SOY: I thought this part would be done with just three chapters total, but I was wrong. It's going to be four, so there's going to be one after this, and then we move onwards!

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Rating: T

Warnings: second of a series of connected stories under the name 'Takane no Hana'. Fix-it fic for XXXHolic, takes place at the start of volume 14 of the manga. Will branch out of canon and move on from there.

Disclaimer: I do not own CLAMP manga.

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Ripples of Fate

Chapter 02 – The Resolution

"Yuuko-san…"

There were mainly three things Yuuko did in order to take full advantage of her stolen extra time; drinking her weight in sake was one thing, and enjoying leisurely as much good food as she could was another.

Ever since Watanuki had entered her shop, signalling the start of the end, Yuuko had in fact been able to overindulge in many of her favourite dishes; Watanuki was not just a very good cook, but one who put his very heart into every meal, and even though he did not know it (and how could he, when he had no idea of his own heritage?), his food had a distinctive, particular flavour to it that reminded Yuuko of that person.

It was a bittersweet thing, really, because in the end, that was the only thing she had left of him –memories, and that faint, fleeting taste in Watanuki's food that she could always recognise.

Considering this, her reaction whenever he was mentioned or even just hinted at was more than justified, as were the things she said about him to anyone who was listening. In the end, he was dead, and she wasn't… though not for long, now. But the fact remained that she was still here, seeing through things until that time arrived.

The third thing she enjoyed was, obviously, teasing her part-timer. That ranked above the other two in her mind, and it brought Yuuko countless hours of amusement.

It wasn't like Watanuki couldn't take a bit of tease –it was his genuine, overly expressive reaction to her teasing that made Yuuko want to continue. He looked more alive like that than he did normally, reacting to the actions of others, and she knew that she was not the only one who felt this way. Yes, if it did not hurt, then she would just have to continue.

So, all things considered, one could say that she was having fun. It had not been this fun in a long while.

"What is it, Watanuki?" she glanced over her shoulder, and found her dear part-timer openly fidgeting.

"I… that is, I wanted to ask…"

Without regards to his attempts, she easily interrupted him by looking up at the sky and exhaling loudly. "Ararara, today is quite the hot day, isn't it? Maybe we should put out the pool and fill it!"

"Oh, that would be nice!" Mokona agreed, bouncing down from her shoulder.

Watanuki looked at her, hesitating for a moment. "Ah… yes, I guess I could do that, but–"

"And prepare some snacks to go with it too of course!" she added slyly, her grin growing as she looked away from him, knowing full well that he would agree. "It wouldn't be perfect if there wasn't peach sherbet with one of your mille-feuille!"

"I have the ingredients to do that yes, but–"

"Watanuki, be a good boy, why don't you go get the pool outside first?"

She watched him slump a little and turn around, hurrying out of the room, his footsteps echoing in the corridors together with his distraught mumbling.

Yuuko and Mokona exchanged a shit-eating grin.

"He is full of determination today, Watanuki~" Mokona rubbed his chin.

"Of course, of course, he wants something and he is trying so hard to ask for it!" Yuuko leaned down, one hand covering her mouth as if to convey a secret.

"We should make it even harder for him to do that," Mokona added, mimicking the pose. "Otherwise it wouldn't be fun!"

"Of course we should!"

The two shared a look of complete understanding, then they watched Watanuki flail as he tugged and pulled the heavy pool out of the store room and into the front lawn, then brought the hose out and started to fill it.

"Watanuki, hurry up! The day's just started, and I want to lounge outside later on!" she called out. "It's going to be sunny all week, and I have a lot of plans!"

"Ah, about that, I–"

"Tuesday will be laundry day as usual, so you'll have to work hard~" she started counting off the days, and Watanuki nodded, still busy filling up the pool and keeping an eye out for the water level.

"Of course, the linen blankets and all your kimonos need to be put out to get some fresh air too–"

"Yes, yes, and Wednesday is the day I invited over Doumeki-kun for a round or two of mah-jong~"

"Wait a moment why is Doumeki coming over?!"

"I just said it, didn't I? Watanuki, are you getting deaf at the ripe age of–"

"I'm definitely not getting deaf!"

"Well then, make sure to prepare some of your angel cakes, Doumeki seems to enjoy them so much~"

"Don't order me around to feed that guy!"

"And I think Thursday might be the best day for doing an inventory day, wouldn't it Watanuki?" she continued, careful to keep a neutral expression and not smirk when she noticed his expression fall.

"Oh, I… I guess so?" he replied, fidgeting a bit. "But… Yuuko-san, I…"

"Then of course Friday you'll have to go see that nice woman for your very first cooking lesson! Aren't you proud, Watanuki? You're going to be a real teacher!"

By now, Watanuki looked completely defeated, and more than a little bit haunted at the prospect of the cooking lesson, so Yuuko decided she'd had enough fun for now.

She allowed him to finish filling the pool, then she shooed him away as she changed clothes and into her best costume before sliding into the water. It was nice and cool against her skin, just as she'd hoped.

