Mille: Sorry for the stupidly long wait. Been doing cosplay stuff.

CornCob: Yeah, Lamb gets an A. Christopher Moore is like, the man that inspires my funniness and most of my writing. But lord, brilliant? I wouldn't go that far. Crack sounds more like it.

Volurin: Yeah, tried to make the sex realistic. Really, I don't believe in set uke/seme roles. Their nice to have, but one must always remember to be flexible, that's just so much more fun.

Mix Golden Phoenix: I know I sent you a message already but I just want to grovel a little more. ::Gives big eyes:: But yes, pulling heart out through ones nose. I believe it can be done, somehow, maybe, not sure…I'll get back to you on that.

Jewlin-chan: Don't worry hun, you were missed, but I prayed to the Final Fantasy gods to remind you to review. xDYeah, reading Lamb in public. Kinda tricky, but it can be done.

Kalessin: Hm, yeah, not sure about that self insert request. Not a real fan of self-inserts. I'll have to drink on it while I wait for you to update your other story (Yeah, I read it. Even if it's doing the following the cut-scenes thing, it's still very interesting and very well written. :3 )

Aries Draco: Welcome to the Nut Club dear unofficial lurker. ::gives cookie::

-:-Warnings-:- Yay for more brief lemony-limeness. (My roommate's starting to have a bad influence on me.) More OOC, although, after 8 chapters, I'm so not going to be anal about it anymore.

Disclaimer: God, this disclaimer thing's starting to get painful.

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We Just Move On

Or a better title:

In which Happily Ever After gets nuked to shit.

----

Morning wood, as Xemnas discovered, was an exceedingly uncomfortable experience for him.

He was laying on his side, curled into a tight ball of nerves, staring at Sephiroth's back with an intensity that would've burned holes in the man if he hadn't possessed such a thick resistance to external damage. It also seemed that sexual stimulation knocked him out quite nicely, or else he might've sensed the presence of eyes on him and stabbed the vulture picking him apart.

Either way, it was a most stressing situation, and Xemnas was seething pools of hatred that this maggoty meathead wasn't suffering along with him.

For whatever reason he refused to just relieve himself with his hand, and it had nothing to do with the fact that he was very horribly out of practice. Actually, why content with a hand when you had a whole body lying next to you, but unfortunately, said body was sleeping quite soundly, and goddamnit, if this man had been anyone other than Sephiroth he wouldn't be convulsing in a nervous fit. He wanted to jump him, just screw the silly psychosis out of him, but over the course of their time together he knew the experience would be short lived. The man was a very space conscious individual, and anything that got in his space was to be skewered and roasted, just like that mutated rat that Xemnas had had to get up to kill again this morning.

And Xemnas respected his space because, he as well, was a very space conscious individual, and he let very few people into that space. Aside from the swordsman and Elijah, no one else had had the pleasure of even brushing their shoulder against their leader. It might've had something to do with the obsessive compulsive thing, but since Xemnas was still in denial about it, it was off the table.

But back to the issue at hand, er, sort of.

I hate you. I hope your dick shrivels up and falls off. Xemnas hissed viciously at the man, who responded by shifting marginally in his sleep. Squeezing an eye shut, he cringed unpleasantly as a wave of heat shot through him, tugging at his abdomen as his erection refused to be ignored. He had to though, he didn't know quite what to say to it really, and he had a feeling it wouldn't take Sorry, not today as a plausible answer. His body had already had a taste of this delicious poison known as lust, and it wanted to make him an addict for as long as it could keep his rational mind knocked out.

Xemnas narrowed his eyes. He wanted to touch him.

Inching a bit closer to him, pausing only to gasp lightly as his needy length brushed against his thigh, sending a static stimulation clawing up his spine, he eyed a spot on the man's ridiculously muscled back, twitching a hand before reaching out and pressing his index finger to lightly warm flesh. He drew it back quickly, as one would do to a sudden burn, and waited for the man to whirl around and stab something blunt into his skull, but it didn't happen, he stayed just as dead as he was two seconds ago.

After a few more prods he'd thoroughly convinced himself to press a hand to his back, fingertips tightening over the top most shoulder blade before relaxing smoothly, allowing a digit to trace the bone from the tip and in towards his spine. His searching's paused for a moment over an odd scar running parallel to the right side of his spine. Frowning as he traced a finger over it, he figured it to be a sensitive spot as the man twisted the shoulder blade nearest to the mark. Interesting.

Sated with that now, Xemnas moved the finger to the nape of the man's neck, rubbing gently at the down soft hairs, before dragging his finger slowly down along his spine, watching with wild fascination the way the muscles about his spine contracted, back arching away from the nerve teaser, and a sharp hissing intake of breathe sounded from him. As he paused near the base of his spine, Xemnas waited for the slow exhale of breathe before his silver haired partner shifted suddenly onto his back, hand flailing out to land heavily on the Nobody's neck.

Catlike, patient, the golden eyed tormenter waited for Sephiroth to stop twitching his mouth and eyebrows, certain his breathing had evened out again, before worming his crushed hand out from beneath his back. Wiggling his fingers, he shivered lightly as his erection sent a signal to his brain again and growled lightly as his body began to flush with unfamiliar desire once more.

Distraction, he needed a distraction. Well, since he did have about three weeks off from work thanks to that bet, he decided he was going to take any available distracting outlet possible, and at the moment, there was a nice slab of meat next to him he was going to take advantage of.

Grasping the wrist of the hand resting over his neck, Xemnas raised up on his elbow, index finger rubbing at the bone joining his hand and wrist, sniffing lightly as he watched him for movement. Glancing down to a finger, he bent to one and licked it experimentally; No reaction. Running his tongue along another, reaching its tip, he pressed the digit within his mouth and began sucking on it; the silver haired man broke his train of breathing for a moment before settling back again, and the finger in Xemnas' mouth curled up like burning paper. Wicked smirk forming for a moment, the Nobody drew the finger from his mouth to the tip, grasping it between his teeth and bit down on the skin; He let the hand go quickly as a rolling growl sounded from his companion.

