Chapter 8

It had been nearly a week since Flora had dipped into her mother's letters. Life was busy as usual and Erin and she had decided to take Katie away for the weekend. They had gone over to the Lakes and enjoyed visiting Beatrix Potter country. Katie loved Peter Rabbit as old as the stories were. The little girl had been thrilled to see live rabbits in the field next to their hotel. The break was the first time they had been away since the funeral and Flora felt it was another part of the healing process.

With Annie out at a party and the other two girls in her life safely camped in front of the tv for a little while. Well to be accurate, Katie was watching and Erin was sleeping, Flora took the opportunity to dip further into the letters. She sat once more in the old rocking chair and began to read.

January 2035

My dearest Kate

Prepare yourself because I am angry and if I drink enough gin while I'm writing this letter I could well become maudlin. Don't say you haven't been warned. Why? Because it's been twenty years since you were so brutally taken. Yes I have had to live without you for TWENTY years. I reckon that's a good enough reason for anyone to be angry. No I don't want to do my mindfulness today thank you very much. For once I just want to wallow.

I didn't even get up The Pike. It's been very wet weather and on the way up I slipped and am now sitting here typing with one finger because my left hand and half my arm is encased in plaster. What a fuss those youngsters made. I wanted to carry on..a little bit of pain wasn't going to stop me, but oh no I wasn't allowed to. They even made me wait for mountain rescue because of my age… yes you heard right… my age! What a cheek. I was carried down on a stretcher… mortifying. And Kate McKenzie Dawson you can stop your laughing now. It's not funny. The girls knew I was as mad as hell so to placate me they went up to the top (in record time) and took some flowers. Humpf. Oh ok I suppose that was very kind of them and you are Flora's mum so Flora has every right to go to the top, but really twenty years and I end up remembering you in a hospital bed. That was far too close to the bone for my equilibrium, I can tell you.

I might have to get that gin out just thinking about it. On second thoughts I think I'll sneak a glass of red. I've got a nice little Australian cab merlot hidden up here. That'll make me feel a bit warmer about life. Fancy sneaking alcohol into my bedroom at my age. If those pair of med students find out I'll get another lecture about drinking and taking a couple of antibiotics and the odd painkiller. I've already had that lecture twice Kate and let me tell you your daughter has a very strong bossy gene sometimes.

Oh did I mention the pair of med students. Well I may have trouble expressing my feelings now and again, oh ok often (though I am heaps better now you know) but never let it be said I don't have damned good intuition. Our Flora is in love. The subject of her love is a fellow med student (hence the pair), one Erin Michaels from Newcastle. A tall striking girl with blue eyes and a mop of ginger hair. Another clever girl, not as placid as Flora, gets quite fired up about things, but I like her and she seems very good for our girl. Erin's been here for the last fortnight in the semester break getting to know us all. I've tried not to frighten her too much. The boys tried it on a bit… you know big brother stuff looking after poor little sister warning love interest of dire consequences if things go pear shaped. Flora soon put them right and they backed off, though not before I had had a good chuckle. As if their sister needs any looking after. I must say Erin doesn't see the least bit in awe of the celebrity status of the boys which is good.

They make a very striking couple much as we did my sweet love. We did didn't we all those years ago. We probably would now. I know a few things have dropped and sagged a bit, and right now the family keep telling me I am doing a brilliant performance of a grumpy old woman (I will take action the next time one of them calls me old!) but I think we would still be beautiful together.

What's it all about my Kate? Why have I had to be without you for so long? You'd better have some answers when we meet and none of those airy fairy liberal arts answers either.

I suppose I'd better fill you in on the happenings. Because I was in hospital Flora's birthday was a quieter affair this year. Everyone was up here but they just went out for an Indian meal which by all accounts was very nice. I wouldn't know I was eating mush and putting up with Gillian laughing at my predicament. As I am sure you remember very well I am left handed and life is difficult when you lose your dominant hand for a while. I can't even pull up my knickers properly. STOP laughing… that's what Gillian did. Anyway we ae all going out on Saturday even the Halifax mob to a new Indian that's just opened up in Halifax. Then the house will be mine again from sunday though the girls are making noises about staying a bit longer. I won't mind you know. I do love Flora's company and I suspect I will be seeing a lot more of young Erin.

Flora loves medicine and is getting very good marks. She says it was the right decision for her. It's a long haul though. She'll be 23 before she gets out into a hospital. It was interesting to see her keeping a close eye on what went on with me in hospital. She kept the young doctor on his toes with a barrage of questions. I think it could be fun having a doctor perhaps two, in the house. With every passing year her confidence and assuredness grows. I wish I had been so confident at her age. I have no doubts that she will handle everything life throws at her and will be a great success.

