Chapter Eleven

The family holiday had been invigorating for Flora. She had come back from time with her brothers and time with her own little family feeling energised. She felt the last months had brought her closer than ever to the two men in her life. They had largely left home when she had been growing up, though she had seen plenty of them. While visiting she had taken the opportunity of getting them to share more of their memories of her two mothers. William had told her of the months of unhappiness when they had split up and the joy when they got back together again at her grandparents wedding. How bitter sweet that it had been for such a short time.

Finding herself alone for a short while and anxious to read the next instalment of her mother's story she rescued the book from its resting place and settled into the rocking chair.

January 2042

My dearest darling Kate

I find myself very reflective this morning, not at all like the grumpy old woman persona I draw upon more and more when I forget the moment. I have just been away on a mindfulness retreat. Yes I know who would have thought it of me, but there is no escaping the fact that the technique has been a huge help for me over these last decades. Being in the moment has been so much easier on many occasions than me living inside my head, with all the thoughts that rattle around in there.

If you had told me all those years ago that I would meditate and would believe in the hand of the universe reaching out and touching our lives, I would have told you that you were mad. But you know not everything is down to science or to coincidence for that matter. Some things happen for a reason. I don't pretend to know the reason why we lost you, I never will, but I do know that for other things reasons pop up sooner or later. Those things are guided by I don't know what. I used to feel very uncomfortable with that, it just isn't science, but have reached a state of equanimity I think. It just is, and no use fighting it.

Why am I raising this now? Well the biggest news I have is the birth of our granddaughter, Caroline Kate Michaels Mckenzie Dawson. Yes she has more names than a royal princess, but there again she is our little princess, so why not. Science has moved on a lot in the last thirty years and little Katie is really the child of both Flora and Erin. She carries genes from both of them. Don't ask me how. I don't pretend to understand that science. I am a mere simple chemist. It's far too complex for me. Our wonderful Flora is the birth mother but Katie is very much the child of both of them.

I can't help thinking how much easier our life would have been all those years ago if the technology had existed. Different choices Kate. None of that awful angst we put each other through for all those dark months. Ah well I keep telling myself it made us stronger, surer of each other. And there is no doubting that Flora could not be more my child than if she did carry my genes.

The hand of the universe not only reached out to give us a beautiful granddaughter my Kate, but she was born on your birthday. Of all the days she could have arrived, she chose that day, a month earlier than expected. She caused quite a stir I can tell you. Flora had only just started her maternity leave and we were still getting everything ready. Erin was away at a conference. Luckily I was home having just got back from my latest travels when things started and you know how calm I can be in a crisis. We got to the hospital but only just in time. Katie was definitely in a rush to arrive, and there she was sharing the birth day of her grandmother. She now has a very special and unexpected link with you.

Oh my love how I do wish you had been there. I had to stand in for Erin as she couldn't get there in time. It was a very special experience that you and I didn't get to share when Flora was born. How I wish we had. Oh I can't pretend it's pretty, especially when you are the one having your hand squeezed to oblivion (and yes why hasn't science fixed that part of the process I wonder) but holding that little girl within seconds of being born was a wonder that took my breath away.

Despite being a month early she was a healthy seven pounds and both Mum and baby were sent home very quickly. I think she has a strong look of you, but I am told I am biased. Me biased! As if. The boys think she just looks like a chubby round faced baby. No imagination sometimes those two.

The ebb and flow of a house has changed with the baby Kate. There is a different energy about the place. I like it. It feels right. Mind I might be singing another tune if she had taken after her mother. Those months of colic drove us all to the edge more than once. I had my eyelids permanently propped open to stop me being asleep. I am sure once or twice I was asleep even with my eyes open. I certainly was sleep walking. Katie sleeps the night bless her so this grumpy old woman can't complain.

I had forgotten that fierce love that springs from nowhere for a baby. I felt it the moment she was placed in my arms. Yes I know we have other grandchildren and I love them dearly, but Katie. Well she is part of you my love and that makes her a bit special. I think inside there is a wise old soul and she must get that from you. She and I spend a lot of time together out walking, or me reading one of her story books, or her just propped up next to me, while I witter on about nothing. I have to say she is the best most attentive listener in the house, no in the family. Having her around has also brought a new lease of life to my knitting. She has enough little caridigans and jumpers to last her for years. I have done all sorts of sizes so that she can have a new one each birthday.

