The news of Ethan's death travels around the department. That evening you spend it in the pub drinking away the grief in your heart. Your colleagues are there to keep you company and although they try to lighten the mood, the atmosphere feels very somber indeed. Everyone is completely shaken by Ethan's death, but to you they really don't know how it feels. You are brought back from your thoughts when Max gets up and raises his glass,

"To Ethan!"

You all follow suit and raise your glasses. Finishing off your drink you leave the pub. You head towards your car when you hear your name being called. You turn to see Lofty running after you. He stops next to a little out of breath.

"Hey, mate. You know we're here for you, right?"

"Cheers, but I'd rather be on my own at the moment."

Lofty nods at you in understanding and then returns to the pub.

You enter the flat you shared with Ethan. As the flat door closes behind you, you slide down the frame letting fresh tears fall. You struggle to come to terms with the loss of your brother. Wiping the tears away from your eyes you see on the wall a picture of you and Ethan. It's the last picture taken of the two of you. You both have your arms around the other and you're smiling. You smile to yourself as you remember ever since the Taylor incident your relationship with you brother has been better than it has ever been. Standing up you walk to the wall with the picture hanging from it. Taking it off the wall you carry the frame into the living room and sit down on the sofa.

"Really, Ethan why did you have to leave me?" You say to his face.

You raise your eyes up and look at the ceiling. You think to yourself,

Are the such things as second chances?

If there were, what would I do?

What would I do if I could have one more moment with him?

What would I say?

What would he say?

What would I do?

You sigh sadly.

I would tell him I'm sorry.

I would tell him how much I need him.

I would tell him I love him.

I would tell him to be careful.

I would tell him not to get into the front seat of the vehicle.

You're interrupted by a knock at the door. Lazily you get up from the sofa and walk towards the knocking. Opening the front door you come face to face with Charlie, Lofty and Max. You look surprised to see them, but at the same time pleased. You need to be surrounded by friends at this moment in time and even though you told Lofty earlier on you wanted to be alone, you're glad he could tell you were lying. You step aside and let the three of them enter your flat. Shuffling into the living room you offer them if they want anything to drink, all three shake their heads and take a seat.

"So, what's next?" You hear Lofty ask you.

"I guess arranging the funeral." You tell him.

"You know if you need anything, anything at all you only need to ask." Charlie tells you next.

I nod.

"Thanks, Charlie." You reply.

For the next few hours the four of you sit in silence. The silence is comforting and you're glad your friends don't try to make conversation. The later it gets Charlie and Max leave you, but Lofty remains.

"Did he suffer at all?" You suddenly ask Lofty.

"No, he didn't." You hear Lofty say.

"This is all my fault. I should have done the procedure." You tell him.

"Cal, Connie shouldn't have allowed you to do it anyway."

"No, but I practically begged her." You explain.

"I heard. But, she's suppose to be Clinical Lead. She should have told you to step aside the minute your brother came in." Lofty tells you.

Maybe Lofty's right? You think to yourself

Maybe Connie should have insisted you step aside.

Maybe you should have listened to her in the first place?

But, if you had listened to her would you have obeyed her orders?

Would you have let someone else treat your brother?

Or would you have just insisted you were the only one who could treat him?

You already know the answers.

No, you wouldn't have obeyed her orders.

No, you wouldn't have let anyone else treat him.

You would have insisted you treat him.

You let the answers run through your thoughts. But, as they run through you are suddenly hit with the one question you always knew would arrive.

If you were the only one, who could have successfully done the pericardiocentesis then why couldn't you?

The only answer.

He is your brother.

Was your brother.

You turn to where Lofty is sitting. He looks at you and gives you a weak smile.

"I should have saved him." You tell him.

"You mustn't beat yourself up. He wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself." Lofty tries to comfort you.

"I let him down, Lofty." You say. "And that's not the first time."

"Cal, if he was in your position don't you think he would have struggled too?" Lofty asks you.

"No. He's Ethan. He would have done what Connie told him. He would have let someone else treat the patient. He would have been able to do the procedure." You reply.

You see Lofty open his mouth to say something but, then he closes it. Sensing there's not much he can do Lofty tells you he's going to leave you and he'll see you tomorrow. You in return thank him and tell him you owe him a drink next time round. Left alone in the empty flat you walk down the corridor to your bedroom. Upon entering you stand by the window and look out at the night sky.

Oh, Ethan.