Mille: Oh look at that. I'm alive. Yes, so, haven't been updating as much since Anime Expo's drawing steadily closer and we've been working on costumes non stop. Yay, got my Xemnas costume all finished, now all I have to do is find some random Sephiroth and rape him silly. :B

The Chary: Yes, Luxord in sexy nurse threads is rather giggle worthy…I just might have to draw that later.

Volurin: I know, dialogue, so totally not funny at all. I've actually been tossing around the Saix idea for a while since you've mentioned it, just not sure what to do with it though.

Mix Golden Phoenix: I hate those dogs…no, they don't count as dogs; they're large domesticated hairless rats. .

-:-Warnings-:- LEMON. Yeah, it's an M rating for a reason, and since I don't like editing things with nice fade out scenes, if you know the gay parts are going to bother you considerably, you might want to skip a large portion of this thing.

Disclaimer: Yada, yada, blah, blah, monkeys like salt.

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Yummy, Head to Toe

Or a better title:

In which, after 6 chapters of dry desert, the author finally writes an entire chapter about moist men

----

Wednesday, 10: 45am:

After taking an excessively long time in the bathroom to be ride of the affects of the Alteration serum that whiney little child-woman had given him, Xemnas snuck out to the locker room in the west wing of the hospital and threw on-oh god if felt so good to say it!-men's clothes, and proceeded on his way out the door.

Clad in black, taking Xaldin's advice that he looked quite dashing in the color, he quickly skittered his way out of the hospital, ducking his head a bit as the DBAD caught sight of him and gave him a cheerful smile, paused, and then turned his head to watch the oddly familiar man disappear through the sliding glass doors.

"…Has he ever been here before?"

"Hm?" Luxord was trying to ignore the man by studying the color patterns in a peach he'd stolen from the doctor's lounge. "No."

"Really?...He looks so familiar. Looks like my 2nd wife."

Luxord frowned. "You don't have a second wife."

"I know, but I'll have one soon," the DBAD said with a cheeky grin, causing an involuntary twitch from his colleague who quickly vacated the premises to go tell someone they had hives.

--------------

A six foot tall silver haired behemoth was currently stuffed uncomfortably in the back of a tiny cab, stuck in traffic, and trying to ignore the way he kept twitching and fidgeting in his seat, while the passenger beside him, a young red headed man, had been staring at him for the past 15 minutes. He didn't normally hold a cab for someone else, as it was reserved for himself and his ego, so for him to do it today, of all days, was just beyond him.

He could feel his pores screaming as they needed to sweat, but he beat them over the head with a stick and kept himself calm.

"You're eyes are pretty."

"Thank you," he replied stiffly, keeping said eyes glued to the back of the driver's seat as they moved a couple more inches.

"You're hairs pretty too."

"Thank you." He was cracking his knuckles, loudly, now, and he took a calming breath as he took that moment to find something of interest outside the grimy window. He needed to get to the doorway on 2nd street, a randomly placed doorway that lead to the Guild and into Purgatory, but for the past half of fucking forever, he'd been stuck in traffic, with this mousey red haired rodent making passes at him.

"You're hands are pretty too."

"Thank you," Sephiroth flinched as the man took one of his hands in his own, inspecting them with careful scrutiny, until his head was forced up against the window by that same hand, which was now around his neck, cutting off the oxygen to his brain. "And if you don't stop talking to me, this hand's going to rip out your spine through your throat." He turned to look at the large eyes of the man sitting very still, plastered to the window. "Don't bother me anymore."

The man nodded, and calm resumed to the cab as they moved another inch, the white haired driver trying to hide his laughing behind a gloved hand.

--------------

Wednesday, 11:34am:

Xemnas had made a few stops before returning through the doorway to Purgatory in the back of a flower shop, which dropped him into the lengthy hallway of flying doors in the Guild, and as he dodged the usual crowds that got in his way, he clutched the two brown bags against his chest protectively as he skittered between droves of people towards the large double doors at the end of the hall.

After a bit of a scuffle with an old woman and a shopping cart filled with bulimic puppies, Xemnas managed to make his way to his apartment, dodging quickly out of the way as another piece of furniture hurtled over his head and out into the street. Seems the Green's were at it again, and this time the lawn chairs were the victims.

Stepping over a child riffling through the scattered objects on the ground, the silver haired Nobody took the stairs in two's, wanting to pass by Lucas' room before he could catch him-for some reason or another, the man had been talking to him recently-but as he slunk his way around the creaky floor boards of the 4th floor, something jumped on his back and he let out an uncharacteristically girly shriek.

"My, my, did I scare you?" Came the silky voice as it brushed over his ears, boney hands clinging to the backs of his shoulders possessively. "It's completely your fault for leaving yourself so wide open."

"Good afternoon Lucas."

"Good afternoon Xemnas." Xemnas wasn't going to ask the man how he knew his name. The man knew everyone's name, somehow, without asking any of them.

"And what've you got there hm?" Lucas' be-specked hawk-like face appeared over his left shoulder, dark hair sliding into his eyes as he peered into the bag Xemnas was carrying. The golden eyed man breathed a sigh of relief, glad that he'd chosen to look into that bag instead of the other one, as the copy of The Idiots Guide to Homosexual Intercourse was sitting in there along with a jar of cherries, whipped cream, and a few other items. However, he was very annoyed at having people poking around in his stuff, and sidled away from the scientist, who flailed his arms a bit but caught his balance, sending him an eerie smile.

"You're making Cheesecake, aren't you?"

"Yes I am, and you're more than welcome to have some when I finish making it." Very few people knew this, but Xemnas was an excellent dessert chef. Of course, give him a recipe for Keish and he'd be lost.

"Aaaaah, I do so love Cheesecake," Lucas cooed, clasping his hands, giggling madly. "I simply must be the first to try it!"

"Of course you will. You'll be the first on my list."

"And since you're being so nice in letting me sample a bite of that Cheesecake, I simply must offer you a taste of my own concoctions."