Watanuki returned a little while later with a tray holding two cups of sherbet and the mille-feuille Yuuko had asked; he seemed somewhat subdued as he served her and Mokona, who was swimming in the pool and splashing around, and Yuuko smiled indulgently, poking Watanuki in the forehead until he looked up at her.

"Watanuki," she said, her smile softening ever so slightly. "Why don't you just say what you've been trying to say since a while ago?" she stretched in the pool, tilting her head back to better enjoy the warm sun on her skin, a nice contrast with the cool water. "If you do not spit it out, a spirit might get your tongue…"

Predictably, his reaction was just as she had been expecting –he was startled and almost dropped the tray with the snack, but recovered pretty quickly and placed it down before grabbing the edge of the pool, looking right into Yuuko's eyes. "That is not something that can happen, right Yuuko-san?" he waited for her to say something, and when she didn't, he paled. "… right?"

"Watanuki".

"Y-yes?"

It was always the right time for a little lesson, especially one that would come in handy.

"There is nothing in this world as important as communication. It doesn't have to be with words, as there is more to it than just language. Sometimes a gesture or a look is enough, but you can risk getting misunderstood… sometimes even words are not enough, and sometimes words might be too much. All requires balance, and language is not exempt".

She stretched her legs out of the pool, droplets falling down the curve of her thighs in a provocative way, though as usual the effect was lost on Watanuki, who was focused more on her words.

"This is especially obvious when you want something. What you want and what you need end up being different things too, depending on the way you convey your desires, but either requires you to find a way to reach out to someone else so that there is the least chance for misunderstandings. Language connects people, but it can also be a barrier…" she paused, and her gaze pointed ahead, lost in the distance looking at something Watanuki could not see. "Tell me, Watanuki, what do you think is the opposite of communication?"

Watanuki blinked and was clearly taken aback, because it took him a while to focus on her question enough to find an answer.

"Uh…"

"Chinmoku".

Watanuki frowned, not following the conversation but somewhat intrigued either way. "Chinmoku?"

"Chinmoku: an absence of sound or action, idleness, stillness, the reluctance or restriction upon oneself to act upon something, silence," Yuuko recited idly, a languid smile gracing her lips, one hand raised above her head to shield her face from the sun. "That is what is written in the Kodansha dictionary, second edition," she added after a second, her tone instantly lighter.

"What is this return to the dictionary definitions for!" as usual, Watanuki's reaction was refreshing. He cleared his throat and settled down next to the pool, pouting a bit. "So it is silence?"

"Whether the other person understands you or not, as long as you are communicating somehow you are still reaching out, but silence implies there is no attempt to bridge the spaces that separate us from others. It's not a mere lack of words, but a will to keep something to yourself. It does not matter if you have a reason for it, because as long as you refuse to reach out, you end at an impasse. Silence can choke you, and your world ends up limited by itself, and by your own thoughts. No exchange can be made, no understanding reached".

Watanuki fidgeted, pushing his glasses up his nose in a self-conscious way. "B-but you said a gesture is enough to convey something, so even if you don't talk…"

"It is not a matter of gestures, surely you understand".

Yuuko looked over at him, shifting in the pool until she was sitting up, rivulets of water falling from her shoulders down.

"When you are reluctant to reach out, that silence makes you shut yourself away, and no gesture can fill that emptiness," she stretched one hand towards the abandoned tray, picking one sherbet glass and lifting it to her lips. "It becomes a void, and it curls around you like a vine, until it traps you. Words can tie you down, but silence is a self-imposed cage, which is worse than any spirit could ever be".

She waited a beat, then her countenance changed, and she grabbed a small water gun she'd hidden behind the pool, pointing it at Watanuki's face and shooting him until he started spluttering and trying to cover his face with his arms.

"Yuuko-san!"

"So! You wouldn't want to end up like that, isn't that right? Watanuki! Speak your mind! Good kids like you can afford to ask for what they want, you know~"

Watanuki took a deep breath, and swallowed thickly.

"I… I want to ask for a day off!"

He was expecting… something, but the knowing look in Yuuko's eyes was not it.

"Is that it?"

"Wha… I mean, yeah, I just… I want to…" he hesitated, but remembering Haruka's support helped Watanuki go on. "I have been invited to go back to Touya-san's house. I know you told me not to be hasty, but I…"

"Watanuki," she paused, the palm of her hand caressing the curve of Watanuki's cheek. "I told you, didn't I? Make sure you know what you want, and don't look back if it is your choice. Do you desire to see them again, or is it just a polite agreement?"

He sighed. "I want to go, I really do. If I hadn't wanted to, I would have refused. If I had thought they were scary, or dangerous, I wouldn't have accepted".

"Not even if they wanted you to?" she pressed on. "Not even if they made it sound like you had no choice?"

He shook his head. "No".

"Aren't you a good kid," she replied with a smile, and let his chin go.