From his place at the very edge of the bed, perched on his knees, Xemnas waited for the bear to stop doing the disturbed sleeper dance and settle back under another thicket of slumber. He felt he'd been very close to death again. Okay, no finger biting.

Sidling over to him, Xemnas leered down at the sleeping beast with another wave of sudden disgust as he groaned uncomfortably. Tch. Just look at you. Oblivious to everything and everyone, selfish bastard. The swordsman lolled his head away from him. Hey! Hey! Don't you turn away from me damnit, I'm talking to you! Xemnas was ignored, again, which brought a rather irate feline noise from the man who, despite his better judgment, straddled the sleeping man's hips and raised a fist to punch him in the ear-Pause.

Golden eyes shifted as they glued to a spot beneath the swordsman's jaw where it connected with his skull, a small expanse of stretched skin, and a rhythmically pulsing vein was being forced to its surface. For whatever reason, and for the fact that the man seemed to have the sensitivity of a robot, Xemnas was certain he didn't have a heart. But there it was, the proof in the pudding, and despite being a dead man, the damn thing was still pumping life through his veins.

Confused as all hell, he pressed two fingers to the spot, feeling an unusually irresistible pull as it pulsed beneath his touch. It was weak and sluggish, as it should be-you know… 'cause he's dead-but the fact that it was there at all was enough to hook his interest. Xemnas flicked his eyes over to the man as his mouth parted slowly, a dulled sigh escaping him, but a reaction nonetheless, and Xemnas ran with it, bending low to run the tip of his tongue over the artery before sucking on it. The Nobody froze as the swordsman shifted his head against his, but it seemed he hadn't woken, and the gentle sigh was a significantly more pleasant sound than the one before.

With his tongue doing the vampire thing, Xemnas trailed his fingers over the rest of his body; over one collarbone, along one side of his chest, brushing a finger over a pale nipple-which was rewarded with a constricted gasp-along his toned stomach, changing course to a hip, having to press down through muscle to get to the bone. The Greeks would've loved this man for all his sculpted anatomy, but it made it rather difficult to screw with him while he slept if his body was the consistency of granite.

Irritated that his side-quest had been pointless-as they usually are-he went to draw his hand away, but as his little finger brushed against a spot on the inside of his hip, Xemnas pulled his head sharply away as the man let out a lilting sort of sound. Worried as hell, as that hadn't sounded at all like his voice, he watched Sephiroth's face fall back into place, mouth closing partially as he got knocked back into some other place again.

Did I do that? Brows furrowed, the dark skinned man bent a finger down and brushed the spot with a nail, receiving another clipped staccato-esque noise. Grinning evilly now, Xemnas tickled a small circle around the area and got himself hypnotized watching the impassive white haired man squirm about like a worm on a hook, which was really entertaining, because this was Sephiroth, and Sephiroth didn't squirm like a worm, maybe a snake, but not a worm. He was going to take full advantage of this because he might not get another opportunity to screw with him.

Needless to say, while his unconscious mind was having a hard time focusing on whatever empty dream he was having, his subconscious was reacting very nicely to Xemnas' ministrations. Said Nobody realized this after something long and hard began stabbing at his stomach, and he paused to stare down at it and wondered how the hell he'd missed Sephiroth's impressive length the night before. What the fuck is that? That's a Gila Monster not a penis.

But anyway, now he felt better because Sephiroth seemed to be under a similar amount of discomfort that he was, so all was well and good in the world once more. Of course, that also didn't solve the problem either, because now he was getting lightheaded from lack of blood in his brain. Without really thinking about it, and because the Idiots Guide to Homosexual Intercourse had given him the suggestion, he slowly stretched out over him, convulsing for a moment as his need ghosted against the other's, before settling his weight slowly, waiting in case a fist punched through his head.

Fidgeting for a moment as he found his balance atop him, Xemnas gave an experimental thrust of his hips, head swimming about as both men let out a harmonious groan. Okay, so, this was going on his list of favorite things to do to sleeping men. Slowly, gently, he roated his hips again, rubbing his throbbing erection against the other's, a stupid grin on his face as his eyes fell closed and a shudder coursed through his abdomen. Oh yes, this was going very high on his list of favorite things to do to sleeping men.

When he was able to open his eyes once more, Xemnas abruptly stopped his motions as a pair of bright green eyes bored into him. Shit. A startled cry was strangled half way as it left him, and as he made to pull away from the man a hand shot out and clamped around his throat. ShitShitShitShit!-Xemnas coughed as he felt his windpipe being crushed, and as a film of water stung at his left eye, he waited for the inevitable neck snapping noise as he struggled.

"Don't-"

Do that to me ever again you undersexed obnoxious excuse for a-Xemnas cringed.

"…S-stop."

Wait…that wasn't right…Xemnas was expecting to be pushing up daisies by now, but as he opened one of his eyes, he blinked rapidly as he tried to figure out if the man beneath him hadn't been secretly switched with someone else. The hand at his neck loosened considerably, allowing the Nobody to suck in large quantities of air, and as pale fingers hovered at the side of his neck, he watched a haze descend upon the swordsman's eyes, noting a look he couldn't quite place settle brokenly into his face.

Normally, he would've killed someone who even breathed on him while he slept, and since it'd never happened before, he wasn't sure what he would've done to someone if they'd begun molesting him while he slept. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that his arousal had made off with any semblance of sense left in his head, or that his sword was all the way in the living room, but Sephiroth wasn't compelled to make the trip to get the Masamune and jam it through Xemnas…the thought had crossed his mind though.

But he could think about it later. He was hurting now. A thread of stinging heat tugged at his abdomen, drawing a hissing sound from the green eyed man who curled his fingers about his partner's shoulder, attempting to get the muscles in his neck to work as he raised his head up.

