Hey look, another chapter:D

Porporino the III: I never see the 4th wall. I think it might be made out of rice paper. And yes, I'm pretty sure that the more chapters I put up, the more I think that Xemnas is going to eventually become more of a masochist, what with Seph stabbing him all the time. xD

Jewlin-chan: I think pretty snake man Eli's going to be popping up here and there throughout the story. He's sort of a part of the guild mentioned in this chapter, so it's going to be unavoidable that our daring duo's going to run into him from time to time.

-:-Warnings-:- Eh, same things as before. Dime store romance adjectives, possible insane OOC, lots of rambling, language, and some other junk maybe.

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and all its lovelies are property of their respective owner…damnit.

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The Un-Royal Order of Underpaid, Overworked, Never Loved, Civil Servant's Guild

Or a better title:

In which Purgatory just got a whole lot crappier

----

The First Of, mentioned in the previous chapter, turned out to be a city roughly the size of New York, if New York existed in the Kingdom Hearts world, but since it doesn't we can say that it was just a very big place reminiscent of Hallow Bastion, post-Malificent turns giant flammable lizard, slapped together with Traverse Town.

When they'd first entered the place, the mass volume of human beings, things remotely looking like human beings, and then some things that were somewhere between alien and non-human beings, had been the first thing to momentarily overwhelm the two men. Xemnas got over it pretty quickly, although he hated having to share his oxygen with such lesser specks of insignificance, but Sephiroth had to be continuously persuaded to not stab people.

It'd gotten increasingly difficult to keep him off his violent tangent when they'd entered the Registrar, a very large place with even more people so generously provided for Sephiroth to play Wack-A-Mole with his sword, which, unfortunately, he never got the chance to, damnit.

And now here he was, sitting all by his lonesome in this huge building they'd forced him to go into with another insane amount of people within it that he wasn't allowed to kill, while Elijah had dragged Xemnas off to the Lost and Found to see of his clothes hadn't come through Customs and been bagged somewhere. He'd briefly explained to the silver haired swordsman that Xemnas needed his clothes back, because a tentacle monster had come too close to pushing this fic into X-rated waters, as well as needing to get him processed in the Registrar's record hall so he could start his Atonement work.

The Registrar itself, the place Sephiroth was currently stuck sitting in one of the thousands of chairs lined up in the area, was a huge place filled with people running to and fro, lots of yelling dead employees, crying children, heavy accents, and the occasional voice on a loud speaker shouting out whose number was next in line to stand in another line which would ultimately lead you to another line.

You could call this the Spiritual DMV, Dante's unmentioned 7th circle of hell.

Yawning lazily, Sephiroth slid further down in his chair as he wondered what level of neurosis you had to demote yourself to when you wanted to keep a record of all the scum that lined the bottom of the world's bathtub. Ah, but he would never call himself scum, no, he'd much rather be known as a virus of some sort, yes, or maybe a cancer, if he really had to choose.

Now this was sad. He, The Great and Mighty General Sephiroth, was trying to figure out what sort of affliction he might be. An all time low for the One Winged Angel. But if I had to say, I'd think you'd be, like, the Black Plague or something.

"Black Plague's so archaic, why not Lupus(1)?"

Nah, you're too evil to be Lupus. But I don't think there's a disease that's described as one that just doesn't friggin die when you kill it 8 times.

"I know, I'm a tenacious bastard aren't I."

Well, you were a tenacious bastard, and then you got killed by a guy with gravity defying hair and his groupies.

"That wasn't one of my best days."

Cheer up panda bear; I'm sure you'll get him next time.

The young man with a block of wood wedged in his skull sitting beside Sephiroth, who was also here to get himself processed and explain how his cause of death wasn't solely the 2x4 jammed in his noggin, was giving the silver haired man some very strange looks because, we must once again remind everyone, that only two people got to hear the voice of the Goddess, so Woody here was thinking that maybe the guy sitting next to him was just chatterin away like a lil Blue Jay to a Humming Bird that just wasn't there.

But Woody doesn't matter, and to remove his distraction from the story, an anvil was promptly dropped on his head, smashing him through the floor and out our minds.