If Touya and Yukito had found him earlier, even just a month before, Watanuki's choice might have been different. He might have felt obliged to indulge the invitation rather than accept because of his own desires. He might have not even thought to refuse, and he would have put someone else's interests in front of his own, and then that thread stretching from Watanuki to Touya, thin and forgotten as it was, would have forged something forced, and not genuine. Watanuki would have felt tied down, and it wouldn't have allowed anything spontaneous to form.

It didn't matter that Touya had good intentions –for Watanuki it would have been the same as if it had been a dangerous spirit. But now, Watanuki had changed, and the ripples of his changes continued to expand through time, changing the way he looked at himself, and the way he reacted to the world, putting more importance to his own desires and the things he could, and would, do.

"So… does that mean I can have a day off?" there was hope written all over his face, in his words and in his stance, slightly tilted forwards, eyes wide in surprise.

He looked young, so young. Yuuko had to look away, else her smile turned wistful.

Instead, she smirked. "Well, I'm not yet sure about that… perhaps if you were to offer a good deal, I might be convinced to part from you for the entirety of a day… but it depends on what you intend as a payment for such a thing… you are quite the expensive part timer, you know…"

By now, Watanuki was smiling brightly, knowing exactly the kind of thing Yuuko would gladly accept as payment for this 'wish', and it was something Watanuki had no problem promising.

"What about hayashi rice, chirashi-zushi and uiro?"

"Uiro~ we haven't had that in a long time~" Mokona was sold already, and he started wriggling around in the pool, trying to reach the edge so he could jump on Watanuki. "Watanuki, I want kasutera too!"

Watanuki glared down at him, knowing full well that his battle was not with Mokona but with Yuuko, then rolled his eyes. "Kasutera, too," he amended. Then seemed to think up of a way to sweeten the deal. "With a bottle of rice Shouchuu".

"Then it's a deal~" Yuuko smirked in victory. "Now that is what I'd call a kingly meal!"

With Watanuki smiling and running around to get her an extra serving of sake, just because he was that happy, Yuuko allowed herself a small, secretive smile that she shared with Mokona.

"Well then," she told him. "We'd better make that meal count, right?"

"Watanuki-kun!"

Himawari waved one hand towards him in greeting, and her little yellow bird fluttered up from her shoulder and towards Watanuki, peeping in happiness as he moved around his head.

"Ah, Himawari-chan, I'm here!" Watanuki held up the bento boxes with a winning smile, and promptly sat down next to her, ignoring the ball of fluff zooming everywhere. "Hmm? Where's Doumeki?" Watanuki looked around, not noticing the imposing figure of the third member of their little lunch group, and frowned. He'd prepared that oaf food, but if he wasn't even there, what was the point?

"He's going to arrive a bit later," Himawari told him. "He had to print some papers for his next class, and said we could start without him".

Watanuki nodded, somewhat relieved, and the two started to eat.

"So, what did you do this past weekend?" Himawari asked as she fed Tanpopo a piece of sushi.

"I had to do a commission for Yuuko-san," Watanuki replied with a shrug. "She sent me all the way to Asakusa to retrieve payment for her".

He quickly told Himawari about his trip and the two men he'd met; it was almost a ritual to share with Himawari and Doumeki the things he did for Yuuko, and other than the spider grudge and the subsequent sharing of one eye, Watanuki had been always honest with Himawari about supernatural things.

"Makes you wonder what their wish was," she said afterwards, pausing with a bite of rice in front of her lips. "Giving away their rings like this…"

"Yeah…" Watanuki looked down at his hands, hesitating before touching where a ring would go if he ever had one.

Meeting someone who had been with another person for so long, who still looked very much in love, and who had not hesitated to give away the token of their relationship just to see their otherwise unattainable wish granted… it made Watanuki aware that he had never entertained the idea of marriage before, nor about finding someone that might become so precious that he'd want to spend over twenty years with them.

Finding someone to love… oh, even when crushing on Himawari, he had never considered what might come 'after'. He had just liked her in the present, not thinking about the possibility of a future together.

Even before knowing about the curse Watanuki hadn't spared a thought about having Himawari return his feelings, or turn that into something deep and lasting. Thinking about that now made something stir inside him –and that something did not feel warm and hopeful. It felt cold, foreign.

Watanuki swallowed thickly and glanced up at Himawari. She was smiling, she was at his side, and he couldn't have been happier with that, and with their friendship. And he still liked her, she still made him happy. But the thought of her returning his crush… no, that was…

That was…

Uncomfortable.

Holding her hand, going on a date, k-kissing… Watanuki had never allowed himself to think about these things, and it was with a growing alarm that he realised he had never considered any of these things –long-term relationships, contact. Love.

He looked down at his hands again, and gritted his teeth; was this more proof that he was living a dream? That he wasn't real, that his thoughts and his feelings could vanish one day and he would be gone?

Did he know… had he always known, somehow, that he would disappear one day?

