Chapter 6 – What To Do About Martin?

Joan Norton swung open the door to her cottage with a hearty greeting and her arms outstretched. "Louisa, Louisa, come on in!"

Louisa stepped into Joan's arms and was enfolded in a warm clasp. Louisa could feel her eyes starting to tear up because this … this was what she longed to receive from Martin. A hug to wipe away all the doubt she felt about him, that he wanted her … to be with her, but also … the 'more than that' … that Louisa realized she wanted.

Louisa quickly stepped back and held out the bag with the bakery sweets as her thank you for being Joan's guest. But sharp-eyed Joan had noticed Louisa's eyes and face.

"Oh, that man!" Joan retorted as she took the bag and then put the teakettle on to warm up. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'm going to guess that you haven't heard from him for a while."

Louisa shook her head and sat down. "No, I'm not bothered about that. Not much, anyway. But that's not why I'm here. Are you ready for a long story?"

"Of course, we have the rest of the afternoon. Am I the first to hear this story?"

Louisa looked around the room and then at Joan. "We're alone, right. I haven't told anyone about this."

Joan beamed with the knowledge of the honor she was receiving. She had Louisa's trust and was going to hear something Louisa was ready to share, and for the first time. Joan poured tea and eagerly exclaimed, "I'm all ears."

"I had a dream since I was young. That I would visit America … see Hollywood, New York City, meet cowboys and musicians …."

"Really?" Joan didn't sound impressed.

Louisa blurted it out, just as she had done in the Portwenn post office. "I'm going! I really do have a chance to go to America. Soon, very soon. For a summer job."

Joan gave a small gasp and said, "This is not at all what I was expecting to hear!"

But Joan recovered her surprise and, in a loud voice, called out, "Louisa Glasson, brave international traveler and explorer!"

Louisa laughed and gave Joan a big smile. But she hesitated a bit. Louisa had been as surprised as anyone by the news. "Er, this winter when things weren't going so well between Martin and me … at school the students were passing around germs and Martin thought I was to blame for that. For all the parents who brought their sick darlings for him to see. And you know his patience for patients … sorry, a small joke there, but small patients are the worst, as you know. The weather was bitterly cold and gloomy and I spent so many evenings all by myself … well, one night I picked up a magazine …

Joan interrupted, "You might not be surprised to hear that Marty was a rather sickly lad himself. Considering his father was a famous London doctor and his mother trying to be a society lady … he really had no one looking after him. He caught all the germs the other kids should have gotten too. I wonder if he remembers that."

Joan coughed, "Sorry, couldn't help remembering that myself. Go on."

Louisa gave a weak smile, "Poor Martin. That's something we certainly share … a wretched childhood."

Joan held up the plate of biscuits, "Eat, eat. Have another. Thanks for bringing them."

Louisa reached for one and in her mind, she had an image of herself stuffing her mouth with the rest of the biscuits on the plate as Martin looked on in horror. She took a polite bite.

"I saw this ad in an educational magazine for a Summer Teacher Exchange Program so I called for more information. I was ready to go anywhere else right away. To get away from the cold, away from all the sick students …

Joan quickly added, "… and away from Martin."

"Yes, that was how I felt. There were choices I had to make on the application and I could have gone abroad to the continent. But suddenly it brought back my childhood dreams of traveling. It seemed this was my one big opportunity to do something I hadn't even thought of before. I could apply for a school in the United States. Teachers are needed everywhere to work at summer schools for students, all ages … Of course, I marked 'primary.' That's what I'm used to."

Joan continued for her, "So you sent the application off and then you got it."

Louisa replied, "Well, not exactly. But I'll get to that. Another choice was location, which mean I had to do some geography research. Did I want to be in a metro or rural setting? Was I willing to work at a rustic camp in the north woods? Or I could be in the mountains. Can you imagine how excited I was just reading the application?!"

Joan laughed a hearty laugh. "Good for you, Louisa. What did you choose?"

"I'm a country girl at heart. I'm not ready to climb mountains or fight off bears in a forest. I think most big cities are all alike, really … so I picked a small city or town in the Midwest."

Joan said, "Hmmm, the Midwest … what, er … well, where is that exactly?"

"It's right in the middle of the North American continent. That's including Canada, of course. And Canada was a choice too. But what could be more different from Cornwall. Far away from any ocean. And the pictures I saw … everything looks rather flat, no rocky cliffs, no fishing boats."

Joan mused, "I wonder what I would pick. Going to America is certainly something that I've never thought about. Just know it's impossible. So, good for you, Louisa."

