Chapter 3

Author's Note: In addition to DS9's "Equilibrium," I took some cues about Trill society and their view of outsiders from the novel "The Lives of Dax" as well as the TNG episode "The Host."

Jadzia had forgotten just how beautiful Trill was. She stood at the window of her room looking out onto the grounds of the Symbiosis Commission. It was a clear, bright day and Jadzia could tell by movement of the trees that the wind was strong; a nice, cold wind no doubt. That made her smile, she couldn't wait to get out of there and feel it against her face again.

She felt like a prisoner. They let her walk around the building and encouraged her to go down to the symbiont pools but that was it. It had been a few days since Ziranne came to visit and oddly, Jadzia both hoped for and dreaded her parents showing up, but so far they had not. It was probably better this way, she told herself. This wasn't her life anymore. Her life was out there, on DS9 with her husband.

Jadzia lowered her eyes and sighed. Worf knew she was there, Ziranne had taken care of that for her, but beyond that she hadn't contacted him. Jadzia had done such a good job of compartmentalizing her life that even speaking to Worf while she was here on Trill just felt… wrong. This was the part of herself that didn't concern him and quite honestly, she didn't think he had much interest in it anyway. Worf loved how much of an appreciation she had for his culture, not the other way around.

Those were the thoughts that filled her head that morning. So when the door to her room opened as she stood looking out the window, Jadzia could not have been more surprised at who walked in.

Worf slowly stepped through the doorway and saw his wife standing in the window across the room. He was immediately taken aback by how beautiful she was; she wore a long white gown and her black hair hung down her back. The light from the window glowed around her and the sight of it took his breath away. Worf was not used to seeing Jadzia like this; she looked so different standing there that even though he knew it had to be his wife, he barely recognized her.

"Jadzia?"

That voice was unmistakable. Jadzia spun around and standing in the doorway was the person she least expected, yet most wanted to see.

"Worf?" Instantly her eyes lit up and a smile formed on her face. They both nearly ran to one another and met in the center of the room, "What are you… how did you…?"

"I had to see you," Worf pulled her to him with one hand and delicately stroked her hair with the other, "Captain Sisko had me bring the Rio Grande to see how you are doing."

"Wow, that's his favorite runabout. You must have done some serious convincing."

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine," She answered, "Just like back on the station, they are pumping me full of isoboromine to keep the host and the symbiont connected, but I can't go on like that forever."

"Dr. Bashir said they are planning to remove the symbiont," Worf replied.

Jadzia lowered her eyes, "My doctor here mentioned that could be a possibility, but I don't know when. To be quite honest they don't tell me much."

"Why have you not contacted me? Or returned my communiques?"

Jadzia had no good reason and didn't know how to tell Worf that, "I know you're upset…"

Worf sighed, "I just do not understand. I feel as if you have been hiding all this from me. Your family did not even know we were married."

Dax pulled away from her husband's embrace and went back to the window. She folded her arms over her chest and gazed out again. Her room was several stories up and she watched the people down below, "Every single person down there, walking to and from work, going about their lives, every one of them is Trill. That's how it always is here."

"I am here, and I am not Trill."

"Yeah, and I can't imagine what they thought when you beamed down from the runabout."

"It is of no consequence. I am here for you, that is all that matters to me."

"This part of my life… my life here before I was joined… it is so different than the life I have now. You are part of who I am now."

"So does that mean I cannot share in any part of who you once were? Of who you are when you are here?" he asked sincerely.

"Trills stay on Trill. Our population is small compared to other worlds and we have always been fiercely protective of our unique culture. We don't go out and explore the universe, and if we do, we come back home to settle down. Even Curzon spent the last years of his life here. And we most certainly do not marry aliens."

"Has marrying me come between you and your family?" Worf asked hesitantly.

Jadzia shrugged, still looking out the window and not able to face her husband, "My relationship with my parents was never great for one reason or another and becoming joined put an even bigger strain on it. I am not the same person I was before Dax, no one ever is after joining. It's why initiates are not allowed to be married or have children, joining changes a person too much. Going off to Starfleet instead of staying here sealed our fate. By the time you came along, the damage had already been done."

"Why did you never tell me? Why did you keep this all from me?"

"Your family and your culture have always been the focus for us. I've been Trill for a long time, so I was fine taking a backseat to you. And with you there was- is- so much going on. The House of Martok, your son, your parents on Earth..." her voice trailed off and finally she brought her eyes back to his, "And to be perfectly honest I didn't think you really cared."

Jadzia expected Worf to protest, but instead he was silent. Her words hit him like a ton of bricks. He wanted to argue, to say how that wasn't true and that she was being ridiculous. The reality was, it was most definitely true. Worf had spent so much time and effort getting her to accommodate him, and all the while Dax never expected the same in return. All of a sudden he felt selfish and ashamed.