"Xe…Xemnas." If you hadn't looked closely, you would've missed the small bit of begging, but for someone who usually misses things all the time, Xemnas had caught it surprisingly. Smiling none too mercifully, he lifted a tanned hip and wiggled it a bit, watching the man tense and shake as he groaned. Shifting into a gentle even rhythm once more, Xemnas hoped to get another odd sound out of the man, but he was back to reserved mode again. It was like he didn't want to relish the sensation and just let himself go, which bothered Xemnas enough to dig into his brain for the notes he'd written in his book.

Leaning down halfway, tips of his hair tickling the swordsman's neck and chest, he waited for the man to notice the distance and rose to close it, waiting for that kiss he was wordlessly awarded. When he came within a hairs breathe of his lips, Xemnas thrust his hips sharply against the others, grinning impishly as the lilting sound came out again. Sephiroth caught it too late and clamped his mouth shut, glaring irritably up at him as his face flushed red.

Raising his eyebrows innocently, Xemnas reached a hand down and lifted a pale hip from the bed, increasing the fervency of his thrusts. Resisting the action was difficult for the man of unshakable self-control, but as he'd already lost control of his own actions, thanks to Xemnas, there really wasn't much else left to control. Knowing he'd probably kill him later, Xemnas re-focused his attention on the soft cries and whimpers coming from the man, delighting in the helpless urgency painting the swordsman's face. He sounded absolutely miserable, but then again, Sephiroth never sounded anything but.

Achingly close to orgasm, the swordsman threaded a leg around Xemnas' waist, drawing him closer to grind desperately against him. He could sense the other hovering over him, somewhere, as ragged heated breath and unintelligible moans brushed against his face, but he was too worried about the lack of oxygen getting into his lungs and the tightness in his abdomen to pinpoint him.

Two more thrusts from him was all he could take, and the swordsman came with a throaty wavering gasp, body tensing against the strain, flinching marginally as Xemnas dug his fingers into his hip as he followed suit, a curious beaten animal sort of sound leaving him as he spilled his seed between them. Limbs shaking and deliciously sore, Sephiroth weakly gripped the shoulder of the body collapsed upon him, muttered a string of something before it eventually formed soft words.

"Now…put that mouth of yours to good use…and lick me clean."

As the man atop him shifted, Sephiroth opened his eyes and looked down with a languid smirk, expecting a cheeky grin from Xemnas. His grin died slowly as he was met with the toxic hatred coating the silver haired man's face, noting absently that the wood floors creaked ominously before darkness enveloped him.

--------------

"I appreciate your enthusiasm for punctuality, but this is a bit much, even for you." Marluxia smiled as Sephiroth obviously didn't find the pun funny in the least.

Normally he was used to seeing strange people perched on the steps of The Salty Dog, but those were either bums, furries, or the occasional youth that'd become rather taken with him. Sephiroth wasn't categorized in any of these groups, so to see him huddled sullenly on the steps in only a sheet…well, it demanded to be poked fun at.

"So…" The pink haired man shifted his weight, shifting the canvas messenger bag a bit to distract himself from laughing. "Shall I take this as a sign that you've won our bet? Or did I do the right thing bringing this with me," he added at length, raising an ominous baby pink bag up a bit by its handles.

Sephiroth didn't reply, but the look of seething irritation was enough to send a chill down his spine. It tickled actually, because he knew the man wasn't going to kill him since he had his salary by the balls.

Stepping around the man, fishing for the keys, he felt his overwhelming presence settle beside him as he pushed the door open onto the empty establishment. The eerie quiet of the place always bothered him a little; the silent darkness that clung to everything like taffy, but the warmth was what made this space easier to cope with.

As he eyed the Ghost of Christmas Future closing the door and locking it, Marluxia turned and padded through an Employee's Only door, a moment of silence reigning before the space was filled with an unobtrusive light from the overhead lamps. Taking a seat on a barstool, Sephiroth sighed blankly as his boss returned, tossing his bag to one side and selected a glass.

"Something light?" He questioned, watching the man twitch an eye before lolling his head languidly to one side.

"No. Tequila…and a damp cloth."

Marluxia frowned. "That bad?"

"And maybe a gun," he said at length, rolling his right shoulder a mite as he descended into a darker brood. "I think I'll have loads of time now…so I'm going to shoot kittens later."

Twitching his nose as he placed the glass in his hands along with the others, Marluxia's head vanished beneath the counter for a moment, coming up with a bottle of the requested drink and two shot glasses. Placing one before the man, he filled it to the brim and watched him practically inhale the stuff in less than a second, slamming the glass back on the counter and glowered.

The pink haired man sighed, filling a glass of his own and took an economized sip. "I think you and I need to talk."

--------------

He really had to thank the man for being a little shit, because cleaning while angry was an exceptionally satisfying way to release the emotion. In record time, Xemnas had the apartment inhumanly spotless, yet even that small triumph wasn't enough to stave off the soft crunching of his teeth as he ground them together.

Yes, perhaps he'd taken that comment a bit too personally since, after all, Sephiroth wasn't the most affectionate thing, but it still hadn't been enough to stop his mind from forming a portal beneath the man and stalking off towards the bathroom as he was promptly sucked down into it. He didn't know where it would drop him and he really didn't give a fuck, so long as he was no longer in his line of sight he was pleased.

"Oh just look at you, a heartless being getting all bent out of shape over something silly like that," he growled, then growled again as he became irritated with his shivering tensed limbs. He felt suffocated. He needed to go outside, take a walk or something, or better yet, go see about his next job…eh, that might have to wait, especially if he was going to be a Therapist.

Throwing on black pants, a gray turtle neck, and a black blazer, he hopped the rest of the way getting his boots on and whisked through the door. He paused outside for a moment before stalking back inside, shutting and locking all the windows and then abducted the spare key hiding in a crack near the base of the door before locking it. It would give him a significant amount of pleasure to know that Sephiroth wouldn't be able to get in and would have to sit outside naked somewhere.