"If you happen to run into Lucas, don't drink, eat, or smell anything he offers you." Xemnas decided to heed the excerpt of Sephiroth's words from the third chapter, that the Goddess so graciously dug up for him, and just gave Lucas a curt nod before scrambling his way up the rest of the stairs and slithering into his room, panting nervously as he somehow managed to evade death's grasp yet again.

"They're so cute when they squirm," Lucas mused and was promptly distracted by a noise, which sounded oddly like a gagged scream, coming from his room. "Coming darling! No need to be hasty!"

--------------

Wednesday, 12:45pm:

After becoming increasingly impatient, Sephiroth had just paid the fare, that'd already racked up to somewhere over 30 dollars, and had walked the remainder of the way to the doorway in the back of one of 2nd street's alleys. It seemed like an odd place for the Guild to put a doorway to Purgatory, but it was much better than a few of the other places they'd put doorways-Women's bathrooms, closets, locker rooms, train tracks, that sort of thing.

He'd been in a bit of a fog as he walked the remainder of the way to his apartment and up the stairs, wondering how he was going to practice self control because apparently, as Marluxia had insisted, he had some issues about himself that he wasn't willing to come to terms with. That was, after all, a very absurd claim, as he was an exceptional specimen of discipline, as a pseudo-son of Jenova should be(Happy Belated Mother's day Jenova!), so with that out of his head, he placed one of his deranged smirks on his face as he tried to decide if he wanted to get Marluxia a fuzzy pink collar, or a spiked leather one with a matching leash.

The man had decided, as he'd come to his door, fought for a while to open it, and shuffled his way through, that he would get a combination of both collars and would go pick it up later that day after he'd had a shower.

Wait, no…rewind, pause…play….rewind, pause, play-Fuck. His eyes weren't broken.

He hadn't expected to find Xemnas home…on the couch…reading a book…in a bathrobe. His brain, damn the thing, studied the lightly patterned sheer red fabric clinging to Xemnas' figure, a sign that he'd just taken a shower and hadn't bothered to dry off completely, also indicated by his dampened hair, now a steel gray tone from its natural ashen hue. A pair of simple black rimmed reading glasses were perched just near the end of his narrow nose, and at this angle, as golden eyes flicked over words, taking each sentence with a level of absorbed patience, he noted just how long and thick his lashes were. Any woman would die for eyelashes like those.

Sephiroth breathed…a lot, as the blood threatened to leave his head and gallop elsewhere. Self control…Self control. "Xemnas, I wasn't expecting to see you home so early." Goddamnit!

The silver haired Nobody, curled neatly against the arm of the couch, looked up from his copy of A Dirty Job(1), and stared at him with a bit of bewilderment, obviously, not expecting the man to be home so soon either. Xemnas' plan, after he'd taken a shower, was to read at least a few chapters of this book he'd picked up on his outing, before reading his other book he'd found in the same creaky bookstore. It had something to do with this recently widowed man becoming Death, and it seemed entirely too irresistible to him to not pick up.

After his run in with Lucas, he seriously needed that shower, but unfortunately, he forgot that today was laundry day, so he was forced to wear this thin robe he'd dug up at a thrift store until their landlord returned from the Laundromat. It was about a size too large for him; the ends ghosting over his knees, the sleeves kept sliding off his shoulders, and it'd smelled like a thousand cats before he washed it eight times. He'd fixed the sliding issue by tying the sash up high nearly twelve times about himself, and although his remedy hadn't worked, at least it didn't fall completely off him now.

Shaking himself suddenly, as he realized he'd been staring, Xemnas gave him an unreadable smile, nodding his head a touch. "They let me off early today," he sighed, marking the page before he closed the book and let it fall against his stomach. He frowned at length, studying the man for a moment before raising an eyebrow. "You haven't eaten have you?"

"Ah…no," Sephiroth responded slowly, closing the door behind him, locking it...it took a while…and slipped out of his jacket. Xemnas eyed his back, noting that his white collared shirt had also shrunken; the same load that his uniform had been in that Luxord screwed with, somehow. He worked his jaw a bit as he traced the movements of Sephiroth's arms, his shoulder blades and the various muscles shifting about in his back, pressing defiantly against the fabric. "I haven't had anything since this morning. Why are you asking?"

"Well, I was going to make lunch for myself, but I suppose I can leave you the crumbs."

"How thoughtful of you," Sephiroth muttered, mood killed again by Xemnas' damn mouth. Maybe this self-control thing wouldn't be too hard after all. (Lawl, right.)

"That's what I do best," Xemnas replied at length, tearing his eyes away from picking apart Sephiroth's body before his mind drifted into La La Land. Rising very gracefully to his feet (he'd been practicing, because every time he'd done it, he'd tripped over his feet and fallen over), sliding the glasses from his face and tossed them onto the low coffee table, he slithered his way lazily into the kitchen scratching at his hair. "I'm having ice cream."

"And?"

"And what?" Xemnas called out from the cove, staring hypnotically into one of the drawers, trying to figure out where all the utensils ran off to. "I'm having ice cream. Period."

"Ice cream alone doesn't count as lunch Xemnas."

"Where are the goddamn spoons? I just washed them all!"

"They're over hereidiot," Sephiroth sighed, making his way to a drawer below the sink, yanked it open sharply as it'd become rather sticky, and handed his 6 year old a black handled spoon.

"Why'd you move the silverware!?" Xemnas snapped, snatching the utensil from the man and scowled up at him. "Stop moving everything around!"

"Because I live here, mother. I don't think I need your consent to move things in my apartment."

"You mean our apartment," Xemnas corrected, sliding purposefully around the man, and dug around in the brown paper bags for his quart of vanilla ice cream. "Actually no, it should be mine because I'm the only one who does any of the cleaning around here."

"And must I remind you that I'm the only one who does any of the cooking?" Sephiroth tugged off his tie, tossing it onto the counter as he rolled up his sleeves and begun his fight with the faucet knobs.

