You hear the door to the staffroom open, but you don't look to see who it is. All you know is they are only here to tell you what Lofty has already told you and to offer their condolences.
"Cal?" you hear Zoe's voice softly.
You don't answer her and you don't hear her come towards you.
"Cal," she continues, "you can see him if you want?"
You shake your head. No, you don't want to see him. Because seeing him lying there still like a statue would only make you feel more guilty.
"I can't possibly imagine how you're feeling right now, but you might want to see him." Zoe replies from the doorway.
"Why?" You whisper.
Zoe sighs. She doesn't like seeing you beat yourself up for what happened.
"To say goodbye." she tells you.
"I can't." And you breakdown once more.
Zoe walks over to you and kneels down in front of you as you cry.
"You can't blame yourself. It isn't your fault."
You look at her as if she's gone mad.
"NOT MY FAULT?" you raise your voice. "HOW IS IT NOT MY FAULT?"
"Ethan's injuries were a lot serious than we thought. No one could have predicted the outcome."
"I should have!"
"Cal..."
"No, Zoe. Don't try to tell me there was nothing we could have done. It's my fault Ethan's dead. My fault I couldn't do the procedure. I was the one who insisted to Connie I treat him and look what's happened." you explain to her.
"Cal, even if you had been able to do the procedure he still would have had serious injuries."
"Yeah, well at least he would have been stable!" you shout.
Zoe doesn't attempt to take the conversation any further you and so leaves you be.