Truth and Trust

"Amanda, why are you avoiding this?" Amanda could tell he was becoming frustrated by the tone of his voice.

Whispering and avoiding his eyes, "You don't even know what it is I am avoiding."

"I have an idea."

These were the last thoughts as Lee laid in bed, attempting his best chance at any sleep. He tossed, turned, and then thought that as much as he knew she wanted to be with him, something was holding her back. He came to the only logical conclusion he could. It had to do with his past. He knew that she knew all about his playboy past, hell, he had even flaunted it a few times in her face before.

Lee got up from his bed and went to the living room. He sat on the couch debating his next move for a few moments. Picking up the phone he made his choice.

"Hello?" Amanda's voice sounded as if she had been crying Lee thought.

"Hello, have you been crying?" Lee sat up straighter on the couch, as if he could do anything to help over the phone.

"Allergies; I thought you said you would talk to me tomorrow?" She asked sitting up in bed and wiping her eyes.

"It's after midnight, Cinderella, technically it is tomorrow."

Smiling for the first time since Lee had left her house she asked, "Why are you calling?"

"I have to know something and it is very important that you give me an honest answer."

Fear rose up in her chest as she answered, "Okay, what is it you want to know?"

"I know you are hiding something from me, for whatever reasons you feel, but I really want to know if this has anything to do with, well, um, my past?" Lee asked in a quiet nervous voice.

Amanda internally shook her head, carefully chose her words before she spoke. "Lee, I can say with the utmost certainty that your past isn't giving me any sleepless nights."

"Well, if it isn't my past that is upsetting you, what is it?" Confusion consumed his voice.

Bucking up as much confidence as she could she whispered, "Lee, it is your future that concerns me."

"What about my future? What does my future have to do with anything? I mean, I understand that you worry about me, as much as I do about you, but you saw me for yourself, I came through the last six weeks unharmed."

"I know you did, but…"

"…but nothing, what happened while I was gone that changed so much. I explained why I couldn't call for these last three weeks. God, Amanda, I wanted to call just if I could only hear your voice for a few minutes, but when you have bullets flying at you, it really isn't such a great time to stop to call your girlfriend."

He said it again she thought as she said, "You know, Stetson, if you keep calling me your girlfriend I might just start to take you seriously."

"So, that is what all this is about? You don't think I am as serious as I say I am. You think I am in it just for the sex. Well then, Amanda King, I will just have to prove to you that is just not the case. I really care about you and really want to get to know you better."

"Lee, that isn't it at all. I'm not denying we have an extremely strong attraction to one another, but you know what they say…"

"No, Amanda, what do they say?" He was beginning to feel frustrated again as she continued to avoid telling him what was wrong with her.

"I have just been wondering since things started so heated, what happens when it cools down?"

Giving a hearty laugh Lee countered her argument with the only question he had, "Who says it will cool down?"

"Lee, I had a marriage where it was all hot and intense in the beginning; I am well aware of how quickly things cool off. I became pregnant with Jamie and Joe just sort of well, I mean, he, well I guess what I am saying is that a lot of men lose interest when their wife or girlfriend gets pregnant and gets all fat."

Words began flashing through his mind, your future, girlfriend, fat, and pregnant. "Amanda, are you going to have my baby?"

She barely heard his question as it registered in her brain what she inadvertently admitted out loud. She sat stone silent. Lee heard her words fall silent.

"Your silence says a lot. Were you ever going to tell me?" The hurt she heard in his voice she knew she made a mistake in not telling him earlier.

"Lee, of course I was going to tell you, I just had to come to grips with it first before…"

"Come to grips? You needed to come to grips to tell me I am going to be a father? Oh, what a damn cop out. You didn't trust me to tell me about my baby. You didn't trust me, just admit it!" Lee yelled into the phone making Amanda hold the receiver out from her ear.

Losing her temper she exclaimed, "It didn't have a damn thing to do with trust, Lee Stetson.
It has to do with the fact that I am scared to death. Pregnancy is harder for a woman than a man any day of the week, Pal. A man can just walk away without a second thought but a woman she can't just refute the facts of being pregnant; it is pretty damn obvious for her!"

"You thought I would just walk away and not give a damn that I would have a child in the world?"

"Joe did!"

Blowing out a ragged breath in an attempt to calm his anger, "In case you hadn't noticed, I am not Joe King."

"No, your worse, you would be here even if it wasn't where you wanted to be. I want you, God how I want you, but I want you with me for me, not an obligation or duty."

"Amanda, uh, yeah, I guess you would see it that way. I'll talk to you later. Bye." Lee hung up the phone, poured another drink, and then for the rest of the night sat on the couch crying.

Amanda, crying, hung the phone up, and then noticed her door was opened with Jamie standing in the doorway. "Mom, you're going to have a baby?"

"Yes, Jamie."