Ch. 6: Aftermath
Author's Note: I hope any viewers realize I sometimes post multiple chapters on the same day, so they don't get confused with what's happening.
Again, please keep all reviews clean.
Disclaimer: Metroid is the property of Nintendo, as is Kirby and Super Smash Bros. Cortana is the property of 343 studios, and JARVIS belongs to Disney.
Yes, there are some crossover elements, so some of the jokes might not be obvious.
Two days later…
Samus took a bite out of a turkey sandwich. She gave some bread crumbs to the Dachoras next to her, while the Etecoons enjoyed some fruit.
What, was there supposed to be something eventful?
The baby Dachora shinesparked into a nearby forest, leading to an afternoon long chase, which quickly turned into a game of a hide-and-seek with all of the animals.
Samus promptly put a new X-ray visor on her Christmas list.
Three days after that…
The Galactic Federation scientists found on Aether were charged with, among other things, trespassing.
U-mos alleviated there anxieties by allowing them to dust the newly cleared Sanctuary Temple as community service.
They were relieved, up until the point when they found out how large it was.
Torvus Bog grew slightly larger from their tears.
One week after that…
Disgruntled Galactic Federation conspirators sent a horde of 300 cloned Ridleys after Samus. Thinking in advance, they had placed computerized self-destruct devices in each clone as a contingency for if (when) their special forces had some obedience issues.
300 uses of the scan visor later…
When analysts noticed the freakishly huge orders of money for "failed munitions program," they did a little digging.
In the end, it wasn't Samus, Madeline Bergman, Anthony Higgs, Space Pirates, or even Melissa Bergman that took down the conspiracy.
It was a group of accountants, who would have been rewarded handsomely had the budget not gotten so tight after the incident.
One month after that…
Melissa Bergman stared at the computer screen in front of her for a few long minutes. The baby Metroids were in dormancy, after MB had told them a rather long story that she felt was interesting. Finally, she could start her next project.
Clearly she couldn't post a job offering that outright stated that she was looking for a villainous general, but Melissa did think one could be rather useful.
That's why her posting asked for an interstellar assistant with very specific details.
First, she described the characteristics. The applicant would need to have had experience with a gigantic eye-like object in its mouth-like object.
The applicant would have to be capable of firing ethereal fireballs, as well as teleporting minions into ideal locations.
Of course, the applicant would also have to be capable of teleporting and levitating, and disembodied floating hands were required.
Furthermore, the job would require rather specific experiences.
In particular, the applicant would have had to fight a participant of an inter-universal fighting tournament who was also involved in the destruction of a planet, wielded plasma and ice, and had defeated Metroids.
The applicant would also have to have experience with wrecked ships.
Confident that she could expect Phantoon some time in the near future, Melissa Bergman submitted the request form onto several intergalactic servers.
Two days later.
Melissa Bergman looked up from her table at the designated interview location. In walked a levitating alien with a blue hat and a scarf.
"Hi," the alien began, "I'm here for that job interview. My name is Magolor!"
Samus's sci-fi equivalent of a phone rang, and she picked it up, expecting some urgent request.
What she received, however, was a voice that exclaimed, "Hello from the children's company, This Knee! We heard you had experience with exotic wildlife, so we called to ask if you could detail some creatures for our next production. In particular, we heard that you've seen an adorable little birdie creature?"
Samus was fortunate to not have been eating, or she would have spewed the contents of her meal out. Instead, she hung up and asked Adam to change her phone number.
"That will be somewhat costly, given that your high profile contacts may wish for your new number, and the various administrative issues with changing a bounty hunter's access line."
"Relax, I'm a bounty hunter, so I can afford it, right?" Samus asked.
Adam responded with, "Actually, I think you work for free."
Samus paused for five seconds. Sighing deeply, she muttered, "How many missile tanks would I have to sell for a small fortune? I can't sell my power-ups, because I think their genetically linked to my suit now or something."
Adam asked, "Lady?"
Samus continued to herself, "I wonder if this is how my upgrades disappear between missions. Funding issues and all that. Maybe that's where my Metroid Prime 3 ship went too. I wonder, how much would a skeleton of Ridley be worth?"
Adam mustered a response, saying, "I don't think the Federation would appreciate such transactions."
Samus looked at the purple orb. "Couldn't you just hack into the network to change my phone number?"
Adam would have shook his head, but, well, he is a computer, so… Anyways, he exclaimed, "I don't think so. After all, the network has sophisticated defenses from that type of infiltration."
Samus muttered, "Why do Cortana and JARVIS get all the cool abilities? Seriously, if I had money, I would buy an Aurora Unit."
Adam blinked, then remarked, "You could apply for financial aid. Technically, you might be considered homeless, and you don't exactly have a reliable source of income…"
Samus held up her Super Smash invitation. "Technically," she emphasized the word, "I earn Smash coins after each battle, unless it was really horrible, like my opponent falling off the stage at the start."
Adam blinked again, and Samus remarked, "Don't you know what I'm talking about? I thought you broke the fourth wall in Fusion… unless that technically didn't happen…"
Adam continued to blink, leading Samus to conclude with, "Great, he's broken."