You know what Lofty is going to say. You know why he's here. He's going to tell you that Ethan didn't make it. Your brother is dead. But, inside of you, deep in your heart you stupidly hold onto a small glimmer of hope that it isn't true. Hoping Lofty is only joking. It will be a sick joke but, at least it will be a joke.
"How's Ethan?" you ask, still knowing Lofty's answer.
Lofty comes and sits down beside you. You know what's coming, but you don't want to hear it. You don't want to listen to him because by him telling you what you already knew would just confirm the truth. And that's something you don't want. You don't want him to tell you you're no longer going to see your brother again. You don't him want to say you're no longer going to have him to watch out for you when you mess things up. Lofty places one arm around your shoulder and his other hand on your arm.
"Mate, I'm so sorry."
Your breath hitches as those words enter your ears and you feel as if you're suffocating. You start breathing heavily as small sobs come out of your mouth and you start gasping for air. You roughly shake Lofty's arm off your shoulder and stand up, quickly walking over to the other side of the room. You pick up the nearest object next to you and smash it against the wall.
"NOOOOOOOO!" you scream collapsing to your knees. Lofty doesn't intervene he just stays where he's sat and lets you do whatever it is you're doing. Your shoulders heave up and down as more tears take over you. Suddenly, you look down at the floor where you're kneeling and something catches your tear stained eye. You realise the broken object you threw at the wall was Ethan's mug. Grief fills your heart as you gently pick up the pieces in your hand.
Why, Ethan?
Why did you have to go? You whisper.
You get back up off the floor. You turn to see Lofty has left and so slowly you walk back to the sofa. You sit back down still holding the pieces of the mug in your hands. Lost in your own thoughts you keep thinking Ethan is going to walk through the door any minute. That he is going to be there sitting beside you and you would be teasing him.
Oh, god.
That was the last thing I did to him.
I teased him about his ability to drive.
You lean your head against the cushions. You shake your head. You had to always tease him, didn't you?
"No, Ethan. You can't be gone."You say out loud.