Disclaimer: Do not own but wish I did
All mistakes are mine, sorry for typos and errors :/
Red's gaze bounces from one corner to another, desperately trying catch a glimpse of Lizzie's golden locks. He surveys the crowd of hotel patrons frantically making their way through the emergency exits located on each side of the hall and pushes his way through the swarm of people. He breathes through his nostrils while trying to temper his growing anxiety of Lizzie's unknown whereabouts. He silently chastises himself through gritted teeth and regrets his decision to let her walk away, he hates himself for letting his emotions constantly dictate the discourse of their relationship when he should be thanking the moon and stars for their new found friendship and mutual trust. He knows he shouldn't want, let alone ask more from her but he can't help the aching need that has been growing since the first day they met. It drove him absolutely insane that a woman could have total control of him- she dictated his happiness and sorrow and worst of all, she exposed a vulnerability that brought him to his knees.
He was a master of manipulation, diversion and schooling his features but when it came to her, he had no choice but to surrender completely and willingly. His love was blinding and all-consuming, etched within layers and layers of deep-rooted bindings of a shared past and a hopeless unreachable dream of a future that he would never live to experience. He had spent the last two decades feeling alone and coping with an unbearable loss that he often almost let decapitate him. His sorrow and melancholy often suppressed with alcohol, women, or drugs that would prevent him for putting a bullet to his head. He lost count of every instance in which he aimed his own cult 45 to his temple and willed himself to pull the trigger, he wasn't a coward but every time his finger pushed down on the metal, his mind was flooded with images from a time so distant, in another life and she willed him to stop and live for her- to seek a truth and find redemption if not for him, then for the daughter he lost.
And then an angel was sent to him in the form of a young, beautiful and resilient woman who not only could help him find closure by exposing the truth and clearing his name but also prevent him from losing himself in his immeasurable grief. Lizzie was right, he was so damaged that he didn't know how to accept help from anyone let alone trust anyone enough to let them help him. He liked it so much better when she was constantly mad and brooding, that he could deal with that but the more he inserted himself into her life, the more he broke down her walls without even trying. She had risked her life for him numerous times by now had even offered to trade her life for his and it never failed to ground and amaze him.
There's beads of sweat forming at his temples while he tries to take deliberate breathes to slow his racing heart. He thinks he sees her hidden in the crowd, rushes in the direction of the bouncing curls and calls out her name, 'Lizzie!" He shouts before rushing to her, his hand grasping at her shoulder and pulling her around.
"Excuse me." She scolds as he turns her into his direction.
His face falls, "I'm sorry," He mutters with apologetic eyes, "I thought you were someone else."
She gives him a small nod and continues on her way.
He's left standing in the middle of the lobby unmoving as people continue to walk in the direction of the exit, muted sounds of conversations resonate in his ears as people push and nudge against him but he's frozen into place. Its not until he feels a hand at his elbow willing him to move with her that he brakes out of his trance. She doesn't look at him nor he her as she leads him outside, her hand travelling down his forearm until her fingers mold between his and they both clench at each other tightly.
His lungs feel constricted, throat dry. "Lizzie," Her ears have never heard her name laced with this much pain. They walk into the night mindlessly following the crowd.
"I tried to find you, to warn you but you weren't in the restaurant and I didn't know where you had run off to, three men broke into the hotel suite next to ours but I'm sure they were looking for us." Her body stills unbeknownst to him but their hands are still locked together and he's jerked backward.
And then he finally looks at her. His breath hitches when his eyes fixate on her face. She sniffles and does nothing to hide the tears that stain her cheeks.
He gulps and hopes he can be strong for her and wills the pooling between his eyes to halt even though he already feels the sting of moisture between his eyelashes.
"I couldn't find you," She gasps between quivering lips, "I tried to find you, I-, I looked everywhere." He watches the rise and fall of her chest and tries not to think about how strained and helpless her voice sounds to his ears.
"Where were you?'
His eyes snap shut and his shoulders slouch. Shame and guilt flood through his body like blood through his veins.
Red shakes his head dismissively, "It doesn't matter now, Lizzie, what matters is that you found me now and from this point forward you will never, ever leave my side." There's a determination in his tone, a hoarseness in every word he speaks that sends a shiver through the entire length of her spine.
She lets out a sarcastic laugh and draws her hand away from his, "Of course it matters! I have spent the last two hours in complete agony thinking that you had been found and caught, losing my mind wondering what the hell happened to you and frantically searching up and down the damn hotel praying to God that you were safe and unharmed."