Maybe he'd known, but with his memories gone, only his body remembered. Was this why he'd never had any friends before meeting Yuuko? It was true that she'd been the one to push him to talk with Doumeki and Himawari, even though afterwards it had been his choice to keep the contact until they were strangers no more.

Was this why Shaoran kept telling him to not disappear? How could Shaoran, of all people, have an interest in his existence?

Watanuki knew already that he wanted to continue existing. He trusted Yuuko because she knew more than he could ever hope to know, and that would suffice, but there were also things he had to do on his own. Learn to face things that made him uncomfortable, instead of resolutely ignoring them.

Like the fact that before meeting Yuuko he'd never had close relationships or friendships, like he was already setting himself up to disappear quietly, as if he had known this was inevitable.

Was he scared of forming bonds that would be left behind if he were to disappear?

The way Yukito and Touya looked at each other, the support they offered, the fact that he was sure that the wish had been mostly Touya's and yet Yukito had accepted the payment without regrets… wasn't that sort of feeling something to cherish and long for?

Watanuki felt the knot in his chest tighten, but he needed to know, he desperately needed to know, so instead of brushing the thought off, he glanced at Himawari again, and looked past the curse, past everything else, and asked himself –what would it be like to have her return his feelings, if she ever did?

What seeped through him was no happiness, nor warmth.

It was fear.

It was scary, to think he could be on the receiving end of someone's love. To be looked at the same way Yukito looked at Touya, the same fondness, without hiding away… Watanuki thought about having someone look at him like that, and he felt cold, the chill starting from his chest and spreading through his body like ice.

The truth felt cold and unwanted as it slipped through the cracks of his mind and slapped him in the face, and Watanuki looked away from Himawari again.

He liked her so much, he'd always liked her. She was… well, not perfect, but she was genuinely sweet, and cute, and there had always been something about her calling out to him. He had started to pay attention to her following this impulse, without thinking, and he'd found himself liking her more and more, but it had been fine to just admire her from afar, while at the same time wanting to be closer to her.

His feelings for her were real, but… but…

But Watanuki was not as blind about his surroundings anymore. Something had changed, and just like he could concentrate and 'see' her curse now, if so he chose, he could choose to see the truth of his own actions too.

Watanuki could easily like Himawari because he knew she would never reciprocate his feelings. Time and time again she'd rebuked him, and he still kept ignoring this in order to be with her anyway. Even after he'd learned about the curse, and had still expressed his intention to be by her side, Himawari had never changed her stance with him.

This was… reassuring. He was certain she would not fall for him, and this allowed him to be open about his feelings for her.

If he would disappear, what could be better than knowing he wouldn't break someone's heart then?

This… this wasn't something he'd done consciously, but that didn't change the fact that he had done it again and again; instinctively, without noticing, one of the many things he did every day without paying attention to it, like not talking with his classmates unless strictly necessary, like barely remembering his landlord's face, or who his neighbours were. So, getting close to Himawari, what could have prompted it? Why her, instead of…

And then, he was hit by another thought.

He could spend hours saying that he'd been attracted by Himawari because of her cuteness, her attitude, her gentleness, but… weren't there other people who might have been the same? Why was it Himawari, and not anyone else? And why just her, of all people? What made her different?

Was it possible he had at first been attracted to her because of her curse? Watanuki attracted bad things, he'd always known that. So…

For a moment, it felt like the world was ticking on without him. He could hear Himawari giggle and talk about her classmates, about a trip to a shop and about buying Tanpopo some ribbons, but Watanuki was unable to follow, his eyes focusing on the spires of darkness surrounding her that kept trying to reach out to him through the distance that separated Himawari from him.

He blinked, and the spires disappeared again, hidden from sight.

No. That was not fair.

That thought was painful and it was not fair, and… it was not true.

And even if it were true, it meant nothing now. Watanuki's feelings were his own. They were not fake. Even if he'd been attracted to her because of the curse, his feelings for her were honest and not fake. He cared for her so much that it made him happy to see her smile. He wanted to have her at his side, he wanted them to be friends for as long as they could… even in the future.

But once you throw a rock into a pool of water, it causes ripples. Thinking about Himawari's curse and his own situation made Watanuki's thoughts take a further step ahead.

Was this unconsciously seeking to be alone, rejecting company and friendships, also why he had disliked Doumeki so much for absolutely no reason, ever since they'd met the first time?

He'd never heard anything about Doumeki before he'd crossed paths with him one day at school, Watanuki descending the stairs and Doumeki going up, but just seeing his face, seeing him pass by… it had made Watanuki feel like kicking him, which he'd actually attempted to do, jumping down the flight of stairs like a loon and comically enraged at Doumeki for daring to move out of the way.

Watanuki had never thought anything about this instinctive dislike, nor that it was strange to grow to dislike someone without even knowing their name, but afterwards he had tried to back up this dislike by gathering info on Doumeki –learning his name, his class, finding out he was popular. Growing to dislike him even more then, because of his casual, blank attitude and his skills during their joint PE class.

