Chapter 2
She couldn't sleep. A wild mix of emotions didn't let her. She was happy and thrilled to see Jack and to be under his very roof. But now she didn't know what to do. The truth was she didn't have a plan. All she had thought of was how to convince him to let her in after he told her to fuck off the minute he saw her in front of him after so much time. But that hadn't happened at all.
She had imagined zillion scenarios, what he'd say, what she'd say back, like she was learning the lines of a play. But he just said yes and now she was sleeping in his sister's former room. It had been just too easy.
She couldn't just tell him her true feelings like that. She didn't want to freak him out. Yet she knew he was not the kind of man that doesn't ask for explanations. They would get to a point where she'd have to talk. Then it came to her.
They would be living together in the same house, since she obviously had no intention of finding an apartment of her own. In the old island days, living together had been the way he'd fallen in love with her. That was how their love had grown. Therefore, she'd just let it happen again. She'd just stay there, by his side, so one day ashes would turn into fire again. It seemed like a perfect plan. After she came to that conclusion, she could get some sleep.
The next morning, a warm ray of sunshine on her face woke her up. She hadn't closed the drapes. She looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was 8:02 in the morning. She left the bed and took her sweatpants and a T-shirt from her backpack to get dressed. Then she pulled her hair up in a pony tail. Before opening the door to leave the room, she laughed at herself. She was actually nervous. Easy Kate, it's just Jack… Finally she went outside.
She walked to the living room. The apartment was all quiet. He wasn't around. He sure was in his room. She thought of looking for him, go knocking on his door. She wandered the corridor opening quietly every door. Finally she found his room. The door was slightly open and she looked in. She could see his bed and him sleeping on his back. He was breathing placidly. All of the sudden she felt an urge to go beside him. She sneaked in tiptoeing.
The minute she stood beside his bed, it was like riding a roller coaster. She had never watched him sleep. Seeing him so vulnerable, lying there with that sweet expression of calm on his face, really moved her. It was so intimate… She wanted to kiss him, to hold him, to lie beside him.
She stared at him intently. He was uncovered, and the messy sheets and blankets rested near his feet, almost off the bed. She could see his toned muscles under the white T-shirt he was wearing, which was a little lifted up, revealing slightly his abs. She traveled his torso with her eyes until they ran into his belly button.
Her eyes ventured lower only to find his bare underwear and his long legs. She felt warm inside and blushed. It wasn't the first time she checked him out, but what she was feeling at that moment had never been more indisputable. She wanted him. She wanted him bad. What stopped her from jumping him right there? Nothing. But she reconsidered. He wasn't like that, and she wasn't a slut. Not with him. Besides, the sole idea of being rejected frightened her. They'd get to that, she just had to be patient.
Then the worst feeling of all crossed her. She felt sad and guilty. She knew she had let him down when he needed her the most. She knew she had broken his heart over and over again, and what for? Just because she was a coward. But she loved him, that was the truth, even if he'd never believed it, even though she never told. And she had wasted so much time… how to make up for it? Would he ever forgive her? She felt overwhelmed and tears began showing in her eyes. She couldn't take it anymore and left the room as quietly as she had sneaked in, stifling her crying.
A couple of hours later he opened his eyes. The sun shined bright behind the blinds. He got up and when he was about to go to the kitchen to grab a bite, he remembered Kate was staying at his place. He couldn't just go out wearing nothing but his underwear —though Kate would've definitely appreciated it—, so he put on some sweatpants and left his room.
A nice smell of pancakes caressed his nose. He found her facing the stove, and the table was carefully set for two. He felt disconcerted.
— Hey…
— Good morning, Sleeping Beauty… —she said smirking, glancing at him quickly.
— What's all this?
— They call it breakfast…
The comment made him laugh. — Yeah, I know but…
She cut him off. — So, how about you take a seat and enjoy, huh? I make the best pancakes ever, you'll see… —she said as she walked to him with a plate full of pancakes, which she placed on the table. Then she made him sit down grabbing him by the shoulders. Leaning from behind him, she served three pancakes on his plate. She was on her classic flirty attitude, which didn't go unnoticed by him.
Yet he found the whole scene awkward and rubbed his hair. — You don't have to do this, Kate…
— To do what? —she asked back, her smile fading away from her lips when she noticed his discomfort. She started feeling uneasy. He was about to speak, but she didn't want to hear it, so she tried to conceal. — Hey, don't get me wrong… this is just a gesture to thank you for offering me your house, that's all… —she said casual, with a short smile.