"Jiggle it a little. I think it's getting rusted," Xemnas offered, watching him shake it a bit. "And please, I don't need you to make my meals. I'm quite capable of feeding myself thank you." He cringed as the man broke off the knob, staring at it then gave Xemnas a blank look. "What? That was all you," he said, raising his hand and worked at the lid of his treat.

"You said jiggle it."

"I didn't say rip the damn thing off now did I?" Xemnas slid around him, thinking the space had become smaller with Sephiroth and his ego taking up all the oxygen, and perched himself atop the counter between the refrigerator, to his left, and the angry man with a faucet handle, to his right.

Sephiroth grumbled a little, raising the knob in one hand and waved it in the air before tossing it to the floor. "You're fixing this."

"Why me? I didn't do anything," he said irritably, placing the carton's lid on the counter beside him, and carved at a section of vanilla rock. "It's not my fault, Hulk."

"Well, since you insist that half this apartment is yours, you can pay for this half of it." He frowned. "And get your ass off the counter; I have to make food there."

"Oh stop your bitching. My ass is so clean you could eat off it."

"Is that so?" Sephiroth was staring into the all empowering light of the refrigerator, hypnotized by the over-zealous amount of organization in the thing. Which reminded him. "Why the hell do you organize my food?"

"What?"

"My food, you keep organizing it in the way the food pyramid's set up. Why do you keep doing that?"

"Because you keep moving the silverware around." Xemnas sucked at the ice cream covered spoon, not going to admit to his mind that yes, indeed, he was mildly obsessive compulsive.

"Well stop it. It's weird."

"The way you polish your sword is weird, and I don't tell you to stop."

That was random. Where the hell had that come from? "What about the way I polish my sword." Said sword polisher extraordinaire was currently staring with a disturbing amount of focus as the golden eyed man stared back at him for a moment before raising the second scoop of ice cream to his lips, his already sweet slickened lips, before he looked off for a moment as he licked along the side of the spoon in thought.

"I dunno, it's like your stroking a lover with the way you rub at that thing," Xemnas twitched an eye a bit, remembering that odd smile he'd always had on his face as he ran the cloth up and down it's length, up and down, lovingly, carefully, delicately. He squirmed a bit as the phallic sword ran evil circles about in his head, teasing parts of his mind and body that he wanted not to be teased with its cold pointy end. "It's so...well, simply put, it seems like your trying to compensate for something, keeping that thing around. I would think you were tall enough to hold your own, but perhaps I shouldn't judge a book by its cover."

Sephiroth wasn't paying attention. He wasn't caring about the word thingies coming out of the man's mouth anymore, and rather, what had yet to enter into it. He'd been rubbing the top of his lip with the end of the spoon, smearing a thin skin of vanilla sweetness over his lightly darkened lips, creating an alluring contrast that was sending him into convulsive fits.

The green-blue eyed man watched, mouth parted slightly, as Xemnas eventually slid the spoon into his mouth, still staring at the other side of the wall, long lashes hovering over amber orbs as he slid the handle, slowly, in and out of his mouth as he licked at the chilled bit still clinging for all its life to the spoon as it was tormented into a death by erosion.

Head light from the buzz he'd received this afternoon at work, and also because this little shit was very obviously toying with him, Sephiroth very irritably let the door to the light of god close with a crisp snapping sound, slid over in front of Xemnas and slammed his left hand beside his silver head against the cupboard, eye twitching, and suppressed a growl as he breathed unevenly.

"Stop that."

Xemnas eyed him for a moment, smirk hidden behind the spoon still stuck in his mouth which he very slowly slid from his mouth, inclining his head a bit as he stared into those maddeningly magnetic mako eyes of his, letting the thing slip out, finally, with a soft sucking sound before he raised his eyebrows innocently, though his eyes said Beware! I am crafty!

"Stop what? Making cracks about your manhood?"

"No. You know what I mean. Now stop it."

"Really, I have no idea what you're talking about," Xemnas rolled his eyes, digging the spoon back into the carton, jabbing around at the ice cream before coming up with another bit sized mouthful of lust, which, much to his irritation, was stopped from completing its path to his mouth by a strong hand about his wrist. He winced, realizing that this was probably Sephiroth's main sword hand that was cracking his bones, but kept his eyes focused firmly on the pools of crazy hovering before him.

"No, I think you do know what I mean."

"Sephiroth," Xemnas began, lolling his head to one side, pushing a sliding sleeve up his shoulder with his free hand, giving him a reprimanding look. "I may be dizzyingly clever, but I am not telepathic. You're going to have to be more specific."

Narrowing his eyes, the swords man yanked his hand forward, sucking the spoon into his mouth and, magically, the ice cream disappeared when he brought it out a few seconds later. Xemnas stared. Had he even swallowed it? But as he noted, with much pain, he had, and now he was licking the remaining skin of white liquid from the spoon, along the rim of its head, up its back and down along the curve of the handle to catch a drop that was making its escape. Xemnas tried not to breath, as a sweet covered tongue came dangerously close to licking over the tip of his thumb, because he knew he'd hyperventilate, so not breathing all together was safest. After he was done molesting the spoon, Sephiroth licked a corner of his mouth, noting the constipated look on Xemnas' face and suppressed the makings of a wicked smile.

"Stop doing that. Stop playing with your food and eat it. What are you, 3?"

"Goddamnit! Did I say you could have any?! No, I said you could have the crumbs!"

"But you did offer me lunch, didn't you?"

"Fine, smart ass." Two can play this game.

Eyes trained on the man before him, Xemnas jammed the head of the spoon back into the carton, working it around until he came up with a large gob of it, set the carton to one side and licked off the top of the mound with as much suggestion as he could muster and not look like a complete fool. Looking to be on the verge of a villain sized hissy fit- because he was doing it again, that thing with his tongue-Sephiroth reached out to snatch the spoon from him, but it shot out of his grasp, and he was pushed away by a foot on his chest while the other slapped onto his face.

Xemnas held the man at bay with his feet as he slowly eroded the chilled treat in his mouth, twitching a bit as brain freeze attacked him, really wishing he hadn't taken such a large bite, before slipping the spoon back out of his mouth and tossed it to one side, just around the time Sephiroth grabbed a knife and was about to stab his calf.