Liz uses the back of her hand to dry the side of her face before running a shaky hand through her hair.
"I'm sorry."
And he watches her face as she instantly connects the dots. Liz's eyes dart anywhere but in front of her where Red stands, afraid that he will be able to read her like an open book.
He never lies to her but he's not above ignoring or adverting questions he doesn't want to answer yet even he cannot conceal they way his words come out like a man caught red-handed.
She plasters on the best face smile that she can muster but her face sombers quickly, "Oh, okay. This whole time I was worried for your safety, worried you were in distress…" She bites down on her bottom lip, hoping to quell the new waves of emotion that start to wash over her. "while you…you were having sex with her."
She hates that she cares. Hates him for making her fall head over heels for him. Hates herself from shying away at every critical moment and acting like a coward.
Hates that she asked him to pretend to be her father.
His heart clenches, hands squeezed into fists.
"Lizzie, I-" His words are cut short as she waves her hand dismissively and interrupts his explanation before he can put her mind at ease.
"No, I feel so stupid, I should've known better. I don't know why that didn't cross my mind," She sighs heavily into the night. "It was so naïve of me to think that you would've followed me to our room when you were clearly occupied with more pressing issues, I mean, I know that men tend to think with their penis before their brain but this whole time…It never occurred to me that you were perfectly safe or that you might have opted to spend the night with her, in her room instead of coming back to our suite- I guess I was too dense to realize that you probably wanted privacy and didn't want to be nuanced by my presence."
"You are not a nuance to me, Lizzie." Red takes two steps forward and tilts his head hoping to meet her gaze, when she refuses to look at him, he reaches out a hand to cup her chin but she recoils and takes a step back, cringing.
"It's okay, I'm okay. I'm so sorry for ruining your night, I just panicked and I saw those men right next door and saw them charging down the hall and then after I lost sight of them, I came back downstairs looking for you and I couldn't find you to warn you so I thought it was a good idea to pull on the fire escape."
He lets her words sync in, distinguishes what she's saying without saying, and as realization of her meaning between the carefully chosen words dawns on him, his heart rate quickens, skips two beats at a time.
There's only one way to interpret what she's telling him and it thrills and frightens him simultaneously.
"It was a great idea, Lizzie, thank you sweetheart." Her head snaps up to his face, confirming why his voice sounded so rough and thick to her ears. She finally looks at him, really looks at him and is shocked at what she sees.
His jaw is slacked, his cheek twitching, and his eyes are bloodshot and filled with unshed tears.
"When you pulled that fire escape and when I heard the shrill of that alarm, my first and only thought was of you. I rushed out and pushed myself through the crowd searching for you, and when I couldn't find you? I blamed myself, cursed my whole existence and prayed to a God I'm not even sure I believe in. The last time I felt this level of fear, this amount of loss and have been consumed with this much immeasurable grief was 24 years ago."
Her breath hitches, shock plastered all over her face at the implication of his words. She feels a fist close around her heart, empathy for all he's had to endure and regret for all the pain her vicious words and actions have caused him in the past. "You make me vulnerable, powerless and weak and what's so incredibly ironic is that you don't even realize the hold you have over me."
"I should've followed you, I wanted to follow you but I'm a bastard and I was so tired of not feeling, not connecting with someone, I just needed to feel human again but the truth is that I didn't sleep with that woman, and I was saved by the bell because the whole time I was trying to figure out an escape strategy and thanks to you, I found it."
He has endured so much loss, suffering and torment the past two decades. He's forgot what it feels like to be human.
He's not a monster, he's her saint.
He's been alone for so long, jaded by this world he lives in, having no one to confide in, and to share his joy and his pain with.
No one to lean on, no hope or faith to rely on. No one to love him.
"Why didn't you want to sleep with her anymore? You seemed to be very taken by her and her assets." She asks nervously through bated breaths trying to conceal her jealousy.
He lets out a small chuckle and looks at her with a mischievous glint in his eyes which causes her to wonder if she's been found out, if he's onto her and the little secret she's been keeping.
"She was a poor man's substitute for what I really wanted- who I really wanted but you know what they say," if you can't be with the one you love…"
Lizzie feels her stomach drop to the floor, "Love the one you're with."
"You love someone?"
With a slight nod of his head, "Yeah." He admits, eyes glued to hers and gaze unwavering.
"Do I know her?" She asks with a whisper.
She watches his jaw clench and unclench. Notices the tick in his eye on full force.
"Better than you think."