Padding his way hurriedly down the stairs, ignoring and hissing at any breathing thing that got in his path, he kept on, clomping down the stairs, paying no heed to the unusual commotion coming from the ground floor until he ran headlong into a floor length mirror. When he came to there was a pain in his skull where a shard of glass had wedged between his eyes. He growled irritably at one of the concerned moving men as he crouched over him before pushing himself up and threw the shard at him.

"Goddamnit watch where you're going shit for brains!"

"Whoa, easy now, at least wait till we're done moving stuff in to bite off heads."

Looking about himself, he stepped reflexively away as a redheaded green eyed man got entirely too close to him all of a sudden. The smell of brimstone and roasted toffee covered peanuts was rolling off the man in waves, and Xemnas didn't even have to look at the tear shaped markings under his eyes to tell it was Axel.

"Tch, of course it'd be you," he muttered. "You're always in my way."

"Aw, now that's just cold. I thought you'd be happy to see me!"

"You killed my Academic."

"Eh…yeah…'bout that." Xemnas watched the porcupine scratch at his temple with a helpless expression, a semi-apologetic open mouthed smile on his face. His demeanor changed quickly as he waved a hand, folding his bony arms over his narrow chest. Xemnas noted that he really shouldn't be wearing a tank top, the same color as his hair, with that bulimic figure of his, and he frowned tiredly as it seemed his pants were having a hard time staying on his hips. If I hadn't been told otherwise I would've thought he'd just starved to death.

"But what a surprise, never thought I'd catch you around these dull parts. What'cha over for? Visiting friends?"

"I live here."

"Live…you live here? How long?"

"Little over five, six months maybe," Xemnas trailed off, looking to the ceiling, nodding gently before his searching gaze fell dead again. "And your just moving in I see."

"Actually, I've been here for close to a year now," he said with a shallow nod, looking to one side before stepping out of the way of a speaker. Xemnas sniffed a bit, finally noticing that he was on the third floor and peered oddly at Axel.

"You're not the lead singer of this band are you?" The lead singer that'll go out with some new thing he picked up off the street. (Excerpt from Ch. 3 courtesy of the Goddess)

"I am now," he responded, beaming with pride. A mover struggling upstairs got retinal damage as a spark of fire erupted in his face and he fell back down the stairs, shattering the vase and a table he'd been carrying. "The last guy got his nuts ripped off by some jealous chick. Band didn't want to deal with a eunuch, so they replaced him with yours truly. S'too bad though…he's got a lovely singing voice now."

"I'm sure." Xemnas flinched for a moment, knowing all too well that feeling of impending castration before his face evened out. "Who's moving in then?"

"I am!" Raising his eyebrows, he watched a blonde boy wearing trendy layers of clothing tear his way up the stairs, waving frantically till he skidded to a halt before the silver haired man and went unusually quiet. "I'm er…um…th-the new, eh, new gui-guitarist."

"Stop stuttering Number 9. It's unbecoming of a Nobody."

"Sorry sir." Demyx rubbed at a few strands of hair at the nape of his neck staring sheepishly at his red Converse's.

"Aw come on, lighten up on him, eh" Axel chided jokingly, waggling a finger before him. "We're not Nobodies anymore, remember? We're getting our second chance, right kid?"

Xemnas was unamused and he made it evident by narrowing his eyes pointedly. "Last I checked, 8, we died without hearts, therefore, still Nobodies." Turning to Demyx, who was still trying to find that elusive invisible thing hiding at his feet, he rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation.

"Oh please, cut the beaten animal look. I'm going to walk all over you if you don't grow yourself some damn teeth."

Demyx's head shot up at the unusual reprimand, sea green eyes widening as Axel toke a defensive step forward, pausing only when golden eyes bored holes into him and tattooed him to the spot.

"From what I've gathered, seems the music industry is quite ruthless," Xemnas began calmly, folding his arms loosely. "And seeing as you've already had experience with us, I'd suggest you apply that knowledge to this field as well."

The Nocturne gave the man a funny sort of look, something a new puppy might do when it didn't trust its new owner with the blowtorch behind its back as it waved a treat before it, but seeing as Xemnas' hands were in front of him, he had a feeling he wasn't hiding a mallet anywhere. As the realization sank in that the Superior was, for whatever reason, giving him a bit of morale boosting advice, the mulleted boy's face cracked under his bright smile, and before Xemnas could step away from him, found a nice new Demyx accessory attached to his chest, suffocating him in a fierce embrace.

"Thanks a bunch! I'll do my very best!"

Xemnas twitched and made a constipated sound. "Demyx."

"Ack! Sorry, sorry, sorry!" He pulled away sharply, flailing a bit as he realized he'd been sticking his head in the lion's mouth. He was once again thrown off balance when the Superior didn't beat the living tar out of him, but rather waved him off after he'd re-captured his fleeing composure.

"Don't worry about it…just don't do it again."

"Right. Yes. No touchy, touchy bad," Demyx replied with quick nods of his head, stepping briefly out of the way as a guitar case skittered by. "Oh, put that in the living room!-No, the other room…damnit-" And he stamped purposely off to direct traffic in the apartment once more.

Xemnas looked after him with an unreadable expression, mostly painted with fatigue as being around so many of his members-all of like, two-was stressing him a bit. He was still angry from earlier, and being around two of the most carefree people was like nails on chalk-board to him.

"You okay?" Axel said slowly, raising a small thin eyebrow as his leader seemed to be fidgeting with something in his pocket. The mage jumped slightly as his head snapped to him, face falling back to its usual stone.

"I'm fine."

"You sure? There's a vein the size of the Mississippi throbbing in your head."

"I know. It does that from time to time." He reached up and plucked the red animated vein and flung it to one side. "Don't worry about it."

