Your mind goes blank. All your medical knowledge disappear and only your brotherly instincts surface overriding the doctor within you. You look down on the bed, all you see is your brother not a patient. Your emotions get the better of you. You realise you can't do the procedure. Not on your little brother and so you place the needle back in the tray Lofty is holding. By Connie's reaction you can tell that she is not pleased with you, but you know that with the way you are feeling your concentration won't be 100% and anything could happen.
Why take the risk? You wonder.
As soon as you place the needle into the tray Ethan's SATs declining and the machine begins to flatline. You want to help because you're a doctor and that's what you do, you help people in need. But, all you can do is watch your brother deteriorate in front of you and there's nothing you can do. You can't stay in RESUS and watch your baby brother die so you rush out of the room as the sound of the flatlining follows you though the double doors.
You don't care your colleagues are watching you. You don't care they might be judging you. All you care about is your brother is probably going to die and it's your fault. Your fault because you let your emotions override your professionalism. You burst into the staffroom and let your whole body fall into the sofa. You place your face into your hands and let the tears fall down your cheeks.
As you let your emotions take over your whole body all you can think about is Ethan.
What have I done?
What have I done?
You keep repeating to yourself.
I've killed my own brother.
I've lost my brother.
It's my fault.
I'm suppose to be a doctor.
I'm suppose to help people get better.
My brother's never really needed me.
But, the one time he does what do I do?
Nothing.
I do nothing.
I let him die.
You come out of your thoughts when you feel a hand on your shoulder. You lift your head up and see Lofty. His face tells you everything you need to know.
Your world starts falling apart.