Soon after that, in an effort to keep the story moving, Casper, the friendly ghost-er, Elijah, the friendly snake man, returned with Xemnas leading the way, who looked very pleased to have been able to find his robe, gloves, boots and some skivvies in a marked bag in the Registrar's Lost and Found, which brings up the question of the Lost and Found's existence in a place like Purgatory, but he was not very happy that his left butt cheek was still aching and was still rubbing at it with a sour expression on his face.

Sephiroth rose to meet them halfway between the small empty part of the building they occupied, which was only empty because all the people running around in between them had gotten crushed by anvils because they were in the way of our protagonists meeting up with each other.

"Seph, what'd you do to all these people?"

Sephiroth hadn't even noticed that there were countless bodies with anvils atop them strew about them until Xemnas mentioned them.

"You think I did this?"

"We were only gone for 2 hours; you think you could've found something a bit more constructive to do in that time?"

"What's wrong with you? You keep rubbing yourself."

"…I...I don't wanna talk about it."

" 'Ee got 'imself tagged," Elijah said for him, ignoring the venomous look that was shot his way. " I 'ad 'im go get branded…er…processed in the Registrar's record Hall. 'Ee's now in the system and ready ta serve the public!"

"Serve…the public?" Xemnas couldn't help but note that Sephiroth hadn't made a joke about him getting a brand like object on his ass, so he was under the suspicion that perhaps the silver haired man had a brand mark somewhere on his body…somewhere on his very well-built body…somewhere on his gorgeous body…somewhere on his Adonis-like body…somewhere on his-

Okay Xemnas we get it! Geez, at least wait till after the 5th chapter or something to start up the gratuitous adjectives!

"Sorry, my train of thought got stuck in a loop."

"…Who ya talkin to lad?"

"The Goddess."

Elijah gave Xemnas a look so blank it'd scare paper.

"Nothing, forget I said anything. What's this you're saying about public service?"

"Ah yes! 'bout that." And from out of nowhere, Elijah pulled out two manilla folders and handed them to the two silver haired bishounen with a happy little snakey smile.

"The Un-Royal Order of Underpaid, Overworked, Never Loved, Civil Servant's Guild welcomes you to it's ranks Xemnas!… Xehanort… Ansem…whoever the fuck you are now, you schizophrenic megalomaniac," Xemnas read aloud the first words written across the cover of the paper inside his folder in the same spidery neat writing that had been written on that piece of paper he'd found stuck to his leg upon first waking up in Purgatory.

He looked slowly up at the still smiling reptile boy. "Please tell me…this isn't…what I think it-"

"Yes it is! And I would like ta be tha first ta welcome ya to the U-ROUONLCS Guild! Sephy, you're already apart of it, so that folder's just what ya next job is."

"I can hardly contain my enthusiasm."

"By the way, good work on completin this job without stabbin up yer future partner too much."

"Wait, who with the what now?" Xemnas could feel his head beginning to eat itself from all this sudden information.

"The last job the U-ROUONLCS gave 'im, was to find you an' lead you 'ere, along with my 'elp, without killin ya." Elijah explained very simply before turning to Sephiroth once more and gave him a Gold Star smile. "I'm sure it was real tough for ya, what with all those opportunities ta 'ack at 'im a bunch, like in the fog, while 'e was still unconscious. Good show of restraint there ol' chap!"

"Temptation can be such a difficult thing to overcome," Sephiroth replied dryly. He wondered what he'd get paid in this time, more cheap liquor that was really vinegar in a wine bottle, or perhaps they'd finally let him live in a room that was on par with a 1 star hotel.

"So anyway, that folder there's just a wee introduction ta what the Guild is, what it expects ya to do, rules, regulations, penalties, why you can't complain about anythin, why you'll get yer 'ead cut off if you ask for a raise, and also what they expect from ya while your performin your duties."

"Public Service?!"

"Yes Xemnas, public service. An' with the length of your record, you're goin ta be 'ere for a pretty long time," Elijah said, trying his best to look sage-like. "Ah, but don't you worry yer little noggin, ya won't be alone! Oh no siree! Every civil servant 'as to work with a partner, ya know, for safety an' all that."

"Partner?!"

"Mhm, you're partner, standing right next to ya."

Sephiroth did a crappy job of looking enthusiastic about it as Xemnas turned to stare at him, but maybe his lack of elation was because he was lathering it up with sarcasm.

