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Chapter 7: The Truth Part 1
"I take it that this wasn't exactly a first for you?"
He laughed the sound echoed around the empty barren room as it bounced from empty wall to empty wall in search of something to deafen the beautiful if not rarely heard sound. "No…" I looked up into his striking blue eyes with a rim of grey right around the pupil and smiled…
"There's more behind that no tell me…" I lightly trailed a lone finger up and down the length of his slightly stubbled face as his eyes slowly slid shut. "Oliver come on tell me…we have no secrets re-mem-ber…" I edged out the last word slowly for emphasis as he brought his strong arms closer to the sides of my cooling skin.
"She was someone that I at least cared for but…"
His hesitation told me everything his words would fail to convey. "How did she die?"
I felt his long empty sigh against the crown of my head; his lips came down slowly after to place a gentle kiss to my for once golden locks. "She was killed a few weeks later in a training simulation…I never even her saw again after that one night."
I felt awful for even asking but that didn't stop my second equally horrible question. "Did you love her?" My voice was small and muffled as I trailed the tip of my nose down the line of his sternum I felt a light tinge of relief when I felt his fingers running up and down the length of my spine.
"Felicity this was well before I started to see you in a different light..." I giggled as I placed a line of small kisses down the path that I'd just made with the tip of my nose. I felt his chest expand as his rich baritone laugh vibrated against my soft lips.
"I know that Oliver but I still want to know if you actually loved the first girl you had sex with."
He peered down at me as I rested my chin against his chest my eyes twinkling with a small amount of humor but mostly curiosity. "Come on other than you there was just Cooper and you technically don't count so..."
"Why don't I count may I ask?" I should have known his attention would catch on that. I'd thought he'd be upset or even unnerved but he wasn't he was calm and curious about the answer I still hadn't given.
"Oliver you know why..." My voice was small...so small that I wasn't quite sure he had even heard me...until...
"I didn't love her actually I've never loved any of them. I cared for them and enjoyed being with them but..."
"This is different...what we are is different because unlike them I matter...I'm more than a distraction I'm..."
"Starting to become my world..." His last sentence stopped my heart cold.
"Oliver I..." I was in complete shock here we were he was lying on his back his skin bared fully beneath me as he held us together our chests and stomachs brushing together with each shallow breath. He'd left me she who could talk her way in and out and then back into a paper bag speechless. "Oliver you can't be...I'm not...we're not...Oh God this is so confusing..."
I kept talking in small sentence fragments; my forehead was now braced against the same patch of skin that I'd been resting my chin on just moments before. "Felicity..." I'd heard him but still I didn't respond I just kept rambling on and on and on about how this couldn't be happening...about how this had to stop as he continued to hold me to his slightly shuddering body. I must have gone on for what seemed like hours as I wasted our precious stolen moments as he continued to mutter my name his fingers created a slight edge of electricity as he let me follow my thoughts to their logical conclusion.
"You losing your mind won't change anything Felicity...I'm real and one day I'm going to prove that to you...one day I'll be holding you with the light streaming through the bedroom curtains. "
"What?" His little mantra of fact had stopped me as I was about to do my sixth or seventh round of we can't be real when he stopped me with his perfect words. I muttered once again my voice soft but still thoroughly shocked. "What did you just say?"
He smiled down at me softly before he flipped us now my back was braced only by the strength of his two rather large palms. I could feel every inch of his body as he pressed us gently towards the hard cool floor. My body was on fire as little jolts of fire began to course through the blood that was pulsating through my veins. All I could focus on was the way his lips felt as he lowered then down to the lobe of my ear his breath lightly tickled the small fine hairs along my hair line. "I said I'm real and one day I'm going to prove that to you...but in the mean time..."
His voice vanished as his last parting words disappeared into the darkness of my slightly parted mouth. Before I knew it his tongue was tracing along mine as our hips each came together once again making our bodies one...I'd worry later as the sun streamed in through my white bedroom curtains but for now all I wanted to focus on was the strength and the speed of Oliver's body as he crashed into my own over and over again...our breaths coming out in rough rapid waves as my eyes finally slowly slid shut.