Drawing his knees to his body sharply as the metallic ring of blade and air collided, he craned his head away as the blade sank into the wood cabinet on the left side of his head. Xemnas took that moment, now that there was angry and distraction in his eyes, to grab Sephiroth's face and force his lips to his, slipping his tongue, ice cream and all, past his teeth and into his mouth.

Like any good reflex, when something is shoved into your mouth, the tongue tends to react and intercept it before it can reach the uvula and trigger the gag reflex. Sephiroth's tongue, smart thingy that it was, did just that, and an involuntary seizure clawed up his spine at the cold sweetness that greeted him. A muffled sound left his throat as he pushed against the slick object, tossing it back into Xemnas mouth who, after a moment, realized that he was going to choke on it and slipped his tongue along its surface before pressing it against the swordsman's tongue.

Despite the level of weird that this was, Sephiroth found himself enamored with the sensation, not that he'd verbally admit it, but as he found his hold on the knife handle slipping, off and down to gently grip the side of Xemnas' jaw with the tips of his thumb and middle two fingers, he was aware that he was being pushed away from the counter as the robed man slid off onto the tiled floor. He was calming now, coming down from Kill-Happy, as tanned hands cautiously, as they should be, began kneading away the tension in his arms.

It was probably the best tasting brain freeze either of them had ever experienced, and as they fought with each other for dominance, offering the steadily crumbling orb between each other, at some point the thing vanished and left in its wake the numbed chill of a thing akin to lust. Sephiroth wasn't sure if the taste of vanilla was coming from Xemnas himself, or the recently deported bit of ice cream, but as the remnants of the creamy immigrant bled from the corners of their mouths, sliding over the contours of lips and chasing a path along the upturned neck of a dark skinned man, he decided that he would find out for himself.

At length, because he was forgetting how to breathe through his nose, Xemnas pulled away, gasping heavily and stared up at the lighter man through drooping eyelashes, swatting away the butterflies in his stomach as he leaned up to lick a trail of white escaping from the corner of the man's mouth, pulling away slowly, lips lingering as he breathed in the taste of sugar and hints of something alcoholic.

"Like I said, you can only have the crumbs." That sentence had taken all of his dead brain cells to form.

Feeling significantly impaired by the tugging at his abdomen, Sephiroth raised his eyebrow slowly before leaning in and sharply pulled back Xemnas' head by his hair, a pleasant feeling worming about inside him as he received a startled gasp, before he hungrily licked at the trail of white smeared along his neck, starting at his lips, his jaw, down along the tendon in his neck, grazing his teeth along his Adam's apple, down to lap at the small pool that'd collected in the basin of the junction of his collarbones.

Digging the fingers of one hand into his shoulder as it wrapped about his neck, groaning airily, Xemnas bent his head back as much as it would allow, giving the man greater access to a sensitive spot at the base of his neck he hadn't known of, threading the fingers of his other hand through the hair above the swordsman's ear, slowly closing his fingers around the strands and pulling lightly on them as he shivered pleasantly. He had to remember, even if he was now, mildly hot and bothered, this was still Sephiroth, the sociopath, and he didn't want to push him over the deep end by pulling his hair out.

Pulling Xemnas upright as he stepped away from the counter, releasing his hold on his hair, he caught him as he flailed a little from the sudden movement. Narrowing his eyes impishly, Sephiroth smacked his lips softly, smirking a bit as he trailed his fingers over the other's hips, splaying a bit, before forcing his body possessively against his own. He quirked his mouth as he watched him squirm, obviously uncomfortable at having his now noticeable erection suffocated against a wall of other man.

"So, now that I've had my crumbs, do I get dessert?"

"Greedy, aren't you?" Xemnas snickered, or tried to at least. It sounded a little drunken, and he was fidgeting, getting distracted by the silver haired sociopath's other brain jabbing into his abdomen.

"Only when it's vanilla smothered chocolate ice cream."

A wide, perverse sort of grin spread its way over Xemnas' face, which Sephiroth took as a good sign that he'd get his cake and eat it too, and slid his fingers along his pelvic bone as it pressed against his skin, down to the base of the man's spine, and down to press his fingers against the flesh of his ass through the fabric of his robe. He pausedto catch his lips, wanting to milk the vanilla out of them, before squeezing his left cheek, dodging quickly out of the way suddenly as Xemnas made to bite down on his lips.

"What was that for?"

"Don't squeeze my ass. I'm not your whore."

"But what else is your ass good for?" And he promptly leaned very far away as Xemnas had very fluidly dislodged the knife from the cabinet door and tickled his throat with the blade. "Fine. No ass squeezing."

"Good boy," Xemnas smirked, tossing the knife into the sink before looping his arms about his neck, rising up on his toes, nibbling lightly at his chin as he rocked into him. "Now carry me."

Amused, Sephiroth slipped his hands lower on his backside and lifted him effortlessly, allowing the dark skinned man to wrap his legs loosely about his waist before sauntering out of the kitchen, picking his way around a few stacks of papers and a stray cannonball, before eventually finding the door to the bedroom. He looked behind himself for a moment, wishing he'd reinstalled the doors he'd ripped off, before dropping Xemnas onto his back on the brass bed which shifted threateningly for a moment before settling back into silence.

Without giving himself any more time to realize his actions and jump out the window again, as the demon in his pants had effectively stolen the blood from his head, he crushed vanilla tinted lips to his own, ignoring the squirming man until muffled noises turned to muffled words and he pulled away, watch Xemnas pull a face as he dug under his back and produced a black painted piece of wood.

Xemnas raised an eyebrow. "Is this foreshadowing something?"

"It's a piece of a chair that used to be in this room," he responded coolly, taking the block and tossing it over his shoulder, uninterested.

"What happened to it?"

"Acid."

"Acid?"

"Yes."

"….Lucas, right?"