"He's my partner?! Why him" Xemnas shrieked angrily, pointing a twitching finger at the last man he wanted to be stuck with. Because this man had stabbity tendencies, in fact he'd been trying to stab him since the moment they met, and having to be his partner for who the hell knew how long, well, that just gave him more chances to stab him!

"You're so lucky Xemnas. Sephy's a real 'ard worker, aren'tcha Sephy?"

"Don't call me Sephy."

"Awwww, why not?"

"I've wanted a snake skin belt for a while."

"Alright, alright, geez, don't gotta get all 'omicidal on me."

"Why the hell are you my partner?! I don't want to be you're partner!!" Xemnas snapped, pulling bits of his hair out in frustration, which would've hurt at any other time if he wasn't having a small nuclear meltdown.

"I'm not too thrilled about it either."

"Gah! Change it! Change it! I don't want to be anywhere near you!"

"Why are you yelling in Italics?"

"I don't know!!"

"Mm…maybe I should see if I can't pull a few strings an' get you two a grace period of two days or somethin before ya start Atonement. Ya know, so you can get used to each other."

"I don't really care. I highly doubt it's going to make things any easier."

"I'm not working with you, you pasty freak!"

"Why are you still yelling? Is that supposed to scare me? What am I supposed to be afraid of? More yelling?"

-------------

Elijah was very impressed with how Xemnas had managed to turn white and remain that way for so long, but seeing as his natural skin color was fairly dark, he couldn't imagine how being so blanched for such a long period of time was healthy for him. Maybe he was anemic. Or maybe he was a Chameleon.

"Oh, sorry! Make a left 'ere, a left 'ere!" All the occupants of the tiny cab were promptly tattooed to the right side of the vehicle as it veered around a corner, narrowly missing running over an old dead woman, but the old man wasn't quick enough to dodge out of the way.

Sephiroth looked to Xemnas, expecting him to make some very loud statement about running over a little old dead man, but the Nobody was still as pale as he had been 8 streets ago and looked like he wouldn't be saying much of anything for a while.

Whatever, as long as he wasn't complaining or pulling the swordsman's hair out, he could stay traumatized for as long as he liked.

Turning his attention to the one of the dirty windows, he peered through it and out at the gray muted tones of The First Of, the under-city he'd been stuck in for the past…oh hell he didn't know how long he'd been here. Time had begun to mean very little to him. He now kept time by keeping track of all the partners that They, the higher powers that governed this little playground, had assigned to him with which to carry out his civic duties. So far he'd had about 12, and those were just the ones that had had the luck to survive past the White But Not Really White Room and the room with the mirrors whose name he'd had yet to find out.

He wondered how long Xemnas would last.

"Is this the place Seph?" Elijah had the cab driver stop before a rather run down apartment complex that looked like it'd been around since before Mary figured out God had very sneakily impregnated her.

"Yes."

"Eesh, They really move ya into some nasty places Seph."

"I'm not planning on being here for too long. They seem to like to move me around from shit hole to shit hole."

After the car's occupants had piled out, the swordsman paid the white haired driver, who looked very much like Elijah, and told him that if he drove them around just to raise the fare again, he was going to make Flan out of his lungs and feed it to his children. The cab driver did a very good impression of a bobble head and quickly drove out of sight.

"You live here?" Xemnas seemed to be over his initial shock of being employed as a civil servant and was feeling well enough to eye the rather suspicious looking building looming ahead.

"I've got such a lovely view of the landfill behind the place too."

-------------

If the outside wasn't enough for the Nobody to wonder if it was possible for a dead person to get diseases, the inside made him question if the diseases he could get weren't venereal.

At some point, the checkered floor must've been very nice and clean, but now there were huge cracks, tiles missing and enough grime to fill a crater surfing about in its crevices. The staircase's tiled steps seemed to be centuries old, and he had a feeling that he shouldn't lean on the wooden staircase spiraling upwards in a rectangular pattern above them. It also smelled like cats, which meant that the tenant was most likely an old woman, hopefully not that old woman they'd almost ran over.