Doumeki also had purifying powers. As Yuuko had said, being close to him chased away the creatures that plagued Watanuki every day. In fact, Yuuko had said something else to him too, after the first time Watanuki had been saved by Doumeki during their 100 horror stories sitting. She had said that 'the creatures themselves made Watanuki dislike him'. Of course Watanuki had refused to listen. He hadn't cared, then.

Guilt washed over him, bitter and gnawing at his insides; he kept acting like Doumeki's sole presence offended him, like he didn't want to have him around, but things were changing, weren't they? Refusing to see that, to see how the bond they shared was growing –first with the eye, then the blood– and was that why Watanuki was finally able to stare at Doumeki and not feel like punching him anymore? Why he could share with him things he found it hard to say aloud even to himself?

With the creatures chasing Watanuki slowly vanishing for some reason, was that reflecting Watanuki's changing thoughts about wanting to keep on living?

Watanuki was no stranger to things he couldn't control, but this one made him angry. The spirits following him, wanting to feast on his power… he couldn't protect himself from them, he was powerless about it, but… it was not fair that even his thoughts about other people could be tampered by that.

It was a slight towards Himawari to think he'd started to like her simply because there was something wrong about Watanuki himself, and it was a slight towards Doumeki to think that he kept disliking him because of that, too.

Of course there were a lot of things he still disliked about Doumeki. He was stubborn, and he never spoke his mind most of the time, and he was perhaps too quiet, and he really grated to Watanuki's nerves, but… but he didn't dislike having him around, not really.

He liked Himawari, but he was learning to minimize her bad curse so that it would not harm him, and he was starting to admit Doumeki's presence was not good just as a way to protect him from evil spirits, but also just because…

Watanuki swallowed, his mouth incredibly dry, and clenched his hands together, still lost in thought.

His feelings were his own, and instincts were also his own, but what he decided to do about them was another thing. Just like Haruka had said, the choice was his own.

He could continue to act like nothing had changed, or he could… do what? Change the way he acted around Doumeki?

Himawari was still important to him, but she was his friend, and he didn't need any more than that to be happy, even if he liked her. It was easy to be honest about this, because Watanuki knew already that their friendship was precious. His feelings were almost the same as before, but something had already changed even before he'd grown aware of it.

Doumeki was… Watanuki pushed past the guilt and the confusion, and thought about Doumeki, refusing to stop at the surge of annoyance to look deeper. He thought about the look on his face when he'd waited for Watanuki to come back from the hydrangea. About the way he had forced Watanuki to tell him when he'd sacrificed his eye so that Doumeki could be spared from the spider's grudge. About how Haruka had been able to reach him and save him only because he looked like Doumeki –someone Watanuki had learned to trust even back then. About the fact that he hadn't hesitated to pay with half of his blood so Watanuki would not disappear.

How Doumeki only ate the food Watanuki made, because Haruka said he only ate what he trusted.

That did imply that Doumeki did trust Watanuki, and his actions towards him implied quite openly that he cared.

And what about Watanuki himself? Did he really think Doumeki was a waste of space now? or had things changed even if he'd never wanted to admit it?

So… it still boiled down to one single question; what did Watanuki want to do?

Haruka had said "Your choice to continue believing in your reality within a dream… it might cause you some pain in the future, but based on how many people want you to keep existing, I can tell you, Watanuki, that it is not a bad choice".

And then Yuuko, phrased like a joke but said with such a serious expression… "Good kids like you can afford to ask for what they want".

It was a weird feeling, to realise that he'd never allowed himself to want things before, and perhaps even weirder was the dawning realisation that along the line, Watanuki had started wanting things for himself.

He wanted to stay alive. He wanted to remain in this world where there were people who cared for him. People he liked, people he wanted in his life.

And something else too, so simple, perhaps, but to him it was such a big thing… he wanted to be able to continue sitting with Himawari and Doumeki for lunch. Not just until the end of the school but afterwards too, to keep on meeting with them just like this.

He wanted to have a future, and he wanted it to include Doumeki and Himawari too, and this greediness settled heavily in his chest, and even then it was a comforting weight. Wasn't that the meaning of being human? To desire things for yourself?

The thought brought a different ache to his chest, a desperate longing to understand himself and to fill that weird emptiness that were his memories, to find out who he had been, who he was, to know if he deserved all of this. If he could really be human. It was almost painful and it was scary, and Watanuki tried to swallow down the knot in his throat, though it didn't help much.

Through all of this, he was still staring down at his ring finger like it held all the answers of the world, and in a way, it did.

And all these scattered thoughts had started because he'd met Touya and Yukito, because of whatever wish they had needed granted, because of their closeness. Because Watanuki was faced with things that made him think about himself, about what it meant to keep existing. The right meeting at the right time, because there was no coincidence, as Yuuko always said.

All he was feeling was just the consequence of his own choice to keep on living, clinging to this reality, wanting to make it his own, like a desperate fool.

It was his wish, and for every wish there was a price. He wondered what the price to keep living would be, and he knew he would not mind paying for it.

