Chapter Nine

Several months had passed since Caroline's death. The light had come back a little into Flora's life. Losing her mother had hit her hard but she had begun to be able to talk of her with joy instead of tears and laugh at memories with her brothers. William and Laurence had been up to Harrogate for the weekend without their families to celebrate Caroline's birthday. As the wine flowed, the three siblings had regaled Erin with hilarious tales of their mother. Flora hadn't even head some about her days at Sulgrave when she strutted through the school, her academic gown flowing, striking fear into boys with just a stare.

Flora had woken up early the next morning with both of her mothers very much in her thoughts. With everyone else asleep she took Caroline's book out of its resting place and sat in the rocking chair.

January 2039

My dearest Kate

Well another year has passed and here I am writing again. I must admit now I have hit 70 I am beginning to slow down a bit though I refuse to admit that to anyone but you. This getting old is not for wimps though it does have its advantages. I am working hard at perfecting my grumpy old woman techniques especially with these young whipper snipper brats serving in shops these days. They think they know everything. As if that's likely! I am not an Oxford PhD for nothing. Mind I don't get away with being the grumpy old woman at home. Flora gently reminds me to behave if I try. She often tells me to behave. Honestly Kate sometimes I wonder who is the mother and who is the child. I'm not allowed any fun!

This has been some twelve months. Flora graduated in the summer Can you imagine Kate..Dr Flora McKenzie Dawson. Oh my darling you would have been so proud. I was. I cried for both of us as she walked across the stage in her gown. She looked magnificent although she should have been wearing heels. I have tried all these years and failed in that department. Even the boys were teary when she walked across as the last student to graduate. She was last because to cap everything off she won the University Medal for the top student in her year and was chosen by her peers to make the thank you speech. Our Flora top of the class and popular. We raised a very beautiful very clever young woman.

She and Erin are living with me now as they are both in local hospitals doing their residences. Flora is at the Royal Infirmary and Erin is at St Mary's. I don't know how I feel about that, given what happened. I am sure though both girls will be top doctors wherever they are. The two of them are very strong together. Flora tells me Erin is the one and seeing them together I don't doubt it. They are good for each other. You were the one for me, still are you know. I remember so clearly of instinctively being aware of where you were in a room full of people. I could be talking, and look up knowing when I did that our eyes would meet. Is that what being at one with another is do you think…. having that link, that telepathic link. We certainly had it didn't we. I waited over forty years for you only for you to go so quickly. But do you know I wouldn't have missed that time for the world my dearest. Every day of my life has been so much richer for you being in it. I would have taken a day if that's all I could have.

Miracle of miracles I was able to get up The Pike this year, thought I don't know if I will manage another year. It's the dicky left knee that will do me in. Arthritis you know. The doctor tells me I need a knee replacement but I am not keen. I have had a policy of avoiding hospitals if at all humanly possible since losing you. Flora and Erin are nagging me a lot about it, and I have promised to think about it. Anyway out came those old hideous boots once more. Over the years I have become quite fond of them. Flora is never to know that. I have an image to maintain. The Pike traditional was a lovely day this time after a couple of dramas in recent years. Our children and Erin came with me so it was a small group for once. Dicky knee aside I thought I did quite well and didn't let the grumpy old women of the world down. I held my own with those unfit sons of ours anyway. Of course Laurence claimed he was just going slowly so as not to show me up. Ah well he always did have a delusional streak.

The weather was beautiful, one of those sparkling bright winter days where the sky takes on a particularly bright hue and the air has that clarity that only comes from the cold. We took it slowly, soaking it all in. The ground covered in a white dusting of frost crunched and squeaked satisfying under our feet. With each step the little clouds of breath led the way as each of us exhaled. From the top it was so clear we could see miles across Yorkshire and Lancashire. I am Yorkshire through and through as you well know, but I will admit Lancashire is almost as breathtaking. We drank hot coffee to warm us up. The boys had added a measure of whisky and very soon my body was zinging from the effects of warm hitting cold.

The walk made my heart sing and not just because of the weather or the alcohol. I felt you were walking every step of the way with me. It was so strong I felt I could reach out and take your hand in mine. On the top I could see you standing there in front of me, that wide wonderful smile beaming at me as I said our poems. I haven't felt you so close for many years but I have felt that you were somewhere near for a while now. The other morning when I woke I would have sworn you were there in bed next to me. Are you trying to tell me something Kate, to hurry up, that you've been waiting long enough? I am not quite ready my love. Be patient. I have some unfinished business. The family especially Flora need me for a bit longer. She has done without you all her life. I don't want her to do without me until she has found her place in life. She's well on her way. It won't be long but I feel I need to be here for her right now.

Our Gillian has had age race up behind her and overtake on the inside. She couldn't make it up the Pike this year. Finally her body gave up on being able to farm. Too many accidents across the years. She took it badly, there was a right to do, but she and Robbie have moved into a lovely little cottage up on the top road out of Halifax towards Haworth. He's happy I think but not so sure about Gillian. She couldn't be persuaded to sell the farm though. Luckily she found a very keen young man to take on the tenancy. He had to put up with her checking up on him every day until Robbie reigned her in. Now she only visits once a week.

