Chapter four
Kono knocked on her mother's bedroom door and waited for a reply. She heard a faint come in and she took a breath and entered.
"Kono?" Her mother questioned as she put on her earrings.
Kono shuffled nervously and smiled weakly. It had been a few days since Kono opened up a little to her parents and Chin's family. Thing's seemed better with everyone making an effort to talk more but Kono still felt the need to isolate herself. Things were starting to get on top of her though and she finally decided to talk to her mum.
"Can I talk to you?"
Nani could see that Kono was conflicted and worried and she patted the space on the stool at her dressing table, shuffling over to make room for Kono.
"Come here" Nani smiled.
Kono joined her mum and sat down avoiding her reflection in the mirror.
"What's wrong keikei?"
Kono peered up at her mother sadly.
"I'm scared" She whispered almost inaudibly.
Nani sighed and brushed Kono's hair out her face.
"What's scaring you?"
"Everything"
"Let's start with one thing at a time?"
"I…ergh, I'm worried about me and Adam, I'm scared to go back to school and I'm scared to give birth and look after the baby, I don't want to mess it up"
"Firstly…giving birth is the most magical and beautiful thing yes it hurts but you my sweetheart will be amazing and you won't mess it up, you'll learn. Also school is school, you have to go to support your baby and it might be hard but think of your baby, and what's worrying you about you and Adam?"
"I just feel like we've rushed everything and I know it's my fault but I don't want to ruin things because we've jumped to having a baby. We never officially went on dates or labelled ourselves until after I found out I was pregnant. Everything just happened so quickly and no we live together and share a room…and we've only ever slept with each other that one time…and he said he loved me but I couldn't say it back. I don't know what love is…I just don't think I'm ready." Kono mumbles with a blush.
Nani could see how worried Kono was and although she knew both her and Adam had put themselves in the situation she understood why it would scare Kono. She was proud that Kono could admit it.
"Darling I'm very proud of you that you can admit these worry's, you and Adam have jumped head first into this and you will have to make that jump with your baby, but maybe for now you can take things a little slower. You don't have to say you love him, not if you're not ready, just take your time. "
"How?"
"Well you need to be honest with him about how you feel, but you could have date nights, and maybe Adam moves into the spare bedroom. It doesn't have to be because you don't want to be with him it just gives you both some space"
"I don't want to upset him"
"It's best to be honest"
Kono took a deep breath and looked at her reflection. She felt horrible with the morning sickness and her emotions were messing her up. She just couldn't stop feeling guilty, she thought she was going to be a terrible mother and she just didn't know how she could mess up so badly. She thought she had ruined everything. Not that she regretted her baby but she was so scared.
"I've ruined my surfing career"
"You've put it on hold…you still have a career, you've had a fantastic career and maybe this is destiny…you weren't meant to be a surfer forever just don't stress"
"But you taught me everything, you're the reason I love surfing and I feel like I've let you down" Kono sobbed.
"No you haven't, you are an amazingly, beautiful talented young woman" Nani said stroking Kono's hair and both looking into the mirror. "I will forever be proud of you ipo…the way you're handling this and taking responsibility I couldn't be prouder"
"Thank you for not kicking me out" Kono whispered.
"Never"
Kono smiled a watery smile and let her mum wipe her tears.
"Me and your dad are heading out keikei so why don't you and Adam have a cosy night in and talk to him ipo"
"Okay"
Kono snuggled up with Adam on the couch, his hand gently caressing her belly where a tiny bump was beginning to become visible. She felt her inside twist with guilt, wishing she didn't have to hurt him.
"Adam"
"Hmm"
"Can we talk?"
Adam stopped his caresses and sat up straighter to look Kono in the eye.
"What up?"
From Kono's little fidgets Adam could tell something was really getting to her but he remained quiet and allowed her to speak when she was ready.
"I don't think were on the same page in regards to our relationship, I don't think I feel how you feel" Kono began nervously.
Adam frowned and felt his stomach drop. He hadn't suspected any concerns from Kono or doubts and from the look on her face he determined that she was breaking up with him.
"Will you still let me see the baby?" Adam asked as he moved to sit up properly no longer touching Kono.
"What? Of course Adam you're the dad, why would you think you can't see the baby?"
"Because most people who break up, especially when there young don't always see their baby, especially the dad" Adam said sadly.
Kono felt tears pool in her eyes feeling even guiltier for leading Adam to believe she was breaking up with him.
"Adam I'm not breaking up with you!"
Adam turned back to look at Kono, shock and relief across his face.
"You're not?"
"No…I just…you said you loved me and I didn't say it back"
Adam sighed in relief and wrapped an arm around Kono.
"Babe its okay, you don't have to say it back"
"I feel bad though…I just don't know how I feel about us. I do love you because you're my boyfriend and best friend and baby daddy but I don't know if I'm in love with you yet…I don't know what love feels like. I just feel like we've jumped straight to having a baby which I know is my fault but I wish we had dated and got to know each other more. I know we knew each other as friends, even best friends but we never did the dating thing like normal couples and now we live together and share a room and…"
"It's just too much?" Adam asked knowing Kono all too well.
"How did you know?"
"You're my girlfriend, but you're also my best friend and like you said we were best friends first. Best friends know almost everything about each other." Adam grinned.
"What if I don't know everything about you?"
"I think you know more about me than you think…you need to think like a best friend sometimes"
"Are you mad at me?"
"No…although I do wish you would stop blaming yourself for getting pregnant, you needed me to make our baby" Adam chuckled.
"I know…"
"And if you're not in love with me yet that's fine…it takes time."
"But you said it…did you not mean it?"
"I did mean it, I'm very in love with you but I see it differently, I'm in a different position. You're my girlfriend and you're carrying part of me inside you. You're looking after my baby and doing everything to make sure our baby is okay and that just makes me in love with you. But for you, you're trying to deal with actually being pregnant, you have loads on your mind its okay to not always have me on your mind"
"You're always on my mind babe" Kono smiled sweetly.
"Maybe we should go back to the beginning, while our baby isn't actually here yet let's take that time to get to know each other again…will go on dates"
"Really?"
"Yes!"
Kono grinned but realised the problem of sharing a room still hadn't been discussed. Adam tilted her chin and forced her to look at him.
"What is it?"
"Sometimes I just need my own space" Kono mumbled.
Adam knew sharing a room was sometimes a problem. They would argue when Kono got annoyed and Adam sometimes wished he had his own space still.
"Maybe we should make up the spare room and I'll sleep there"
Kono couldn't shake the guilty feeling and snuggled closer to Adam.
"I don't want you to think I don't want you…"
"Hey, we all need space sometimes."
"It's not even at night…I like having you with me at night, I'm so used it now it's weird if I go to sleep first and you're not there…it's just during the day if were both in my room…"
"We get under each other's feet"
"Yeah…and I don't want it to lead to arguing and then us hating each other. That's why I'm worried that we never dated properly"
"Okay…will sort the spare room for some extra space and will go on dates and just go back to basic"
"Thank you"
"Hey, you're perfect" Adam winked giving Kono a kiss.
"There's one more thing" Kono whispered.
"Hmm"
"We've only had sex once"
"Yeah"
"I'm scared to do it again…we were drunk last time…"
"No rush"
"Promise"
"Promise…besides sex is like a third date kinda thing!" Adam laughed.
Kono giggled and curled into his side while they watched a film and enjoyed each other's company, Kono now feeling better about everything.