Yet despite its state, it really could've been much worse for wear, if you looked on the blindingly bright side of things, but even with that glaring in your eyes, having to dodge a flying potted plant upon first opening the door to the foyer wasn't Xemnas' idea of a place he wanted to live in for the remainder of his afterlife.

"Wh-Was that a cactus?!"

"The Green's live on the second floor," Sephiroth sighed calmly, pulling Xemnas and Elijah out of the way of a flying armoire and over to the dimly lit spiral stairway. "They're another pair of partners living here, they were married to each other while they were alive, and they had the bad luck of seeing each other again."

"Bad luck?"

"They both slept with someone else while they were alive, died in some bizarre way and met up here in Purgatory by chance, where they are now partners. Periodically one will remind the other of their transgressions and the ground floor gets covered with the odds and ends that they throw at each other."

"Isn't that 'ow you found that beautiful floor lamp in your room Seph?"

"It is actually. I think it's an antique. I don't know why Mrs. Green would be throwing that thing around."

As they came to the second floor, Sephiroth cleaved a flying vase in two as it came hurtling down the stairs at them, and swiftly dragged the two men past the door with the angry couple. They reached the third floor and, as if out of habit, Sephiroth explained this floor's residents as well.

"A hooker named Lucy lives in that room," he pointed to a door with red and purple paint splattered all over it, looking more like a shaggy dog rolled around on it than someone with a paint brush took the care to blend the colors properly. "Don't go near her, she's a Succubus."

"There's a group of band members who live in here." They passed a dirty looking door with various stains on it, some of which, Xemnas was certain were not the results of bad paint mixing.

"Every Wednesdays and Thursdays they'll get together and make some loud drivel they call music, the same stuff that got them shot up at a concert I hear. Every other Friday or so they'll have an orgy, and on Mondays their lead singer will go out with some new thing he picked up off the street, and the guitarist will go out and see if he can't pick up anyone around here that seems new."

"Fabulous," Xemnas sighed looking back and eyed the door with some distaste.

"He won't go near you if you tell him I'm your partner."

"Why's that?"

"Just trust me. He won't bother you."

Upon reaching the fourth floor, Xemnas was waiting for Sephiroth to say something about this level, but it seemed unusually quiet up here and he could swear that a sudden ominous fog had descended as soon as they'd came up here. The walls had burns and gashes in them and there was a faint mixture of various chemical odors wafting up from somewhere.

"What the hell is that smell?"

"Lucas lives alone up here," Sephiroth said at length, indicating a charred up door whose number seemed to have fallen off, or maybe that pile of rust on the floor in front of the door was all that remained of it. Xemnas also couldn't help but notice that Elijah had slowly gravitated closer to him and was wrapped very tightly around his arm whimpering.

"He's a scientist. He accidentally killed himself while performing one of his experiments," the silver haired man explained. "He's one of the few people who come down here and aren't assigned a post as a civil servant due to their record."

"Lucky bastard," Xemnas muttered. He peered into one of the many rooms that was left open, and it looked like a very angry, very ashen flying monkey had stormed the place looking for something, then had to leave to return to Oz and blew a hole in the wall to get out.

"What's with all these rooms? Why are they all empty?"

"Nobody lives on the fourth floor anymore."

"Why's that?"

"Let's just say that if you happen to run into Lucas, don't drink, eat, or smell anything he offers you."

Xemnas learned that between the fifth and seventh floors there were lots of other crazy people, which really didn't bother him as he'd sort of lived with 12 crazy people for a time anyway. Sephiroth's room was on the sixth floor and it appeared that there were still people living on this floor with him. He figured it was only a matter of time before he killed them off just to have the floor to himself like Lucas did.

While the silver haired man was busy trying to find his room key, Xemnas peered up at the ceiling above with an elliptical opening of glass, and counted three more floors, giving the building a total of ten floors. He wondered briefly why Sephiroth hadn't said anything about those floors, but decided it wasn't important enough to worry about. Instead, he found himself distracted by the unusual sight that his partner had opened up to him.

He wasn't sure why, but Xemnas wasn't expecting the silver haired schizoid to have such an orderly living space. It wasn't the nicest room, nor was it the largest seeing as it was supposed to only accommodate one person, but with the way he'd set it up it seemed much more livable than what it should've been.

