daughter's back while another took hold of his son's head. Both children slowly stopped their crying, small smiles appearing in their faces as they held on to this memory.

While both were letting go of their father, their mother slowly got off her chair and walked to her husband. Both remained silent, looking at each other in the eyes before the man started speaking.

"I have nothing else to give but-" His wife shushed him through a finger unto his lips, a gentle smile forming on her face.

"And there is nothing else I want. You have given yourself to me on the day you gave me my wedding ring and there is nothing else I want in this world. These past 19 years have been full hardship and pain, but it was living to me, not just surviving. Everything I want to say has been said on the altar, and everything you said has stayed with me since that day." Tears started falling from both their eyes as they gazed into one another, holding each other's faces in their hands.

They gently leaned in for a kiss, the same way they did when they both said "I do". Garrus and Venus have seen their parents kiss before and it bothered them sometimes like any other child, but this was different. They couldn't help but smile as they watched. It had a certain aura that romance tries to replicate but can never fully do so. It was not perfect. It was very flawed. But it was human.

And people wonder where Garrus gets his poetic side from.

At the present

They never even found a body. Even a trace of his unit. Just… blood.

It made it so hard for him to open the letter. The counter-attack was a complete contradiction to everything his father said. Were the sacrifices of those who died in Shiganshina in vain? Should they have just left everyone behind if this was to be their fate anyway? It hurt to think about it.

But his duty as soldier remained. He was a protector, a guardian for humanity. He looked at the gloves on his hands, once again. He sees the stitches and the patches. They have to suffer so that a man's hand can be safe. Despite what he might think, he still has a responsibility to humanity.

He takes a small blade by the table and opens the parchment.

As he read it, Garrus did not know what to think of the assignment as he looked at in surprise. This was new.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin. (duh)