William and Laurence continue to enjoy fame and now fortune, though William's heart lies in academia. My own fame has now spread past the northern counties. Our story won two major tv awards would you believe and now I'm writing a sequel. I'm letting my imagination flow and writing the script for us that should have happened. There is too much sadness in the world as it is. I like my writing to having a strong core of happiness running thorough it. I must admit I hate all the fuss that goes with being well known and on reflection would prefer to stick to my science radio shows. I get stopped in the street you know and not for being the boys' mother. Yet another thing about my life that Gillian finds hilarious. I just find it embarrassing. Apparently there is now huge kudos attached to having being taught by you or going to Sulgrave at all. People dine out on stories of us, most of which I don't believe are true. I give very few public interviews and try very hard not to go to these award ceremonies. They are boring Kate and you know I don't do being bored very well. I have given a few talks on being gay and am patron for a gay youth organisation. At my age I think it's important to be a bit of a political activist and that's not boring. I took on the deputy Prime Minister the other week in a Q and A program when he spoke rubbish as so many politicians do. It was good fun. He deserved it. Pompous git that he is.

I have become great friends with the two fine actresses who played us. Funnily enough they both have worked with Laurence so knew his family quite well. They ring regularly and call in when up north. I almost think of them as family now. Sonya who played you had you down to a tee. It was almost scary. I was transported back in time more than once. Chris who played me is a delight. Much to my disgust she looked much better in heels than I ever did. Heavy sigh. I do love heels. Never got Flora to like them. She says why would she wear something designed to cripple. I get mine out now and again and give them a spin, although I am more likely to fall over and break an ankle these days. That would be a good look.

Oh I forgot to tell you, how remiss of me, number of grandchildren now four. A girl called Caroline Kate for Laurence. No imagination (but a sweet thing to do.. he can be sometimes). She is a gorgeous little thing and praise be, a sleeper. You would have made such a wonderful grandma you know and loved it as much as me. Oh that's what you are known as by the way… grandma Kate… nothing to do with me so don't get mad. Our three offspring took a vote. They do talk to the children about you and point you out in pictures. You are very much part of the family.

Hang on I am wanted downstairs for something..probably to be breathalysed knowing this lot. Don't go away. I will return.

Oh Kate if the ink is smudged it's because I've been crying. Do you know what that mad adorable loving wonderful family of ours have done? They've had a portrait done of you and me on the top of Stoodley Pike. It's beautiful. It was done by some top artist in London from photos they gave him. Apparently they were worried about how long I was going to be able to keep climbing the Pike (I did point out I have a few more years left in me yet) and wanted a way for me to remember all these years. I have to say the artist has done a wonderful job of catching us in our younger years. You're beautiful and so life like. Even I look half decent. The portrait is now hanging proudly in the sitting room.

The kids got deep and meaningful the other day and asked me if there was anything about my life I would change. Apart from the very obvious I can't say there is really. I truly believe that way leads to way my dearest, and all my decisions in the first part of my life were leading me to you. While of course I would change what happened twenty years ago, I wouldn't change any of the major decisions I've made since then. They asked me if I was lonely and for the main I have to say no. Alone yes, but that's not the same. I was desperately lonely for a time after the accident, until I realised I had lost the physical you but not your essence or your presence. And of course I have had Flora.

That has been very sustaining and I have led a full and mostly happy life. I haven't needed another partner. I know others do, but I haven't. Anyway who else would have me long term? Not sure you would when I am in the grumpy old woman mode.

I do find that the older I get, the more my thoughts turn back to you, especially in the quiet hours of early morning. You taught me how to love you know, how to express the love I feel. You let me grow as a person and find myself. I have a lot to thank you for Kate Mckenzie Dawson. I know I've probably told you that before but some things bear repeating.

The clouds have lifted and your star is now shining bright. Is that your way of telling me to drop the grumpy old woman act and go and join our family? Ok boss whatever you say.

Until we are together again in the next life my dear sweet soul mate, I do and will always remain your

Caroline xx

Flora looked at the pictures Caroline had included. There was one of her in her cast. Flora smiled. Her mother had been one grumpy old woman at that time. Not getting up the Pike had hit her hard but the portrait had brought joy. Flora remembered being worried about how Erin would cope with meeting 'the family'. They could be overpowering especially when the Halifax mob were involved and her mother in grumpy mode was an unexpected addition. Grumpy was not a side Flora had seen often, but her partner had taken all in her stride. The both of them had stayed a bit longer that year and it had been lovely having her mother to themselves. Caroline had relaxed as the house emptied and time moved on a bit. Erin had been able to see the mother Flora loved to bits and Caroline had been able to bond with Erin. That bond had only grown stronger over the years and she knew that Erin missed her mother almost as much as she did. It was one of Flora's favourite times.

Also included were reviews of the tv show and an interview with her mother. When it had first been shown, Flora hadn't known quite how to handle seeing something based on the love affair of her parents. Reading the interview she was again struck by how lucky she had been to know and understand how much her parents had meant to each other. She could only hope that she and Erin gave their children as strong a sense of family and love as she had been given.

Flora shut the book and lay it gently back in its resting place until the next time. The world felt a much better place for the love of her parents and for these letters.