Moving Forward

The end of July in the King household was a very busy time. Amanda was thankful though for her lighter schedule at work. She wasn't happy about Lee working with Francine or some other female agent at times, but she was happy in the fact that when his work day was done and over with, he was with her and not them. She would either be at his apartment or he would be at the house.

Amanda was sitting at her kitchen table when she heard the familiar knock at the backdoor. Lee had called her before leaving the Agency, asking if she needed anything before he came over. She opened the back door to her surprise it wasn't Lee, it was her ex-husband, Joe King.

"Joe, what a wonderful surprise come on in." Moving out of the way to allow Joe to come in, Amanda then automatically went to the stove and poured Joe some tea. "What bring you to town?"

Laughing slightly Joe said, "Well, to be perfectly honest, you do."

"Me? Why me?" Amanda asked.

"I got a call from my parents saying that Phillip called them saying you were going to have a baby."

"I am going to have another baby. The baby is due in February. Why?" She asked sipping her tea.

"Don't you think it is a little irresponsible not to mention a poor example to the boys?" Joe asked.

Amanda sat her tea down and looked Joe in the eye, "You have no room to talk about setting a poor example to our children. I have talked to both of them about this. For one they both know how babies are made, for two, I explained to them that this was not planned, it just happened. Jamie seems okay with it, Mother has come around and has begun to suggest names for the baby, and yes Phillip took the news the worse. He was very upset but in the last few weeks since finding out the news he has done better about it. He is even fighting with his brother about whether it should be a girl or a boy. I can only imagine that he called your parents when he first found out and was the most upset about it. For that fact your own mother has called me asking if I need anything and if I am okay. What problem or concern do you have with me having another baby?"

"My problem is the fact that my children do know where babies come from and as such, what their mother has been doing since she is having a baby."

"Joe, this is none of your business. It isn't like I have been sleeping around with every man I have come into contact with since our divorce, which is more than I can say for you."

"What is that supposed to mean? Sure I have gone on dates since the divorce, but hell you were engaged not too long ago to another man. You expect me to sit her and assume you never rolled the sheets with that guy, a guy you loved and were going to marry?"

"This may come as a surprise to you, but Lee is the first man since our divorce that I have slept with, not that it is any of your damn business. I never said I was going to marry Dean. Everyone assumed that because he asked, I was going to say yes. I wasn't ready for marriage then and I am not ready for marriage now. I will move forward in my own time, women can have children without the father around, you should know all about that."

"Amanda, that is hitting below the belt; I didn't come over here to fight with you."

"No, you came over here to scold me; just like you did before and do you remember how that turned out don't you?"

Joe looked at her while she looked at him, both remembering the loss they both shared that no one but they knew about.

"Amanda, this is not like then. Does Lee know about that?" Joe asked taking her hand, forgetting his anger.

"No, I haven't told him, I didn't know if I should or not, he really seems concerned with all of this. He is worried about me, the baby, the boys, mother, and work. This is his first child so you need to remember how that feels. I mean with every new thing with Philip we called either your parents or mine. I think he should get more comfortable with it all before I scare him even more. To be honest Joe I haven't ever told anyone, did you?"

"No, but it was only a few months before we separated. You are taking it easy aren't you? Losing a baby is one thing, but losing your life is another."

Neither one noticed the back door open until they looked up and saw Lee standing there holding flowers by his side, "What is he talking about Amanda?"

Amanda and Joe both stood. Amanda walked over to Lee saying, "Lee, this is the boys' dad and my ex-husband, Joe King. Joe, this is Lee Stetson, my co-worker and the father of my baby."

"Hi, I came to make sure Amanda was okay. Phillip seemed upset at first." Joe extended his hand toward Lee.

Stiffly, Lee greeted Joe and then turned his attention to Amanda, "What is talking about? What did he mean by saying losing a baby is one thing but losing your life is another? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"

"Joe, I think you should leave so I can talk with Lee. I am not sure how long you are in town, but the boys won't be back until next week. Mother took them with her to Aunt Lillian's; she wanted to get them some clothes before school started."

"No, I will see them at Christmas, I leave in two days. Take care of yourself. Lee, I hope to get to know you better next time I am in."

Nodding Lee didn't feel he could trust his words at the moment. He felt anger building up in him, he just wasn't sure if it was at Joe King or Amanda King.

Lee sat on the couch as Amanda walked Joe out. He ran over the information in his head that he had heard as he stood outside of Amanda's house. He knew she didn't like it when he spied on her, but it wasn't his fault really. He overheard her yelling at someone and was ready to charge in and rescue her like he did. He opened the door and heard someone dressing her down about being pregnant and then about only what he could assume was the loss of a baby.

Amanda watched as Lee lost himself in his thoughts. She wanted to discuss things with him, but she knew not to push or rush him. Sitting next to him she brought him out of his own thoughts and said to her, "What was that all about?"

Amanda explained, "That was about Joe being gone when the boys found out about the baby. It was also because of Phillip's concern those first few days. In the last few weeks you have seen him change his attitude toward you and the baby. He is getting excited about it. Joe being the parent he is just wanted to make sure his children was okay."

