Amanda went back into the house not knowing that as soon as Lee made it to the park he pulled over in his car and sat crying. He didn't know what was wrong with him, he didn't cry. The last time he cried was five years old and he was being told that his parents were gone and not coming back. He picked up the phone and made a call, "Please, I have to talk."
Driving toward Amanda's the next morning, Lee thought about the night before on the phone with his uncle. Twenty-four hours ago Lee Stetson, international intelligence operative, was reduced to sitting in his car, on his phone, crying and begging his one and only relative to talk. Colonel Robert Clayton realized what it took for his nephew to make that call.
"I don't even know where to begin. I feel foolish; you didn't raise me to break down. I just didn't know who else to call or talk to. Usually, I just go to Amanda, but I can't now." Lee stated as he stared into the park in front of him.
"I didn't raise you to run from things either, but I would love to know why all of a sudden you can't go to the one woman that has broken through all your barriers and not to mention you are having a child with. You didn't do something like cheat on her, did you?"
"No I didn't and by the way thanks for the vote of confidence. A few weeks ago Amanda had to have this horrible test for the baby. You see, she didn't know she was pregnant for the first six weeks and continued with her birth control pills and she thought she might have hurt the baby. The doctor called with the results today."
"Oh, God, Son, what is it? Is everything okay?" Concern for his future niece or nephew etched all over his face, Lee was touched.
Smiling he said, "Everything is fine according to Amanda. The doctor gave the baby a full clean bill of health."
Letting out a breath Robert said, "Thank God, it sounded much worse."
"I know and I automatically told Amanda from the beginning that we would handle anything that came up. After the test though, I put it out of my mind, I think so I wouldn't go crazy waiting for the results. I was in the backyard when she got the call. We came in from outside and she was sitting and crying. Of course I thought something was wrong and then she told me everything was perfect, the baby was fine and then it hit me."
Robert thought he knew the answer but he asked anyhow, "What hit you?"
"That in two months there is going to be this person on the planet that will need and depend on me for everything, but I can't do it."
Robert sat thinking as what to say to his nephew without sounding like a jackass. He said the only thing he could, "Lee, of course you can and let me tell you why."
Lee rang the doorbell at Amanda's at nine forty five and as Dotty opened the door she was surprised as two large bouquets of flowers were hiding the man behind them.
"What on Earth is all this?" She exclaimed excitedly.
"This is just some flowers for you and your sister." Lee leaned in and gave Dotty a kiss on the cheek.
"Lee, thank you, but what about Amanda? No flowers for her?"
"I have a different present for Amanda. This is just an early Christmas present for you and your sister. Where is Amanda by the way?" Lee asked as he looked around for Amanda.
"In the kitchen baking up a storm, she has already made three pies and now working on cookies. To be honest I don't think we have the kitchen space for the desserts if she keeps this up."
Lee walked into the kitchen quietly standing as he watched as Amanda busied around the kitchen. "Hey, slow down, Christmas is still a few days away."
Turning and smiling at Lee, all Amanda could think of in that moment was if she would ever be able to look at him without losing her breath. "Oh, Lee, I know I just need to get this stuff done so you can take it in to the office for me tomorrow."
"Oh, well before that why don't you come and sit with me so we can talk." Lee said as he pulled her to him and led her to the couch.
"This sounds serious, is everything okay?" Amanda was suddenly beginning to worry.
"Everything is fine, but they weren't and I want you to know that they will be from now on."
"Lee, I don't understand what or when weren't things okay?" She furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at his glowing appearance.
"Amanda, things for me haven't been alright since you had those stupid tests. I have gone home every night, either from work or here, thinking that the worse thing possible was going to be wrong with the baby. I was terrified that we were going to be told that our child was going to have something detrimental to their development and I really wasn't sure how I was going to handle that news. I was scared for how you would handle that news, your mother or the boys for that matter."
"Lee, things are okay with the baby though, so what's the problem?" She asked while taking his hands in hers.
"That is exactly what I am talking about. I was so scared that I wasn't thinking about how to react if the news was good news. I didn't think that was possible for my life. That I was involved in something outside of work that wasn't a screw up."
"Oh, Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me how worried you have been?" Amanda said as she felt the tears forming in her eyes.