"Yes. Stop talking." His only response to his demand, aside from a cheeky grin, was a pair of tanned hands working at the suddenly cumbersome buttons on his shirt, his legs tightening for a moment about the swordsman's waist before Xemnas flipped him over onto his back. Sephiroth watched the Nobody looming over him, face eerily concentrated as he tugged at his shirt, eventually grumbling loudly and just slid it up over his head and tossed it to some corner of the room.

"Impatient, aren't we?"

"If you'd just buy snap button shirts I wouldn't be," he said curtly between the kisses he placed upon the creamy skin of his chest. Sculpted muscle, yet smoothly polished, that was how this man was built, just as he'd thought. Placing a hand on his stomach, fingers slipping beneath the waistline of his pants to tease the heated skin beneath, Xemnas flicked his tongue over a pale pink nub, earning a low strangled gasp from the man, almost as if he didn't want to be heard.

As he struggled to hold his breathing at an even pace, twisting beneath him as Xemnas fingers treaded lower inside his pants, the thought came to him that he was very uncomfortable, and, with a frown, his hands rose to grasp the male's shoulders a top him and flipped him over onto his back, towering above him. There he was happy now.

Bending down to suck a hole in his neck, pinning tanned hands at the sides of his silver head, he didn't notice Xemnas' disgruntled look as he glared daggers into the ceiling before the green eyed man found himself on his back again, once more, beneath Xemnas. Scowling, he pushed the man off him to one side, and toke his place atop him, straddling his hips with his hands on his shoulders as he blew a strand of hair from his face.

"Listen, you might've been on the top of the food chain while you were alive, but your not having that luxury with me," Xemnas snorted, grabbing a hand full of the man's hair and pulled him to one side, taking his place as Superior on top of his chest as his prey clawed at his thighs.

"And I don't know if you know, that even if I am dead, I submit to no one." And thus Xemnas found himself on bottom again, squirming angrily as the man tugged the sash of his robe from his body, bound his wrists, and tied them to the brass rods of the headboard. Sitting back on the man's hips, hands beneath his armpits, Sephiroth smiled triumphantly down at Xemnas, but somehow the world shifted very quickly and he found himself smiling up at Xemnas, legs still around the golden eyed man's waist.

The smile died, because Sephiroth, as well as any other good yaoi author, knows that two semes do not make a uke. "This isn't going to work."

"I know," Xemnas grumbled, letting his head fall against his pale chest, straining against the fabric binding his hands to the headboard. Sephiroth twisted beneath him as teeth began nibbling at his chest, eyeing the ceiling for a moment before placing a hand to Xemnas' chest and pushed him up till he could focus on his haze darkened eyes.

"Rock, paper, scissors."

"What?"

"Rock, paper, scissors, best two out of three."

"…You're kidding…right?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

Xemnas fell silent for a moment, looking to be considering the proposal, when he was really just trying to think of another game he could use with this man that he knew he could win at. He winced though, as the heat between his legs demanded his attention once more, and he nodded slowly, waiting for Sephiroth to untie him before skittering off his hips and to one side of the bed.

Just because she'd rather see Xemnas take it, despite the fact that he was a professional Rock, Paper, Scissor athlete, the Goddess let Sephiroth win.

"You little shit!"

What? I always abuse my favorite characters.

"I'm not your favorite?"

Of course you are Seph, I just want to watch Xemnas squirm first-

"Wait…your going to watch us?"

Dude, I'm writing this story, I sorta can't help it.

Sephiroth grinned. "The Goddess is a voyeur."

Yeah, myself and the readers included.

"There's more people?!"

"If you don't stop yelling in italics I'm locking you outside and going to bed!"

"Fine."

And thus, the story resumed where it left off…wait…where were we? Oh yes! Bishie sex.

After having a five minute battle of epic proportions with an unyielding zipper, Sephiroth managed to twist his way out of his pants and boxers and took his rightful place atop his prize. Xemnas was looking very irritable at the moment, but a few well placed kisses had him purring like a cougar again. Slipping his tongue past his lips once more, he found that even though Xemnas had lost, he was not about to allow himself to submit to him fully, so he had to concentrate his attention on taming the erratic muscle trying to work its way down his throat. As soon as he could get his multi-tasking functions going again, Sephiroth trailed a hand along the man's sides, digging into the flesh as he reached his hips, his thighs, until curling his fingers beneath his knee, pulling his leg up and about his waist-

"No." Xemnas had pulled out of his kiss, hands relaxing their hold on his neck and shoulders as he stared blankly up at him. At any other time, if he'd had the capacity to tell an apple from a fig tree, he would've cracked up at the exaggeratedly confused look on Sephiroth's face.

"No?" The swordsman raised an eyebrow. "You mean 'yes' right?"

"Neh?" Xemnas was very confused, because currently, there was no blood in his head. He had to implement the scientific method just to figure out what he'd meant. "No, I meant no, as in, don't take me dry."

"Dry?"

"Yes, dry, I'm not a woman Sephiroth," Xemnas rolled his eyes. "Last I checked, I didn't secrete fluids from parts of my body that shouldn't be secreting fluids."

"Well, you know, we could remedy that-"

"No!"

"Fine," he grumbled, very much irritated at being re-educated on the functions of the female anatomy. He'd kick him later for it, but for the moment, he looked about himself, trying to figure out if he even owned anything he could remotely call lubricant. He looked down at Xemnas. "I have Olive oil."

"…You're not sticking that in me."

"I have motor oil too-"

"Alright fine!" He didn't want to take bets on whether or not Sephiroth would really stick motor oil in him.

As the warmth of his body left him, Xemnas sat up and wrapped the robe around him, shivering a bit as he watched Sephiroth wander off into some portion of their living space. He was taking an excessively long time getting back too, which was giving Xemnas enough time to get nervous, and after the long haired male had managed to find a minuscule amount of oil left from the last time he'd made spaghetti, he came back and found Xemnas looking to be on the verge of a mental break down.

"What happened?" He looked around, raising one of his feet. "Do I have to kill another mutation again?"

"No…I just…" Xemnas turned away and stared hard at something very interesting in the wall. "I don't know if I want to go all the way now."