"Well…if you insist," he trailed off, but didn't press the issue. There seemed to be something on the man's mind, and from previous experience, he knew not to stick his nose into it. After all, he was too low on the ranking scale to be nosey anyway, so it didn't surprise him at all that Xemnas was being so curt with him. That and well…the incinerated Vexen thing…yeah…and the getting the whole of Castle Oblivion in such an uproar, yeah, he'd helped out with that too…would make sense why he'd be a bit put off with him.

"Oh good, I was hoping you'd be able to walk by now."

Turning to the English voice, Xemnas glowered a bit as the last thing he wanted to deal with came ambling up the stairs. The blonde gambler had a sheen of sweat on him, and he was panting harshly-looked like he'd ran here from work-and for a moment he bent over his knees, catching his breath before straightening up and gave one final sigh. "And it seems you're still in one piece."

Xemnas raised an eyebrow. "In one piece?"

"Yeah, you know..." Luxord looked around leaning into him a bit. "The thing…"

"The thing…"

"Yeah…the…cannibal thing."

"Eh? Cannibal?"

"Oh he didn't tell you?" Luxord turned to regard Axel, noting with a bit of worry that the man still hadn't taken his advice and gone on that Golden Arches Diet he'd suggested. "Hannibal Lector screwed him silly last night-"

"He does not need to know that!" Two pairs of eyes watched their stoic leader shake in his boots with irritation, face bleeding with embarrassment before he calmed some, folding his arms over his chest and looked off haughtily. "Besides, contrary to my beliefs, he doesn't eat people."

"Bugger…that means you guys did it huh." A shadow fell over the blondes face.

"Whaaaa-Wait you did the nasty? Who with? Who with?! Whose the cannibal?!"

"Shut up Axel!"

"What about a cannibal?" Demyx had come back outside, whipping his hands on a dirtied cloth, a few smudges on his face as he looked from one party to the other.

"Hannibal, Hannibal the Cannibal," Luxord added eerily, raising a finger and pointing up.

"Nnneeh!? There's a cannibal living here?!" Demyx shrieked, dropping the cloth suddenly as his eyes contracted and he began dancing about in place. "Oh man oh man oh man! I'm movin out now!-Ack! Put that stereo back in the van! Not staying here!!"

"Will you all shut up!?" Xemnas growled and reached out, snagging the water boy by the collar of his shirt, pulled him back, and pushed him through the open door of the apartment. "For the last time Luxord, his name is not Hannibal."

"Ooooooo, so it's a he?" Axel grinned suggestively.

"But Xemnas, he did the Hannibal voice, it was bloody fucking creepy." He wasn't going to tell him that it was also bloody fucking sexy too, but his ride had chosen to make his presence known at that time.

"I don't see why you're all so surprised. I knew he was gay all along."

"Xaldin!!!"

Aforementioned Xaldin raised his head a touch, peering up at his leader over the tops of his dark glasses. He was wearing The Transporter outfit again and he'd just pulled his hand out from inside his jacket, cracking his knuckles lightly as he ascended the remainder of the stairs and slouched against the railing, eyeing his bristling leader with a thin smile.

"What? You look so surprised…oh, were you planning a coming out party? Damnit, sorry about that."

"I'm not coming out of anywhere, because there is nothing to come out about!"

"So you admit it then?"

"I admit to nothing."

"He's in denial," Luxord whispered to Axel none to quietly, who snickered in response, only to have the gambler hide behind him as their leader fixed him with a venomous glare. It faltered though, and soon, the shadows had settled again and a drained look passed over the silver haired man's face for a moment.

"Xemnas?" Xaldin wasn't an intrusive inquisitor, as he'd learned to be when he'd had the man snap at him at the many times he'd pressed a nerve, but he was an inquisitor none the less. After all, he'd been the first one to know of this rather strange developing relationship, not sure he wanted to call it that though.

"I need a drink," Xemnas said wearily, rubbing at his face and looked off at the ground for a moment. He felt his head begin to fill with all the useless mess from before, and for once, wished the obnoxious bantering of his members had continued. Xaldin frowned as the man reached up to scratch at his head, sizable bits of hair detaching themselves and flaking away from him. He's stressed out…apparently sex didn't solve this one, Luxord.

The gambler sneezed suddenly, breaking the silence and glared about, trying to decide who was talking about him this time.

"Well…after the move in, the guys and I were gonna go find some club to invade," Axel offered gently, shifting uneasily as he wasn't sure exactly what was going on here.

"Actually, that was why I'd come here," Luxord backed up, going to prolong having to pick up Xemnas' uniform as long as he could. He tried to convince himself that he'd be merciful and not make him wear it, but this was Xemnas he was talking about, and even if he was nice, he was still a bitch. "Found this place Upstairs, the name eludes me at the moment, but it's got a nice clubbish sort of feel to it."

"Do they have alcohol?" Xemnas wasn't into the idea of clubbing. Clubs had people, lots of them, and it was just wrong to send a Nobody into a crowd of Somebodies. Teasing the dog with a bone is frowned upon.

"Yeah, pretty good stuff so I here."

"Bet you its ass expensive," Axel groaned. He probably couldn't even afford a glass of water at one of those places.

"Expensive or not, if they have alcohol, I'll be there," Xemnas muttered.

"Now that's what I'm talking about. Gotta do the adventurous thing!" Xemnas had a feeling that Luxord didn't get it, or maybe his idea of adventure was seeing if he could drink himself into a bottle. He was British after all. "They play a lot of 80's music, which is why I like it. Can't stand all this new noise they've got around these days-"

"80's?! Who said 80's?! What about 80's?!" It was amazing that even in death, Demyx still had that selective hearing thing going on.

"We're going out tonight kid," Luxord said with a grin, draping his arm over his shoulder as the boy began to dance in place. "And I take it you'll be joining us?"

"You said 80's music, how could I not!"

"But you're not having a bit of alcohol."