"Being the parent he is, from another country?" Lee spat out.

"Look, no matter what you think, Joe loves his sons and is a good father. I am not going to allow you or Joe to tear down one another or how the other one parent. We are going to have to co-parent and get along. We can set rules and boundaries later, but first we have to get this baby here, which won't be for a few more months. We have time to come up with a plan."

Lee smiled at her and knew she was right then he braced himself for his next question, "Did you lose a baby with Joe?"

Amanda's face told him all he needed to know but he waited for her answer. "Yes, but there is really is more to it than that."

"Will you tell me about it please?" Lee asked as he pulled her closer to him.

"Lee, this isn't something that I talk about. It is very difficult and Mother doesn't even know about it."

"Amanda, I really want to know."

"I know you do. Okay, yes, not long before Joe and I had separated I became pregnant. Only I never knew until it was too late. It was an ectopic pregnancy." Seeing his confusion she continued, "That means the baby attached in the ovary not the uterus. I went to the hospital with the most horrific pain. I thought I was going to die. Joe was terrified. Well, the only way to save me was to abort the baby. It wasn't either one of our faults, but nothing was really the same after that. I went on the pill after that and have been on it since, even though it wasn't really necessary since you have been the only one since Joe and I divorced."

"Amanda, is this why you didn't want to tell me about the baby at first? Did you think you would have to go through it all again and lose another child?"

"Lee, no mother wants to ever lose a child. This was different, I didn't miscarry, I didn't harm myself, it came down to I had to abort a baby from my body in order to live." Wiping the tears from her eyes she continued, "I never wanted you to go through the pain of losing another person if you didn't have to. If I never told you and something was wrong again, then you wouldn't have had to deal with the pain and loss of a child you knew nothing about."

"You would have just suffered in silence and never told me?" Lee seemed calm but she could see the hurt and shock on his face.

"I am sure eventually I would have, I can't seem to keep things from you for very long. Think about it Lee what kind of reaction would you have if I had told you, 'oh, by the way I am pregnant but I have to kill our baby because if I don't I will die', tell me is that how you wanted to learn about your first child?"

Lee sat staring at her and said, "No, but it would have been a hell of a lot easier if you had just trusted me from the beginning to deal with whatever came."

"You think I don't trust you? Do you know that I have trusted you from the moment I met you, Lee Stetson? I have trusted you with my life, my family's life, I have trusted you with everything I have and hold dear to me. Please don't ever think I didn't trust you. As I said before, besides Joe and myself, you are the only one that knows about the baby I lost. I never told Mother; in case I ever did have another baby she wouldn't be terrified the whole time. Please don't hate me. I want us to be past all that trouble we had at the beginning of this. We have been getting along so well."

She leaned in and brushed her lips to his and that contact sparked the feeling she always had around him. Moving to sit on his lap she deepened the kiss, Amanda began loosen his tie. After removing his tie she began on his buttons until his hands stopped her.

"Amanda, what are you doing?" He asked in between her tender kisses.

"Nothing if you keep stopping me." Amanda said before she placed her lips on his neck and began to kiss.

Setting her up Lee said, "Amanda, no what I mean is what has gotten into you? Anytime we are alone you seem to want to get me out of my clothes before I have a chance to say hello how are you. Now, what has gotten into you?"

Looking at him as if he had just slapped her she stood up and snipped at him, "Nothing is in me and I can guarantee that nothing will be either, so you don't have that to be concerned with!"

Storming into the kitchen Lee caught her by her arm spinning her around and calmly said, "That is not what I mean. I just never thought you for the insatiable type. I have no problem complying, but is it me or just the act you want?"

Looking at the floor and asked, "What do you mean is it you or just the act?"

"Oh, no you don't! I want an answer not a question, especially my own question." Lee demanded.

"I cannot give you an answer when I don't know it. Of course I want you, but this is the craziest thing, Lee, it seems like I can't get enough food or sex. If we aren't, well, if we aren't when we can, then I can't seem to stop eating. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't seem to have an off switch to either. Neither pregnancy was like this." Amanda sat at the table and began to silently cry.

"Amanda, don't cry. I didn't say I had a problem with it, I just said it wasn't something I expected from you."

"Lee, I have never been like this, even as a newly married bride. I mean Joe and I had some pretty vigorous nights but I was always fine afterward, but with you, I can't seem to get enough."

"I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or an insult. If it is a compliment it means that I am the best you ever had and I am really a sexual god. In the way of an insult, I am not man enough to satisfy you. How about we feed you first and then if you are still in the mood after dinner I say I try to satisfy that as well." Wiggling his eyebrows at her he smiled and began to help make dinner with her.

Setting on the couch watching a movie after dinner, Lee noticed that Amanda had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Smiling he thought he had helped with her hunger. Picking her up he carried her to her room and as he undressed her to ready her for bed he turned to leave as he was pulled to the bed next to her.

"Where do you think you are going, Buster?" Laughing Lee shook his head as she pulled him in for a kiss.