"…"

"What?"

"Do you know what I had to go through to find this?" Sephiroth raised the bottle, which had about a microscopic amount of oil left in it.

"I know! I know! I just, nneeh, I don't know…It's all rather new to me really."

"And what makes you think I've done this before?"

Xemnas perked a bit at this. "You…haven't?"

"No, before now my tastes were strictly attributed to the fairer sex," he sighed, taking a seat beside him and pulled the robed man's back against his chest, lathering his neck and shoulder with an array of kisses. Letting his eyes fall closed, Xemnas digested this bit of information, feeling a bit relieved that he wasn't the only inexperienced one here, well, no, not if he didn't count the man's escapades with women. Xemnas, while he was still once a member of the human race and a scientist, hadn't let the thought of women enter his analytical head, and not especially after getting his heart sucked out through his nose.

Still off in his thoughts, he jumped a bit as the man snaked a hand around, slick with the scent of Italy, and grasped his length, squeezing him pointedly till a chocked sob worked its way from Xemnas, knuckles bleached white as he dug his fingers into the sheets beside him. God it felt good, damn good, it felt significantly better because it wasn't his hand doing the talking, stroking him, brushing fingers over the places only his fingers had ever touched, and he was going to die, because it was so damn good.

The evil hand remained there for a moment, teasing him with the tips of his fingers, not allowing for any other contact but the curious pressure of a digit over the head of his length, sending convulsive shivers and moans through him as a fingernail scraped lightly against the weeping slit, then down to trace the vein along it. Xemnas made an irritated noise, and Sephiroth smiled, because he was screwing with him and the other male had finally picked up on it. Leaning down a mite, he licked at his ear, grinning as he nearly leapt out of his skin and slid his free hand up his spine. "Lie on your stomach."

"Neh?" What was he saying? Did he actually expect him to process commands at the moment? Xemnas took a considerably long time reforming those words together, and after he was done with that, snorted disdainfully. "No, I don't want to move."

"Do it or I'll rip it off." Sephiroth growled warningly, tightening his hold about Xemnas until the man began squirming from the uncomfortable pressure. He managed to bite back a very unbecoming squeal of pain, sending his aggravation to the man behind him as he ground his teeth.

"Fine." He had the advantage this time. Xemnas wasn't interested in being castrated any time soon. Fairly displeased, but not intent on defying him, he relaxed his fear tensed body as the man released his hold on his cock and slithered his way onto his stomach in the center of the bed, shifting marginally as the man lay atop him, grunting as he found his weight uncomfortable.

"God you need to lose weight."

"It's all muscle…unlike yours is."

"Right, so I'm not in shape unless I'm built like a weightlifter," Xemnas grumbled irritably, calming marginally as the man looming over him licked lightly between his shoulders, biting down and managed to catch another sensitive spot near the center of his shoulder blades, granting him another heady groan. As he was distracted, Sephiroth took that time to trail his oil slickened middle finger down along Xemnas' spine, the man arching his back away from the digit as it caught nerves, down to slide over the base of his spine, slipping between the crack of his ass to tease the tight ring of muscles-

"What the hell do you think you're fingering you goddamn son of a bitch?!"

"Damn, you're awfully loud for a uke," Sephiroth observed, resting his chin over the male's shoulder, unmoving, as Xemnas had shot a hand back to grab hold of one of his testicles and seemed to be threatening to rip it off if the wandering finger so much as twitched. If middle ground wasn't found soon, the course of this fic will be changing in a drastically epic way, and the Fuss is certain that the readers do not want to read about a Sephy eunuch.

Sighing patiently, Sephiroth pressed a kiss to the man's ear, nosing at the tendrils of hair clinging to his neck. The smell of soap still clung unobtrusively to him. "Listen to me Xemnas-No, shut up. I'm serious…I will respect your word, and it is because of this that I'm resisting the urge to screw you senseless."

"My, how thoughtful of you," Xemnas rolled his eyes, but his voice had lost its bite as he was finding it increasingly more difficult to lay on his stomach with his erection sending signals of suffocation to his brain. At length, twisting a bit as the pale man began rubbing gently at his entrance once more, finding the sensation unusually…pleasurable…he rose up on his elbows turned his head a bit, biting back a moan and fisted a hand in the sheets beside him. "This won't…hurt…will it?"

"Nothing is without its share of pain," was his muffled response from somewhere at the nape of his neck, the man shivering beneath him, catching the tail end of a moan as he grazed his teeth over the skin. Look at that, another sensitive spot. "Do you trust me?"

"I…" There was a heavy pause, and the emptiness in his being, where a heart should be pumping his veins with life, filling his ears with its presence, was not present…it had never been present, and as this fact set in, the silver haired Nobody dropped his head a touch. "I don't know…how to answer that."

"I see." He hadn't expected that answer. It puzzled him how genuinely confused by the question the other had seemed, which worried him for about three seconds before it was banished, and finally slipped the snaking digit within the man, pausing for a moment as he tightened uncomfortably around him. The muscles of the back beneath him tensed considerably, and as he watched Xemnas claw at the sheets, shivering oddly, he was certain the man had stopped breathing…and he had actually, now that he noticed it.

"Xemnas, if you don't relax, you're going to hurt yourself."

"Ngh! Hah…s'easy for...for you to say!" Even with lubricant this was fucking painful! How the hell did men find this pleasurable?! He really should've asked him to explain what sort of pain this was, because burning sensations were not high on his list of pain he was willing to take. Xemnas was caught between weighing his chances of playing possum to get out of this, or knocking the other man out when said man decided to distract him, once more, with his damn evil finger, moving, again, slowly, agonizingly slow, drawing out of him, just a fraction from leaving his body, before pressing its way back into the confines of his being.

After much rationalization with his body, who was insisting that this whole thing was very backwards and unusual from what the anatomy books had taught it, Xemnas found the sensation suddenly comforting, hypnotically intoxicating, yet still insanely uncomfortable, and as he forced himself to relax, face turned to one side, he found himself hating the man because of his agonizingly slow pace. Hips shifting gently, in time to the ludicrously lengthy digit's ministrations, he noticed that a series of unintelligible moans attempting to be words were stringing out of him like spaghetti O's from a can, begging, no, pleading the man to give him more-harder, faster.