Somehow, despite being somewhat of a packrat it seemed, Sephiroth seemed to keep the usual chaos of such a mess to a minimum. The place looked lived in but still neat, much like any normal human being would call cozy. Damnit, no shrunken monkey heads or pieces of people lying around in the corners as he'd envisioned.

"What's with that look?"

"Hm?" Xemnas blinked suddenly and looked up at the swordsman to find him eyeing him and removing his sword from its place at his hip, placing it on a floor rack a few feet in front of a small coffee table, which he'd probably taken from the Green's as it looked a little beaten up.

"Oh, nothing, just wasn't expecting your room to be so neat."

"What? Were you hoping to find some skeletons in my closet?"

"Well if there aren't any I'll just have to find some for you."

Sephiroth gave him a look that bordered on amusement and then vanished into the bedroom on the left, which at some point looked to have double doors but was now just an open space. As a rustling sounded from the room that the silver haired man had disappeared within, Elijah took that moment to slink very purposefully towards Xemnas with a little smile teasing at his lips.

"Soooo, what'cha think?"

"What do I think of what?"

"Of 'im," he said motioning his head towards the door where a soft thud and a muffled curse sounded.

"I think he's obviously a psychotic."

"Oh, come on, 'e ain't all that bad!"

"He tried to stab me! Continuously!"

"Well, not too much apparently since your still 'ere an' in one piece."

"That's not the point-"

"Look, just give 'im some time. E' really ain't so bad once you get to know 'im, but listen, I've got to go, I've been away from mah post long enough."

"Wait! What am I supposed to do now?"

"Don't worry 'bout a thing lad, the Guild will send someone to give ya the rundown on yer first job, but for now just relax."

"Relax?! In this place?! For all I know there could be a rapist on the seventh floor!"

"Actually, e's on the fifth."

"See that's-Wait what?!"

"Don't worry about it, e's as 'armless as a 'ummingbird, cute as a kitten really, but I really 'ave to go. I'll be by some other time to see 'ow yer 'oldin up! Bye now!"

Xemnas was about to throw Elijah to the ground and force him to explain whether or not he was really serious about that rapist thing, but before he could catch him he'd turned all reptilian on him and slithered out the door and down the stairs with a speed that defied the physics of all things arm and legless.

Sighing tiredly, he closed the door behind him, wandered in a little frustrated circle about the room and then over to the window, cringing slightly as he realized Sephiroth hadn't been kidding about that landfill behind the place. He was just thinking what could possibly be thrown in a landfill in the Underworld, when something loud and heavy fell against the floor above him, causing the ceiling to shudder and knocked over a precariously placed book on the edge of one of the bookcases lining the cracked walls.

"Sounds like Antonio's moving furniture around again."

Xemnas turned at the voice behind him and tried to get his brain to digest this unusual look Sephiroth had taken on in all of 3 and 1/4 bacon eating minutes.

Oh my god, who the hell is this man?

"If you're going to be living with me, there are a few rules you need to observe."

He was wearing a heavily starched white shirt with silver lined spade cufflinks, black tie, form fitting vest and pants and a pair of the most obsessively polished dress shoes. There was a black long coat draped over one of his arms, a plain looking thing, but would somehow add a James Bond level of sophistication to the swordsman.

"Along with not complaining in general, you are not to complain to me for any reason about the space with which I've allowed you to remain in, and if you do so, the hall closet will be your new home."

He'd also slicked his gorgeous silver hair back and gathered it in a loose neat braid, which allowed Xemnas to study the strong gentle angles composing his young face. He hadn't noticed before, but the man had catlike pupils, something he'd missed as his hair had been either in his face, or Xemnas had been too worried about where his life hung at the end of his sword to notice.

"You will respect my personal space. My level of comfort dictates how many times a day I will refrain from stabbing you."

From where he was, Xemnas could vaguely catch the scent of cologne that he placed as Egyptian Musk. That was another odd thing. He never really thought of Sephiroth as a man who preferred a manufactured scent over the smell of his own body, but then again, he was still some sort of human being, maybe, and every now and then smelling like yourself just wasn't very attractive.

"As I am not partial to having to do everything myself, you will share the load of keeping this place clean. If I find anything out of order, I will shave off a portion of your hair."