"Aww, but Xaldi---n."

"No but's, you're still underage, kid."

"Xaldin I'm dead! I'm gonna be stuck this way for, like, ever. Let me live a little!"

"Don't sweat it, I'll spot you," Luxord said, snickering evilly and sending the dred locked man an impish smile. The blue eyed man scowled, rolling his eyes a bit before turning his attention to his still rather distraught looking leader, tilting his head, but tried to keep the concern from his voice. He could never do it though. Even without a heart, it came naturally.

"Xemnas?"

"Hm." The golden eyed man knew what his question was; Are you feeling well enough to come with us? And though he would've thrown a brick at his head for doing the father thing again, he did have to consider the prospect of going with them. He did need the distraction, but he also didn't want to be placed in an unfamiliar atmosphere, especially an intoxicatingly frenzied one. He wasn't a go-out-and-do-shit sort of person, as he preferred the company of himself and maybe a shoebox with a smiley face on it.

Feeling an unsteady silence hanging in the air, noting the various eyes trained upon him, he felt oddly comfortable to be regarded as such; a familiar leaderish comfort. Raising his head marginally, he shifted a bit and looked back up the flight of stairs he'd come from, wondering perhaps, if he just needed a break from his partner's presence in order to sort himself out. He did his best thinking on his own, well, as best as could be expected. He was a scientist after all, and usually his thinking turned to hair brained ideas after a time.

"I'm going to feel old."

"Old?"

"Yes, old," Xemnas repeated, turning back to them and rubbed the tip of a nail at the lobe of his ear, quirking his mouth oddly. "You're dragging me to an 80's club after all, and I don't want to be sober through any part of it."

That was about as close to a Yes, I'm going damnit as they were going to get, and after Demyx flipped out and jumped in a small circle, darting back into the apartment screaming something about hair gel, the atmosphere thinned out once more and each went back to a more loosened stance.

"Well, in that case, gotta speed up this move then," Axel nodded, breaking from the group and took the stairs to the ground floor in two's. He paused at the bottom and yelled up; "How's 9 sound?"

"9's good!" Luxord began, turning to look at Xaldin, who nodded, before confirming the time to the red head. Pushing away from the rail, Xaldin cracked his neck loudly, to which both Luxord and Xemnas cringed a little before the dark haired man turned to his former leader.

"I'll pick you up at 7 then, is that alright?"

"Yes." Xemnas wondered why he'd even asked. He was going to pick him up at 5:30 regardless.

"Good. That should give you enough time."

"Time to do what?"

"Get…dressed?"

"…I'm already dressed."

"Oooo, your not goin like that laddie," Luxord chided him, shaking his head.

"And what's wrong with what I'm wearing," he growled menacingly. He was very miffed because he didn't see anything wrong with his attire. He'd been feeling unhealthily cold lately, and even if this thick turtle neck made it difficult to move about, so long as he didn't loose any more of the warmth he was poor at producing on his own it was fine in his eyes.

"Well, first off, your going to die in all that, second off, the less clothes you wear, the more eyes you attract."

"I don't want to attract anything. We already have a pest problem around here and we don't need any new additions." Luxord made to add something lewd to that when Xemnas rolled his eyes and waved him off, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "Fine, fine, I'll find something else. I probably have some shrunken thing lying around."

"I keep telling you it wasn't me!"

--------------

These peaches are probably old.

In his time working this place, Marluxia had always requested his employees leave a spare change of clothing. He'd thought it was a silly idea at the time, but Sephiroth hadn't been more pleased with himself that he'd taken his advice and stashed a uniform in a cabinet with dried fruit. Unfortunately, his boss hadn't forgotten about the fun end of their bet, and had replaced his uniform with this god awful thing he was wearing now.

Currently, he was trying to decide if the ominous looking peaches floating about in the can were edible enough to put in Sangrea. Well, he'd thought they were peaches, they looked like dates now. He looked at the label, yep, peaches, so then what's with the transmogrification thing? After Marluxia sent him a warning glance to toss them out, as he'd already been going through the motions of picking them out and tossing them in a serving dish, he muttered irritably and let the kitchens garbage disposal kill the things off.

"Such a kill-joy."

"I know, it sucks having a Grade A establishment, but I'd like the food inspectors to keep their hands out of my wallet." Pausing for a moment as he placed a few more glasses into a rack, motioning for one of his workers to take it up front, Marluxia turned to his favorite bartender who was cutting apples at a dizzying pace. It always made him a little nervous watching him, but he figured since he was dead he'd grow his fingers back if they were lopped off. "Have you given any thought to what I said earlier?"

"Bountiful amounts in fact." Which was code for No, actually, I was too distracted by the prospect of getting to cut things to really give a flying fuck. The silver haired man paused though as a hand curled about the wrist holding the knife, ceasing his motions and, oddly, he didn't feel compelled to slam the blade into his boss's neck. Might've had something to do with a huge decrease in salary as the consequence.

He grumbled. "Let me handle this my way."

"Hm, alright, I'll be waiting back here for the news of your break up then."

"Tss, there's nothing to break if there wasn't anything there to begin with."

"Such a petulant child you are," Marluxia sighed, rolling his eyes and peered into a bowl of strawberries as a man with blonde hair presented them to him. "They should be fine, but check them again anyway. Listen to me, really," he said, turning back to the man who'd diced three oranges, five apples and a banana in that time. "You're not very good with eloquent words, so you might want to just say as little as possible."

"Anything else you want your one trick monkey to do?"

"Sephiroth."

"I have this most interesting talent of quartering Olives with my feet."

"And I have this most interesting way of making straight men squirm."

The swordsman growled and went back to murdering fruit, head bent low and intent on ending this conversation. His patience was having a fit, but to reassure the man so he'd leave him be, he cracked one of his knuckles, tilting his head a mite as he reached for a kiwi. "Give me space then." He had three kiwi's diced and was now working on cutting apples that were needed for a tart. "I can't think with you looming over me."