I knew I was smiling into his neck but I didn't care...
I recalled the memory of our first time with more clarity than I'd ever dare admit as I allowed myself to enjoy the warmth his embrace had always offered.
For the first time in such a long time I felt like the many fractured pieces of my life we're finally beginning to form a complete if not cohesive picture. For so long I'd drove myself crazy as I questioned the sanity of having your life be lived so fully in your non-waking hours.
This boy...
This man had slowly taken over every aspect of me until I could no longer tell where I began and he actually started...
He'd been the first person I thought of when my mother finally broke down and told me the ugly truth about my father's disappearance...
He was my first thought at night as I closed my eyes tightly begging for sleep to once again arrive...
He was my first thought when I opened my eyes in morning the memories of our time together still flashing like a panoramic picture through my hazy mind...
He was the first person I trusted with my secrets...
He gave me my first unofficial kiss...granted it been on the cheek but for a ten year old that was like walking on cloud nine...
He'd held me through every up and down...
He'd stood up to me when I was wrong...
He fought for me when all I wanted to do was run...
He'd given me a love that I couldn't comprehend...
He'd made me question my overall sanity but...
When all was said and done at the end of the day he was the first person that I wanted to give my heart to...
"I can feel your entire body smiling what's made you so happy all the sudden?" He held me closer as if that were humanly possible as he attempted to edge my legs up and around his waist.
"Oliver this skirt won't really allow that action unless you plan on me going home with two very long slits along the once unmarred material." I could feel the growl that was beginning to emanate from the back of his throat as he tilted his body backward until I was practically covering him from head to toe. I shook my head as he attempted to lean forward...
"Oliver no...that is not going to happen so just get that idea out of your head right now." I attempted to pull myself up so that we'd both be out of the others rather tempted reach.
"Felicity...come on it's not like we haven't been intimate before...come on we'll be really quick..." I put my hands firmly against his chest as he snaked his arms even further around my slim waist.
"Oliver..."
"We've waited for so long...Felicity I just want to be with you..." I smiled softly as I ran my nose along the edge of his own. I could feel his breath catching in his throat...his fingers were now roughly digging into my sides...the pressure was enough to cause the slim material of my shirt to rise up...allowing his fingers to brush roughly against the soft delicate skin. I could feel him hardening beneath me as we slowly slid our bodies against the other's...I wanted nothing more than to give in...to let our bodies do what we'd done so many times before in our shared dreams but my promise to someone else I loved stopped me.
"I want that too believe me but Oliver we can't..." I took a deep steadying breath but he'd decided his own thoughts had waited long enough.
"After we talk you won't want this anymore...you won't want me..."
My heart broke as I watched the shards of his fractured soul come even further apart.
"Oliver..." I whispered his name as I wrapped my arms firmly around his neck attempting to give him what little comfort my small gesture could provide. I felt him shuddering against me as he buried his face within my blonde tresses. His breathes were coming in short rapt staggered lengths as his own fears finally began to take hold. His arms were like a vice grip around my body as the vibrations of his trembling form began travel into my own. I couldn't take it any longer so I spoke pressing my lips into his neck between each soft word.
"Oliver please be braver than me..." I exhaled before adding the words that up until very recently I'd all but refused to do. "Let me in..."
His breaths leveled out as we stayed there locked in each other's arms each of us waiting for the other to take the first step that neither one of us was brave enough to take..."You won't forgive me for this Felicity...You won't ever trust me once you learn what I've been keeping from you...Letting you in means losing you for good..." His voice cracked and then finally broke with his last heartbreaking words...
"I'm not willing to lose you...not when I just found you..."
The light bulbs finally went off and the room was bathed in the light from a thousand suns...He was afraid of losing something that he would never be in danger of losing...which meant...
"You know don't you?" My voice wasn't harsh or filled with anger...no my voice was filled with utter and complete relief.