Tilting his head slowly, Xemnas very deliberately milked in this rather odd version of the swordsman; his broad shoulders, strong but gracefully nimble fingers, long sculpted legs, he looked like he was all legs anyway, and it was killing him that his brain was trying to figure out what the flesh accentuating those clothes looked like beneath them.

"Other than those simple things that I'm sure even your brain can process, there shouldn't be anything else I must illuminate in order for our time together to run smoothly. Do you understand what I've told you Xemnas?"

Sephiroth hadn't struck him as the kind of man that would wear anything but leather, seeing as he looked so damn good in it, why on earth would he want to change his style now? Oh, that's right, he was a civil servant as well, his partner. Maybe this was the uniform they all had to wear. Well that was certainly nice of them to give them a formal dress code, because Xemnas had been worried about being stuck in a drab old thing for the rest of his dead-ness.

"Xemnas?"

But really, now that he saw him like this, the man could probably look good in anything, even a pair of rabbit ears, red bowtie and a fuzzy peach thong…holy hell…where'd that thought come from?!

"Xemnas!"

It wasn't like he was thinking about him in that sort of way, oh no, it technically wasn't possible for him to do so, what with the lack of heart and emotions thing, but he could still imitate emotion, and as of late lust seemed to be high on the list. No, he wasn't lusting after this man. This man was insane! He'd been attacking him since the moment he'd woken up here! Oh, but damn his overactive imagination to-

"XEMNAS!"

"WHAT?!"

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Of course I did! No bitching, speaking, thinking, invading, breathing, eating or living. Did I miss anything?"

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow but decided that he didn't have to remove one of Xemnas' fingers for listing the rules in the wrong order. He had a feeling he didn't have to worry too much about him respecting his space and helping him keep this place relatively clean, as Xemnas had had a fit about not being able to bath while they were on the Trail Dancer's road.

But the complaining…Yeah…That one might be hard for him. Well, no, matter, he was a very lenient teacher, and for that he'd only take a 1/8th of his skin instead of the usual ½ he usually removed if the rule was broken.

"I'll be out for the remainder of the day and I shall return after midnight. You may do as you please so long as you don't leave this building."

"Alright mother, will you spank me if I'm not in bed by 8?"

"If you tempt me I just might punish you."

Xemnas grinned.

"With my sword."

Xemnas glared.

"Has anyone ever told you you're a sick bastard?"

"Has anyone ever told you you're a masochist?"

Sephiroth chose that moment to shoot Xemnas a parting smirk, riddled with all sorts of dark ambiguities, before letting himself out and shutting the door softly behind him. He had to get the hell out of there so he wouldn't kill his last parting shot by cracking up after Xemnas made that face. It'd looked like someone had just accused him of eating the last Twinkie, which he was trying to deny with it still in his mouth.

Even if he doesn't last as my partner, I can always keep him around for replay value.

-------------

Sephiroth worked at a bar; the Goddess decided to withhold the particulars of said bar until a later time, but she promises to add further detail to that rather simplistic statement.

So anyway, Sephiroth worked at a bar…which is mighty fun to say, but the importance of that statement is that it explained why Sephiroth returned home so late on a…Tuesday night. The Goddess chose Tuesday because her favorite class, Life Drawing, is on Tuesday, but none of you care about that.

Technically though it was Wednesday morning, as he got back just a little after midnight, and even if half the building was still awake and being loud as all hell, he was very intent on getting some good hard sleeping in. Sleeping so hard and good that lions in the Pride Lands would look up from masticating a Zebra and say: "Wow! That's some hard sleepin there Bobby Boy! Now pass me that drumstick."

After making sure that all 5 of the locks on his door were shut tightly (he had 5 because he lived above Lucas. Everyone who lived above Lucas had 5 locks), he threw his coat over the back of a chair and lumbered over to stare into the all empowering light hiding inside the refrigerator.

He hung there for a moment, trying to figure out why his brain wasn't letting him gravitate over to the bedroom, until he realized that there was food missing. He frowned. Xemnas ate his food……the little bastard ate his food. And he'd just gotten finished explaining the personal space rule no more than some amount of hours ago-Wait no, there wasn't any food missing. It was all still there, it was just…organized?