Of course, Sephiroth couldn't resist begging (it was the one thing he missed about being alive, among other things), but he wasn't about to reward him completely and although he did increase his pace, he also fell back to the achingly slow rhythm he'd gotten into, before switching to the more forceful, demanding, quickened pace. It did what he wanted it too, and before long he had Xemnas moaning and thrashing like a school girl.

"I resent that…"

Okay fine…He had Xemnas moaning and thrashing like a whore.

"Because that's any better than before."

The Goddess rolled her eyes, pressed Backspace a few times to rewrite…He had Xemnas moaning and thrashing like a gutted fish.

"…"

Are you going to stop interrupting the story and let me finish writing this lemon now Xemnas?

Xemnas grumbled and the story resumed, once more, hopefully, to be uninterrupted.

Thankfully, Sephiroth had this uncanny way of blocking out 4th wall intrusions while under immense concentration, and as he worked his way around inside Xemnas, searchingly, he eventually connected with a collection of nerves that sent the man into the white light for a moment before he came back down shaking unhealthily, fingers draining slowly of blood as he clung to the sheets, muffling the sounds of desperate wailing with a handful of the fabric to his mouth.

Xemnas, on the other hand, or rather, the other finger, was under the impression that he was going to die, again, somehow, because this wasn't a feeling he could process, this wasn't something that he could channel into something solid, something with which to anchor himself to. Perhaps that was why he clung to him, reaching blindly and caught a handful of hair, crushing his face against the thing he vaguely reasoned was the face of a man looming over his shoulder, no, not just a man, his man, the man driving into his nonexistence with his tangibility, adding substance to him, giving him form by throwing him repeatedly into a vat of confusion by his hair.

Without really realizing it, he'd fainted briefly as he came with a searing sort of scream, a scream he couldn't hear, because it didn't sound like his voice. No, this scream was not from the voice of a leader, not of the tenacious Nobody that refused to die quietly, but more of one lost in a sea of soup known as emotion. It was a cry of sorrow, anguish, pain, pleasure-a pool of uncategorized emotions binding to form a singular mass of expression.

It was numbing, it was almost comforting, and for a moment, he swore he'd suffered brain damage as a white light of searing heat tore through him, spilling forth soundlessly pleasant dissonance that petered off into silence before he opened his eyes, looking up through the haze of white before an exceedingly concerned face distinguished itself from the cotton. If he'd had been in a better state of mind, he might laughed at the look of puzzled concern pasted on the swordsman's face. However, it faded to relief as he breathed softly, lips parting for a moment, choosing his words.

"…Is it safe to assume that…you're…well…you were a virgin?"

"Hmn?" He didn't get the question…something about virgins and oars. "Hmn." Xemnas nodded languidly. Xemnas blinked sluggishly, raising his head and stared about himself, confused, especially as he found himself in the confines of the man's arms, holding him almost protectively to his chest. He wrinkled his nose. "D'I pass out?" God, slurring, that was always a bad sign.

"You weren't out for long, maybe about a minute or two," Sephiroth responded softly, brushing aside a strand of long white hair tickling his eye. "I'd say that's a personal best for me," he said with a smirk. "I made you come with just one finger…imagine what I could do with my whole hand."

Xemnas glared, or tried to…everything was so dreadfully fuzzy. He eventually gave into fatigue and let his head flop lazily against Sephiroth's chest, sniffing lightly, before raising it once more to eye him suspiciously. "Hah long was I out?"

"I told you, a minute or so."

" Y'smell like soap…Took a shower…"

"I'm able to bathe within a reasonable amount of time."

"I bathe reasonably…"

"Yes, you do." He didn't want to kill the man's unusually drunken mood, and left it at that with a gentle kiss to his forehead; Which was why he wasn't going to tell him he'd knocked him over the head after he'd come to the first time, as he wanted to time to deal with his neglected erection in the bathroom, take a shower, and change the sheets as he wanted to sleep next to Xemnas and not in him.

"Xemnas, move over, I need to turn the lights off." His only response was a shifting of movement as the man repositioned himself to stretch further atop his body, arms curling beneath his back as he muttered something about rats hating lighted spaces and candle light vigils. Oddly enough, the growl he was going to send the man to get his ass up died about halfway up his chest and it became a resigned sigh, pale fingers threading through Xemnas' lethal looking spiked hair, twirling the silken ends of one about his finger as he settled in beneath him.

"Fine, have it your way, but if you start bitching about burnt out bulbs I'm cutting out your eye."

Xemnas muttered something about pasta, then his eyes shot open about the same time as he raised his head. Sephiroth watched him get lost in his face, narrowing one of his golden eyes as the other widened to a ridiculously maddening size, before Xemnas twisted himself to reach over to the phone on Sephiroth's side of the bed.

"Xemnas?"

"Mnneh...Mm."

Great. Cave speech. As entertaining as the idea of screwing a Neanderthal was, it certainly didn't make for a very sexy after math.

But then the primate was pulling out a slip of paper from beneath the phone, dialing a number, before he slithered his way off his chest to lay on his stomach beside him, head lolling to one side as the dial tone began lulling him to sleep. Sephiroth was displeased with being ignored, especially when he was being ignored for an unknown reason, and rolled his torso atop Xemnas and began licking at his neck as a voice came through the receiver.

"Luxord?"

Sephiroth stiffened as his Killdar starting ticking. Why was there a man's name rolling off his Xemnas' tongue? Yes, he was now his, because even if he hadn't marked him completely, he still had the pleasure of sleeping naked with him, therefore equaling his.

"Xemnas…Who is this Luxord?"

"Quiet you." Xemnas ignored the distain dripping from the way the swordsman spat out Luxord's name. "Luxord? Yes, what size do you wear?"

Sephiroth twitched.