He was the first one to pull away his eyes searching mine for the answers that I'd been holding in for far too long. "Where do you want to start?..."
I touched my forehead to his and with my eyes closed and my breathing uneasy I said what for me would be the easiest words of the night.
With an unsteady voice and trembling hands I spoke against our partially joined lips as each of us gulped in the cold clean air that surrounded our cocooned forms.
"The beginning...We have to start from the beginning..."
1842
"Oliver would you please just reconsider what we're actually asking you to do...She's at least an attractive woman so bedding her shouldn't be completely stomach turning."
I glanced over at her with anger and hatred coursing through my darkened glance. "Mother I don't care if she's breathtaking I won't marry that man's daughter...I won't bed the daughter of the man who killed my father and put us into this situation...I don't care what impact it will have on the lower cities..."
I knew i was fighting a loosing battle but I'd fight none the less this was an arrangement born out of obligation and limited options. She knew it and so did I. Thea was too young to be sold like chattel on the open market and my mother was the grieving widow who for the next six months had an appearance to maintain. I on the other hand was a male in his mid to almost late twenties who'd refused the offers of marriage from every eligible woman in ten neighboring kingdoms. Our family was a dying breed my father had been born a nobleman and my mother was a duchess from an equally noble household. They'd been wed to unite a warring nation...
They'd been married to stop him...Quentin Lance an odd man to be sure with a name that even the history books would someday mock was born to household with no name, no claim, and no lands to speak of. His kingdom had been won by violent acts of war and bloodshed with the body count rising by the day. He'd sliced through my father's neck as if it had been made of melted butter. He'd fallen to the ground at my feet his bloodied neck starring at me as his head rolled down the dampened blood tinged streets. Those horrific images had stayed with me since that stormy night less than two moons ago... the sting of that memory haunts me in both my waking and sleeping hours.
"Oliver he'll come for us next he's already made alliances with every household that had been loyal to ours." She came closer reaching out to gently apply her hand to my thin white tunic. Her hands were shaking as they been since I came through our families gates...my father's dead body hanging limply from my arms. "This is our only way out...Oliver please I've already lost my husband, my good name, and our families lands, please don't make me watch as he kills my children as well..." Her voice was on the edge of pleading at this point so I turned into her light grasp and looked into the eyes that had once upon a time showed me nothing but the unconditional love only a mother could provide.
"Send the courier...I'll marry the whore one moon cycle from now." She smiled tightly her silent way of thanking me as she lowered her slight hand and moved with an unshakable grace towards the darkened candlelit hall.
She'd sent the message with Abraham that night...
By dawn only his horse with a simple message was returned. The offer was accepted but the price for making them wait was Abraham's life. I shuddered to think about what I'd have to endure once his rail thin Princess was my lawfully wedded wife.
I'd waiting until I saw the last few remaining candles flicker and then die as I quietly crept down the long stairwell that lead from my room down to the stable yards. Abraham had been a good friend...but he'd also been a good man. I could still hear the soft cries of his wife and daughter as I held their shaking white hands the words fell forth like lava from a volcano as I attempted to rid myself of the gnawing guilt that had been building since that retched morning. I'd offered to tell his family of his fate...I'd offered to take on that final burden knowing full well that the weight was mine and mine alone to take. He died because of me, he died because I was stubborn, he died because my foolish pride wouldn't allow me to see reason. The guilt from that knowledge alone had me pacing the halls once the house had quieted down for the night.
I was about halfway to my horses padlock when I heard a small and very feminine voice speaking from mere inches ahead. I slowed my usually fast and rugged steps as I leaned further into the wooden walls of the various empty padlocks. Standing just out of sight of the faint glow from the half lit torches I stared at what was possibly the strangest but also the sweetest exchange I'd ever have the chance to see.