"Whatever wish Touya-san had, it must have been worth this sacrifice," he murmured, attracting Himawari's attention. "Because the price Yuuko-san sets is always fair".

Himawari seemed to sense something was amiss; she'd tried to distract Watanuki with some idle chat, having noticed his wistful mood, but it was obvious she'd failed. Her smile softened a little and she made to touch Watanuki's shoulder, then she froze in mid-air, suddenly afraid. Watanuki noticed that hesitation and quickly closed the remaining distance with one of his hands, gripping Himawari's in his own and squeezing it before letting it go, a fleeting contact that was enough for them both.

"I'm going back to see them on Thursday," Watanuki changed the subject, not wanting her to worry so much for him, and waved one hand in the air. "I'll get you something nice from one of the shops nearby the temple if you want".

"Thank you, Watanuki-kun!"

They exchanged a small smile, the air around them clearing a bit, and Watanuki allowed himself to be swept away by one of Himawari's stories, something about a few classmates and some swapped notes.

A few minutes later, Doumeki appeared from behind Watanuki's back, sitting down next to them with a quiet greeting, hands open and stretching towards Watanuki to get his bento from him.

"Food," he asked. "Onigiri with salmon today?"

If either Doumeki or Himawari noticed how little Watanuki protested, despite the way he tensed up and grumbled under his breath, neither mentioned it, though the two did share a look above Watanuki's head that he missed completely.

"Good morning Yukito-san!"

"Watanuki-kun, hello! Please do come in!"

Just like last time he had visited, it was Yukito who opened the door and let him in, still with the same warm smile that managed to put Watanuki at ease. Watanuki bowed slightly and slid out of his shoes, following the man inside.

"I'm glad you decided to come," Yukito looked quite happy, and he was dressed in a casual attire, ready for the day out. "Touya was glad when you called, and he's been in the kitchen all morning to prepare some food to bring with us all morning…"

"Ah! I didn't want to impose, so I brought over some food to share too," Watanuki fumbled around with the bag holding the sandwiches and onigiri he'd prepared earlier, feeling a bit silly. "I made something that would be easy to eat, plus some rice cookies covered in chocolate as a dessert".

"Wow, that's a lot of stuff! Did you wake up early to prepare it?" Yukito seemed impressed, which made Watanuki puff his chest out.

"It was no bother, really. I wanted to," he told the man with a shy smile. "I'm just worried I might have made too much if Touya-san is also cooking…"

"Well, you don't have to worry, Yukito can eat easily for two even without our help," Touya appeared from the kitchen, still wearing a simple apron.

"I'm sorry I came too soon," Watanuki gave his bags to Yukito, who left to put his food together with the one Touya was preparing. "But I brought over something to thank you for your time!"

It was a bottle of expensive sake he'd bought at a nearby gift store on his way to Asakusa, and Touya hummed in pleasure as he brushed his fingers over the brand name.

"Thank you, but just having a nice day out with this weather would have been enough," he replied a bit gruffly, and Watanuki smiled at him, shaking his head.

Touya seemed the kind of person who had a limited range of expressions –a bit like Doumeki, really– but Watanuki had no trouble deciphering him… he guessed he'd just had a lot of practice with Doumeki, after all.

Touya excused himself to put the bottle away, since they wouldn't have time to open it before leaving, and Watanuki found himself standing in the middle of the sitting room on his own. He shuffled towards one corner of the room, curious about the bookshelves, and noticed that most tiles were either written in romaji or about esoteric matters, not unlike the sort of books that he'd seen in Doumeki's temple, belonging to his grandfather.

Some of them were specifically about dreams, and Watanuki felt a growing sense of wonder for the determination of the two men, who only started dream-walking in order to find Yuuko. Not to mention it rekindled his curiosity about the dreamworld. Watanuki himself might have been able to travel within dreams somehow, but he had no skills and no knowledge, and if Haruka didn't want to see him, the two wouldn't meet at all.

His shifting to the riverside had been because of his emotions wavering out of control, and that aside, he had no idea what rules existed within dreams. Just being able to meet with a person who should have been dead was really extraordinary, and Watanuki wondered idly what other sort of things he could do in that world.

He had never thought about asking Haruka to help him, mostly because the feeling of peace he felt around the other man was the kind of hazy contentment that made it hard to do something other than enjoy the company, and perhaps share a burden, not to mention how Haruka disappeared without warning, and Watanuki was left alone, often either falling into a normal dream or waking up.

As for asking Yuuko herself… Watanuki remembered with unease meeting Yuuko inside his dreams, and he did not want to talk with her about it. Besides, who knew what the price for lessons about that would be?

Now… maybe he could ask Touya and Yukito instead?

Watanuki wondered whether he could actually do that, and what their answer could be, and if that would mean he might see them again, after today, and realised that the idea made him happy.

He looked away from the shelves, and his eyes fell on the photos on the nearby drawer, which he had noticed during his last visit; before he could stop himself, he'd already stepped forwards, peering down at the rows of neatly arranged frames with curiosity.