Christmas was a raucous affair this year with a new baby and everyone (and I mean everyone) descending on the house. I know the house is big but we seemed to have bodies all over the place. There was not only our side but the Halifax lot and some of Erin's family. The din was unbelievable, all good humoured and jolly. I did have to retire after Christmas lunch for a little rest but hey at my age I am allowed.

There was sadly one notable absence this year (aside from you darling woman). We lost Gillian earlier in the year. The stupid woman went up to the Farm, interfering as usual, and managed to fall off the tractor. By the time she was found, it was too late. We gave her a good wake though and laughed ourselves silly telling tales. I of course told of the first time we met, the stuck up bitch and the low life trailer trash. I miss her something terrible, far more than I thought. Her going has left a big hole. I admit it was a funny friendship but we were. While I often disagreed with her and we were chalk and cheese, we did care for each other, more so as we got older. She shared stuff that she shared with no one else. I kept her dark secret for over thirty years. I didn't even tell you Kate. It was a burden and to this day I don't know why she told me. As far as I am concerned it died with her, and the burden is lifted from my shoulders. At times it was a heavy burden and I am glad to be rid of it.

The tradition continues even though I no longer take part. Children, partners and grandchildren all went up The Pike. I did have to persuade Flora not to take Katie. Perhaps next year. Snow had been falling for several days, but on the day itself, the sun shone brightly and The Pike looked magnificent glistening in its white blanket. I went up virtually again with Katie keeping me company, sleeping by my side. I haven't been up since my knee replacement, but I don't mind. It's a confidence thing as much as anything. I haven't thrown those very becoming hiking boots out though. They accompany my travels which I will continue as long as possible. Whoever said that travel broadens the mind was so right, not that I wasn't broad minded anyway. I had hot chocolate and cake waiting for all the walkers when they got back and we all tucked into a big roast that night. I may not be fit enough to walk up a hill, but this old chook can still cook up a storm.

I love having the family around me. It feels comfortable. As I am sitting writing to you I can hear them throughout this creaky old house of ours. I really must do something about the floorboards on the stairs. After years of herds of elephants careering up and down, they squeak and groan at the slightest touch. There can be no sneaking in after midnight as they give me away every time I try it. The house will go to Flora when I join you. The boys decided that a couple of years ago. They have more money than sense and they want to see Flora and her family secure. I feel happy about that. This place has so many memories and I think the Mackenzie-Dawson-Elliots are engrained into the brickwork. I would hate to think of others in the place. That must sound a bit daft and sentimental for an old scientist but it's how I feel.

I couldn't be prouder of how our family has turned out. Those two boys don't change Kate although I do admit his wife Jane has knocked some of the edges off Laurence and his children a few more. William is still the same very kind gentle soul he has always been. They handle their fame very differently. William hates it while Laurence revels in every moment of it. I am with William. Fame is very overrated. I still get fan mail you know even though I have now given up all media and don't do anything in the public eye. The letters are quite moving. Who would have thought our love would have touched so many. I find it so strange but also quite a privilege.

Then of course there is Flora. She really has grown into someone you would be so proud of. Everyone adores her and I don't think she even realises that. I think I did a pretty good job of raising her, helped of course by you standing by my side, guiding my steps. It does my heart good to know that she is well on the way in life now. She won't be alone when I go. She has a love much like ours I think Kate and for that she is truly blessed. Now she has her own child to focus on, love to bits and worry to death over.

I guess what I am saying my love is that I am about ready to come and find you. Losing Gillian got me thinking the time was coming and I don't feel it will be many years before I join you all. You'd better be ready because I am sure I will shake everything up a bit. You know me!

Until then I will remain always

Your Caroline

Several photos of Katie lying in the arms of her grandmother spilled out of the book. Flora had never been so glad of her mother as she was that day. She had been soothed by her calmness and love. The bond between them had been strengthened even more by the experience. In amongst Katie as a newborn were photos of that mad Christmas when everyone had been there and stayed for days. It had been one of the best Christmases ever. William had insisted that they all attend as he knew his mother had felt the loss of Gillian keenly. No one had regretted it.

It was with some sadness that Flora realised she was almost at the end of the book. There only appeared to be a page or two left. She hadn't let anyone else read any of the letters yet. She would when she finished. This gift was a gift to William and Laurence too. Seeing their mother through her words was something they should share. In the meantime she tucked the book safely away until she found the right occasion to embrace its ending.