"Well, I do have that affect on people." And he backed away slowly as the man sent him a venomous look which didn't interrupt his motions of tossing fruit pieces into a bowl. "Alright, fine, I'll stop looming, your grace." He needed to find this man more Tequila, he was infinitely more agreeable when he wasn't sober.

--------------

"My teeth are numb, is that okay?"

"Means your buzzed Xemnas, s'fine, dun worry 'bout it."

"Oh, okay…what's that?"

"Think it's a Daiquiri….I dun remember…Did'ya order it?"

"I don't know…Did I? I can't remember."

Luxord and Xemnas were leaning their heads against each other, arms folded and resting against the table as they stared at the drink that'd been placed before them, trying to figure out where it'd come from and who'd coughed up the dough to get it here. They were giving it an excessive amount of scrutiny, when a hand cut into view and removed the drink.

"Oh sweet! Free drinks!" Axel downed the thing thoughtlessly, setting the glass back on the table before working his way back out to the dance floor on the far left of the building. Luxord and Xemnas stared at the empty glass.

"He drank our Daiquiri." Luxord pushed the glass around with a finger.

"He did."

"Right'n front of our faces."

"Bastard."

"…"

"…Whose was it again?"

"I dunno, but Imma get me a B52."

"A who with the what now?"

"B52, want one?"

"No, sounds painful."

"How about water?"

"Water's Demyx's job, I'll get him to get me water."

"M'kay." As Luxord staggered to his feet, he was too alcoholically happy to note the heavy thud of Xemnas' head cracking against the table. Face stinging considerably, but too pleased with his state of mind to throw a chair at him, Xemnas dragged his arms closer to him, turning his face to one side and rested his cotton stuffed head against them as he drifted. He swore he could feel the earth moving as a rising sensation took over his body, and he was just about to doze when a wine glass was placed before him.

Raising his head sluggishly, he peered into the glass, noting that no alcohol was in it, damnit, but there was a small square of sticky notes and a blue ball point pen resting inside. Sticking a finger in, he eyed the topmost note and smiled a bit at the words Hey stranger printed in neater handwriting then he could remember on it…or maybe it was neat handwriting because everything was very neat to him at the moment.

Lolling his head against his shoulder as he leaned against the elbow of his right arm, he stared languidly up at the familiar looking man dressed in a black navy uniform, which made him smile only because said figure was wearing no shirt, sporting a red scarf tied about his neck, and a blazer that just barely fit him. Everything seemed to fit very annoyingly tight on him, which might've had something to do with the fact that he was about six foot something, and the white lines running up the sides of his tight black pants only emphasized the figures height.

After looking him over, toe to head, Xemnas plucked the pen over-exaggeratedly from the empty glass and scrawled a returning message before handing it to the man, who took a considerably long time to read the words Hey there sailor before grinning thinly.

Placing the bottle of Chianti on the table along with a second glass, Sephiroth removed the small lamp obstructing his view of Xemnas before taking a seat across from him, filling their glasses with almost deliberate motions as he sniffed lightly. Sliding the pen over to his side of the small table, ripping off the previous note, he wrote: Peace offering accepted? Before sliding the message over to Xemnas who stared intently at it, or tried to, he kept swaying, before removing the pen from his grasp, spending about five minutes writing before sliding the pad back over to him.

Does peace offering come with sex?

Raising a thin eyebrow, Sephiroth smirked and began composing a small novelette before sliding the note back over to him.

It can be arranged.

He watched a ghost of a smile shadow Xemnas' face, noting that he really liked him in black. The swordsman was surprised he even recognized the man with his hair slicked back, black collared shirt unbuttoned to show an indecent amount of tanned chest, and from the way the light was playing off them, he figured he was wearing leather pants and boots to tie off the effect. He was getting antsy just looking at him, and it didn't register that he'd passed the pad of sticky notes back over to him until Xemnas tapped the pen pointedly against the table.

You're pillow talk sucks.

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow and replied.

Your efforts to molest me without waking me suck.

Xemnas' face froze and he tried to figure out how to breathe again before hurriedly scrawling.

You were awake that whole time?!

Sephiroth rolled his eyes.

Of course I was awake. Being in the military forces one to be a light sleeper.

Xemnas shook his head in confusion.

Then why didn't you stab me?

The green eyed man smirked.

Why didn't I, indeed. That's certainly the question, isn't it?

Xemnas lowered his eyes for a moment, trying to hide the amused smile in the process, but as his mind grew distracted by the red liquid swirling in the glass beneath him, he watched pale fingers slide the pad of paper and pen away from his side of the table, waiting for Sephiroth to finish writing before sending it back this way.

My boss, Marluxia (I'm sure you know him) told me what you are.

Silver head shot up at the mention of both Marluxia's name and also the knowledge that Sephiroth had been told of his Nobodiness. He leaned fervently across the table, mouth parting to try and explain to him, but two fingers silenced him, sliding down to grip his chin possessively as he made to pull away and hide in on himself. He felt suddenly vulnerable, uncomfortably so, and those green eyes searching his, weeding into his emptiness weren't helping him feel any better.

Bending his head a moment, he scrawled a slow hesitant response.

Forgive me, I was meaning to tell you at some point.

Releasing his hold on the man, Sephiroth plucked the pen from his grasp, downing the rest of his wine before turning to the task at hand as Xemnas refilled it.

There's nothing to apologize for. I wasn't expecting any sort of rush from you…You're terribly slow, do you know that? You even talk slowly, well, when you're not being aggravated.

Xemnas rolled his eyes and jotted down a barely legible response. He was getting aggravated.

I don't need you to tell me that. He paused in mid thought, frowning stressfully before continuing on, slowly, before passing the square of paper back to him. Now that you know what I am, do you really want to continue with this…relationship?He

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow as he wrote his reply.

I wasn't aware there was a relationship between us.

