Chapter 5: Living Nightmare

Kiyoko had went into an empty bed chamber when she woke and fall onto the bed, burying her sobs in the pillows. Not long later she heard the door open. Kiyoko was so upset that she didn't even look up or say anything as Haruka climbed onto the bed and laid next to her. She just kept sobbing into the pillows. Finally Haruka broke the silence, "You need to talk about this. Seiya may seem content to wait you out, and heaven knows that I tried. But this is getting worse, not better." Kiyoko didn't say anything, so Haruka turned her over and looked her in the eyes. They were so full of pain and fear, puffy from crying. It tore Haruka's heart apart, "Please tell me what is hurting you so!" She just shook her head fiercely. Why was Kiyoko so stubborn? Haruka snapped, "Damnit Kiyoko! You can't just go on having nightmares every night! It's going to run you down and eventually the golden crystal will suffer. I've seen it with Usagi and the Silver Crystal."

Somehow mentioning her mother triggered a swirl of emotions: pain, grief, anger, even jealousy. Kiyoko snapped in return, "Yes, I know…. You've all been to hell and back with her! She is your Queen, Queen Mother…. And Serenity is your queen….. They should be your concern!" The look on Haruka's face made Kiyoko immediately regret her words.

Haruka couldn't believe what Kiyoko was saying. It almost sounded like the ramblings she'd spouted on Estara not so long ago. But how to make her understand…. She spoke in a wounded and hard voice, "Earth and it's Queen are my duty. It has been my duty for…. Forever. But don't take that to mean that you are less important than either of them. You should know better than that!"

Feeling even guiltier, Kiyoko nodded and sniffled as she said, "I know. And though Estara is my home and I have family here, Earth is the same for me. It is my home and all of you my family…. That's why this scares me so…." She trailed off, unable to say anymore.

Feeling the storm in Kiyoko's heart, Haruka didn't push her any further. She had learned something though, the nightmares she was having had to do with something happening here. Haruka didn't know whether to stay or go. When Kiyoko had married Seiya she felt something change, it was like Kiyoko was trying to reign in the blurring of their boundaries. The feelings Haruka had about this were conflicted, she understood how seriously Kiyoko took her commitment, but there was a bitterness that would probably never go away. Seiya always seemed to create a wedge between her and her princesses. Eventually she decided to just ask, "Do you want me to stay or go?"

The question made Kiyoko blink, but she'd caught enough of the feelings running through Haruka to understand. It was difficult for her too. Kiyoko meant every word of the commitment she'd made to Seiya, and Haruka was right about what Kiyoko had been doing. However, she didn't have the strength to move and asking her to get Seiya would've hurt her more than sending her away. So what was right? Was it right to take her comfort? Could she be alone? If she were alone she was sure she'd start sobbing again. Kiyoko couldn't stand the thought of bearing this crushing pain alone. She whispered, "Stay. I'd like it if you stayed."

Haruka nodded and just laid there next to Kiyoko, not pulling her close, but simply holding her hand. She did, however, kiss her on the forehead. Haruka told Kiyoko in a gentle tone she didn't let many hear, "Sleep well Kiyo-chan."

The next morning Kiyoko woke lying next to a sleeping Haruka, still holding her hand. It was as if she hadn't moved an inch. She sensed a presence and soon heard someone outside the door. Kiyoko rose gingerly and went to the door, slipping out as to not wake Haruka. She stepped into the hall and saw Michiru. She looked down at the floor, "I'm sorry Michiru… for taking her away again… I had a nightmare."

With an understanding tone Michiru responded, "It is alright Kiyoko, I don't know how many times I have to say this… Besides, I am just as worried as she is. What is going on? I have even consulted my mirror and get nothing." She pulled at Kiyoko's chin, forcing her eyes up.

But when Kiyoko looked up she didn't see the Michiru standing there in an elegant, yet simple dress. She saw Michiru, all of her life drained away. Her eyes as empty as they were in her nightmare. Kiyoko let out a small gasp, but swiftly recovered her composure, "It's just bad dreams. I… I have to go. Seiya will be worried." Kiyoko scurried down the hall as quickly as she could, returning to her own chambers… Running from the nightmare image.

When she reached her chambers Seiya wasn't there, making Kiyoko want to cry. She'd wanted to sink into her wife's loving arms so very much. But she was still too worn out to try and find her at the moment, so Kiyoko went and soaked in the bath for a long time.

Eventually she got out and dressed in a short maroon dress with gold beading that she didn't wear often, even when she lived on Earth. But somehow it felt good today. Now Kiyoko decided to seek out her beloved Seiya. Her senses told her that she was in the courtyard that they'd all been in yesterday. Her mother was there too. Perhaps Seiya was trying to reason with Usagi about trusting Botan. Kiyoko left, heading out to join them.

She made her way down the halls quickly, feeling as though she couldn't get to Seiya's arms quickly enough. She stepped out of the castle itself and stopped cold. What she saw twisted her heart in her chest. There, standing in the middle of the courtyard incredibly close to one another was her mother and Seiya, Usagi's hand on Seiya's cheek. Kiyoko felt cold all over.