"Don't worry you're master won't leave you alone forever...well I hope not at least I mean he's under a lot of stress right now you know with the wedding coming up and all..." She was thin but strong with a stature of about 5′5 or maybe 5′6 if she stood on her tiptoes. Her dark tresses flowed freely from around her shoulders in light soft looking waves. I could only catch a slight glimpse of the face beyond the veil of darkened hair but her voice allowed for my mind to wander as she stroked her small delicate hands over my horses strong sturdy neck. "Don't worry boy he'll come soon...He wouldn't leave you behind I promise..."
I was so enraptured with this small beautiful creature that was standing before my very eyes that I'd failed to notice when her melodic voice paused...
"Your...your highness?" My eyes snapped forward as she attempted to lower her lithe form to the ground her knees were almost to the ground before I finally regained the used of my voice.
"No...NO you don't have to do that..." She quirked her head at me slightly but still remained in her crouched position as she hovered dangerously close to the ground. "Please...you don't have to bow...please just..." I sighed as my hands slicked over my head. "Just get up I there's no need for you to get all dirty on my account." She looked at me curiously as she slowly stood up her body going backward until she hit the door of Goliath's stall.
"Ouch..." I chuckled as she muttered her back had hit the door with quite a bit of force so the ouch wasn't exactly unexpected. "You're the one that decided to back into a hard wooden door not me."
She huffed as she reached behind her and rubbed gently along the small of her now slightly bruised back. "Well you're not the one who was just caught talking to a horse by none other than our future King now were you?"
I couldn't help but smirk she was funny...although I'm sure she wasn't even vaguely aware of it. "Do you do this often?" She quirked her head at me as she began to pat down her black now dust covered pants, I watched her with vague amusement as her hands came up to the black and red tunic that all the stable hands wore as she again attempted to remove the dust and debris. I wasn't sure she'd even heard my last comment until she responded her face pointed down toward her feet.
"Do what exactly? Talk to your horse or just talk to horses in general?" She'd found a spot of something on her black boot so she was leaning down to remove it.
I remained still as I leaned further into the lone wooden pillar along the front edge of the stables entrance with my arms folding across my chest. "Take your pick." She glanced up and to my utter surprise gave me a slight smile.
"I talk to Goliath every night but only him." She stood up to her full height as she brushed her hands slightly together before placing them gently at her hips. "May I ask you a question your highness?" Her tone I could have sworn was a teasing one so I took a few steps closer and to my utter surprise she didn't take a single step back.
"Yes...but on one condition..."
She smiled gently again as she too took a few timid steps forward her hands were now joined behind her back as she slowly gazed up at me. "Name it..."
"My name is Oliver use it please." I stepped forward once more her eyes were close enough that I could see the bright blue that glowed beneath the low glow of the fire just above our heads.
"Fine Oliver may I ask you a question?" Her smile was still small but perfect since I could now fully see her pale cream colored skin. Her lips were full and pink as they shifted from one surprised emotion to the next.
"Ask away..." I grabbled for her name and then realized I didn't have a clue as to what it might be. "What's your name?" Her eyes were lit from within as she beamed up at me brightly.
"Felicity my name is Felicity now Oliver what are you doing down here in the middle of the night?" My smile was growing wider and wider with each passing minute as I stepped closer and closer not stopping until her body was just within my fingers reach.
"Well I was thinking about taking a midnight ride but now..."
"Now what?" She was even closer now her hands still tightly bound behind her back as she swayed from foot to foot in smooth easy motions.
I leaned down until our noses could practically touch before giving her my response.
"Now I'm talking to you..."
I didn't know it then but within a few short weeks my entire life was about to drastically change.
We were both seated against the back of the couch her fingers were tangled in my close cropped hair while my own drew small patterns into her bent knees. I was leaning into her soft touch when she broke our small moment of silence. "When did your visions start?"
We'd talked about very little since we'd both separated from eachother's very needy forms. She'd wanted to go all the way to the beginning and so we did.
"I don't know maybe around the second or third year...what about you?" I watched her closely as she bit down slightly on her bottom lip.
"I'm not sure I mean all I know is that if I didn't see you then I would have vision or if we'd shared a rather intense dream then I'd have the visions during the day so really since the beginning but not...does that make sense?" I nodded understanding that while we'd both been keeping secrets we were now finally willing to be completely honest with the other.
