Chapter Two.

The house was very quiet. Laurence and his family had returned home to London. Erin was back at work in emergency at St Mary, ironically the hospital where Flora's mother had died all those years before. Flora had taken leave for a fortnight and to give her a bit of peace William and his wife had taken Katie off to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park. The little girl loved her uncle to bits and was happy to be the centre of his attention for a while.

Flora wandered around the old house that she had grown up, lived all her life and that was now hers, hers and Erin's. Her mother had left it to the couple. What she didn't know was that five years earlier William and Laurence had agreed it went to Flora. Neither needed the money, both had moved away so it was an easy decision. Everything felt so familiar yet the absence of her mother seeped through in every room.

She made her way upstairs into the large bedroom that had been her mother's and once again sat down in the big old rocking chair to lose herself in her mother's letters.

April 2015

My darling Kate

It is three months since the funeral but your presence is still there beside me in everything I do. My mother of course thinks I am daft and need counselling but you know what she can be like. I know I am sane and I know I not depressed. I am a scientist and I don't do ghosts. Others can think what they like. I know differently. Your presence is here with me. It's the bond we have simple as that.

Have I told you about our beautiful daughter. I tell her every day that her mummy would love her and you would Kate. She is so little, ten perfect tiny hands and ten perfect tiny feet, fat little legs always kicking. I don't remember the boys being so little. She is a sweet dear baby. Mind I wouldn't have said that during' The Colic Period'. I give it capitals deliberately. Be thankful you missed that particular period of hell. 6 oclock every evening on the dot. It was like flicking a switch. If ever MI5 are looking for the perfect form of torture they need look no further than a colicky baby. I could have been an extra in that show Laurence loves …what is it now Walking Dead? I looked like hell for weeks. Our Flora has a very powerful set of lungs and more endurance than anyone. Laurence reckons she could cry for England. I am very glad to report The Colic is finally over thank goodness and she sleeps most of the night.

Now don't be mad at me but I am going down the nanny line and no I don't imagine some supercharged Mary Poppins. I know it's not what you would have wanted but then me bringing Flora up on my own wasn't part of the plan was it. I need to go back to work Kate. I discussed options with Flora and she didn't object. I know you will be disappointed but what was I to do. I'm the one here you know dealing with this while you are who knows where. It won't be good for Flora or anyone if I retire. My mind would go mad. I have to manage this as best I can for everyone. If it doesn't work out I'll think of something else. You know I am a smart cookie.

Talking of Laurence he has been a 'fair little shit' to quote Gillian. I feel like composting him. I wish you were here to deal with him. You always were better with stroppy teenage boys. He's been spending a lot of time round at Angus's house which is probably best at the moment. He can't go on like this and yes I know I am going to have to deal with it. I will Kate I will but not right now.

Anyway to more jovial things. Gillian got married at the weekend to wait for it Robbie! Told her it was none of my business but I think it's a big mistake. Really that woman should come with a health warning. She told me a secret once when you and I weren't speaking and I could never face burdening you with it. Believe me marrying Robbie is a mistake. I was maid of honour..hate that title makes me sound ancient (not that I don't feel it these days) and not sure why I agreed. I wasn't sure I was strong enough for it not so soon after losing you. I knew what you would say though so I put on smile and pretended I hadn't a care in the world. Calm on the surface while paddling madly underneath.

Of course being Gillian it wasn't without its dramas. The wedding car was our jeep. Coming over the top road out of Rippenden we had a puncture. Not another car in sight and yep no mobile signal. Imagine two women and an old man with a heart condition trying to change a tire. Let's just say my favourite pair of heels were wrecked in the process. We did get there and the show did go on even if the maid of honour looked as if she had been pulled through a hedge. Flora behaved impeccably and was showered with attention. I even noticed Laurence holding her at one stage though the moment he saw me looking he offloaded her onto William quick smart.

We met creepy brother Gary at the wedding. That was interesting. Gillian chucked a hiss fit because he wanted to pay for the wedding. He does seem very needy and Alan and Gillian don't seem able to say no to him. I wonder if it is just some kind of misplaced guilt. I can't say I warmed to him or his wife.

I am still so angry with you leaving my love so just because this letter is chatty don't think otherwise. We were supposed to have a happy ending not mirror all those TV show that lose their way. This emotional pain I feel physically hurts Kate. My body hurts.

"All things pass" the old nun who taught scripture used to say. Not sure I believe that not at this moment anyway. I think that will take some time if it does but I do want you to know I am managing as best I can. It's not easy I can't pretend it is. I look for you coming through the door, listen for the piano when I get home, expect to see you in the staff room at Sulgrave (the choir has gone to pot without you you know). I haven't been brave enough to get rid of your clothes yet. They still smell of you and I find myself burying my nose into a sleeve thinking this is all just a dream and I will wake up with you beside me. For weeks I slept with that big old cable knit jumped you loved so much telling myself it was to keep me warm on these cold nights. I don't think a day will go by when I don't miss you.

There is a star that shines so bright in the sky at the moment and I imagine it's you looking down and laughing with me over something stupid that's happened in the day. I use it as a guiding star. When I need your essence really close I find you in Flora. She has your eyes Kate. They say eyes are the mirror to the soul don't they. I know what they mean.

Ahh talking of Flora it sounds like someone is hungry. Duty calls. Better go. Until next time my darling

Caroline xx

Flora shut the book. She felt she was on a journey of discovery and she didn't want to reach the destination. Not just yet anyway. The sound of Katie giggling loudly intruded her thoughts and she realised she wasn't alone. Putting her book away safely, she wandered downstairs to join her family.