The first photo was of a tall man with glasses with a soft smile, but the second photo made Watanuki stifle a gasp as he leaned forwards, eyes wide.

The photo had five people in it –one was Touya, though he did look younger, one was Yukito, also looking younger, then the same man from the first photo, towering over the other four, and then…

"… Sakura-chan? Shaoran-kun?"

It was them. They both looked around Watanuki's age in the picture, and the photo had been probably taken without Sakura noticing because she was holding Shaoran's arm in a tight grip while showing her tongue at Touya; Shaoran looked at the camera, obviously uncomfortable, and with a light flush on his cheeks.

It took Watanuki a moment to realise that he couldn't possibly be looking at the Shaoran and Sakura he knew, but at someone else entirely –probably the Shaoran and Sakura who lived in his world.

"… oh".

With a startled gasp at the unexpected sound, Watanuki pushed himself away from the counter and straightened his back, spinning around and coming face to face with Touya, who was looking down at him with a weird twist of his mouth.

"Ah! I'm sorry, I wasn't… I wasn't being nosy! I mean, I guess I was. But… ah…" he waved his arms in the air, knowing that the more he tried to explain himself, the less sense he made, so he deflated. "I just…" he waved one hand towards the photos, his cheeks burning in embarrassment.

"You… know Sakura and Shaoran?" Touya asked, his tone carefully blank.

Watanuki looked down, still flustered, and gave a small shrug, realising how that was definitely not a polite answer, and then winced. "Well… yes, I mean–"

Whoever they were, those were not the same people he'd met through Yuuko, so he couldn't say he knew them, but… how could he explain this to Touya?

Touya looked grave for a moment, his lips a thin line, and Watanuki wondered if he'd said something wrong. Then his face smoothed out a little, though he still did seem tense.

"I was not aware you knew my sister…?"

Watanuki's eyes grew wide at that. "S-sister?!"

He couldn't help it –he turned to look at the picture, searching into their faces for some kind of similarity that still evaded him.

"Yes," Touya continued, and Watanuki was too flustered to mind the way his voice was strained. "My little sister".

"No, I don't… I mean, this Sakura-chan I…" Watanuki rubbed the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes in frustration. "I have never met her but–"

"But you've met a Sakura from another world?"

Eyes snapping open in shock, Watanuki looked up and into Touya's face, unable to hide his surprise at hearing this. "How…?"

"Yes, we also know of other dimensions," Touya nodded, eyes falling on the photos on the drawer, reaching out to take the closest one, one that Watanuki hadn't seen yet, and looking at it with such melancholy that Watanuki felt suddenly guilty for prodding. "I've met someone from another dimension in a dream…" Touya seemed to notice something in Watanuki's face, because he smiled grimly, "as did you, it seems".

Watanuki nodded dumbly. "Y-yes," he shook his head to try and dispel the surprise. "I spoke with a Sakura-chan in a dream… more than once," he admitted. It wasn't a thing he'd been able to tell Himawari or Doumeki yet. It felt almost too personal, and too confusing, and too much tied with feeling himself slip away. "But I saw a Shaoran-kun while I was working at Yuuko-san's shop".

He did not mention the second Shaoran, thinking that one copy of each was enough to be confusing, let alone two. Especially when that Sakura-chan had said that something similar had happened to her, too…

"Were they together?"

Watanuki blinked; he hadn't expected that question, so it took him a moment to collect his thoughts. "Uh… the Sakura-chan I met in my dreams was alone," he admitted, though he did not want to share the things she'd told him as they were too personal. "But the first time I've seen them, yes, they were together. They came from the same place, and Shaoran-kun was travelling for her sake".

Touya nodded, apparently satisfied, though there was a bitter edge to his tone that even Watanuki was able to catch. "If they were together in there, then it's fine".

Something was wrong, and Watanuki felt somewhat uncomfortable to press the subject on, so he tried to think about something else to say.

"I… I sort of wanted to meet with this world's Sakura-chan too," he found himself saying, looking at the picture and smiling softly. "I thought we could be friends. But she seems happy here, so I'm glad. The Sakura-chan I met was… going through a lot. I hope she's doing ok too".

The longing within Touya's chest seemed to expand with this quiet admission, and he clenched his hand around the photo frame, gritting his teeth and hoping Watanuki would not notice his distress. There was so much he wanted to say –too much, and he could not even say it, because the price was binding him and preventing him from telling Watanuki the truth.

He opened his mouth, and felt something bitter coating his tongue, like a physical admonition not to say too much, and he cursed silently at Yuuko, at this heavy price that he'd paid in order to be able to fit in his nephew's life again, at whatever bullshit situation his sister had gotten herself caught into. He didn't know the whole truth, he didn't know what was going to happen, nor why his nephew was in danger, wavering between dream and reality, but what he knew was that he could not lose him.

He refused to lose him.