Before either of them could speak, the door to Dax's room opened again and Dr. Rehnol entered. Jadzia had mixed feelings about working with Rehnol, as she had been the one who attended to her when she was last here at the Commission three years ago dealing with Joran Dax. She as was assigned to her again based on her previous knowledge of Jadzia and the Dax symbiont.

Rehnol wordlessly walked passed Worf and stood before Jadzia, "We have looked over your results from this morning. None of our treatments have improved your transmitter levels. As a result, the decision is to remove the symbiont so that we can focus on repairing whatever direct damage it has sustained," she stated in a very matter of fact manner.

Jadzia gulped and looked to Worf, her eyes wide with apprehension, "Okay. When?"

"The surgeons are getting prepped right now, I'm here to take you to them."

"I…" Jadzia knew this was a possibility, but now that she was faced with it her nerves were shot. All she wanted to do was hold onto her husband, but Dr. Rehnol stood between them like wall.

"The goal is to return the symbiont to Jadzia, correct?" Worf asked.

Rehnol seemed to be annoyed that Worf was even speaking to her. She turned around to face him, "May I ask who you are?"

"This is my husband, Commander Worf of station DS9," Jadzia spoke up, "And I would like to know that as well, is the plan to return Dax me?"

"Ideally yes," Rehnol turned back to Jadzia "However, as you well know the first duty any host has is to protect the symbiont, and right now you are not a suitable host. Hopefully this procedure will remedy that but if not, we do have another host on standby."

"May I have a moment with my husband please?"

"Very well. I will return shortly."

The silence between them was palpable. Worf could see fear in his wife's face unlike he had ever seen before, "This is going to be all right. You have had the symbiont removed before and you survived. You can do it again."

"It was a horrible experience," Jadzia suddenly felt cold and folded her arms tight across her chest, "At least this time I won't have to be awake for it."

"I will be here waiting. I will be here when you wake up."

Jadzia forced a smile. She knew how things worked at the Commission- the symbiont was the priority. Having her think she'd get Dax back was probably just a ruse; Jadzia had a sinking feeling they had no intention of returning Dax to her, especially when Rehnol referred to her as not being a suitable host.

She couldn't let on to Worf she suspected that, though. He would tear this place apart if he thought that was the plan, "I am sorry that I have kept so much from you. I can't tell you how happy I am that you're here."

Worf stepped closer and folded his wife into his arms. Their lives together had just begun, it could not end like this. Worf had come so far, had grown so much since having her in his life. Jadzia feared what he'd become if it were to end now, like this.

"Worf, if I die-"

"No," he silenced her "We did not speak of it in the jungle and we will not speak of it now."

"If have to say this. Don't close yourself off again. Please. You know what I mean."

Worf nodded, "I know."

"I want you to be happy. I want you to live, even if that's without me."

He shook his head, "Without you, I cannot…" his voice trailed off.

"Yes, yes you can. I have to know you will be okay."

Her eyes were pleading with his. Worf knew that he would rather die right along with her than try to put his life back together without her, but that's not what she needed to hear. She needed his strength. "You have given me so much, I will not let our life together be in vain."

That brought a smile to her lips, "Good. Okay, let's do this."

Worf could feel the eyes on him. Most of them had probably never seen a Klingon, let alone one who was sitting quietly and reading. No matter, he wasn't going to budge from that spot until Jadzia was awake and rejoined to Dax. And if they didn't rejoin her, well then he'd have to show them what Klingons were really good for.

"Excuse me, I am here to see Jadzia Dax..."

Worf looked up over his padd. A women entered the waiting area and was speaking to the attendant the the desk. Hearing his wife's name piqued his interest.

"She is having a procedure at the moment, but you can wait if you would like and I will let her doctor know you're here.."

"Thank you," the woman turned and scanned the waiting room. Her eyes came to the Klingon sitting alone in a corner reading a Federation issue padd and wearing a Starfleet uniform. There were lots of other places she could sit. After all, she wasn't sure that was Jadzia's husband anyway. Then again, what were the odds of another Starfleet uniform-wearing Klingon knowing someone at the Trill Symbiosis Commision? The woman took a deep breath and walked towards him.

"Please pardon the interruption," the woman's voice was shaking, "My name is Beeti Idaris. Are you..." all of a sudden, Beeti couldn't remember his name. Something with a 'W?'

Worf could see that the woman was nervous, "I am Lt. Commander Worf," he recognized her name, "You are Jadzia mother."

She nodded, "Yes I am. You are her..." she paused, "You are her husband."

Worf respectfully stood, "Would you like to have a seat?"

Her Klingon son-in-law towered over her. Then again, Beeti was used to that with her husband and oldest daughter, "Yes, yes thank you."

They sat together in silence. Worf went back to reading intelligence reports and waited for her to speak first. It was clear she wanted to, but had no idea how to begin.

"Please forgive me," she began, "I cannot begin to express to you all the things I am feeling right now. I am truly sorry that you and I are meeting this way."