"How far back do your memories usually go? I can get to corsets but not much further and even then the images are hazy like my mind is distorted or the full image is blocked. How about you?" I opened my eyes again as her fingers kept moving lazily through my hair as I focused on what I was trying to convey.
"Well the vision I just told you about is normally as far back as I can go but I only got that far when we were well intimate..." I took a slow deep breath before continuing. "The closer we become the more I can see hell the more I can feel... I mean one night I woke up in a cold sweat because I'd once again seen you die..." I was breathing heavily again as another image flashed before my very eyes...
"Oliver you can't save me...it's too late...please it's too late..."
Her voice was becoming weaker and weaker as the blood began to pool around the cheap white dress she'd borrowed for the day. Laurel had stormed through the front doors screaming and wailing with the gun held tightly in her right hand. I tried to shield her from the impending strike of the hot metal as it screamed through the chapel's expanse. Sadly she'd had the same thought. She'd grabbed the lapels of my jacket and pulled me toward her shoving me out of the bullet's path as it found a home within her chest.
Shocked and dazed I stumbled over on my hands and knees as I gathered her shaken form into my lap my hands were brushing rapidly along the sides of her pale face."Why...why did you do that?"
She coughed suddenly...small specs of bright red blood came forth as they lightly stained her rapidly paling lips. "Because I love you...I'd do any...any..." She began to cough even harder as her words became caught in the blood that was rising from her chest.
"Felicity please rest...we'll find help...you'll be fine...baby you'll be fine do you hear me..."
She attempted to laugh but her condition was getting worse as her body slowly began to give way. "If I die protecting you then it was worth it..." She coughed up more blood as she reached for my hands...
"Promise me...promise me you won't die with me...not this time please not this time..."
"Felicity it doesn't work that way your heart stops so does mine and vice versa..." Her eyes were beginning to slam shut I feared for the last time so I leaned down placing my lips to her chilled sweat laden brow kissing her skin before I uttered what would be our last words. "I'll find you...It's always been you...from that first day in the stables it's always been you Felicity only ever you..." I brought my lips down to hers as she'd found enough strength to kiss me one last time before her fingers went limp in my rapidly cooling hands.
"I love you..." Her last words were spoken with our lips pressed together and just like all the other times moments after her heart stopped mine shortly followed suit. The last person I saw before my vision went black was Laurel as she leaned down her gloved hand pressed lightly against Felicity's face.
"Figure it out before it's too late next time...please stop me before I have to kill you both all over again...save me...Felicity save me..." Her words were the last one's I heard in that life as I clung to Felicity's limp hand the pressure of our wedding bands left my heart aching for just a few seconds more...
"Wow...so you've seen one of our wedding days...how many were there?" While I spoke she'd edged closer until she was sitting with her legs wrapped around my waist her head was nestled beneath my chin. The moment my story ended she'd begun to pepper me with endless questions.
I chuckled briefly before I pulled her closer my arms once again were like twin vices as they locked around her slim form. "I've seen us married for two days and I've seen us married for 3 months but it always ends the same..."
She filled in for my sudden silence. "We die...Oliver?"
I was resting my check against her head as I responded. "Yes baby..."
"Laurel told me to save her at the end of your vision.." I nodded the scene was still fairly fresh in my mind. "Yes...do you know why?"
She shook her head into my neck her movements sent light jolts of electricity through my body. "No do you?"
We'd promised so I told her what I feared might send her screaming for the closest exit.
"Felicity the reason she told you to save her was because Lance had three daughters originally back in 1842..." I went silent as she froze within my grasp.
"Oliver no..." She had pulled away so I was able to see her tear stained face staring up me with absolute horror etched deeply within her usually flawless skin.
I nodded my own reflection I'm sure now matched her own. "Yes Felicity you weren't some stable hand...You were his youngest daughter...Felicity Laurel's telling you to save her because she's really your sister..."
One reveal was down...we only had several more to go...