He hesitated, but then nodded. There was no need to be so defensive. — Of course… thanks…
He waited for her to sit at the table as well. As soon as they began eating, she tried some small talk. —You usually get up this late?
— It's not that late… —he stated, smiling.
— Well, maybe not, but I thought you never slept more than 4 hours a day… —she said back with a smile.
He stared at her. No, he wasn't giving her that answer… — Uh, I try to sleep more now, especially on weekends. Only on weekends, actually…
— And besides getting up late, what else you do on weekends?
— Um… Nothing in particular…
She was clenching her fist under the table. It seemed like he didn't want to talk to her at all, and she hated it. — What about today? —she asked, looking down and taking the fork to her mouth.
— I'm taking Aaron to this movie he wants to see…
She smiled widely and looked back at him. — That's sweet of you…
— Right… —he said, embarrassed.
Before she could think about it, words popped out of her mouth. — Can I come? —but when she noticed the stunned look in his eyes, she completed her sentence— I… it'd be really nice to see Claire…
He almost felt embarrassed for her. — Claire's in New York now. That's why I'm taking him, with my mom…
— Oh… —she replied, disappointed. — What's she doing in New York anyway?
— She had a job there…
She raised an eyebrow. — A job?
He sighed. Fine, he had to talk to her, since she wasn't stopping asking questions. — She became a photographer. She works for different magazines and sometimes she has to go out of town.
— What she photographs?
— Anything, but she's better at landscapes and portraits, if you ask me…
— Has she taken yours?
— Yeah… —he replied, rolling eyes.
— Can I see it? —she asked.
— She keeps them at home…
— Oh, come on…
— It's true. I'm really not into pictures… I hate to be in them, to be honest with you. That's why she has them all…
— Why's that? I mean, you're really good looking, I don't get why you hate being in pictures… —she affirmed playfully.
He looked down. Unbelievable, really. She was all over him and wasn't afraid to show it. — Well, I'm not photogenic… —he replied, trying to be casual and to not get in her game.
She cursed inside. It might have been easy to get in his house again, but it was definitely being hell to make him lower his guard. Whilst she was dwelling on that thought, he finished his pancakes. — Well, I better hurry… —right afterwards he stood up and took his plate, glass and cutlery to the sink. She followed him with her sight, playing with the food, hiding her annoyance. — Thank you, Kate, for the breakfast. Your pancakes are really good. —he assured with an honest smile, then rested his hand on her shoulder for some seconds.
She shivered. — Sure… —she replied, not daring to look at him.
Soon after, she went to her room. As she walked the corridor, she could hear in the distance the running water of the shower he'd just started. The picture of the drops wetting his skin made her heart speed up. A thought came to her. How come she had never been with him? She could've slept with him anytime, so why, after all those years, she hadn't? Right, because she was sleeping with someone else. She shook her head. What the hell is wrong with me? Before getting to the room, she decided to go back to the kitchen. She did the dishes, but she found herself thinking of anything but him, nude in that shower. Damn it…
Later on, she was just sitting on one of the couches at the living room. He showed up all freshened up, ready to go. — You're living? —she asked without looking at him.
— Yeah… Uh, the paper is in the studio…
She frowned, finally meeting his eyes. — The paper?
— Yeah, if you want to check the classifieds or anything… —he replied, casual, whilst taking his keys from the coffee table.
She swallowed. — Oh, right, thanks…
Before he left, he turned to her once more. — Listen, if you need the car, I can take a cab…
She smiled. — No, it's okay… I don't think I'll get any appointments for today anyway… But thanks…
He just smiled at her and finally left. The second she found herself alone, she took a deep breath. Boy, that had been one hell of tension. She rubbed her face in despair. She knew what was that all about. Playing casual and nonchalant didn't suit her. She was there for a reason, and he knew it. He wasn't allowing any bullshit between them. He wanted her to cut to the chase, pronto. Yes, after all, Jack was still the same, and none of her games ever worked on him. Fuck…
Fine, the first step, she thought, was making him believe she was actually looking for a place, especially after that paper comment he made. So, he had a studio. She looked for it and walked in. It was nicely furnished. It also had a wide window at the right side. It had a nice desk and an armchair in the middle. On the left there was a huge bookcase with dozens of books. There were easily a hundred of them. She scanned some of the titles. He had zillion medical books, obviously, but he also had titles about golf and other sports, as well as some novels.