"As am I."

His voice was gentle, she had not been expecting that, "How is she doing?"

"How much do you know about her condition?"

Beeti shook her head, "Very little. Her sister Ziranne told us that she'd been injured and there was something wrong with the symbiont. I know that she has been here to visit her. I'm ashamed that it took me this long to come."

"Right now the doctors are removing the symbiont in order to treat it independently."

Beeti gasped, "But won't that…."

"Without her link to Dax, Jadzia will lose brain function. The goal is to return the symbiont to her before it is too late."

"How did this happen?"

"It is a long story…" Worf replied, not wanting to relive the details.

Jadzia's mother looked around, "I think we have time."

Worf sighed, "Several weeks ago Jadzia and I were assigned to a classified mission. I cannot go into the details, but it involved infiltrating parts of Dominion territory."

"Just the two of you?"

"Yes. Not long into the mission, we were attacked by Jem'Hadar soldiers and Jadzia was injured very badly."

"What kind of injury?"

"Jadzia took a disruptor blast to her abdomen. She tried to continue on but she was only getting worse. After another day or so of trudging forward, she made the decision to stay behind so that I could finish the mission. I went ahead but did not get very far; I knew that with her injuries she would not survive if I left her there." Worf stopped.

Beeti may have just met Worf, but some things were unmistakable, "You felt responsible, didn't you?"

"I was the commander of the mission and her husband. It was my duty to protect her and I failed. I had no choice but to go back for her and get her to safety. When I got to her she was unconscious and I honestly did not know if she was going to live or die. I got her back to the station and she seemed to be recovering until recently when she began losing consciousness again. Our doctor determined it was something related to the symbiont, and that is why she is here now."

"You saved her life."

Worf sighed, "Unfortunately, that remains to be seen."

"Did you complete the mission?"

He was surprised that she would ask about that, "No," he admitted, "And I was punished for the choice I made. But I would make it again without hesitation."

Beeti shook her head, "I had no idea. Jadzia never told us any of this. I suppose that I can't be surprised but it saddens me nonetheless. This is not how things were supposed to be."

Worf look at his wife's mother, "If I have come between you and your daughter in any way then I am genuinely sorry. That was never my intention."

"No, no. Jadzia and Kela have been butting heads about one thing or another since she was a little girl. I get caught in the middle of it because they are both so headstrong- she even moreso since becoming joined," she looked up at Worf, "You love your wife, I can see that. If she is happy with you then I am happy for her. Now, her father on the other hand…"

"Does he know she is here?"

"No. I didn't tell him and I'm pretty sure Ziranne didn't either. He would never set foot in the Commission."

"Why?"

"It's a long story."

"We have the time."

"Oh no," she said with an awkward laugh, "Not for this one."

Before Worf could further protest, Dr. Rehnol approached the two of them.

"Jadzia is awake."

Worf stood, "Has Dax been returned to her already?"

"No," Dr. Rehnol replied, "We are just about to begin our full analysis of the symbiont. But we found from Dr. Bashir's notes that he was able to extend the time Jadzia was separated from Dax by keeping her awake and talking throughout the separation. It will be several hours before we can attempt to rejoin her and I would like to keep her brain as active as possible until then."

Beeti stood as well, "Does that mean we can see her?" she asked nervously, "I am her mother, Beeti Idaris."

"Yes, I know. I told Jadzia you were here and she asked to see you. If you follow me, she's right this way." Dr. Rehnol stopped, looked to Worf and then back to Beeti, "She asked for you, not Commander Worf."

Worf was shocked, "What?"

"You must understand, right now Jadzia's mental state is very fragile. She is without the symbiont and all the memories she has of you are from after she was joined. Seeing you in her current condition could be very distressing- for you both," Rehnol sighed, "The woman in that room right now isn't the woman you married. There's a good chance she doesn't even remember that she is married. It would be better for her to spend this time with those who she knew before she was joined."

Worf nodded, "I understand."

Beeti reached out and touched his arm, "I will tell Jadzia you're here and will send for you as soon as she is up to it."

He nodded again and repeated his words, "I understand."

Jadzia's mother and doctor disappeared down the corridor. Worf sat again and felt a kind of emptiness he hadn't known for a long time. No wonder Jadzia hadn't wanted him to come here. This was no place for him, no place for the Klingon husband of a joined Trill. He felt as if there was a whole part of Jadzia he hadn't even begun to get to know. What was worse was that he had never thought to try. He'd spent all his time worrying about his position in the House of Martok and getting Jadzia to comply with everything involved with that. He rarely asked her about her life on Trill and never questioned her when she was dismissive about her family. And now his wife might only have hours to live and would probably spend those hours not even remembering who Worf was.

Sitting there brooding and feeling sorry for himself was never something Worf was good at. He decided that if he really wanted to prove himself to Jadzia, he had one more person to meet.