We still meet up in Hebden once a fortnight for a coffee and a natter mostly about family. I enjoy those chats. We have a funny old friendship. I would never have thought it all those years ago when I called her 'lowlife trailer trash'. She's almost as proud of Flora as I am and certainly loves having doctors in the family. She's been on the phone every day this week about her hip replacement next week. Flora and Erin are both very patient with her. I can't say Flora is so patient when Laurence rings in the middle of the night about any little sniffle. He is such a big wooze about illness and even worse when it comes to the kids.

He and William are so different you know that sometimes I can't believe they are related to me or each other. Laurence revels in his fame which I have to say is considerable. He is so recognised that going out with him can be a nightmare. We are stopped every five minutes for photos. He laps it up. It energises him. We were both at Sulgrave recently to give prizes and it was quite ironic to see him so adored where he once copped heaps for being the Headmistress's son. He was as high as a kite. Don't get me wrong. He isn't arrogant about it. He wouldn't dare not with Flora and Raff ready to burst his bubble at any opportunity. It's more he can't believe his luck.

William is more like me with this fame thing. We can take it or leave it, or rather just leave it. William focuses on his academic work and I guess is more famous in the world of the written word rather than on tv, so he has been able to keep some anonymity despite having a string of best sellers. Since my three tv series about our story Kate have been such a hit and my late foray into matters political, I do appear on the TV a bit. You know me, can't miss an opportunity to give my opinion. Well, honestly some of these youngsters on TV these days are so wish washy. If you have something to say then say it. What I am not so great about is handling the demands of the public, though I do try and answer my fan mail. Ha how funny to even write that I have fan mail. I get quite a bit you know. Our story seems to have struck a chord. Would you believe the fence along the side of Sulgrave has been turned into a little symbol of our love. For the past year people have been putting up rainbow love locks with C and K on them. Sulgrave took them off at first until there was such an outcry they decided it was better to leave them. There are hundreds of them. I must admit I feel very touched that our love has had that effect on others my dearest Kate. It's a funny old world.

The BBC keep hounding me for more plays but once I saw us on the screen, I haven't felt like writing anything else, not even for radio. I think I will just stick with my science segment to keep this grey matter ticking over. Anyway I haven't got time with everything else happening. I've become a bit of an intrepid explorer you know. Just before Christmas I took myself off into northern Norway to see the Northern Lights. It was so cold I had to give up any sense of style. You would have laughed so hard Kate. I looked like a sumo wrestler in all the gear. I waddled everywhere. Going to the loo was an adventure. It took me so long to wriggle out of the snowsuit I was in grave danger of peeing myself, and after two kids and seventy years of life the old bladder control isn't what it used to be. Heaven help me if I cough, or laugh or sneeze. See what you've missed! Oh nearly forgot all was worth it when I saw the Lights.

This year I am taking myself off to Bhutan. The actor who played you on the television is interested in coming along (they both stay in touch and often pop in) and the girls might come with me too, but I am quite happy on my own. It's this thing about being alone but not lonely. Gillian doesn't get that. She needs people around her all the time. Her new cottage has a revolving door I think. Anyway why Bhutan you ask? Well this mindfulness that I have done all these years has I think been one of my saviours. It took me years but I am now good at it. I wanted a chance to experience it with people who are masters at it so am off to a little Buddhist retreat. Bhutan seemed like a nice place to do that. Yet another thing Gillian doesn't get about me. When I start to list them who knows why we are such good friends yet we are. Life is strange.

In between everything I like to pop down to London and Oxford and play the doting grandmother. I do like swanning in, spoiling them to bits and then swanning out leaving their parents to deal with the outfall. It's what grandparents are for I think, and I have to play the part of two. You would have been such a brilliant grandmother though I am not half bad.

The clouds are out tonight and I can't see your star. It doesn't matter because I can feel you close. Patience my love patience. It won't be many more years until we are together for ever. And forever is a mighty long time if you remember.

Until then my one true soul mate, I do and will always remain your

Caroline xx

Flora scanned the photos her mother had put in the book. There was one of her in her gown at graduation. What a lovely day that had been. She had felt the pride of her family radiate out as she had walked across the stage. Being a doctor had been the right choice for her. She loved the work and she knew she was good at it.

She chuckled quietly at the next two photos. The first was of them all at the top of the Pike cups of coffee in hand, huge grins on their faces. Laurence had carted up a tripod and watching him trying to get the photo set up had been an hysterical sight. The second was of her mother in her sumo wrestler outfit lying on her back in the snow like an angel, a very fat angel. Snow angels were a tradition her mother had begun many years before. At the first proper fall of winter, anyone around was dragged outside to make their imprint in the fresh white snow. Few people outside the family got to see the playful side of her mother. She was often a very funny lady, more so as she got older.

The final photo was of a small group outside a temple surrounded by prayer flags. Four of them had ended up going to Bhutan with her mother confidently leading the adventure. And it had been an adventure. The trip was one that Flora knew would stay with her for the rest of her life.

She smiled contentedly as memories flooded back. Her life with her mother had been one of joy and laughter. They had always been close and losing her had been hard, but with every passing day Flora was able to focus on the gifts she had been given, not the loss. Spirits raised and feeling the warm hand of hope on her shoulder, she stored the book away safely and went back to bed.