One shelf called her attention. It was full of world atlas and books about airplanes. She shook her head. She remembered that time when Jack was obsessed about going back to the island. He would call her non stop to tell her every hint he thought he'd found, every trace or theory about its location. About anything, to be fair. Then he would ask her for a meeting. She agreed a couple of times, but that always got her into trouble.
She begged him to stop calling her. Later on she demanded it. Soon after she began not answering his calls, until that night. She'd seen him on the news and couldn't help but think about him over and over. A day after that, he called her and asked for a meeting again. She heard him so desperate she couldn't refuse.
Seeing him in the shape he was torn her up. How had Jack, the man who saved so many lives, the one who got her off that island of hell, ended up being the wreck standing in front of her? He didn't deserve that fate. But he didn't want to listen, neither to her, nor to anybody. He was just obsessed.
That night she said goodbye to him and promised herself never to see him again. She just couldn't. The reason? You name it. She had zillions. But the most important of all was that she just couldn't stand seeing him falling apart. She didn't have the strength neither the courage. So she disappeared.
She moved to Iowa, where it had all begun, but she could never forget Jack. Every morning she woke up and thought of him, and before going to bed at night he was also the last thought that crossed her mind. She prayed every day for he was fine, for he could put himself together again.
In spite she was living with him, she could never get over Jack. She tried though. Then one morning, as always, he was in front of her reading the L.A. Times, to which they were subscribed. She was taking a sip from her cup of coffee when she quickly glanced at him. All she could see were the black letters on the white pages of the paper, when she spotted an obituary.
Her heart sped up and her hands began shaking. She snatched the paper from him so fast it tore, leaving in his hands just some pieces of what had been the full section he was reading two seconds before.
He stared at her stunned. What the hell?!, he asked, but she gave him no reply. She had her eyes fixated on that obituary. Dr. Jack Schneider, beloved husband and father. Rest in peace… She read it and read it and read it to make sure. What's wrong with you?, he asked again. Nothing, I… nothing.
She left the table and ran to the bathroom as fast as she could. She threw her guts up violently. The few seconds she believed Jack's name was on that obituary made her sick. She sat beside the toilet and held her legs tight to her chest. Then she cried the hell out. She was sobbing and whining so hard, she didn't notice he was standing in front of her with a bitter look.
He didn't say a word, but just stared at her intently. I'm sorry, she said. I can't do this anymore. I don't love you, she announced. He just sighed and looked down, shaking his head, fed up. His face showed somehow disappointment, but also a trace of irony, as if he had always known. After all, it was a long time coming. He remained silent and just walked away.
After she pronounced those words, she knew exactly what she had to do. She had to go back to Jack. The next morning she packed her clothes, personal effects and some other belongings. Right afterwards she left that house and everything inside it behind. She spent the next week arranging her trip to Los Angeles. Once she got there, she started tracking him.
She went frantic when she learnt he wasn't working at St. Sebastian anymore and when she looked for him at his former apartment and couldn't find him, but she finally did, by asking, as she had told him.
So there she was, two weeks later, standing in his studio, her gaze lost between his books, replaying in her head what had led her to that moment. She sighed and saw the paper on the desk. She went to it and sat on his armchair, which was really comfortable. There also was a closed laptop on it, some medical journals, a nice pen, post-its and stuff.
She opened the paper and sought for the Real Estate section. She grabbed the pen and actually started reading. But who was she fooling? She had no intention of getting a place. She circled some classifieds randomly, just to let him believe she was really looking. Then she gave it a rest and stopped.
She looked around. She wanted to find something that revealed more about his life. She remembered what Juliet had once told her. It was true, she didn't know a lot about Jack. She never took the time to ask.
She noticed a line of drawers at the side of the desk. She opened the one at the bottom. All she found were some files. She took one randomly. Yeah, just what she thought, they were medical stuff. She put it back in its place and closed the drawer, not interested at all. Then she opened the one in the middle. There he kept a bunch of gadgets like his laptop accessories and the charger of his cell phone, user manuals and so on.
Then she got to the drawer at the top. She thought it was stuck at first, but that wasn't the case. It was locked. Why did Jack keep a locked drawer in his own house, where he lived alone? What was inside it? Her mind ran wild. Then the worst thought came to her. What if he had locked it because she was there? What was he hiding from her? She had to find out. She had to open that drawer.