"I didn't want you worrying any more than you already were. To be completely honest, when I left here I had to pull over at the park and broke down. I couldn't pull it together."
"Lee, Sweetheart, why didn't you call me? I would have come to you and talked to you. Is there anything else you are worried about?"
"Yes, more than I thought, but I did call the Colonel to talk to him. I told him about the tests, the results, and I told him that in two months a baby would be in the world that would be dependent on me. I told him I wasn't ready and couldn't do it."
Amanda sucked in her breath, "What are you telling me? I thought you were happy about the baby? I guess it doesn't really matter, I have done this before."
"No, you haven't and neither have I, if we are being completely honest. This is completely different than when you and Joe were married. He was here to help you. He wasn't twenty minutes away in his own place while you got up in the middle of the night to change or feed the baby. He was here if you just needed some time to take a shower. I am not here. I am across town in Georgetown. I go home every night and what will I miss; her first words, steps, laugh? Tell me how do I get that?" He explained more calmly than what he felt at that moment. He needed that calm as he prepared to move toward his next question for her.
"You don't have to miss anything, Lee. I mean, you could just move in here and then you won't miss any more than any other parent when at work." Amanda and Lee turned to the voice coming from the kitchen.
The two turned to look at Jamie standing and facing them. Lee smiled at Jamie for his innocent acceptance and then asked, "Why would you think of that as an option?"
Jamie shrugged his shoulders and said, "No kid needs to grow up without their parents in their life if they really want to be. I know how much you want to be around the baby and you should be."
Jamie turned and went back out with his brother and friends in the backyard to continue to play ball.
Lee watched as the young boy walked out and he felt his heart break for Jamie. They were alike in that they both knew what it was like to grow without a father.
"Oh, Lee, you are going to be a part of so much with this baby. You are not going to miss anything if you aren't right here in the house. I am never going to keep you from the baby."
"I know but after talking to the Colonel I realized that I was completely wrong about certain things. My fear wasn't from not being with the baby because I knew you would never allow that to happen. My fears were coming from not having you in my life." Lee stood and then knelt on one knee before continuing on, "Amanda, I know that I can be a big screw up at times. I have been callous and harsh with you at times, in my defense it was because I didn't want you hurt or worse. I need you in so many ways in my life. You are going to be the mother of my child and I couldn't have asked for a better partner in that faction of my life. I can't see my life without you in it. You are my best friend, my lover, and I was wondering if you would give me the honor of being your best friend and husband for the rest of your life. Amanda King, will you marry me?"
Amanda sat in silence as she glanced from Lee to the ring he held in front of her and she knew that this was the man she had been waiting to hear those words from. He was the man she knew she couldn't live without. This was the man she wanted and as she watched the emotion play in his eyes as he spoke, she felt his child moving with every word he uttered.
"Amanda, can you please tell me what you are thinking." Lee said.
"Yes, of course I will marry you." Lee's smile shown brighter than the lights on the Christmas tree as he took her in his arms letting out a loud yell that Amanda swore came from his toes; prompting the family to come racing into the family room with the embraced couple.
"What on Earth is going on here?" Lillian asked before her sister even had the chance.
"Nothing much, Aunt Lilly, Lee asked me to marry him and I said yes." Amanda answered while she wiped tears from her eyes.
Later that night as Lee drove home he remembered the enduing conversation with his uncle the night before.
"Lee, of course you can and let me tell you why. Now, son, you know as well as I do that you hide your feelings because that is what I expected from you. This woman has opened you up and all that you hide is coming out. You are so like your father, he didn't want to share things until Jennie. You are scared to love her. You have all you need to raise that baby, it is called Amanda. You are a fine man, but you are better with her. If you are calling for advice, I would say marry her. Marry her because without her you are incomplete not because you are having a baby with her. Marry her because she is the first and last thing you think of when you get up and go to bed at night."
"I know that is what I want, but what if I ask and she says no? Besides I don't' even have a ring for her."
"Yes you do. I left your parents wedding band set at your place the last time I was in. It is in your closet on the top shelf in the entry way. I don't think you will ever get her to tell you no. She is just waiting for you to admit to being ready. No, I don't think you two were ready when all this first came to be, but I know you are now. Lee, I love you, son, but I think it is time for you to just trust in someone."