"Because you're wearing my uniform tomorrow, that's why I want to know….Yes…Yes…No, you can't wear boxers, you have to wear lingerie...Yes, and the garters."

Sephiroth pulled away from Xemna's neck to stare at the phone on the table for a long minute.

"What do you mean you don't believe me?!...Yes!...Yes!...God, why am I even having this conversation, look, do you want to talk to him?"

"No, he doesn't need to talk to me," Sephiroth muttered, sucking at the nape of Xemnas' neck, nipping down mercilessly as he began to squirm beneath him.

"Stop it," he hissed before turning back to the phone. "Yes, Luxord, yes…no, you're just in denial-" Xemnas pulled the phone from his ear and rolled his eyes, ignoring the stream of English babbling coming from the other side. He lolled his head to look back at the green eyed man who now had his head resting on his shoulder again, looking groggily bothered at having this conversation cutting into him molesting Xemnas further.

"Can you talk to him please?"

"Is it a man?"

"Yes-"

"Forget it."

"Gah! Don't hang up! I need those days off."

Pause. "What days off?"

Shit. Xemnas smiled.

Sephiroth glared. "What days off, Xemnas."

"Just a…nerr…bet.?"

"A bet? On what?"

"Me…getting…laid?" He said that last part very quietly, cringing a little as he waited for the man to throw him out the window. Surprisingly, he didn't seem to be disgruntled about it, rather, his face fell in its distraction as he spaced out before sighing.

"…Wow…No stabbing? You do realize we had a bet going on whether or not you were going to sleep with me tonight."

"Well, I can't very well maim you for something I did myself."

"Wait…wha?"

"Give me the phone." Sephiroth grasped the phone as it fell from Xemnas loose hands, who was staring wide eyed at the lamp on the table like a goose stares up at the sky as it rains.

"Hello." The green eyed man frowned before pulling the phone away from his ear to stare at it, hung it up slowly, and then let his head fall to rest against Xemnas' back.

"Wait, what happened?"

"Dunno. He hung up, whoever he was."

The phone rang again and Xemnas answered, waving his arm a bit as the swordsman tried to snatch it from him. "Hello?"

"Jesus Mary and Joseph Xemnas what are you doing fucking Hannibal Lector!"

"What the hell are you going on about now?"

"What's he saying?"

"Gaaaaaah!! Get the hell out of there he's going to eat you dead Xemnas don't die! Fucking ruuuun! Hide your brains!"

"Why is he screaming with a British accent?"

"Because he's British…hello? Luxord? Luxord I can't hear you, stop screaming…Please tell me that's not glass breaking-LUXORD!"

"Xemnas!!"

"Yes?"

"Hannibal! Hannibal Lector! Hannibal Fucking Lector!"

"Yes? What about Hannibal?" Xemnas paused for a moment as there was a string of incomprehensible screaming and then turned to Sephiroth, trying to suppress laughter. "According to him…I'm fucking Hannibal Lector and he fears for the safety of my organs." He sniffed lightly, twisting around beneath the man till he was lying comfortably on his back, leaning in to receive a brief kiss from the swordsman before quirking his mouth to one side. "You don't eat people…do you?"

Sephiroth made a face because Sephiroth didn't know who the hell Hannibal Lector was, not until the Goddess downloaded Silence of the Lambs to his brain through a free DSL line and a wicked smile formed on his lips as he slid the phone from Xemnas' hands and, pausing for effect, lowered his voice to a huskier tone before threading out the creepiest, sexiest: "Hello, Luxord."

"…..H….Hello? Mr. Lector?"

"Yes, you wished to speak with me?"

"Don't eat Xemnas, please, you can have a piece of my spleen, but please, don't eat Xemnas. He might be a bitch, but he's the nicest bitch I've ever known, and it would greatly depress me if you ate him."

"My, you're making a rather steep proposition. I don't know if you know this or not," he paused, eyeing the man beneath him who was trying his best not to be aroused by his Sexy Beast voice and doing a horrible job covering it up. "But he's a rather…rare delicacy," he said slowly, leaning away from the phone for a moment as he dipped his head to nip at a tanned nub, raising his head as Xemnas gasped beneath him, savoring the way his hands quivered as they rose to rest along his neck and shoulder. "A prime cut indeed, fit for a gourmet such as myself-" he paused to trail his tongue along the small valleys and hills sculpting his stomach, pressing his tongue briefly within his navel before nipping gently at the flesh beneath.

"So you must understand, my dear Luxord," he began slowly, huskily as he rose up to loom above Xemnas, watching him try to figure out how to breath as a disappointed moan spilled from his lips, a painful frown cracking his indifferent features. "When I say that I'm going to savor every last drop of this rare feast-"

"No, wait!" But Xemnas couldn't wait, no, not with that look on his face, not with that enamored grin lighting up his empty eyes, and he made it ever apparent as he bent his legs, knees brushing up against the swordsman's sides, and rocked his hips against the other males, digging his fingers into his shoulders as the blood danced back between his legs once more.

There was lots of hyperventilating and praying coming from the man on the other line and the man beneath him, and since he couldn't touch the other man through the line, Sephiroth was going to take the closer of the two.

"Goodnight Luxord, and have a pleasant evening."

"Waaaaait! Xemna-"

Click.

----

Mille: God, I haven't written a lemon in half a century. I feel rusty and out of practice. Anyway, aside from the hot bits, that last bit about Hannibal was taken from an actual phone conversation…it was very creepy…I had to take a shower afterwards. Xx

Xemnas: ::Does the "Just got laid" dance::

Sephiroth: ::Does the "I have to wear drag" shuffle::

Mille: ::Does the "Going to confession" waltz::

Xemnas: Wait…aren't you supposed to be a Heathen?

Mille: Eh, Heathen or not, I think I still get points for trying. Oo

(1)A Dirty Job is the title of a Christopher Moore book I just picked up a few weeks ago. It's about a guy who takes up the job of Death. It's funny as hell, like most of Moore's other books, Lamb, being one of my favorites. If you've got time to read fanfics, go hunt down a bookstore and check this guy out.