Well, no, there was an apple missing, but yes indeed, there was organization within his fridge. All the fruits and vegetables had been placed on one shelf, bread on one shelf, dairy, meat and other stuff on their respective shelves as well. And if that wasn't enough, everything had been further organized into alphabetical order and arranged according to the levels on the food pyramid.

Sephiroth very slowly closed the door and stood in the dark, wondering, pondering, if it was possible that Xemnas had done this while he was gone….he wasn't that obsessive was he?

Shaking his head tiredly, he decided to leave it to Rod Serling(2) to explain and dragged his half-conscious-ness to his bed, only to find that there was something in his bed, impeding him from confessing his undying devotion to his pillow.

Of course it was Xemnas. There wasn't anything else in this apartment that was big enough to take up that mass of space, unless their pest problem had gotten worse. Flicking on his bedside light, he stared down at the man lying in nothing but his leather pants in the center of his bed, curled up on himself like a 3 month old kitten (because saying he was sleeping in a fetal position brought up the image of a Xemnas fetus in the Goddess' head and it scared her.)

Somehow, even in his sleep, Xemnas still retained the same stoic demeanor he usually upheld, but somehow, with his eyes closed, completely dead to the world, his impassive expression seemed to gradate to a more ethereal level.

Sephiroth didn't make any point to stop himself as he reached out and gently brushed a strand of loose silver hair from the man's face, which broke into a slight frown at the contact for a brief moment, and the swordsman tilted his head to watch his face fall back into that soft vacancy he'd had previously.

Who were you in your previous life? He slowly sat down on the bed beside Xemnas, who stretched one of his arms out before him, rolling partly onto his back, legs still kept to one side and inhaled deeply before getting sucked back under another blanket of sleep.

You have the face of authority. You have the face of one who demands respect, one with a will that suffocates. He was running his fingers along the curves of his form, tracing the strained tendon in his neck as his head was turned away, the carefully engrained contours of his chest, the small ridges created by his ribs pressing up against his skin, on and along, down to rise of his hip and the curve of his leg.

A measured laugh escaped him. You really are a piece of work. And with that little bit of thought, Sephiroth gripped one of Xemnas' ankles and yanked him roughly off the bed and onto the floor as he reclaimed his place in the bed as its true reigning king.

Needless to say, after he'd suffered a mild heart attack, Xemnas was not very happy about being woken up in such a manner, but he couldn't back up his overwhelming irritation with anger charged words because his brain wasn't awake yet.

"Hells the what about problem yours?!?!"

"You've not been here for less than a day and you've already broken a rule Xemnas."

"Hmnn?!"

"Rule number 2; you will respect my personal space, personal space including anywhere that I reside around, within or upon, whether my body is present or otherwise."

"You're saying I have to sleep on the floor?" It took Xemnas a very long time to form that complete sentence.

"Seems that way, doesn't it."

"But there's stuff on this floor!"

"Relax, I just bought this rug, you'll be fine."

"That's not what I meant!! There are things on this floor!!"

"Oh yes, I should've told you about that. We're having a little pest problem."

"Little?! That thing would've carried off one of my boots if I hadn't beaten it to death!"

"1 down, 50 more to go. Seems like you're much more useful than I thought."

Xemnas sulked and let his chin fall against the edge of the bed, glaring at the man pulling his clothes off and folding them neatly before placing them on a chair beside him. Normally, the Nobody might've let some lewd thought strut around in his head at the fact that the object of his latest eye fetish was stripping down to his skivvies before him, but he was just too angry and irritated to really give a rat's arctic chilled ass.

"I think your bed's big enough to fit two people."

"Well, I say my bed is big enough for me and my ego. There isn't enough room for you." Sephiroth decided he didn't want to sleep bare chested tonight, it was supposed to get cold later, and went to dig up a tank top from his dresser, coming back to find Xemnas perched on one half of his bed. He glared.

"Off!"

"Please?!"

"Don't make me get my sword."

"Oh come on! You won't even know I'm here!"

"No, I won't know you're here, because you'll be sleeping on my doorstep if you don't move your ass."