"Sakura is…" his voice faltered, and this change made Watanuki turn around to look at him, worry clear on his face. "Sakura and Shaoran are not in this world anymore," he finally choked out.

Watanuki gasped, his face growing pale in a heartbeat. Touya looked away, his chest constricting.

It is not a lie, he told himself. It was not a lie, and that was exactly what made it worse.

Watanuki felt like he'd been dropped into an icy-cold bath, his breath stolen away.

He remembered the fake wand in Yuuko's shop, shaped like a weird beak with wings, and Yuuko telling him that the real one was somewhere inside the room too, given to her by another Sakura in order to pay for something that would help that Shaoran.

He remembered how he'd looked at the fake wand and wondered where the Sakura living in his world could be, and if she was happy.

He'd wondered whether she had a Shaoran with her too. If they were happier than their counterparts. If he would be able to meet them one day, and be friends with them too.

The sadness that filled his chest was acute and as sharp as a thousand needles, but it could be nothing compared the sort of pain Touya was probably going through.

Dead. Both Sakura and Shaoran were dead in this world, and Touya was the one who had been left behind.

"I'm sorry," he reached out instinctively, forgetting about his reservations as a guest to grab Touya's hand in his own, squeezing it and looking up, meeting the man's shocked gaze. "I did not mean to hurt you. But I understand. My… my parents died when I was little, and sometimes it still hurts to think about it".

He meant he understood the pain of being left behind to mourn, of feeling guilty for someone's death even if there was no blame to take, of missing them so much that at times it felt like he couldn't go on. He didn't even remember his parents, but he still felt acutely their absence from his life.

They were nothing but shadows in his mind, shadows made of gestures and blurred smiles, of hands gently pressed over his forehead while he was feverish, of faint smells and the echo of voices he did not remember.

It was all he had. He understood the kind of pain Touya was feeling.

One time, he had almost slipped away too, trying to follow the soft touch of hands he could not associate to faces, and only Haruka had been able to save him.

Touya felt even worse at this admission, because Watanuki did not know, but he did. There was some sort of irony, because they were talking about the same people, but it was a bitter, painful joke that Watanuki would never understand.

The look in his eyes was so much like Shaoran's, unwavering and full of empathy without any trace of pity, and Touya felt a wave of affection for this teen who knew nothing about his past, who did not remember his parents, and who was left behind to make sense of his own existence all on his own.

This kind of bond they shared, unlike that of blood, was far too painful to be considered fair.

Touya swallowed the lump in his throat, and squeezed Watanuki's hands back, smiling slightly down at him. "Thank you," he said. "They… they were happy," he added, unable to stop himself. He couldn't tell Watanuki the truth, but he could… at least he could say this. "They've been so very happy together. They were married. They were together for a long time, and… they were together until the end".

It did not matter that Touya hadn't liked Shaoran at first. He'd had a grudge against that guy who'd arrived to take his little sister away, even if she'd never truly left, mindful of her family and wanting to be close to them too. Shaoran had made Sakura happy for the short time they had been together, and that… that was more important than any stupid grudge he could hold against someone. And in the end, Touya had grown to care for Shaoran, too.

It was odd to find comfort in those words, but Watanuki still found himself nodding, faintly relieved.

"Still, I'm glad you were not alone," he murmured, letting go of Touya's hand to look at the photo of Sakura and Shaoran again. "You had Yukito-san with you. I'm glad".

Because at least through such a painful loss, Touya had not been alone. And at least –and Watanuki thought that he would be forgiven if he sounded bitter to himself, considering everything– Touya still had memories to cling to, instead of a gaping void that did nothing to erase the pain.

Touya wanted to do something, anything –maybe hug Watanuki, since he could not say anything, or fall to his knees and thank Yuuko for granting his wish, for giving him this– but what he did instead was to raise one hand and ruffle Watanuki's hair, perhaps a bit more roughly than he'd wanted.

"Ah–!"

Touya grinned down at him. "You're a good kid," he said. "And good kids shouldn't be gloomy. It's in the past. It still hurts, but if you're left behind, the only thing you can do is keep going. They wouldn't want you to do anything else".

Watanuki blinked, and felt the world spin around him for a moment.

Ah. Yes.

Somehow, he remembered Shaoran again, his hand stretched towards him, eyes wide and focused on Watanuki, and his words –do not disappear.

His gaze softened a bit, and if he leaned a bit into Touya's hand, nobody but them had to know.

"Yes," he murmured, mostly to himself. "You're right".

Touya regretted it the moment he removed his hand from Watanuki's head, but this was as much as he could allow himself to reminisce in one time. "Well, let's go see if Yukito's put everything away so we can leave," he stated, his voice even and steady. "I hope you don't mind walking, Watanuki-kun, because there's a lot to see around here".

Watanuki shook his head with a small smile. "No, not at all".

His eyes lingered only a second more on the photos before following Touya into the other room, catching the sight of a slightly older Sakura embracing an older Shaoran.

They did look happy there, in that frozen moment stolen from time.

He hoped his parents had been that happy once, too.