"I sent the application off the end of January. I was hoping to hear right away, so I could tell people. But I didn't hear until March, and then what I found out was … I wasn't selected. Then I was very glad I hadn't told anyone what I'd done. Imagine me, thinking I could be so lucky! Oh well, I thought, it wasn't like that was an application for a job with a salary I needed to earn!"

Joan sympathized, "Louisa, how could they! You'd be the best teacher the States have ever seen. But quick, tell me what happened. What changed?"

Louisa explained, " I just had a letter. Someone dropped out of the program and I fit the location that had the opening. They want me to come, even if it is at the last minute."

"And .." Joan's eyes had a wide, questioning look.

Louisa sighed, "Joan, I don't know what to do. What do you think? I have to let them know right away if I'm coming."

Joan was thoughtful for a few minutes and they sat in silence. Then she quietly said, "I assume that Martin figures in this in some way. That's probably why you're here."

Louisa looked at Joan and said, "Joan, you are so kind. Think of how you helped Martin when he was little, taking him into your home like you did. He would be a different man today if his parents had let him continue to spend summers with you and Phil. But his only role model was his workaholic doctor father. And his mother. They made sure they were the only ones in his life he had to please. And it seems all he ever did was to displease them."

Joan said, "I think you've spent so much time thinking about Martin that you haven't been thinking about yourself. You've got a responsible position in the community. When everyone hears that you've been selected to work as a teacher overseas, in America … why, this just adds to your professional reputation. I think this is just what you need to do!"

Louisa shrugged her shoulders, "I might as well. Martin will never miss me."

Joan had a better explanation. "That's just what he needs to do! Miss you! And then when you come back, he'll be ready to sweep you off your feet … "

Louisa laughed, joining in the picture of Martin's response to her return. "And he'll smother me in kisses and buy me the biggest engagement ring ever, and he'll build me a castle way over there, right up above the bay." And Louisa pointed out of Joan's window toward Portwenn.

They both kept laughing as Joan poured more tea. But then they sat quietly again.

Louisa broke the silence. "We have made progress in our relationship. Well, some anyway. He does seem to like my company. But not in any steady way, there's no pattern. And when I'm with him, I'm not always comfortable. You know how he can be, especially around other people. I do a lot of the talking when we're alone, telling him stories about the local people or things that happened in this part of England long ago. He says he remembers you and Phil telling him about pirates and shipwrecks when he was here with you. He liked that and he even read some of the books you two had mentioned. About King Arthur, and Stevenson's Treasure Island and … here I go again. When I get him to talk about himself, which is so rarely, I guess I hang onto every word. I remember every word he says. And then I think about the words I'd like him to say. Oh, Joan, it really is impossible to think he will ever change …"

Louisa stopped with a catch in her voice, " He … I think he is such a wonderful man in so many ways, and he really doesn't know that. I've tried to help him see there is a caring, softer part of him, but sometimes I think he deliberately acts like he doesn't understand what I'm saying. He wants to frustrate me and keep me at arm's length. He doesn't want any closeness .…"

"My dear," Joan felt she had to say this. "Caring and closeness are a very important and special part of a lasting relationship." She paused, but then she went on, " If Martin really wants that for himself, he could not find anyone better to share his life with than you, Louisa. He's a smart man, and maybe he will eventually realize that."

Louisa said, "I'd better be going. I can't thank you enough for giving me your time like this."

Quickly, Joan said, "Anytime."

Louisa smiled and reached out to Joan with open arms to give Joan a hug. "I do want to accept this offer with the International Teacher Exchange Office. It won't be easy to … to tell Martin."

Joan gave Louisa an extra hug around her shoulder as she walked her to the door. "Call him. Soon. You'll know what to do, what to say."

Louisa stepped through the door. "I wish I felt as hopeful about that. It will be a challenge to get it right. I don't want him to think I'm leaving because of him. I mean, I don't want him to think I don't care about him. Oh, how do I know what I think? I just know how I feel and that is not always the same thing!"

Each raised a hand to each other in goodbye. Louisa drove off, relieved to have made her decision to go to America, but also dreading the thought of telling Martin. She did not have much time to get things finished for the term at school and barely enough time after that to get ready for her summer holiday. A holiday doing work that she loved.

She'd give herself some time to rehearse what she would tell Martin. Perhaps she should invite him to dinner soon. Her dream of going to America would come true. But was she going to lose out on her dream of a future with the man she loved?