Just then, she heard Botan just behind her, a note of smugness in her voice as she said, "It's so good that they're still so close. I can't imagine the connection between, so strong to have survived that way." Then she walked right past Kiyoko and called out to Usagi, "Sister! I've been looking for you!"

Both Seiya and Usagi looked over and Seiya locked eyes with Kiyoko. Her eyes were sad. Kiyoko couldn't take it. She turned around and walked back inside. Seiya just stood there, not understanding Kiyoko's reaction. She'd simply wanted to talk to Usagi about Kiyoko. Seiya was so worried about her.

Once inside Kiyoko wandered the halls, not wanting to go back to her chambers in fears that Seiya would show up there. Eventually she made it to the castle library. Kiyoko decided to bury herself in books, something she'd always loved. She actually pulled a thick text on dreams. Reading through it felt like a waste afterward. It spoke about dreams in terms of symbolism for the unconscious. That was all well and good for most people, but she knew that these nightmares were more than that.

Kiyoko looked up and realized it was nearly dark. Then she felt a familiar approach. It filled her with fear and so she stuck her nose back into the text, not really reading. However, a moment later she heard Ami's voice, "Researching dreams Kiyoko? Is everything alright?"

Not looking up Kiyoko responded, "Everything is fine Ami, just something that I thought might be useful."

Ami nodded, even though Kiyoko hadn't looked up, "Useful, something useful would be good. That's why I am here, trying to see if I can find any shred of information about Princess Botan."

Botan, that piqued Kiyoko's interest and she looked up without thinking. It was just like with Michiru, Ami didn't look like herself. She looked like a battered corpse with empty eyes. Kiyoko forced herself not to scream and closed her book, almost rambling as she often accused her mother of, "That sounds like a very important task. I will leave you in peace. Good luck." She stood quickly and nearly sprinted from the room.

So tired… Kiyoko was so tired of being plagued by nightmares. So tired of strangers showing up and disrupting her once peaceful life. Everyone told Kiyoko how strong she was, and for a long time she'd believed them. Now though, she didn't feel very strong. Kiyoko thought defeating Sikana would put those nightmares and these feelings of weakness behind her. Yet here she was practically running down the halls a storm of emotions.

Finally she stopped and breathed deeply, thinking, trying to remember the last time other than her wedding that she'd felt happy and at peace. Then it came to her, it was when she and Minako went to the moon. In a way, when she and Haruka were there. The day that she'd bound herself to Haruka. That was it. She would go and clear her head. But something inside of her felt like she couldn't leave her children without proper protection.

So she rushed to Endo's room, knowing he was having dinner with her sister at the moment. Inside the room Kiyoko found an old wooden box with a crescent moon on it. In a snap decision she called the golden crystal forth from within her and placed it inside, casting a protective spell that would only allow Endo to open the box. Then she placed it on the nightstand next to his bed.

She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a note on it…..

Dearest Seiya,

I love you so much…. But I need time…. Time to clear my head… Time to think… Time to search for answers to the demons that plague me each night…. I am going to the old Moon Kingdom… Please do not follow me or send anyone after me… I will come back when I am ready… Keep an eye on Botan and watch over our children… I promise that I will make this up to you…. I am sure that my mother will be there for you until I return…

Your Wife,

Kiyoko

Concentrating she used her own inner magic, which she was thankful for its strength even in the absence of the golden crystal, and sent the note to the pillow on the bed she shared with Seiya. Once that was done she closed her eyes and disappeared in light.

In an instant she found herself on her favorite balcony in the old castle. She loved the view from here… It was magnificent! This view was what Kiyoko needed in order to find clarity! So enraptured was she that she was completely unaware of the fact that she wasn't alone. Suddenly Kiyoko found arms wrapped around her like a vice. A wisp of black hair, not her own, flew in front of her face. She shouted, "Botan! I knew you were up to no good! What are you doing?"

Botan laughed and spoke, her voice more snake like than she had heard it just fine, "Yes, little queen, you knew. Yet here we are…"

Another figure appeared in front of her, shocking her into silence. It was a man, though not completely corporeal. He had long grey hair, dark armor, a dark cape and sheperd's staff, as well as a dark circle imprinted on his forehead. He spoke with a strange and unearthly voice, "Finally we meet Daughter of the Silver Millennium. I am Bugendai, father of infinity. You've been the thorn of my existence for so long now." He narrowed his eyes and continued, "You and that vexing moon…. But no more! Finally I have you, you and the golden crystal!"

So that is what he was after! Another demon in search of her power. Now she knew why her instincts had told her to leave it behind. Kiyoko laughed, "You may have me, but not the golden crystal. I don't have it!"

Bugendai looked at her enraged! He took his specter-like hand and reached right into Kiyoko chest, causing her to scream in agony! He pulled it out and screamed in rage. From behind her, Kiyoko heard Botan speak, "Bugendai… I will find where she's hidden it… But I think we have to do something with her… And I know exactly what!"

Bugendai nodded and the circle on his forehead started to glow. Before Kiyoko could react she felt herself falling through a dark storm that wouldn't stop ripping at her. She thought she might shatter at any moment. And then she blacked out….

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