Xemnas sighed dejectedly and gave him the best pathetic beaten look he could muster, hoping he was copying one of Demyx's forlorn looks as best as he could and slunk, or rather slid very slowly off the bed onto the floor and crawled away. He was just about to get up and just walk out and sleep on the couch in the living room, as his knees were starting to kill him, when that tell tale heavy sigh sounded behind him and a victory smile flashed over his face before he turned around.

"…..Yeees?" Xemnas must've been in theater in his past life.

"…Do you move around a lot while you sleep?"

"I don't think so."

Sephiroth eyed him warily, he eyed him a lot actually, just so he could have the excuse to look at this strange man some more, and then rolled his eyes and rubbed a hand over his face as he sat down on his side of the bed.

"Get up here then." He didn't have to ask him twice, Xemnas practically levitated over and was now standing on his side of the bed twisting his way out of his pants. Another excuse for him to watch him, and after the thought that it was indeed possible to very sexily slide out of your pants, Sephiroth threw one of his shoes at Xemnas, which he dodged of course.

"What?!"

"You are not sleeping naked with me."

"Relax, I have undergarments on this time."

"I don't care. Stay there, I have some extra clothes you can wear."

Xemnas raised an eyebrow as he watched him stalk off and pull out a sleeveless shirt and a pair of black shorts that looked like they hadn't been worn in a while. The golden eyed man grinned slowly as he accepted the clothing and put them on, watching with an exceeding amount of interest as he watched his partner glance lingeringly over at him while he got himself situated.

I know, I'm just too luscious for my own good.

Eeeee, that wouldn't be the word I'd describe you as Xemnas.

"Oh shut up! What do you know? You're just a disembodied voice."

"Talking to the Goddess again?"

"She's been rather chatty lately."

Xemnas stumbled a little as Sephiroth killed the light and threw them into darkness, but eventually found his way under the sheets and very thankful that his schizophrenic friend hadn't actually made him sleep on the floor, or on his doorstep for that matter. He wondered, if he'd persisted, if he would've actually forced him to sleep outside, that was a little harsh after all…but then again, this was the same man that had been stabbing various parts of his body since they'd met.

"Fabulous. What a more literal expression of the phrase 'Sleeping with the enemy'," Xemnas muttered.

"You say something?"

"No, nothing. Goodnight, er, morning, whatever the hell time of day it is."

"Mmm," Sephiroth's brain was already beginning to shut itself down and turn to jello. Jello, he'd never had jello now that he thought about it. That was mildly depressing. Maybe that's what was wrong with him, that because he hadn't been givin jello as a child it fucked up the rest of his life. Yes, that made sense, it explained everything.

"Sephiroth."

"Mm? What?"

"….Thank you…for not being a complete asshole."

"Hmm."

"…"

"…"

"Sephiroth?"

"Xemnas, I'm going to strangle you with your aorta if you don't let me sleep."

"Is that your leg rubbing on my thigh?"

"What?"

"This thing here, is this you? 'Cause you have the nastiest amount of hair on your legs then. Hell, I don't think I want to sleep with you anymore."

"That's not my leg Xemnas, that's not even attached to my body."

"…It's not?"

"No."

"?!?!"

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Mille: I dunno why this chapter's so damn long, guess I was havin fun with it. That and the fact that I got another review sort of boosted my moral:D But really though, I wouldn't mind some more reviews. I'm sure there's people reading this that aren't reviewing, so if your one of them, please drop me a review, even if it's not criticism or anything. It makes me feel all gelatinous to know that there's people actually reading this story that I worked on to make at least mildly interesting.

Sephy: Yes, review. I'll stab Xemnas more if you do.

Xemnas: Why am I always being abused? Do I ever get to abuse you?

Sephy: Never. :B

Mille: Maybe. :B

Sephy: See? The Goddess doesn't like you enough to-Wait what? O.o

Mille: ::Cackles madly:: Anyway, onto the footnotes!

(1): Lupus is an autoimmune disease that screws up various parts of your body, from your skin, joints, kidneys, heart and even your brain, depending upon which type of the disease (there are three), that you have. I'm not sure why Seph wanted to equate himself to Lupus, but it just wasn't lethal enough to be him. If you're a nerd and want to know more about Lupus, go Google it or watch House, they like to throw that disease around a lot for some reason.

(2) Rod Serling is the host of the Twilight Zone. I put that in 'cause I was writing this chapter while it was on. x3