Xemnas turned an interesting shade of irritated red and scrawled a few words down.

Well we might as well have one…we sort of, well, kind of had sex.

The swordsman made a weird face.

That wasn't legitimate sex. You still won't let me screw you properly.

Xemnas did an imitation of Axel, scratching at the side of his head as a laughing sort of smile spread over his face, writing out:

Well, er, yeah…'bout that. He paused to get stressed out again before continuing on and passed the paper back over to him. I think it's just anxiety.

What's to be nervous about?

Xemnas gave the man a long blank look before scribbling out:

Well forgive me for not being blunt, but sex has a very adverse affect on my brain.

As well as your body. Sephiroth wondered if the blacking out thing was normal. He'd had women lay around for a few minutes, some of them regressed back to the third grade and spouted nonsense, but he'd never had anyone actually fall unconscious. Damn, maybe we was good.

Xemnas looked off for a moment, watching Xaldin try to pry a drink from Demyx's grabbing hands some ways off, before his focus got lost on the tangling limbs obstructing his view. A gentle tapping on his hand brought his attention to the paper before him with a new addition.

What is it about sex that makes you nervous?

He frowned, unsure of how to respond to that, but eventually the Nobody came up with something.

I think I'm afraid I won't feel it.

Sephiroth seemed a bit annoyed by this response, but if he was he didn't show it as confusion seemed to be the focus of his facial expressions.

I don't understand.

Xemnas sighed and tried to ignore the little rain cloud hovering over his head.

Well, simply put, Nobodies don't have hearts, and without a heart, we lack one of the integral parts of what it is to be human: emotion. Every emotion I express I've had to analyze in order to portray it correctly, though sometimes I'm unable to properly imitate the correct emotion for a situation.

A light bulb hovered over the swordsman's head for a moment before he wrote:

Oh…so is that why you look constipated sometimes?

Xemnas twitched.

I look constipated? Fuck. Yes, that's why. It's because I'm having a hard time with some emotion…Goddamnit, I really look constipated?

Yes…You might want to get that looked at.

When Xemnas didn't reply to that, Sephiroth decided to prod him a bit more after finishing off his third glass of wine.

You're putting too much thought into this No Heart thing.

When Xemnas continued to remain silent, Sephiroth kicked his shin and brushed off the irritated glare that followed the yelp of pain. He tapped the pen against the sticky note with the message of I told you to stop thinking about it printing across it.

Golden eyes narrowed as he hissed at him, but became distracted as the swordsman refilled his glass. Sephiroth's plan was to somehow get the man drunk enough to forget about his angst, as well as get loose enough for him to hopefully get some tonight, but after the fifth glass everything was starting to get very fuzzy.

Marluxia, from his vantage point behind the bar counter, watched two silver haired men crack up about nothing and attempt a game of tic-tac-toe. Each round was ended with a five minute argument about who had been X's and O's, who somehow cheated, and some jab about Sephiroth's phallic sword.

He sniffed lightly, arms folded as he narrowed his eyes, trying to decide whether or not to be savagely jealous or somewhat sated that his favorite bartender had seemed to sort himself out for the moment. It had certainly come as a surprise when he'd found out that not only was his ex-leader the swordsman's partner, but also the root of all his frazzled behavior.

He wasn't really sure why it irritated the fuck out of him to see Xemnas with his employee, which he'd intended of dragging him down a dark alley to do horrible things to him or something (He highly doubted he'd be able to drag the man, but if he knocked him out and rented a forklift he could do it).

Sighing a little, he decided that he wouldn't be able to win that fight. Yes, the Marly thingy had Flower Power of Epic Proportions, but against Xemnas, who was the man at the top, and not just a leader for nothing, he also didn't want to know how he would react if he started moving in on Sephiroth…or wait…actually…that would be sort of entertaining, watching Xemnas bust a gasket and be entirely confused about why he was freaking out.

A small smile formed on his face. He was feeling like Zexion. But first he had to help up one of his customers and mop the vomit off the floor.

And over in corner number two, Sephiroth's plan of plastering Xemnas was failing, because after the Nth bottle of wine, they were both bent over a sticky note trying to figure out what was written on it. Actually, they'd gotten bored of playing with the X's and the O's and had gone on to Pictionary. Unfortunately, Xemnas' drawing looking sort of like a duck with a thyroid problem, or maybe it was an otter with a tumor? Either way, they never would be able to figure it out when a rather drunken Luxord tripped over an invisible rug, sending him reeling back into Sephiroth, cracking him over the head with a beer bottle, and Xemnas stared at the slumped silver haired figure on the floor mournfully as the Flurry of Too Much Dancing Heat came over and poked the back of the man's head.

"Jesus Luxord, what the hell did you do?!"

"I'din't do anythin…musta juss passed out I guess."

"You think it might have something to do with that broken beer bottle in your hand?"

Luxord raised the neck of what remained of his Jack Daniels and smiled thinly. "Oh, there tis, been lookin for it all night and why's it empteh? Did somebody drink this? Where was I?" Shrugging lightly, he finally noticed the speck of vaguely familiar silver hair, waltzed over to it, and slung an arm around his shoulders. "Heya, Xemnas, you okay? You dun look sa good."

"Screw you hippie, thanks to you I'm not getting any sex tonight!"

And Luxord saw lots of darkness after Xemnas' fist knocked him into next Thursday. We woke up much later, lying in a corn field wearing Xemnas' uniform with a horny cow looming over him.

----

Mille: Wow. Show of hands, who thinks this chapter sucked monkey balls::Raises hand::

Sephiroth: ::Raises hand:: What's to like? I got slugged by a drunken Englishman with a beer bottle.

Xemnas: I think that was the best part of the whole fic.

Mille: Damnit, that's a bad sign then. I'm loosing my funny touch. The walls are closing in on me. Can't breathe. Dying from lack of inspiration. Out of my mind, be back in five.